Poem/Monologue (possib 18+)

[lo_res_man]

hello all, I wrote this poem-slash monologue in a fit of inspirattion last night, basicly its a question of what a holographic gigilo would feel li, enjoy ( I hope) and PLEASE tell me what you all think

By dust and ashes,
By death and darkness,
I do not live,
My life is but a fiction,
Written,
But never lived,
These hands never felt,
These lungs never breathed
This heart never beat
I am but a shade,
Nay, less then
For did not the murky spirits of the past?
Once live and breathe as mortal men?
I am but a fixation,
A cunning delusion,
Some might say I love,
But that truth is false,
For any who enter my parlor,
Be they men woman
Tall short
Thin as sticks,
Obese as toad
Frailer then newborn babe
Muscle bound as meat upon the block
Dark as night
Pale as moonlight
All.
I have loved all, and have not loved any.
To all comers I am theirs alone
I could not be unfaithful if I wished it for a thousand suns deaths
Until my next visitor
I be what they wish, whatever that may be.
Be it spurning lover or regretted lover spurned
What ever their dreams conjure upon the light
I weave my form and mind to that heated fantasy
Have I true mind at all?
Or just some assemblage of random sparks and currents,
Flowing from nothing to nothing
The figment of a thousand imaginations

[Tuomas]

I like it. But there's a thing about poetry in English, I can't really give true crits since it's not my nr.1 language. However, I see you've got it together and stable, which seems good, and frankly, I'd love to compose some guitars to play with that text

[Andail]

I'm afraid I must say it's slightly dramatic for my taste. I think you can achieve the same level of angst without using so many clichés. You don't want to end up in the same box as teenage metal songwriters or suicidal goths.

I think the crux here is how you say "...would feel like". The cardinal rule about poetry is write what you know.
Your poem could just as well be about a gigolo of flesh and bone, as the experience of not feeling or breathing can be figurative speech. Someone reading that text would simply assume that it's about a person feeling shallow and unable to commit or develop any strong feelings.
Well, have you lived as a gigolo?

My best advice when it comes to creative writing is to never write about a feeling that you never felt. Never write that the sun was like a lemon, if you haven't at one point beheld the sun and thought "wow it looks like a lemon".

If the feelings expressed in your poem really are yours, then the above c&c don't apply.

[lo_res_man]

well no, but has a sci-fi author been in space, kissed the temperatureless  vacuum and walked under an alien sun? Some of these authors have created ideas  and emotions that are quite alien to the HUMAN existence, does that mean they feel those feelings? this is a scifi piece ( a sci-fi poem a rather rare duck I think) and even if I had lived as a gigolo( which thank all the gods of hearth and home, I haven't) it wouldn't prepare me to write about this poem. what does is my feelings of loneliness and lack of person hood, and thats how I relate to this character. maybe I should write a play with this in it, because it need that surrounding structure to be clear what it means. I should rewrite the start ( "by death and darkness" IS corny as all hell) as far as witting what you know i disagree,except for emotions, and sometimes not even then. and Tuomas? if you want to write a piece for this, that would be great, I am sure we would all love to hear it.
any other c+C's for lil ol me? I would love to know how to improve.

[MoodyBlues]

The basic idea behind the poem is pretty original.  Yes, artificial lovers are pretty common in sci-fi, but you don't always get their perspective.

I agree that the language is a bit too lofty.  Remember, this essentially a computer speaking; if his only function is to simulate sex, would he really have such an eloquent vocabulary?  Furthermore, would he even understand the concept of non-physical love?  And if he did, would he care?  Now, it could be that he was once programmed to do something else and remembers a little of that.  Giving this character a little more back-story could help.  (If your character is a human actor being projected to a hologram, then ignore what I just said.  )

There are some good lines here, though:

These hands never felt,
These lungs never breathed
This heart never beat
I am but a shade,

This has a really nice cadence to it.  It'd be interesting to see the whole poem in that rhythmic pattern.

I hope this helps; I'm not much of a poet.