Author Topic: 2 weeks a Mini Story (Vince winner, get ready for next round!) (Read 6965 times) Tweet Share

Nikolas · « **Reply #60 on:** 23 Jan 2008, 22:30 »

Sun is shining!

Quote from: Vince Twelve on 23 Jan 2008, 14:01

Why are these all so morose?

Not all.

_____________________

Look at the moon.
It’s there for you my love; Trying to steal a bit of your light.

You’re shinning.
No cloud can turn you away from me.

Smell the air’s whispers.
Listen to the stories and raise your eyebrows with excitement.

Close your eyes little one. It’s time to go now.

Goodnight, sleep tight...
_______________________

According to word 53 words.

LimpingFish · « **Reply #61 on:** 23 Jan 2008, 22:38 »

The sun boiled.

The tang of porcine slaughter infused the heaving summer air as I stumbled past Goldman's Killing Floor and Barb-B-Q Meat House. A queue of fidgeting patrons undulated like a greasy appendage from Goldman's door to the pavement's edge.

Wednesday. Coupon day.

A sweaty wall of flab-bloated Hawaiian shirts rose up before me.

Vince Twelve · « **Reply #62 on:** 24 Jan 2008, 01:48 »

Awesome Limpy!

Sylvr · « **Reply #63 on:** 24 Jan 2008, 06:38 »

Hey guys. monkey_05_06 made me check this out and write something, so... I will try.
________________________________

The conductor raises his baton. I can see out of the corner of my eye shiny brass awaiting the downbeat. Oh look-- he has paused to babble, much to my annoyance. We secretly threaten him with death. We get the cue to play again and are actually able to start.

Symphonic Band makes me bitter.
__________________________________

The end.

[edited for name un-capitalization :

]

Andail · « **Reply #64 on:** 24 Jan 2008, 13:45 »

Thank you, let the voting commence.
Decide which five stories you consider the best, and give a brief motivation.

Try to look at both the story telling per see, but also how the author adapts to the rather strict confinement.

We will close voting in 3 days.

bicilotti · « **Reply #65 on:** 24 Jan 2008, 14:44 »

Here's my top 5, in alphabetical order:

FSi (Countess): for the extremely appalling goriness.
Ghost (the Beggar): for the unique, fairyesque, deep atmosphere of the tale.
Jon (Anger): for the really vivid picture of a fire-burn which was done with far less than 55 words too!
Minimi (Mustardseed): for a well crafted singsong with a lot of wisdom in it.
Vince twelve (airship): for... well, quoting Ben, "Vince, this is the BEST!"

jetxl · « **Reply #66 on:** 24 Jan 2008, 15:04 »

There are waaaay too many stories about violence. Nothing wrong with that, but the stories seem so forced. "READ ME BECAUSE THERE IS A SHOTGUN IN MY STORY! READ ME!!!"

My vote in random order.

http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434503#msg434503
by Lionmonkey
Poe meets dr. Seuss.

http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434750#msg434750
by The Ivy
Life as meaningless statisticts.

http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg435046#msg435046
first one by InCreator
It's funny and I'm in it.

http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg435015#msg435015
by FSi
That sums up IRC.

That's 4 but I can't find any other good ones.

Cino · « **Reply #67 on:** 24 Jan 2008, 15:27 »

TheJBurger
My favourite of these, powerful
http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434514#msg434514

Vince Twelve
This was a funny one, my second favorite
http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434596#msg434596

Fyntax
Nice idea, nice execution
http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434814#msg434814

bicilotti
I could see the events of this one in my mind, so I guess it was well done
http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434826#msg434826

PixelPerfect
Ends with a twist and I like twists
http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg435164#msg435164

Stupot+ · « **Reply #68 on:** 24 Jan 2008, 16:13 »

Quote from: jetxl on 24 Jan 2008, 15:04

"READ ME BECAUSE THERE IS A SHOTGUN IN MY STORY! READ ME!!!"

I'd like to stick up for myself and the other shotgun users who played this game.
3 of the 4 (yes, there were only 4) stories which included a shotgun were all in fact different takes on the same story. KrisMUC started us of with what I thought was an interesting school-shooting piece from the view of the shooter... it was by no means begging for attention. It was good. Then InCreator followed it up and I realised he'd written the same scenario but from a different perspective. I thought this was a nice touch and decided to have a go myself from the point of view of another character who may have been involved in the wider story.

If the word 'shotgun' was used in all three examples, this is only because it was the one main prop linking these three stories together.

I want to have another look through the lot before I vote... there are some excellent ones here.

monkey_05_06 · « **Reply #69 on:** 24 Jan 2008, 19:03 »

Listed in order of total awesomitity.

Mac's "End"
- Adhered to the 55 word limit wonderfully. Nice sentence structure. Well composed storyline which kept me on the edge of my seat from the first word to the last.
Stupot's "I Love You"
- Somewhat emotionally moving which is good since it's only 55 words. Nice work.
Sylvr's "Symphonic Band"
- Made me laugh. Sorry if that sounds a bit cruel as this is based off a real-life experience, but the story was well written and seemed to me at least a bit humorous.
The Ivy's "Non-fiction."
- Horrible sentence structure which I loved because she actually pulled it off. Some people can't do it but The Ivy managed it. I also enjoyed the realism.
InCreator's "Super Mario Bros."
- Nostalgia. Need I say more?

Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens · « **Reply #70 on:** 24 Jan 2008, 19:13 »

I hadn't read any of the entries before I made mine so I don't know what you're on about with 'forcing' anything, Jet. I wanted a visual cue about what was going on so having a shotgun seemed appropriate. Also, I think in future this should really be limited to a one-entry-per-person thing.

TheJBurger · « **Reply #71 on:** 24 Jan 2008, 19:24 »

In no particular order:

- Auriond (Blind Woman): A nice, touching end.
- Vince Twelve (Airship): Funny because it's true.
- Khrismuc (The Shotgun): Unexpected, and actually managed to spawn spin-off stories.
- Fsi (Goodbye): Just because it's so sick.
- Pixel Perfect (Accident): I liked the ending.

monkey_05_06 · « **Reply #72 on:** 24 Jan 2008, 19:25 »

Quote from: ProgZmax on 24 Jan 2008, 19:13

Also, I think in future this should really be limited to a one-entry-per-person thing.

Agreed. My post got way out of control there. Especially when I realized all my entries were starting to sound like I was talking about the same thing...even though I wasn't.... $:-\$

LimpingFish · « **Reply #73 on:** 24 Jan 2008, 19:49 »

Colxfile's Speed date.

Auriond's Blindness.

Candall's Mouse.

Akatosh's El Presidente.

ProgZmax's Zombies.

No particular order, and all for different reasons.

The Ivy · « **Reply #74 on:** 24 Jan 2008, 22:59 »

Thanks jetxl and monkey_05_06.

Not sure if I was trying to capture the 'meaninglessness' of my day so much as categorize it in a different way. It'd be interesting to see a whole diary or blog done this way, I think.

My favourites:

Candall's mouse warrior, for the vivid imagery.

Lionmonkey's forest story, for the lovely surprise ending.

Vince's zeppelin tale, because of the hilarious end and the fact that it was *based* on a real dream.

Ghost's winter tale, because it reminds me of The Little Match Girl and some of the weather we've been having here.

And finally, Sylvr's band story, because I've totally been there.

Ghost · « **Reply #75 on:** 24 Jan 2008, 23:04 »

Top 3: bicilotti, paolo and Nicolas, in this exact order

Bic for offering a huge canvas in a small story, paolo for the mundane-y calm style, and Nicolas because it is about the moon. I like the moon.
4 and 5: Ivy and Vince. Both stories are tiny little packets of creativity. Both should be place 4 though.

Nikolas · « **Reply #76 on:** 25 Jan 2008, 00:20 »

Vince: Airship
FSi: goodbye (yes I did like it. I'm THAT sick)
Auriond: blind woman
Limpfish: Hawain coupon day
5th:? To be announced later on, while I think about it... :p

Vince Twelve · « **Reply #77 on:** 25 Jan 2008, 02:13 »

Geez, this is tough!

No order:

Lionmonkey's furry thing - This was easily one of my favorites. A fun and twisted little fairy tale.

Nihilist's smoking alone - I quite liked the writing on this one.

Colxfile's Brownian motion - It's funny 'cause it's true.

Auriond's blindness - Again, great writing. And touching.

LimpingFish's bacon - I loved the imagery of this one. I felt like I was there. And all with only a few words!

FSi++ · « **Reply #78 on:** 25 Jan 2008, 09:01 »

PixelPerfect
(http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434488#msg434488)
Fast and actionesque, I like it.

Lionmonkey
(http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434503#msg434503)
Cute, furry and gory. :3

Mac
(http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434632#msg434632)
Dunno if that's an entry, but I like it. Short, profound and provocative.

Fyntax
(http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434814#msg434814)
Paranoidal and cute.

Ghost
(http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434841#msg434841)
Like it. The darkness, the cold, the beggar.

Colxfile · « **Reply #79 on:** 25 Jan 2008, 09:41 »

PixelPerfect's "Alex Counted the remaining bullets..."
Vince Twelve's Airship
Fyntax's "Please, I don't have much time...";
Auriond's "She opened her eyes, but only darkness stared back..."
PixelPerfect's Accident;

These either made me sit up and take notice, make me smile or have a great twist in them. (Not easy given the length restriction)