Fortnightly Writing Competition - ARCHER (Results)

Started by Sinitrena, Mon 14/09/2015 13:05:25

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Baron

Nice reads guys.  My votes are pretty skewed, but know that I appreciated both stories.

Character: I simply must go with SilverSpook's Gem.  Yeah, she was kind of a faker and not really likeable at all, but in being those two things she really seamed real and even captivating, in a kinda post-post-modern pastiche kind of way.  More than her character I think I most liked how she exuded a cultural stereotype to the max, and whether you're a Liker or a Hater you gotta respect her commit level. :)

Plot: Silverspook -There was build-up and suspense, climax, plot-twist, and even genuine character development: we don't see enough of that in short stories, so kudos for that.  I gotta say I liked Ibispi's concept for this category as well, but some of the plot-advancing actions left me scratching my head (Why did Charlie think the note wouldn't summon Cupid?  Why was Cupid initially uninterested in Detective Smith, but then got him anyway at their later meeting?)

Atmosphere: The roller coaster of emotional intensity in SilverSpook's piece easily deserves to win this category.  Ibispi's piece seemed to veer from serious crime drama to awkward humour (why was Detective Smith smirking all the time?), which made it hard to get emotionally into.

Background World:  This has to be, has to be SilverSpook for a distopian vision of a very likely future for our society.  Again ('cause I was a big fan of his last submission as well), he has described an incredible world in such minute detail that you can almost taste the cake. ;-D

Word Choice/Style: SilverSpook for easily a dozen zingers.  My personal favourites were her briefly trending "behind #CatPoopingOnRabbit and in front of #USNukesSyria...", which is both hilarious and in a few words encapsulates the collective insanity that is progressively gripping society; when Princess Cindercat got tetanus; and "the feeling was pure cake!" :)

I realise my votes are more one-sided that usual, but I strongly believe SilverSpook's was the best piece in the competition.  It was cleverly written, imaginative, heart-wrenching at times (in a self-absorbed pity kind of way anyway), and dripped with insightful social commentary.  Excellent work!

Ibispi

QuoteWhy did Charlie think the note wouldn't summon Cupid?

Quote“Ah, yes, sir. I am sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. In the message, the old man addressed Cupid, and wrote that he challenges it to a death duel, so that he would save his loved ones,” Charlie said.

“We interpreted that as a provocation of Cupid. Which in return caused this bloodbath,” Smith noted.

“That's what I think too, sir (...)"

Charlie shouldn't have thought that the note wouldn't summon Cupid, unless you meant the letter?
He followed his feeling and was right - the letter didn't summon Cupid, which you can figure out in the end of the story. Cupid wasn't killing all those innocent people because of the letters, but because it disliked socially constructed concept of love. Cupid represents a god, or nature, in a way, and claims how it is against nature to love. Cupid says how we are just animals and exist to reproduce, and the massacre happened, because Cupid got annoyed by that one old man who kept to the old traditions of love.

QuoteWhy was Cupid initially uninterested in Detective Smith, but then got him anyway at their later meeting?
Because detective Smith provoked Cupid. Cupid cries in the end and says how it has no intention of harming Smith, because Smith has, to it, already succumbed to the primitive, Cupid's, vision of love.

Quotewhy was Detective Smith smirking all the time?
When I started writing the story, I wanted it to have an absurd atmosphere. So, a lot of things wouldn't make much sense.
Smith's smirking was supposed to show how he didn't care much about the case, since he wasn't the one who was targeted by Cupid, nor did he empathize with the victims.

Also, this is probably the first short story I've fully written in English, so it makes sense I made a lot of mistakes.
I am kind of struggling to describe and explain some things, so I still have a lot until I fully grasp English language for writing.
But, thanks for feedback, Baron. Hopefully my answers make sense. :smiley:


SilverSpook

Character: Baron's Dr. Williams.  The visceral effect of the realtime descriptions of the mad doc's emotional state really bring him to life, things like
the constant repetitions of "Through force of mind" hammering home the unblinking concentration.  The hyperfocused sensory experience of  "Drop of sweat in a frying pan", and the bizarre and hilarious hijinks make him particularly memorable.  I buy him, even if I'd be scared to buy him a drink in a pub!

Plot: Ibispi.  This was a tough decision which maybe illustrates my noobishness at judging in writing competitions, but I chose Ibispi since Lonely Heart Cupid seemed to be have the most 'there, there'.  The most 'plotting' in terms of events, sequences, action, causation, and such, which makes sense since he had the detective story.  Even if I was confused a few times why characters were making particular expressions or the implications of certain lines, I thought it was a good attempt.  Baron's story had to me the clearest and most succinct plot to be sure.  The motivations and actions of characters in the story were always daylight-clear, even if the characters themselves were gonzo bonkers mad! 

Atmosphere: Baron.  Again the simultaneously visceral yet cerebral descriptions were brilliant.  I'm going to end up smearing my comments from the Word Choice/Style section across the categories but I have to mention the, "Cold coffee and fly droppings covering Predator" bit which is both clever, so-real-you-can-taste-it(then throw up), and also a perfect nod to Arnold Schwarzenegger's South American mud-caked disguise as he combats the infrared seeking alpha-hunter Yaujta in the movie Predator.  (Incidentally one of my all-time favorite movies.  No conflict of interest though: I would've voted Baron anyway!)

Background World: Baron.  You definitely get a good sense of the lab, you could almost draw a schematic of the room with complete inventory by the end, with all the various rubber bands, dossier rubber bands, old coffee, fusion spectrometers, and other character/worldbuilding objects lying then flying around. 

Word Choice/Style: Baron I've already listed some of my favorite weapons-of-mass-wordsmithing from The Unbowed, but in addition, the on-topicness of the combat / survival / hunting metaphors was excellent and synergized well with the primal evolutionary battle plot.  For example the comparing of the flies to, "F-35s swirling around some second-hand Russian ground-kit... Even stealth fighters ran out of fuel, and when they were on the ground they became vulnerable to precision attacks of an unexpected nature." 

Applause all around!

kconan

Character: SilverSpook for Gem Roguestar
Plot: Baron
Atmosphere: Baron
Background World: Baron
Word Choice/Style: Baron

Ponch

Character: SilverSpook
Plot: Ibispi
Atmosphere: Ibispi (I'm a sucker for a love story! :wink: )
Background World: Baron
Word Choice/Style: Silverspook (I've never seen "rubbernecked" used like that before. It made me smile)

Good entries this month. Well done, everybody! :cheesy:

Sinitrena

Alright, everybody, voting is now finished.



But it seems like we have a tie at the moment between Baron and SilverSpook with 11 points each, so let's add my votes to the mix:

Character: Silverspook for Gem Roguestar - This is an unanimous vote for all our voters and I have to agree. She's a fascinating character. She's not exactly likeable or particular friendly or nice, but even in SilverSpook's chaotic world, she seemed very real.

Plot: Ibispi - This story has some problems and plotholes (Baron pointed them out already) but it also has a more coherent plot then the other two. The plot of SilverSpook's story gets somewhat lost in its colourful world and Baron's plot couldn't really captivate me this time arround.

Atmosphere: SilverSpook

Background World: SilverSpook - A world with its own history, culture, celebrities, etc. There's really no doubt for me in this category.

Word Choice/Style: Baron





So, the final tally is as follows:


The third place goes to Ibispi with 4 points. I really enjoyed your story. In a way, it was my favourite this time. I like that the archer (Cupid) is really quintessencial to the plot.


The second place goes to Baron with 12 points. As always, your story was of a very high quality. I'm not sure if it is because it was a last minute entry, but it still seemed to lack some of your usual humour.


And our winner is: SilverSpook with 14 points. I love your story. If I had to critizies something, it's that you didn't exactly follow the topic, because I asked for stories where an archer plays an important role, and I would hardly say the archers were of much significance in your story, insofar as you could replace them with anything/anybody else and it wouldn't make a difference. This critique obviously only applies in the context of this competition.

So, congratulations, SilverSpook for winning this round of the Fortnightly Writing Competition and congratulations on breaking Baron's winning streak ;) It's your turn to start a new one!

kconan

#26
Congrats to SilverSpook...

...And the Streak is over at, well, I lost count but it should be around ten or even twelve?  *Congrats to Baron for setting an AGS writing competition consecutive win record that will never be bested!

*Yes, that's a challenge.

SilverSpook

Woah!  I highly doubt I will approach that level of writing competition winning streakage.  I certainly wouldn't have taken this one without getting a 5/5 from Baron himself.

@Sinitrena: Haha, you caught me!  Sorry for not making the archers more central. 

Thanks all for a fun and growth-inducing competition.  This was unequivocally the first time I have ever written about a cosplayer, arrow shooters, and also the first time I've written about a cake-obsessed individual besides myself.


Baron

Congratulations SilverSpook! ;-D 

Honestly, I feel as if a burden has been lifted from my shoulders, and the lifting couldn't have come from a better story in my opinion.  Top marks well-deserved. :)

@Sinitrena: Yeah, it was a bit rushed, even by my standards (my submissions are usually rushed to some degree.... (roll))

@Ibispi: Knowing the intended moral/message of your story makes it make more sense upon rereading.  I guess the real trick would be to leave more clues for the reader about what Cupid's real agenda was (although that's hard in a mystery when clues are supposed to be confusing...).  I think I'd also struggle to convey what you attempted, so feel no shame: you did a much better job writing in English than I would in any other language. ;)  Kudos for an ambitious story, and I look forward to reading more of your work.


SilverSpook

Thanks again, Baron!  It is an honor to help you with said weight. :)

I think I get the jist of this Fortnightly Writing Competition protocol, but just in case:

1.) I come up with a theme for the competition

2.) I post the theme and the due date

Correct?

When is the next theme generally announced, and when would the due date be about?

Thanks!

Sinitrena

Quote1.) I come up with a theme for the competition

2.) I post the theme and the due date

Correct?

Correct. If you need inspiration for a topic, we usually do a helloween themed topic sometime in October, but that's your decision.

The competition runs for 2 weeks (+/- depending on real life scedules, of course), so the end date would be around 23. October. The next theme is usually announced as soon after the results of the last round are in as is possible for the next administrator.

Ibispi

Congrats, SilverSpook! \:)/

Quote@Ibispi: Knowing the intended moral/message of your story makes it make more sense upon rereading.  I guess the real trick would be to leave more clues for the reader about what Cupid's real agenda was (although that's hard in a mystery when clues are supposed to be confusing...).  I think I'd also struggle to convey what you attempted, so feel no shame: you did a much better job writing in English than I would in any other language. ;)  Kudos for an ambitious story, and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Thanks for the compliment, Baron. It makes me happy! :-)
And this new trophy I have received makes me happy! \:)/
(though it was my original evil genius plan to win it by default ( Í¡° ÍÅ"Êâ€" Í¡°) in the first place)

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