I am going to resign, this time for real

[Crimson Wizard]

I've spent the last two weeks trying to make myself work on some future feature I wanted to add to AGS, and even though I managed to force myself to make some progress, I realized again that I do not really want to do this.

I know I have tried to quit several times already, but I usually waited for too long, having the stress and desperation fill up to the point when I experience another breakdown and burst into another tantrum. I do not want for this to happen again.
I know that some people think that I do a good thing with this project, but I am not sure if that's true. I honestly do not get anything positive from it. There were few bright moments, but they were quickly fading away. There is no pleasure, no feeling of accomplishment, nothing. Regardless of what I do, it never feels like work is done, quite contrary, it feels like the destination is not any closer.
This may be irrational, because obviously some problems were solved, but when I try to tell this to myself, it somehow does not work.

I was trying to understand what keeps me working on this program, but in the end it seems that it is nothing good. Maybe it is the silly pride, which does not let me acknowledge the defeat; or maybe it is not the pride, but fear of failure... Somehow it happened that I never was able to complete any project in my life... like at all... I kept quitting all the time. And perhaps I am also afraid of searching for a new work, because I do not believe in myself anymore after failing so many times. Even thinking about doing something else makes me feel so bad because I do not believe that I can do anything.

But really, this is a choice between trying something different and forcing the same thing over and over again until I get completely insane. I had so many plans, and half-made work that I hoped to put into the engine, which would be a real pain to throw out, but I must let it go, because the more I keep myself bound to this work, the harder it will be to recover after I finally quit.

[CaptainD]

Mate if moving on to something else is really what you want to do, then that's what you have to do.  Just please know that MANY of us are truly grateful for all you've done for the development of AGS (and maybe you don't feel like you've accomplished or finished much, but you have in the eyes of the AGS community).

Wishing the very best with whatever you decide to do next.

[Danvzare]

You've done good. You might stop working on the AGS engine, but never forget that you've made a lasting impression on the engine and the community as a result.

If resigning from this makes you feel better, then go for it!
You've gone above and beyond with this engine, and for that, we're all very grateful.

Somehow it happened that I never was able to complete any project in my life... like at all... I kept quitting all the time.

Well you can mark AGS as something you've completed. Just look at all of the version numbers you've managed to add to it!
Sure it doesn't have all the features you wanted. But that goes for absolutely everything in life. No game or piece of software, has ever been made with all of the features the creator wanted. But those lack of feature don't make those programs any less complete.
Now give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done.

[Cassiebsg]

Sometimes you have to realize that this is a project with no end, there will ALWAYS be features you want/can add, requests for this and that, small bugs to crush, new compatibilities will be needed, and so on.

I had a teacher that once told us that having a deadline to finish a project was a good thing, because otherwise we would never finish it. No matter how good it is, you will still want to add more and make it "perfect"... only perfection is not a reachable state. All you can do is do your best, strive to become better and put an end to the projects, and move on to new ones.

So, you feel that now is the time for you to put that end point to this project, then by all means, keep your sanity and do it. Don't call it quits, but putting an end to the story. All stories have a start, middle and end.

And be sure that you have accomplished much! Breaking the chains of the limited game resolution is probably the biggest achievement I can think of (but then I haven't been here so long) not to mention solving everyone small problems, making engine hacks by request, experimenting... You should never feel that you accomplished nothing!

If you get no pleasure from doing this anymore, than stop! A hobby should be fun... work... can be fun, but often is not, but we need to do it so we keep working, but a hobby that is no longer fun? Why continue?

Just the other day you were talking about making an adventure game! Go make that, and don't care if we like it or not, just as long as it's fun for you! And if you don't want to write the story... well, plenty of ppl wanting a coder for their stories.

Anyway, thanks bunch for all your hard work on the engine!

[Slasher]

To do what you have done is like Christians to the lions... you have survived so far.....

It is an enormous task you took on and much progress has been made. Of course it is never ending and sometimes you need to step back and either retire or come back with a vengeance.

Don't ever feel you are not appreciated for who you are, or what you have done

Three  hooray's for Crimson...

Hip hip hooray
Hip hip hooray
Hip hip hooray

[Anakin]

I have been using the engine intermittently for few years now and I am a long time rabid forum reader.  AGS is my way back to coding/scripting - a passion never really blossomed which I now enjoy during the most bizarre hours of the day/night - and it has represented the means to pursue the dream of my youth (which goes back to when the first MI was published...): that of making my own adventure game.  Also, the work of so many people who made games with AGS has rekindled me with the genre that I loved. Frankly, I do not know if I ever finish my project but its the process that I mostly enjoy.  Your work on AGS is absolutely BRILLIANT and I am sure it means a lot to many (count 1, here).  You made possible for people like me to give a shoot of doing something that only big companies and professionals could do years ago.  This is absolutely a remarkable achievement. I never wrote in the forum but I just felt compelled to write because stating that AGS is a failure or not a major accomplishment is by all means a gross misrepresentation of reality. I regret not having asked for advise while I had the opportunity (unless you decide to stick around) and good luck with where life will bring you.

[StillInThe90s]

Mate if moving on to something else is really what you want to do, then that's what you have to do.  Just please know that MANY of us are truly grateful for all you've done for the development of AGS (and maybe you don't feel like you've accomplished or finished much, but you have in the eyes of the AGS community).

Wishing the very best with whatever you decide to do next.

I second that. Thanks for all the hard work and best wishes!

[Crimson Wizard]

And be sure that you have accomplished much! Breaking the chains of the limited game resolution is probably the biggest achievement I can think of

Custom resolutions is something that should not be worth mentioning at all. That is a basic, natural thing for any engine, and yet took me few months to accomplish because of all the ties in the old code.

I should not be keeping old code and just write it anew, transferring only most useful functionality. Sure, people will be annoyed saying that that it no longer works as AGS, but people complain all time, especially when need to learn new stuff. Yet I was persuaded by talks that we should continue with old code, or maybe persuaded myself that I need to follow this guideline, sticking with old code, spending months simply making it LOOK better, instead of doing more useful job. I made a terrible mistake, and paid 4 years of my life for it. And meanwhile many former agsers left for using or even writing other engines.

[Crimson Wizard]

@Anakin, I am not the one who created AGS, so what you said probably should not be addressed to me.

[Radiant]

So, you mentioned in the MAGS thread that you wanted to write a game? Go try it already, you might like it And do try it for yourself, not for us, of course.

[Cassiebsg]

Might be you feel it's not "worth mentioning" cause it's a basic thing... but the thing is, before YOU added it there were no custom resolutions. Maybe it was something that should have taken 5 minutes and 3 lines of code and took a few months... so what? This is a hobby, not a job. We appreciate all you've done and will continue to do so, even if you think you don't deserve it. We KNOW you DO!

Also, correct it me if I'm wrong, but AGS is open source and you're allowed to do what ever you like? If you want to make new code and remove all the "old code" and deprecated stuff, who's to stop you but your self? You could just do "AGS Phoenix" (or some other name) and clean the stuff you mean shouldn't be there any longer. People that are just picking up AGS will just learn the new stuff instead, and the rest can either move on or continue using the old version.

In other words, just do what you feel like doing!

[Jack]

You sound past tired, so better just forget about engine development for weeks, months, years. However long it takes until it doesn't feel like a burden any more and you can objectively decide whether it's something you still want to do.

Maybe it was a mistake supporting the legacy code while expanding it. Like you said, you paid for it. As a maintainer of old code I know that even a better-designed new implementation will create bugs in existing work flows exactly because it's working much better than the original. You can bet there would be dozens of old AGS games that don't work right any more simply because their design was predicated on the idiosyncrasies of the engine at the time.

And sure it would've been nice if custom resolutions had been baked in from the start, but it wasn't. And until you fixed it, every 4:3 game we made ran stretched on everyone's widescreen monitors, including our own. There's a reason this is always brought up. It's the single most important change, post 3.2.1. Systematically removing all the various limitations has also been critical.

Anyway, let me know if you need help with that game.

[KyriakosCH]

Hi Crimson, i don't know you, but i gather you have been instrumental in creating and/or expanding the AGS engine, so i am sure there was no failure at all on your part..

That said, i hope you find what you are looking for!

[Anakin]

@Anakin, I am not the one who created AGS, so what you said probably should not be addressed to me.

But I reckon you contributed to its development - and provided tremendous help to users in the forum.

[Ali]

Nice work, CW. Thanks for all your help.

[NickyNyce]

Nothing is more important than you. Go do you, have fun, enjoy life and f@ck everything else until you feel better. When you feel better, f@ck everything else again! Repeat process until you're tired of enjoying life.

Thanks bud. It's a thankless job. The only satisfaction you will ever get is self satisfaction.

[jwalt]

R. Steven Glanville, the guy doing all the coding on his Anim8or program, avoids burning out by taking a yearly three month summer vacation in Italy. He has also retired, likely with a pension that allows him to spend all that time in Italy. While he does maintain the Anim8or web site and responds to questions while in Italy, all the coding and feature additions have to wait for Fall to arrive. Take a long vacation if it will help you out.

I get worried at the thought of having you drop out totally. You may have the greatest knowledge base on the Engine and Editor, and you certainly seem to have "solved" quite a few issues that have cropped up over time. Whatever happens, I wish you the best! 

[Andail]

So long and thanks for all the code!

Seriously though, most people have spent the same amount of time browsing facebook or playing pokemon go or something like that.
If nothing else, your time here has made lots of others happy and grateful.

Surely you can hang around even if you've retired from the engine developing side? You can focus on making games. Or being social. We like you!

[Mandle]

Surely you can hang around even if you've retired from the engine developing side? You can focus on making games. Or being social. We like you!

+1

[AnasAbdin]

Your existence to us it not limited to 'a very appreciated engine developer'.. you're a major part of the AGS family and a very good friend. It's not up to you to disappear from our lives just like that! Come on man we love you Like Andail said, just relax and hang around here