Heh, I've heard for so long that love comes when you least expect it. And it does. It's amazing sometimes.
I'm still keeping an optimistic view on life. Michelle and I talked last night after it happened, and we both came to the conclusion that I had a lot of things in my life to deal with. I had to be content with myself before I could love somebody else.
It was around senior year of high school (2000) that my self esteem was at its highest. I had many friends, I was confident in anything I did, I was active in many activities, and I was very outgoing. It all went downhill after that. I failed out of college. And had three relationships fail in certain aspects. My g/f of 9 months, the married girl that I knew I could never have, and Michelle.
We also talked about our friendship as a group, and I decided that I would stay with the group. I called up Sarah later on to tell her that I valued her (and Mike) as a friend and that I didn't realize that all day I had been ignoring them, while wondering what Michelle wanted to 'talk' to me about.
I made a conscientious decision to call out from work today so I could think things through. I think what I need to do, like Even, is to just go out there and see what's available. I can't be constricting myself to my house this much. I want to call up people I haven't talked to since I left Subway and ask them if they want to hang out. I have to stop obsessing over women and being so lonely without them.
Truth is, I do need the company of a woman. And that is what I need to work on. It's not normal to become attached within a matter of weeks. And the truth is, this is the fourth
time this has happened to me. And with each time it occurs, I deal with it better and better. This time, a simple conversation helped me get over it all and I woke up feeling somewhat refreshed and good-natured. Today, after Howard Stern, I'm going to take a shower, visit the Subway I used to work at (which I haven't been to in a month and a half), and God knows what else after that.
This happened for a reason. It's taught me something. It was the slap in the face that I needed to get my life set straight and in order. And I feel good about it. For once.