C&C on "Ashley Cook in:The secret of the SECRET LOST TEMPLE OF THE LOST SECRET

[AlphaMole]

I wrote this late one night, so if it doesnt make any sence.. well, thats cause I really dont make much sence anyway

Name: Ashley Cook in:
The secret of the SECRET LOST TEMPLE OF THE LOST SECRET

Plot synopsis:

   You are Ashley Cook, famous archeologist/adventurer/lady’s man…
In his dreams…
Try archeologist’s assistant/ slave
Not quite as glamorous, but don’t let that fool you, those coffee spills can be pretty nasty to get out.
Who are we kidding here?
There is NOTHING in the least bit glamorous in Ash. He’s frankly pathetic. A typical looser with more luck than brains, though he does have a heart of gold… or perhaps some gold-like substance… perhaps fossilized molasses, you know, the kind that sits in the cupboard for your entire highshool career.
His lifelong goal is to become that famous archeologist, but first he has to get through the trials of his boss, George Werner, archeologist extraordinaire. George is a pompous windbag, arrogant to the very end, and his function in life seems to be making Ashley’s life as miserable as possible, which is bad in and of itself, but the jerk can’t even find it in himself to even remember Ashley’s name.
It’s a good thing that Ashley’s a little too shy to take offence at this.

Somehow Ashley talked Dr. Werner into giving him a break from fetching him coffee, and actually let him attend an actual dig… and not just any dig, it’s the world renown uumarian SECRET LOST TEMPLE OF THE LOST SECRET. The ancient uumarians were big on repetition.

So the game opens with Dr. Werner and Ashley arriving at the dig sight

DW: Ahh… the smell of a fresh dig… nothing like it.

Ash: oh WOW! An actually dig sight, I cant believe I’m here.. finally after all these years fetching coffee and cataloging ancient toenail clippings, im actually at an actual dig…
(Pause)
(looking at DW) OHOH! Can I start digging now?

DW:… Oh well, whatever, I guess… go find Terry to get some information. Just don’t be in the way you little twerp

Ash: WhoHoo! Fame and adventure, here I come! I’m going straight to the temple!
(starts to walk off)

DW: Now see here ... err.. um

Ash: … Ashley

DW: oh, er. I thought that was a girls name. But nevermind. You most defiantly NOT go to the temple! We will not have a serious scientific study sullied by the likes of you.

Ash: but… er… then, um, why.. err.. why am I here…

DW: why, to fetch my coffee, of course.

Ash: No! Ive waited all my life for a chance like this.. you cant deny me this!
(turns away)
must not cry… must not… *sniffle*

DW: oh, for petes sakes! * sigh* alright, go dig somewhere… If you find an artifact.. and I seriously doubt that.. I might .. MIGHT be disposed to MAYBE let you NEAR the temple.
(leaves)

Ash: Alright! (dances) Im gonna be an archeologist! Im gonna be an archeologist!

DW: (offscreen) And NO SINGING!

Ash: err…


**edit: pic**

Name: Ashley “Ash” (hail to the king, baby) Cook

Appearance:
Many pocketed (infinite capacity) tan vest, with various brushes and picks sticking out of them

Cargo pants

High top, lace-up boots.

Notes:
-Obsessed with adventures and adventure games
-Fancies himself daring and charming, and can be… for a few moments, until his shyer nature takes over
-full of childlike enthusiasm …
and childlike maturity







Name: Terry

Appearance:
Very plainly dressed , more a focus on comfort and utility, than on style
LONG dark blond hair, worn loose on break, and braided on the job

Notes:
Obsessed with coffee
     Invented the grog flavored coffee (illegal in 25 states… pending in 5)
Inclined to take breaks, though will work under own motivation

Screens:

[Nixxon]

Love it!!!
Plz include some inuendo shaped fossiles

[Scummbuddy]

I think most people would agree, that for your character, to be all or nothing.  Referring to the black outlines, to the offcolor outlines.  I do like the character though.  Really.  I'd say to go with the offcolor outline... but try both...

[blacksoul]

I think your idea makes a lot of sense, but...
your character sounds like a mix between guybrush and indy... (sorry)

[remixor]

I think your idea makes a lot of sense, but...
your character sounds like a mix between guybrush and indy... (sorry)

...or a mix between a goofball and an archeologist.  There's no reason guybrush and indy have to take on those archetypes automatically, just because they're adventure characters too.  We don't see every detective character being called a Tex Murphy ripoff even though they share many conventions.

Anyway, I'd like to say your game has the best name I've heard in ages.  That name rules.  Rock.

I also like the look.  It seems like it will suit the character you described.  Good luck, I'm looking forward to it.

[Neole]

Wonderful main character and very interesting art! Great work!

[AlphaMole]

oh, on the character, I made the color/black lines on the same one to see how each would work... I think I like the off color better, ill rework the sprite and post an updated one soon

I think your idea makes a lot of sense, but...
your character sounds like a mix between guybrush and indy... (sorry)

hey, thats ok, frankly im flattered, I based this character alot after me...
I'd like to say that one time in my life, I was mistaken for indiana jones ^_^

[Alpha_cant_login]

sorry for the bmp... my computer's a little out of sorts

[danny*]

VERY NICE!