Which title to choose?

[KyriakosCH]

About a new story completed... The story is (most likely; it is a bit open-ended, but leans to one direction) about discovering the treasure one was after was actually another trap. More literally, it is about someone who is at a police station with the end to give some information on a killer, so as to get a significant reward in money.

Current title is (translated to) "The trap in the sand-dunes", but i am not happy with it, because it is way too sensationalist. Furthermore it already alerts the reader to expect a trap, which isn't entirely disastrous though given almost 95% of the story directs you to think the trap is something else.
The sand-dunes are a metaphor, found in numerous ways in the story.

Other titles i thought of were a lot more plain. Eg "The treasure". This is way too generic, despite being also a good title if one had already read the 7 thousand word (18 pages) text.

Or "Turning", which is again generic, despite signifying that what is going on is turning.

Other possible titles:

A ticket to a better life (phrase in the story) (rather cheesy as a  title; in the story phrase the focus is on a preceding gloomy epithet)
The reward (pretty decent, albeit generic)
The game (tied to another metaphor in the story) (again too generic for 18 pages)

[Gurok]

The Trap in the Sand Dunes is fine.

[KyriakosCH]

Thanks I am generally reluctant to use this kind of titles, although they can be catchy... I suppose i will go with this one, though. It may come across as accurately ominous.

[Danvzare]

Personally, I like The Trap in the Sand Dunes. It's got a nice ring to it.
Although if you didn't want to reveal it as being a trap in the title, you could just call it The Treasure in the Sand Dunes, or perhaps even The Occurance in the Sand Dunes, or even the The Item in the Sand Dunes, or something along those lines.

But like I said, I like The Trap in the Sand Dunes.

[Radiant]

Personally I think the title is too long.

I suggest removing 'the' at the beginning, and/or removing 'sand' as 'sand dune' is an oxymoron anyway. $.02

[Mandle]

Totally agree with Radiant about changing "sand dunes" to just "dunes":

You could even take it a step further in brievity:

"Dune Trap"

[KyriakosCH]

Original story is in greek, so i won't be needing the specific phrase in english anyway. I will leave that to the translator in the near future when i will be closer to be awarded the nobel etc.

In greek the term used ("ammolophoi") would literally translate to "sand-hills", and i use that instead of -the greek- 'thines', a term which refers only to sand near the beach. I wanted to be ambiguous as to whether the sand is in a desert or near the beach, cause it mostly alludes to the latter, but a desert is another metaphor.

Also, think of an ant-lion.

[Danvzare]

In greek the term used ("ammolophoi") would literally translate to "sand-hills", and i use that instead of -the greek- 'thines', a term which refers only to sand near the beach. I wanted to be ambiguous as to whether the sand is in a desert or near the beach, cause it mostly alludes to the latter, but a desert is another metaphor.

Well if you want to be ambiguous in English on whether it's at a beach of a desert, then I'd suggest you use the title "The Trap in the Sand" or "The Trap at the Sand" or "The Trap on the Sand".

[KyriakosCH]

Well, trap in the sand may indeed sound a bit better. I am pretty sure that nowhere in my text can one read the term for sand, though, and the 'sand-hills' is an apax legomenon (something said just once).

Still, i will rethink changing it to the trap in the sand.

[Blondbraid]

Have you thought about something along with "changeful as the sand" / "deceitful as the sand" or something similar as a more ambiguous alternative to trap? Partially because sand landscapes are always changing as the wind blows, but also changing beneath your feet when you walk beneath it, things hiding beneath the sand, like ant-lions.

[Stupot]

How about shortening it to simply 'Sand Trap'?

Or even further: 'Strap'

[[delete}]

[vertigoaddict]

If we're still snowballing, how about "Water between sand"? You know 'cause water gets trapped between sand, or is that too obscure?
"Trap in the sand" does have a nice ring to it though.

[KyriakosCH]

By now i am more leaning towards "the trap in the sand-hill" (ie changed it to singular). As noted, i prefer to use a word which does exist in the story (in fact all of that phrase exists, in page 16 out of 18, "trap in the sand-hill [...]") rather than use "sand", which doesn't exist anywhere, let alone that in greek the term for sandhill uses a different clause of the term for sand, so differs there a bit as well.

I don't think that reducing it to "sand" would work. At least a sandhill is some kind of further differentiation on the sand, whereas sand just happens to be there without prerequisiting a sandhill. In particular the sandhill here is one which hides the inverted form of it, ie the trap a metaphorical ant-lion has built, so will comes to play as well. Sand is way too much about desolation to work in context. Nothing beside remains

Another title could have been "the boundless trap" ("ÃŽâ€" αχανής Ïâ,¬ÃŽÂ±ÃŽÂ³ÃŽÂ¯ÃŽÂ´ÃŽÂ±"), which would be a lot better if in greek the term i am using is not of evident etymology to everyone (generally most would think it is a synonym of "huge", but i mean actually boundless). Still, there is either the chance i will use this as the title, or have a double title, although the latter is made a bit more difficult given that "trap" would be in both.

Edit: And after all that, i just changed it to "The trap of the sand", mostly cause it happens to have (if twisted) three meanings, namely: 1) the trap -which happens to be- in the sand, 2) the trap -which is of a type that could only be and is- in the sand, and 3) the sand is a trap (more poetic).