Fortnightly Writing Competition - HANDICAPPED (CLOSED, WINNER ANNOUNCED)

Started by Mandle, Mon 20/02/2017 09:48:34

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Ponch

I would appreciate an extension until Thursday. I just logged in to say I can't make the deadline. :undecided:

Mandle


Stupot

Thanks Mandle. I'll try and expand on my story a bit by Thursday :-)

Ponch

#23
De Rigueur
by El Poncho

The carpet felt good against his feet. Size 10 1/2. Wrapped in luxuriously thick toesocks, rainbow striped. The carpet was the kind of cheap, durable stuff that you find in shopping malls. Low, tight weave. Not long strips, but rather square tiles of carpeting, fitted together snugly. The better to replace easily when mysterious stains appeared, which was a common enough occurrence when shoppers congregated in large numbers and a food court was nearby.

He wiggled his individually socked toes against the stain-resistant, synthetic-fibered, yarny curls. He sighed happily. It was a rare treat to be in public in besocked feet.

With slow, measured steps, he walked through the air-conditioned store, wandering the low aisles, perusing the wares, idly touching a few of the display items. The sable trimmed hem of his long coat dragged the floor. The highly exclusive tailor who had handcrafted the garment hadn't cut the length of it with socked feet in mind. A few bits of floor trash got caught up in the sumptuous fur edging. A gum wrapper. A plastic spoon from a ice cream sundae. An elastic hair tie. An old toothpick with a bit of corndog stuck to the tip.

He didn't notice. The coat could always be dry cleaned later. Moments like this, when he could walk around like a normal person, albeit it one with exquisite taste in socks, were heartbreakingly rare.

He sighed again, deeply, contentedly. It wouldn't be long now. It had already been longer than he had expected. Only a few minutes of freedom remained. Perhaps only seconds.

He frowned but didn't want to. He wanted to smile again, genuinely, while he still could. He stopped walking. Planted his weight squarely on each foot. Wiggled his toes against the carpet. Unbeknownst to him, he had added a sticky cherry lollipop to the hem of his long, purple coat. The dry cleaning bill would be hell.

From the back room, the store manager appeared, a large shoe box in his hands.

"Mr. LifePartner?" the manager asked.

"Call me Ray, baby," the man in the long purple pimpcoat replied with easy charm, hiding the rising dread in his stomach.

"Your shoes are ready, sir," the manager said.

Ray nodded, making the long feather in the band of his pimphat bob and weave about quite pimpfully.

Sable hem dragging along behind him, Ray walked to the manager and sat down in the fine leather chair. The manager knelt quickly, opening the box, presenting the special pimpshoes to his best customer.

Ray examined them. Size 10, half a size too small, but such was the price of fashion. Ten inch heel. Five inch platform. Purple leather fitted precisely to clear acrylic. Inside of each boxy platform, a hamster waited patiently next to a water bottle and an exercise wheel. They were well trained, these little animals. They would only run in their wheels when Ray was strutting.

The manager unlaced the shoes and wedged them painfully onto Ray's feet with a 24 karat shoe horn. Grunting. Straining. Cursing. Both men worked themselves into a lather until the shoes were at last tightly laced and ready for the streets. Red-faced, the manager huffed and puffed. Ray softly prayed the rosary and gave thanks for another successful pimpshoe fitting. The hamsters squeaked nervously inside their clear, plastic cages, clearly rattled by the experience.

"All... done... sir..." wheezed the manager.

"Call... me... Ray..." hissed the pimp, cursing the hideous demands of a playa's life. Nothing was easy; pimping most of all.

He stood up, stifling a scream, until he was teetering and tottering from side to side, a lean purple pine tree sure to fall at the first breeze. His ankles protested. His arches threatened to explode with each step. His smile was charming. His stride smooth. His look impeccable. Sable trimmed pimpcoat edge swaying a mere inch above the carpet with each swing of his polyester wrapped legs, Ray glided out of the store in his new pimpshoes, and made his way to the dry cleaners in glorious style.

Baron



Who is this El Poncho, and can he be trusted?  I mean, what's he got to hide behind that sexy mask and pseudonym?  :undecided:

Ponch

Quote from: Baron on Fri 10/03/2017 02:21:19
what's he got to hide behind that sexy mask and pseudonym?
More sexiness, that's what!

Mandle

Okay, I'm closing the contest:

The entrants are:

"A Future That Would Never Be" by Sinitrena
"Orbs From Space" by Baron
"Still A Prisoner" by Blondbraid
"Left Behind" by Stupot (IMO the "unfinished" story tells a complete tale with its many clues)
"De Rigueur" by ¡ El Poncho !

The voting categories are:

"Best Writing"
"Best Use Of The Theme"
"Favorite Story"

kconan

Yes!  The glorious return of Sinitrena and ¡El Poncho! !!

All really good entries, and unique takes on the theme from "conventionally" handicapped to a pimp hobbling himself in the name of fashion.

"Best Writing" - Sinitrena
"Best Use Of The Theme" -Ponch
"Favorite Story" - Baron

Ponch

Best Writing - Sinitrena
Best Use Of The Theme -Stupot + (Not finishing your story is the greatest handicap a writer can face)
Favorite Story - Blondbraid

Blondbraid

I must say it was hard deciding but here is my vote:

Best Writing - Ponch, it took a while for me to understand what kind of person the protagonist was, but it was a clever, slow reveal
Best use of the theme - Baron, for making it about golf as well as a protagonist becoming disabled
Favorite Story - Baron, the ending just cracked me up


Baron

Wow.  That's a lot of continuation story!  I had to reread Sinitrena's Little Dove, Blondbraid's A Broken Man, and ¡El Poncho!'s Oceanspirit Omnibus, just to get enough grounding to even start reading this fortnight's stories.  ;-D 

Best Writing - Sinitrena.  I really liked the thin walls, thin soup line.  It really made the knife-edge of their predicament pop out for me.  Your descriptions of Remria are also worthy of mention.
 
Best use of the theme - Blondbraid for poor, broken Paul.  There were a lot of parallel's between Paul and Sinitrena's character Jahm, but I felt more for Paul's predicament, as Jahm's was more of his own doing (which admittedly comes from the last instalment of his story).  I guess I have an easier time empathising with handicaps resulting from misfortune than bravado.

Favorite Story - Ponch, mostly for rainbow-striped toe socks and hamster-wheel platform shoes.  Is it right to take just glee from the plight of the handicapped?  Maybe I'm just a bad person....  :P


Sinitrena

Quote from: Baron on Sun 12/03/2017 15:39:17
There were a lot of parallel's between Paul and Sinitrena's character Jahm, but I felt more for Paul's predicament, as Jahm's was more of his own doing (which admittedly comes from the last instalment of his story).  I guess I have an easier time empathising with handicaps resulting from misfortune than bravado.

Same here, I feel way more for Blondbraid's Paul than my own Jahm, basically for the same reasons. ;)

We got some interesting takes on the topic and as a result some very good, well-written stories.

Best Writing: Stupot - It's unfinished and therefore a bit difficult to compare to the other entries, but the short piece made me feel for Warwick with just a few hints what his predicament is.

Best use of the theme: Blondbraid - As I said above, I feel for Paul just as much as I feel for Stupot's Warwick. Ponch's and Baron's take on the topic are certainly more original, but I tend to prefer emotional approaches. And for this topic, I felt like a story exploring the consequences of a handicap was more fitting. (I have to add, though, that I liked "A Broken Man" better.)

Favorite Story: Ponch - Creative, clever, unexpected and just plain weird at times. Made me laugh.

Special mention to Baron's aptly named planet "Douchbag 3", that literally made me laugh out loud.

Baron

Quote from: Sinitrena on Sun 12/03/2017 21:53:44
Special mention to Baron's aptly named planet "Douchbag 3", that literally made me laugh out loud.

Where's that Best Setting category when I need it?  ;-D

Mandle

Quote from: Sinitrena on Sun 12/03/2017 21:53:44
Best Writing: Stupot - It's unfinished and therefore a bit difficult to compare to the other entries, but the short piece made me feel for Warwick with just a few hints what his predicament is.

People got what the point of Stupot's story was right? What the character's "handicap" was?

Spoiler
There are many hints in the story, and the title also contains a big hint:
Spoiler
It's simply the everyday struggles of a left-handed person. Are you left-handed Stupot (I can't remember or didn't notice) or did you look up/imagine what annoyances a leftie faces in a right-handed world?
[close]
[close]

Blondbraid

Quote from: Sinitrena on Sun 12/03/2017 21:53:44
Quote from: Baron on Sun 12/03/2017 15:39:17
There were a lot of parallel's between Paul and Sinitrena's character Jahm, but I felt more for Paul's predicament, as Jahm's was more of his own doing (which admittedly comes from the last instalment of his story).  I guess I have an easier time empathising with handicaps resulting from misfortune than bravado.

Same here, I feel way more for Blondbraid's Paul than my own Jahm, basically for the same reasons. ;)

Thank you, I'm glad that both of you liked my entry, but I must say your story about Jahm was good too, it had a very interesting world.
I can understand why you like "A Broken Man" better though Sinitrena, I didn't edit and polish it as much as I had wanted to before submitting it since I wanted to finish the story before the deadline.
I didn't know there was going to be an extension until after I had already submitted it. :(


Mandle

Okay, I think voting might be almost done on this round.

I will leave voting open until Saturday approx 9:00 AGS time and then close it for tally.


Mandle

Sorry all... I'm so busy with a commercial AGS project that is about to launch that it's insane...

Gonna leave voting open until tomorrow...

Sorry again!

Baron


Stupot


"Best Writing" - Sinitrena
"Best Use Of The Theme" - Blondbraid
"Favorite Story" - Sinitrena

WHAM

"Best Writing" - Sinitrena
"Best Use Of The Theme" - Blondbraid
"Favorite Story" - Blondbraid
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