Fortnightly Writing Competition - Last Will and Testament [ VOTING ]

Started by WHAM, Mon 04/07/2016 08:10:18

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Sinitrena

CaptainD: What an interesting idea! And what a great magical object - for a week or so (or when you actually have something else to eat). Made me smile.

Mandle: The writer of this will has quiet a diverse list of intrests, going by the things you need to know to figure it out. I can see an excentric millionair write something like that. What I think would make it better were if the actual amounts the family recieves are less random in the end (thanks to SilverSpook for doing the maths, btw), maybe even have them all being the same or something like that.

DBoyWheeler: I like that we actually get a plot here and are not limited to the contents of the testament, but, I had two rather serious problems with your story: 1. The begining doesn't make sense. Why would they talk to Crysta just on the street instead of sending a letter? How did they even find her? Why didn't she know that her aunt had died? Who organized the funeral? My suspension of disbelief is really challanged right from the beginning. I think you were going for the aunt dieing alone to help with the point you make later and that's why Crysta doesn't know about it. But it doesn't work. 2. The moral/advice of the aunt. I'm not sure you meant it like that, but the way it's written, it comes across as incredibly sexist. Basically: Woman is nothing without man. That you can't live a fullfilled life as a woman unless there's a man there too. That is not a good message. (Just to make this clear: It wouldn't be better if a man said to an other man that he is nothing without a woman. That would just be less obvious and something you find less often in texts, or in society in general.)

kconan: "Dirk cooed, “Grognak like wench.  Wench goooooood.”" Didn't you mean Grignr? :-D I'm not too sure what to think of your story. On the one hand, it has action, plot, suspense - many things that make a story intersting and can make it good. And I did enjoy it, I was drawn to it and wanted to know how it ends. The only problem is that I just can't root for any of the characters. They are all so unlikeable. They have absolutely no redeeming qualities.

Baron: A nice collection on cliches, from chainmail bikini to babarian titles. It left me slightly confused that Sheebor  implies that she killed all her older sisters (being the youngest) and still has a sister to leave something to. Odric the Unimpaled is a surprisingly awesome name. The end is great: The murderous, cruel babarian queen cooing over her cat is just such a great image.

All right, votes:

Best character: Baron, for Sheebor.
Best setting: kconan
Best writing style / technique: Baron
Most interesting last will and testament: I want two vote in this category, CaptainD and Baron were both good, but I'll go with CaptainD here.

Mandle

Quote from: Sinitrena on Wed 20/07/2016 20:15:44
What I think would make it better were if the actual amounts the family recieves are less random in the end

The joke lies in the amount the man keeps for himself ;)

SPOILER HINT:
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Try picturing it in calculator font...
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CaptainD

Further spoiler to Mandle's spoiler...

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Ready?
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Turn
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Calculator
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Upside-Down
[close]
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Honestly Mandle, soooooooo juvenile! (roll)  Ponch would be proud of you.

 

Sinitrena

Oh, ahem, yeah, didn't notice that. :-[
Ok, what would be even better would be if all the amounts had a message in them. (nod) (There aren't, are there? I didn't miss something else?)

And you two, stop pointing out mistakes in my critic and do some voting yourselves.;)

Baron

Best character:  This was a tough one, but I have to go with Sinitrena for Zarah, a complex character of conflicting motives and desires.  From my own experience it's hard to write that kind of complexity into a character in a short story, so a well-deserved vote.

Best setting: It's gotta be CaptainD for Dessert Island.  Where do I sign up for that kind of purgatory? ;)

Best writing style / technique:  I'm going with kconan for his intricate and precise descriptions of the features of his futuristic hotel.

Most interesting last will and testament: Well, Sinitrena's piece didn't have much to do with the actual will, and Danny Boy's piece was a bit of a cliché (sorry dude, but if the Simpsons spoof it then it's already jumped the shark).  CaptainD's piece was more about making me feel hungry than communicating a character's last will.  That leaves two: kconan's concept of a living/reacting last will was novel and intriguing, while Mandle's sleuthing puzzle was both curious and compelling.  I think I'm going to have to go with kconan, because there was a greater sense of purpose (truth and vengeance) to his will than Mandle's (just money and puerile calculator jokes :=).

kconan

Best Character: Baron for Sheebor the Ravisher
Best Setting: Sinitrena, the setting/background felt like an intrigue-y cold war spy novel.
Best Style/Technique: Baron for passages like, "I found your choice of steel chastity belt laughable in your tween years...To you I leave my fastest horse and my prized magnetic saddle."
Most Interesting Will and Testament: CaptainD

Creamy

Best character: Baron the Impaler (look over his head).
Best setting: CaptainD's own Creamville.
Best writing style / technique: kconan. Great style.
Most interesting last will and testament: Sinitrena. Fictional robbers are always so classy.
 

Baron

Quote from: Creamy on Thu 21/07/2016 16:42:49
Best character: Baron the Impaler (look over his head).

While my character is rather captivating, I'm pretty sure this category refers to characters in the stories.... (roll)

Mandle

I've read them all except for the one that's longer than my leg...Hopefully I can get that read before the deadline closes, but for now I must go beddy-bye-byes...

Ponch

Good entries all around. I only wish I had more categories so everyone could get their share of my votes once I've passed on. :wink:

Best character: Baron
Best setting: kconan
Best writing style / technique: Mandle
Most interesting last will and testament: Sinitrena

JudasFm

Best character: kconan
Best setting: kconan
Best writing style / technique: Sinitrena
Most interesting last will and testament: Baron

Mandle

Okay...I'm done:

Best character: kconan (for the unexpected character who is still "present")
Best setting: CaptainD
Best writing style / technique: Baron
Most interesting last will and testament: Baron

WHAM

Please someone else declare the winner. I cant post properly on mu phone. Ill add trophies here when i get back home again.
Wrongthinker and anticitizen one. Pending removal to memory hole. | WHAMGAMES proudly presents: The Night Falls, a community roleplaying game

Creamy

Quote from: Baron on Fri 22/07/2016 03:05:58
While my character is rather captivating, I'm pretty sure this category refers to characters in the stories.... (roll)
I have enjoyed your characters therefore I vote for you :P
 

Baron

Quote from: WHAM on Sun 24/07/2016 16:50:30
I cant post properly on mu phone.

I think Moo Phone is Ponch's area of expertise.  We'll have a technician in touch with you promptly.

kconan

Quote from: WHAM on Sun 24/07/2016 16:50:30
Please someone else declare the winner.

  Baron took this one, according to my calculations which kept getting interrupted by interloping coworkers.  I'm in second, and both Sinitrena and CaptainD tied for third place.

  Congrats Baron! 

Mandle

Quote from: Baron on Mon 25/07/2016 01:16:10
Quote from: WHAM on Sun 24/07/2016 16:50:30
I cant post properly on mu phone.

I think Moo Phone is Ponch's area of expertise.  We'll have a technician in touch with you promptly.

ROFL!!! (Erm...The cool kids are still using ROFL, right?)

Sinitrena


Where did you get this smiley from and why isn't it part of our standard selection? This is just too good (laugh)

Quote from: kconan on Mon 25/07/2016 21:10:27
Quote from: WHAM on Sun 24/07/2016 16:50:30
Please someone else declare the winner.

  Baron took this one, according to my calculations which kept getting interrupted by interloping coworkers.  I'm in second, and both Sinitrena and CaptainD tied for third place.

  Congrats Baron! 

Congrats, Baron!
And to add the final tally:
Baron wins with a slight lead of 9 points, followed by kconan with 8 points and CaptainD and me with 5 points each.

Baron

Thanks folks.  I was hoping by stalling that kconan would garner a few late votes: it was a really close contest, and I felt that he had put a lot more effort into his story than I had this time around.  So congratulations to kconan for almost winning!  Aw, heck, congratulations to everyone for a great collection of stories.  And also I must say that this was a fantastic round in terms of voter turn-out (last-minute votes for kconan aside).  Go FWC! :)

I'll have a new theme up faster than you can say "Baron Blunders Bigly By Bugling Beside Buoyant Boobies". :=

Hope to see everyone out again in the next exciting instalment of...


WAIT!  What about the Moo Phone?  Ponch, I need closure! :P

kconan

  Good show all around guys, and I plan to work in the new Ponch smiley wherever possible in future posts.  Unless I hear otherwise from Baron, I'll assume it's public domain. (laugh)

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