Topic: Mouth for war is depressed...

[Mouth for war]

English is not my native language so there's probably an error or two here...oh well.

Like every adventurecharacter would say...Here goes nothing.
I have no direction in life. Nothing is fun, not even AGS (crazy huh?)
I never have anything to look forward to. There's no job that feels even remotely interesting.
The things I used to love to do doesn't feel fun either! (Mainly a musician)
Damn I've never spilled my guts out like this before...but maybe it can help a little.

I live a lonely life and I don't have many friends...1 or 2 maybe and not much of a family either. I think more about the
"afterlife" than the current one. Sometimes I almost wish that I'd get a lethal,untreatable disease
so I could get away from this F*****g world. Ahh...I'm not really sure what I expect with this thread but nothing has helped so far...Maybe there's someone here with a current or past similar lifesituation?
I've seen a lot of psych people and it never helped. Anti-depressants(correct spelling?) hasn't helped. I've got scars all over my body after the knifewounds I've inflicted on myself over the years. I've stabbed myself so bad sometimes that it's a miracle I even survived.

I'm not starting this thread to get sympathy. I just don't know what to do anymore...A pretty heavy thread indeed, but since we're all strangers here and from all over the world I thought "What the hell...it's worth a try"

[Ascovel]

Keep looking intensely for a satisfying occupation and proper friends. It's often very surprising where you find those two things. Just try to be among people and give them a chance.

Also, avoid stagnation - learn new things and change your environment regularly. Don't dwell on the past.

[Kaktus]

I know the situation you're in too well of my own. Well, except for the self-injury but for me drugs have to do I guess .
It's a slow upwards spiral from all the way down back until you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Me, for myself I just merely started the way back up again.

My ways to handle severe depressive episodes are social contacts.
Since my last major step-back I started getting more in touch with strangers. At first it costs quite an effort.
But it's such an incredibly great feeling to approach a group of completely strangers and make them laugh and feel comfortable. (Especially if there are nice ladies you can then take home )
Talk to people about your hobbies: E.g. Tell them you are a musician and you will surely find people to play music with. (And again: Keep an eye out for the ladies, just met a nice guitar girl the other day )
So my tipp: Expand your social circle. Get out there and do the shit.

For me the problem is: After such positive experiences I tend to fall all the way down again. I can't have such good things been taken over for a few days as "sane" people would.

Btw: I also do behaviour therapy and swallow ADs. Yummie, they are delicious
No, seriously, I consider this important. Though you might be a sceptic as you suggested.

Just try to be among people and give them a chance.

You're absolutely right but leave out the "try". Also take a look at Mouth for war's signature
But in general you're right. As I said: Get out there and do the shit. I, for myself, hammer this sentence up to my very forehead.

[Baron]

I have no direction in life. Nothing is fun, not even AGS (crazy huh?)

You clearly have not been playing enough Snakes of Avalon.

Somewhat more helpfully, I find my mindset is much improved by ignorance of the present, especially as it is portrayed in the media.  I don't own a TV, rarely listen to the radio, and don't often read news online.  I get most of my news from hand-me-down newspapers and magazines that would otherwise be thrown out by family members or sometimes work.  It's still current enough to be topical, but not fresh enough to be menacing.  I read a very interesting article today on the topic of Israel about to imminently strike at Iran and start WW3; except it couldn't have been that imminent since it was published almost three months ago.  Negativity in perspective is almost quaint, like the pile of clothes under your bed that you were scared of as a kid in the dark.
    I agree with the other posters about just getting out there: it's good for one's mindset.  In the city I used to live in there was a great volunteer centre where you could show up whenever you wanted to do your part.  They trained me to fix bicycles, but the best part was the weird and wonderful people you'd meet.

[Ponch]

I have no direction in life. Nothing is fun, not even AGS (crazy huh?)

You clearly have not been playing enough Barn Runner.

I agree completely! Barn Runner is good for what ails you. 

I also agree with what the other smart AGSers (and also Baron) said: Get out there and get involved in something. Life never stops moving, so neither should you. Heck, I'm going through a really rough time myself right now. but the only way I know for certain to avoid depression is to remind myself to socialize outside of work. Going home and watching a movie with a beer is the easiest thing to do. Cleaning up and going out is more work. But it's better for me at a time like this to be around others and have something to do. I think the same thing might be good for you too.

Good luck and don't give up. 

[Mouth for war]

Thanks guys! yeah i'm gonna try to expand my social circle the best I can and hopefully that can somewhat help a little...gotta start somewhere huh? :-)

[Babar]

I suppose I suffer something similar, although definitely nowhere as intense....no direction in life, no motivation. My job at one point had the kernel of being somewhat interesting, but it is getting boring now. All my old school/college friends slowly moved away one by one, and now there's no one left. I liked drawing (digitally as well as on paper), but now every time I open my art program, or have a piece of paper in front of me and start, I might scribble for a few seconds before crushing up the paper/closing the program without saving. When I don't have any obligations (job on the weekend or something), I sleep for hours and hours, and when I open my eyes I think "I don't have anything to do" so I go back to sleep.

And maybe I'm playing the wrong sort of games, because everything gets boring and repetitive very quickly..I start out some game with a very interesting hook, some interesting mechanics, I master the style of playing, involve myself in the world...and play and play. A couple dozen hours in, the original hook is long forgotten by everyone, I realise I've experienced most of what the game style has to offer, and the game seems to think that "variation" and "exploration" means "You were exploring the city in the swamplands of Gwalamalapoo before, now you're exploring the forest lands of Ricaticatoo. You can tell, because it is green instead of brown. After this, you'll check out the deserts of Frawatabum. Maybe I have less patience or something now, but these huge sprawling worlds where you set out from your tiny home when the bad guys killed your one true love, and then 5 hours in you seem to have totally forgotten everything about that, and you're collecting 6 giblets from around the world for the old woman in that hovel who promises you she'll use them to make a powerup for you to increase your strength...they just bore me.

I think that might be why I enjoyed all those great adventure games so much, in spite of how much I dislike so many puzzles in retrospect...each screen was necessarily different from the previous, because they each had to be handcrafted individually. There was a world to explore, and even with a limited number of interactions (use, talk, pick-up, look, etc.), you were able to do a whole lot more than "Use Gun/Sword/Spell on Baddie" or "Use Spell/Powerup on self/item". and instead of being a "Dynamic world with hundreds of characters", the good adventure games had maybe 20, all of who you could remember even today, instead of "That shopkeeper in that town" or "That Alchemist in that village".

And I like the idea of making games too, but it is the same deal as with the drawing.

Maybe I just like complaining . Hey, AGS counts as a social circle, right?

...right?

[Haggis]

Interesting post, I think you'll find a few people here who feel the same way about the world in general. Through personal experience I've gotten very cynical over the years with my perception of life in general and the world we live in. I feel like I work hard in a full time job which ultimately makes no real difference to the world if I do it or not. A friend of mine recently became a Special Constable (voluntary police) in his spare time. He was fed up with just his job which, while well paid, also made no difference to the world. He's now thinking of quitting his better paid job to became a policeman full time such is his sense of satisfaction that he's actually making a difference. So maybe a new career path or voluntary work? Something where you actually feel like you're making a difference and gives you a sense of fulfilment.

The things that I look forward to and enjoy... playing football, jamming with my band (playing guitar/drums alone is not the same as when you're playing in a group). Both of these are social experiences where I'm part of a greater effort and my input makes a difference. I guess the same is true of policing, and therefore another reason my friend enjoys doing it is that he is part of a larger team who all depend on each other. He's made a lot of new friends through it. So in line with some of the other responses above it sounds like throwing yourself into more social experiences could help.

I'm a geographer by degree - my interest is in discovery (which is why I like games in the sandbox open world genre) - but the problem with the world is that, unless you are in a privileged position, there is very little left to explore. The depth of the oceans... maybe, space... yes for astronomers, but essentially everything is mapped (badly in Apples case), everything is discovered. Feel free to challenge me on that though, I may not be thinking outside the box.

Anyway, didn't structure any of that particularly well. Ultimately it sounds like you might want to challenge yourself more, to get out there and do something that makes a difference to people. To engage in things where you're interacting with other people. I mean, you've always got the AGS community, look at the global response you've initiated, you're not alone in your view of the world! And as someone else mentioned... if you're single... get out there and meet some new people! Nothing better than having that special like-minded someone Internet dating means there are no excuses on this front!

Hope at least some of my rambling above is useful.

[Mouth for war]

Yes that was interesting to read. I will try to turn my life around. Voluntary job sounds interesting. I'm gonna look around and see. What my options are. It's important for me that my job is meaningful or else i'll get bored out of my mind. It helps to read your posts here :-)

[Frito Master]

Wow... I get bummed alot too. Just force yourself to go do stuff even if it doesnt sound fun or something you normally like.

[Dualnames]

I once was very depressed, and i run into this wonderful book. It had some big bright letters on it that wrote "DON'T PANIC".

[Ponch]

I once was very depressed, and i run into this wonderful book. It had some big bright letters on it that wrote "DON'T PANIC".

And then you discovered Barn Runner, and you life was filled with meaning.

I would just like to say that this thread is everything that is great about this little corner of the web. Everybody sharing their burdens and nobody trolling them. You stay classy, AGS Community. 

[kconan]

  Alot of good advice in here.  Obviously the mental side takes priority, so this advice is down the list, but staying active and fit really helps my overall state of mind.  The few times in my life where I was really depressed (by my standards of the word - so I'm not saying we share the same degree or root causes), I was also at my worst physically.

[miguel]

Mouth for War,
to put it simple, if that is possible,
society (doesn't matter what type) has the effect of conducting people into "sheep" state. Being depressed and encapsulated on our own bubbles is just one of the collateral damage it can do.
My advice is very simple: return to the bases, your main priority is to survive the best way you can through your long-life.
If people in your life depend on you then you have extra responsibility. Accepting that responsibility is what makes you a better man.
If you are alone, you have the duty of being the best you can. Meaning that you have to set objectives and do your best to accomplish them.
Can you do better at work? Could you do better at a different job? You and only you know that. Fight for it.
Can you be a better musician? Fight for it.
Most people go through depressing states now and again, most of them also don't talk about it because it's a sign of weakness for this "jungle" like society we live on.
Well, maybe you have to trick them into thinking you are confident and happy and show strength. Go out and socialize, use religion, play music or make games, do what you must to kick that depressing state you are in. But you have to fight, it's never easy. For no one.

Ultimately and from a pragmatic point of view, we, as persons, need goals and objectives to function. And our main goal is to survive the best way we can.

[Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens]

I would recommend checking meetup.com or groups online in your area that do things you enjoy and get involved.  The easiest way to make friends is to find people with shared interests that you can hang out with.

[Pablo]

I can relate. There have been moments when I wanted to give up. There was a time I was sitting, drunk, on the edge of a window in my 3rd floor apartment thinking "This fall might not even kill me but what the hell." but my basic survival instinct was still in tact so I pushed myself back inside. Didn't drink for a few days after that.

A couple of years of my life I suffered from quite bad depression and in retrospect I don't think there is a way down. It's either gonna get better or it's not but it probably won't get much worse. I find that comforting.

My advice: Move. Yes, you CAN run away from your problems despite what anyone might tell you. I moved to another country and my life got better. You can pretty much redefine your entire life. You might be surprised how many new people you'll meet on your way. And if you get depressed again, move again! Or develop a drinking habit like I did. Don't do drugs though because they're much less practical.

If you feel like you're at the end of your road, sure you can kill yourself. But that's a far more boring way to handle things than making an exciting new change like moving somewhere else or starting a new hobby that you never ever thought you would. You'd probably be far less excited about anything in the afterlife because it's supposedly eternal and is bound to get way more repetitive than anything you do in this life.

Then again, I don't know how trustworthy this advice is, coming from a depressed self destructive easily addicted runaway. Take it or leave it, I don't really care, just don't kill yourself because then you'd be the dead guy nobody wants to hang out with anymore because he's fucking dead.

[SSH]

Watch this video and you will feel better: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=zd7c5tQCs1I

[Mouth for war]

Haha yeah that was quite funny