Author Topic: Fortnightly Writing Contest - ADVENTURE GAME (VOTING OPEN UNTIL OCT 18th)  (Read 2492 times)  Share 

Ponch

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  • Ponch worked on a game that was nominated for an AGS Award!
Best Use of Traditional Wall of Text: Sinitrena
Special Achievement in Post Editing: Baron
Meritorious Effort in Serialization: JudasFM

Well done, everyone! :cool:
*

Mandle

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  • Mandle worked on a game that was nominated for an AGS Award!
I think in the end the consensus of the writing regulars was inconclusive. ;-D

But whoever posted that hilarious "wiggle room" picture obviously has a very high IQ, at least in the triple figures!!!

Mandle

  • NO PIXEL LEFT BEHIND!!!
  • Mandle worked on a game that was nominated for an AGS Award!
Trophies are done!

The first-place trophy is a pristine, still-in-the-box, mint-condition edition of Zork I!!!



The second-place trophy is a first-hand Zork II edition, but one which someone unfortunately partially opened to sneak a peek inside:



The third-place trophy is a pre-loved edition of Zork III that the previous owner had the gall to not only completely open, but also to actually take out all the feelies and fondle them many times over:


Ponch

  • AGS Baker
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    • Lifetime Achievement Award Winner
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  • Ponch worked on a game that was nominated for an AGS Award!

Damn, I miss feelies. :sad:

Nice trophies, Mandle!
*

Mandle

  • NO PIXEL LEFT BEHIND!!!
  • Mandle worked on a game that was nominated for an AGS Award!
Damn, I miss feelies. :sad:

The deluxe boxed edition of "Chronicle Of Innsmouth" has some quite nice ones.

(The box also contains the actual CD that has the game on it. The floppy-disc has something interesting on it for anyone who still has the ability to boot it ;) )

I was talking with the author on the phone last night. He's recently gotten back from a game expo in Milan where he had a table to present the game.

He told me that Tim Schafer stopped by for a look and so he gifted him a free boxed copy.

Tim Schafer looked at the game screen picture on the back and said something like "Heh, nice verbs!". (laugh)

Frodo

  • Welcome down... to my Planet Hell!

Damn, I miss feelies. :sad:


Tales Of Monkey Island Deluxe is amazing!  :grin:
It has cloth map, coaster, badge, and coin.  And the whole thing is stored in a treasure chest!  :cheesy:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tales-Monkey-Island-Collectors-DVD/dp/B004GHMRR2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1508040989&sr=8-1&keywords=tales+of+monkey+island+box

kconan

  • After⇐---—---⇒Before
1st Place - Ponch
2nd Place - Baron
3rd Place - Sinitrena

The thread itself is a writing competition.  Good entries all around, and those Zork trophies are nice!

Sinitrena

  • Mittens Serf
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I must say, I'm a bit disappointed. A topic with such potential and we end up with three out of five stories that are basically fanfiction? I'm not saying fanfiction is bad or a less valid genre, just that the topic was open for far more crazy ideas.

That said, the writing in all of the stories was top notch. Of special note must be how in-character Berneard, Lavarne and Hoagie feel in Mandle's Maniac Mansion story and how well JudasFm explaines the backstory for people not familiar with the games. These are two of the elements that come into play in fanfiction: Characters must be true to the original and you have to explain everything to people not familiar with the original without boring those who are. So again, well done on these two points.

Mandle: I really enjoyed the different perspectives the three characters offered for the things that happened. Only real critique I have is that it was cut a bit short. It feels like the beginning of a story; slightly incomplete.

JudasFm: Very well written. The only thing I missed was a bit of foreshadowing for the end. You do mention at one point that the cooks don't ask questions when Alexander asks for stuff, so why not also mention that he asked for saffron? Why not have Rosella wondering at one point where her perfume is? Why not say that Alexander picked up a feather during his walk in the morning? It would probably mean something for people familiar enough with the games without really giving anything away. Also, a very small nitpick: "But if you really want to know then yes, there are two dungeons in this castle but no one can find the key for one of them and the other one is full of cheese. We don't solve problems that way in Daventry." That is a very stupid idea and speaks very bad of Daventry. Every country everywhere and at all times has some kind of crime. Not using the dungeon implies that they deal diffrently with criminals and there really aren't that many options: Maiming, execution, ect. And it also usually means that sentences are passed out without a proper court of law - this stuff takes time and what do you do with the suspect until then. Alright, I assume you didn't mean it like that and the cities have prisons and th castle's dungeons are just not used. ;) As I said, nitpicking.

Ponch: Your story was way less serious, of course, but it was good fun to read. Unfortunately, I've never even heard of the game it was based on before, but I read a few reviews to give me some context. The idea that Yoda just makes up stories and quests for Luke to get rid of him was hillarious. Thank you for some good laughs.

Baron: Not one of your better stories, unfortunately. It felt slightly disconnected. The parts didn't fit together as well as they could have. And you managed to do the one thing I hate most of all in choose-your-own-adventures: You offered me a course of action and then didn't allow me to actually take it: If you smite your colour-blind foe with words of shock and awe, turn to post 29 and then Seething at your correspondent's ill-refined sense of hue and saturation, you quickly type out some block-cap words that a greater man than you might come to regret.  You are on the verge of pressing send when a small, fluttery sensation holds you back.  What is that?  Conscience? [...] Blast!  You decide you'll just have to swallow this one, like a bitter pill of cadmium and brussel sprout juice. Kudos, though, for being creative and absurd, or creatively absurd.

Votes:
1.: JudasFm
2.: Mandle
3.: Ponch

Despite my vote for Mandle, I'm still of the opinion that the competition admin should not enter the competition.

Baron

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  • Baron worked on a game that was nominated for an AGS Award!
Also, a very small nitpick: "But if you really want to know then yes, there are two dungeons in this castle but no one can find the key for one of them and the other one is full of cheese. We don't solve problems that way in Daventry." That is a very stupid idea and speaks very bad of Daventry. Every country everywhere and at all times has some kind of crime. Not using the dungeon implies that they deal diffrently with criminals and there really aren't that many options: Maiming, execution, ect. And it also usually means that sentences are passed out without a proper court of law....

Let's get to the crux of the problem here: Graham, likeable as he is as a guy, is really quite a crummy king.  He gets so obsessed with helping individuals and being nice that he misses the broader picture and avoids the hard choices for the greater good.  Instead of governing he's off gallivanting in the tropical islands.  Instead of hunting down the pickpockets and thieves that seem to plague his realm he's off treasure hunting.  Basically he's a feudal Jimmy Carter. :=

Votes:

JudasFM.  I got really into the story.  I'd played the AGD Kings Quest 2 Remake like a decade ago, but have never played KQ3.  But thanks to your story I looked it up and downloaded the AGD version.  I thought you did a good job developing the antagonism between the teenager and his dad.  My beef would be that the Queen seemed a bit flat, but I get that the true story revolved around Graham and Alexander.

Sinitrena.  I thought this was the most creative entry.  Not quite an autonomous character, but a sentient one: very interesting.  The horrible Edge-of-Tomorrow reliving of the worst day of her life was poignant.

Ponch.  'Cause, heh.  Yoda knows how to have a good time on a Friday night. (nod) 

I thought Mandle's entry was good and funny, but I think it'd have to be knock-your-socks-off amazing to earn votes coming from a contest administrator, so... SNUBBED!  But it made the contest more interesting having more entries, so I'm all for administrator participation in the future.

@ Sinitrena: Yeah, I got into deadline trouble and really couldn't put the amount of time into my work that I usually do.  I'll make sure to think about starting sooner next time. (laugh)

JudasFm

  • Zlang-Zlang Squid Says: Screw you, Photobucket!
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JudasFm: Very well written. The only thing I missed was a bit of foreshadowing for the end. You do mention at one point that the cooks don't ask questions when Alexander asks for stuff, so why not also mention that he asked for saffron? Why not have Rosella wondering at one point where her perfume is? Why not say that Alexander picked up a feather during his walk in the morning? It would probably mean something for people familiar enough with the games without really giving anything away.

Put simply, because I was trying to write this around classes and work and I just ran out of time ;) With the exception of Rosella wondering about her perfume, that's pretty much how it happened (Alexander wouldn't be stupid enough to take an entire jar that could be missed; he'd bring a small vial and just steal a tiny amount) ;) The ending also changed a bit from the original idea I had - that involved Alexander stealing a horse and sneaking away in the middle of the night, only to be caught by Graham in the stables; it seemed a little OOC even for this version of Alexander ;) - so when I wrote the first few parts, I was heading towards a completely different ending. If I'd had time, I would have gone back and rewritten the earlier posts :D

Also, a very small nitpick: "But if you really want to know then yes, there are two dungeons in this castle but no one can find the key for one of them and the other one is full of cheese. We don't solve problems that way in Daventry." That is a very stupid idea and speaks very bad of Daventry. Every country everywhere and at all times has some kind of crime. Not using the dungeon implies that they deal diffrently with criminals and there really aren't that many options: Maiming, execution, ect. And it also usually means that sentences are passed out without a proper court of law - this stuff takes time and what do you do with the suspect until then. Alright, I assume you didn't mean it like that and the cities have prisons and th castle's dungeons are just not used. ;) As I said, nitpicking.

Actually, this is more a case of Real Life interceding. Granted Daventry is a fantasy kingdom and so obviously we can take a lot of creative license, but it borrowed heavily from medieval settings.

The truth is that the traditional deep, dark dungeons in medieval times were used mostly for traitors against the Crown, or in some cases, people who the Crown thought might become traitors (this is why royal siblings were often locked up in the Tower of London; to prevent them claiming the throne). Typical criminals (thieves, murderers) would be tried by a court and put into prison. Whether it was a fair trial is another matter, but still... ;)

Despite his habit of gallivanting off on adventures, Graham struck me as a king who was loved by his subjects and he certainly has no siblings that anyone knows of (although that would also make for a really interesting fanfic in itself!) King Edward the Benevolent...well, the clue's kind of in the name there (laugh) Basically, there have been no cases of traitors to the Crown for a long time. No traitors to the Crown means no use for the dungeons :)

Quote from: Baron
I'd played the AGD Kings Quest 2 Remake like a decade ago, but have never played KQ3.  But thanks to your story I looked it up and downloaded the AGD version.

The AGD version is definitely the best remake! The original Sierra version was unforgiving even by Sierra standards; I could never get past the spell casting stage ;)

Quote from: Baron
My beef would be that the Queen seemed a bit flat, but I get that the true story revolved around Graham and Alexander.

I've always found Valanice very, very difficult to write, which is why I kept her out of the story as much as possible. To tell the truth, if we're going with the original Sierra games as opposed to the AGD or Old Gentlemen remakes (both of which I highly recommend!) Valanice never got a lot of character development, even in KQ7, which just shows her as a typically prim and proper noblewoman.

Frodo

  • Welcome down... to my Planet Hell!
MOST WELL-WRITTEN:  Prison Without Walls
Excellent story!  We all know the 'Happily Ever After' story about Alexander returning home after escaping from Manannan.  But the reality of that... having to re-adjust to life in a normal family... constantly having people around him after being a loner all his life... is completely different.
And it made me sad, that he chose to leave Daventry in the end, although I can understand his reasons why.  :cry:

MOST THOUGHT-PROVOKING: An Experiment In Consciousness
Very deep story about a sentient being that becomes aware of it's own existance.  And the heartbreak that it brings, re-living the death of her daughter over and over and over again.  So heart-breaking!  :sad:

BEST USE OF SNEAKINESS:  Lost In The Baron
Loved how Baron went back to edit his previous posts, turning his story into a 'Choose Your Own Adventure' story.  A hilarious one, at that!  Excellent work Baron.  :grin:


Brilliant entries, all round! 

Mandle

  • NO PIXEL LEFT BEHIND!!!
  • Mandle worked on a game that was nominated for an AGS Award!
I'll be ending this extended and extraordinary round of the FWC and announcing winners within the next 24 hours.

Please get your votes in ASAP.

I will be.

Mandle

  • NO PIXEL LEFT BEHIND!!!
  • Mandle worked on a game that was nominated for an AGS Award!
Whoops... got a bit busy yesterday and this slipped my mind. Sorry. I will close tonight after work.

Mandle

  • NO PIXEL LEFT BEHIND!!!
  • Mandle worked on a game that was nominated for an AGS Award!
My votes go to:

Prison Without Walls by JudasFm.

Lost In The Baron by Baron.

An Experiment in Consciousness by Sinitrena.

And the final tally comes to:

Mandle: 2
JudasFm: 5
Baron: 5
Ponch: 3
Sinitrena: 6


Sinitrena receives the Zork I trophy:



Baron and JudasFM both receive the Zork II trophy:



And Ponch gets those feelies he so misses in the Zork III trophy:



Over to you Sinitrena!

Cheers for the great round, great stories, and interesting feedback!
« Last Edit: 20 Oct 2017, 16:29 by Mandle »

Mandle

  • NO PIXEL LEFT BEHIND!!!
  • Mandle worked on a game that was nominated for an AGS Award!
Mandle: I really enjoyed the different perspectives the three characters offered for the things that happened. Only real critique I have is that it was cut a bit short. It feels like the beginning of a story; slightly incomplete.

The three different perspectives was an attempt at mirroring the three swappable character gameplay in DOTT. Hopefully some readers could hear the character-swapping music between transitions.

As for the story being cut short: A different sequence was planned after the characters all got back to the mansion and the letter from Dr. Fred was read but writing each sequence in the characters' voices took up so much time that I had to abandon the next chapter.

So, yes, you are 100% correct that it was just the beginning of a story and, in fact, several hints are still in the current version which alude to stuff that happens later on.

I will be lurking the FWC looking for themes that I can exploit to bring the next part of the story to life... (laugh)

Sinitrena

  • Mittens Serf
    • I can help with translating
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Baron: 4
Mandle: 1
JudasFM: 5
Ponch: 3
Sinitrena: 5


You sure about that? By my count it is:
Mandle: 2
JudasFm: 5
Baron: 5
Ponch: 3
Sinitrena: 6

I think you missed JudasFm's votes here on page 3.

Mandle

  • NO PIXEL LEFT BEHIND!!!
  • Mandle worked on a game that was nominated for an AGS Award!
Baron: 4
Mandle: 1
JudasFM: 5
Ponch: 3
Sinitrena: 5


You sure about that? By my count it is:
Mandle: 2
JudasFm: 5
Baron: 5
Ponch: 3
Sinitrena: 6

I think you missed JudasFm's votes here on page 3.

You are right. And such de-ja-vu!

Over to you Sinitrena!

(My mistaken post edited above)
« Last Edit: 20 Oct 2017, 16:30 by Mandle »

Baron

  • Mittens Serf
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    • I can help with voice acting
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  • Baron worked on a game that was nominated for an AGS Award!

Baron: 4
Mandle: 1
JudasFM: 5
Ponch: 3
Sinitrena: 5


You sure about that? By my count it is:
Mandle: 2
JudasFm: 5
Baron: 5
Ponch: 3
Sinitrena: 6

I think you missed JudasFm's votes here on page 3.


Oh, those hanging chads; when will they ever learn?? (roll)

Congratulations Sini! ;-D  And good work JudasFM & Ponch.  I think if you both added a few more sex scenes in your work it would have pushed you over the cusp to victory, but I understand that you value your artistic integrity. ;)

Excellent contest administration, Mandle! (nod)

See you all again for the hopefully Hallowe'eny theme next time!

Sinitrena

  • Mittens Serf
    • I can help with translating
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Thanks for all your votes, guys, and for the amazing stories you allowed us all to read.

See you all again for the hopefully Hallowe'eny theme next time!

Sorry! :-[

Baron

  • Mittens Serf
  • AGS Baker
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  • Not-so-Evil Banana Dictator
    • I can help with AGS tutoring
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    • Best Innovation Award Winner 2011, for the concept and management of SWARMAGS
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    • I can help with voice acting
    •  
  • Baron worked on a game that was nominated for an AGS Award!