Livestock Laughs

[Ponch]

What do you get when you cross a cow with a belly dancer?
A milkshake. 

[Eric]

A man who spent most of his life wearing a drab grey suit and working in a fluorescent-lit office retired and dipped into his savings to take a trip to Europe. While there, he promised himself he would be adventurous, try anything that came across his path, and basically live life for the first time after years of having slaved away for the company.

It was in a restaurant in Spain when he saw a man eating a plate of two fried, thick hunks of meat. He called the waiter over.

"What's that man having?" he asked.

"Ahhhh yes," said the waiter. "Señor has excellent taste. Those are the testicles of the bull, the loser in today's bullfight."

The man took a deep breath, thought of his promise to himself to try everything, and said, "I'll have what he's having."

The waiter's countenance fell a bit as he said, "I apologize, señor. We have only one bullfight per day, and so only one plate per day of this particular item. If you would like to come back tomorrow, I will reserve this delicacy for you."

The man agreed, and went to his hotel thinking of how privileged he was to get this opportunity. The next day, he returned, and the waiter put a plate in front of him. The two chunks were tiny, less meaty, and looked nothing like what he'd seen the day before. The man felt as though he'd been gypped, and said so.

The waiter's countenance fell again as he explained, "You must understand señor...the bull is not always the loser."

[Baron]

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

[Baron]

Huh.  No more cow jokes from Ponch....  C'mon man!  Just a bit of Google and a scroll wheel: that's all I ask.  Or perhaps we can resort to good old fashioned shooting from the hip....

What do you call the alpha bull at an abattoir?

Burger King.

[Ponch]

Huh.  No more cow jokes from Ponch....  C'mon man!

Not all of us are vaguely Germanic semi-royalty, Mr. Baron. Some of us have jobs, you know. 

What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?
Cow pi.

(My apologies for bringing math into this )

[Eric]

[Tabata]

What do cows do on rainy days?

             

They go to the moooovies.

[Intense Degree]

[CaptainD]

I can't believe how long this thread has gone on.  You guys are just miking it for all it's worth.

[Baron]

I love Gary Larson, and yet curse him at the same time.  Who retires at 45?  Bastard.  Here's my favourite cow one:



I think it's the cow's posture more than the situation that I find humorous.... but I'll have to wait for the cow humour analysis thread to flesh that line of thinking out fully....

[kconan]

Larson is the man.  My favorite of his cartoon compliations is the one that contained all of his work which was too contraversial for the newspaper.

[Ponch]

Cows of the world: (ASCII style)

Code: AGS

                 |------========|
                 | **** |=======|
           (__)  | **** |=======|              vv    vv
           (oo)  |==============|              ||----||  *
    /-------\/   |==============|              ||     | /
   / |     ||----<                            /\-------/
  *  ||----|     |                           (oo)
     ^^    ^     |                           (~~)
 
 American Cow                               Australian Cow

Code: AGS

         \ (__)                       (__)
         \\(oo)                       (\/)
    /-----\\\/                 /-------\/
   / |    (**)                / |     ||
  *  ||----||`               *  ||----||
     ^^    ^^                   ^^    ^^
  Scottish Cow               Japanese Cow

Code: AGS

 / / / / / / / / / / / /
 / / / / / / / / / / / /
 / / / / / _______   / /
 / / /    /   |   \  / /
 / / /    (__)|      / /
 / / /    (oo)|      / /                  oo
   /-------\/ |
  / |     ||^_|
 *  ||----|
    ^^    ^ 
  English Cow                      Ghost Cow

I apologize to any American, Scottish, English, Japanese or undead AGSers if I have offended you.

[Gilbert]

You missed one.

Code: AGS

           (__)
           (oo)
    /-------\/
   / *     ||
     ||----||
     ^^    ^^
 Ask Whole Cow

Yeah. I know. It is pretty lame.

[Ponch]

Nothing lame about it, Iceybooty. It's a fact of life that everyone poops. In fact, someone should write a book about that. I imagine they would get quite rich. 

[Gilbert]

To keep in the spirit of this site, maybe we should start another thread about goatse instead.

[Baron]

Not all of us are vaguely Germanic semi-royalty, Mr. Baron. Some of us have jobs, you know. 

Code: AGS

                 |------========|
                 | **** |=======|
           (__)  | **** |=======|              vv    vv
           (oo)  |==============|              ||----||  *
    /-------\/   |==============|              ||     | /
   / |     ||----<                            /\-------/
  *  ||----|     |                           (oo)
     ^^    ^     |                           (~~)
 
 American Cow                               Australian Cow

Allow me to raise a vaguely Germanic semi-royal eyebrow in your direction, sir.

[Crimson Wizard]

Code: AGS

                 
            __       
           (_*) -|
          /(oo)\ |
    /-------\/   |-/
   / |     ||----<
  *  ||----|     |--
     ^^    ^     |\
 
 Soviet Cow

[Ponch]

Allow me to raise a vaguely Germanic semi-royal eyebrow in your direction, sir.

U S A!  U S A!  U S A!

And Crimson Wizard: nice AK-47, comrade! 

[Crimson Wizard]

Code: ags

 
   *   *   *   *   *               *   *   *   *   *
 *   *   *       *   *           *   *   *       *   *
   *   *    __ *   *               *   *   |   *   *
 *   *   * (__)  0               *   *     |__   0   
   *   *  /(oo)\ |                 *   *   (uu)  |   
 *  /-----\\\/   |               *  /-----\\--   |   
   / |     \\----<                 / |     \\----<
  *  ||----|     |                *  ||----|     |   
   __LL_/__L__/  +                 __LL_/__L__/  +
                            
                        
   Suomi Cow                       WHAM Cow     

[ThreeOhFour]

What do you call a cow with only 2 legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.