A plan for peace ...

[Darth Mandarb]

This is Some Guy's plan for peace around the world:

"I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan:

- The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Tojo, Noriega, Milosovich and the rest of those 'good ole boys.' We will never "interfere" again.

- We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one sneaking through holes in the fence.

- All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are. France would welcome them.

- All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

- No "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.

- The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

- Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go some place else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

- If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

- Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

- All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.

Now, ain't that a winner of a plan?

From Robin Williams
"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'"

-------------

cheers,
dm

[Archangel (aka SoupDragon)]

This is a joke, right?

[Hobbes]

As Robin Williams does stand-up comedy, and judging from the irony dripping off the words, I would say:

YES.

Don't take this seriously... that's not how Robin Williams views these affairs. He's actually quite liberal, you know.

[Darth Mandarb]

Robin Williams is a comedian ...

And yes, this is a joke.

But it also makes some very good points ... in a humorous way.

dm

EDIT - I just found out that only the bottom quote (about the Statue of Liberty) was from Robin Williams.  The rest wasn't his.  Although it's equally funny ...

[Archangel (aka SoupDragon)]

I think it's more of a joke against the people like you, Darth, who think that some of those things are actually good ideas.

[Esseb]

The points in the plan confuse the hell out of me. The first two seem to be mocking those of us opposed to the war in Iraq, while the others seem to be mocking people like Darth up here. It seems like the guy who originally put them together didn't know what they meant. Nor Darth who posted it.

[Darth Mandarb]

It's funny how people interpret it differently.

It's not contradictory nor is it pointed at people 'like me'.

It points out how the rest of the world thinks they know what's best for America, when in fact, they don't.

And it points out to those Americans who bitch about our problems, that until they come up with a solution to what they're bitching about they should shut their pie-holes.

I only posted this in because I had a bet going with the guy who sent it to me that if I did post it in here people would immediately attack it (and me).

Guess what?

I won the bet!!

hahahah!!

cheers,
dm

EDIT - I knew exactly what I meant when posting it.  It wasn't I who didn't get the point!!

[Adamski]

We ought'a hang ye from the yardarm an' be keelhauling yer for ninety leagues, yer lily-livered son of a biscuit eater!

[Matt Brown]

DM, I've respected you, and sometimes even sort of agreed with you in the past..

howver, I really...really hope you dont agree with what you just posted. The bits about the banashment of immigants is most offensive to me. As the child of people who came to America BECAUSE their own country just had a revolution, and wanted to take part of a democratic society with jobs and safety again, I find the concept of banishing them, and making them "fix their own country" VERY offensive.

and...if you'd like, I can certainly publish a "panda post for peace", if thats what I need to do in order to give me licence to bitch about our problems in your eyes, if thats what I have to do. Dont think that I havent thought about this long and hard.

[Robert Eric]

- All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are. France would welcome them

[Ben]

* Ben pounds his desk and yells at the computer screen.

By gum, that Darth is such an ignorant, offensive fuck! I think I'll go off on a rant and tell him just how stupid he is!

[Darth Mandarb]

You guys!!!!

Come ON now!

Merriam Webster's Dictionary:
Joke:
1 a : something said or done to provoke laughter; especially : a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist b (1) : the humorous or ridiculous element in something (2) : an instance of jesting
2 : something not to be taken seriously : a trifling matter often used in negative construction

The guy who wrote that was pointing out EXTREMES to show all the people who bitch and rant that there isn't an easy solution and that before you jump down America's throat for their methods and actions you should consider what they're dealing with.

I would never be on board with banishing immigrants (if they're here legally).

I don't agree with all those things but there are some of them that do make a valid and interesting point.  It's just done through humor.

Let's all lighten up, loosen our sphincters, and enjoy each others company ... oh and Ben ... eat shit

cheers,
dm

[Matt Brown]

* Some Call Me Panda sees what a tightass he was and feels stupid

[DGMacphee]

I don't see what everyone is whining about.

It's an old joke anyway -- I read it before the whole war in Iraq business.

There are tons of jokes, both pro and con the war -- I saw Letterman say something like "The US Government managed to restore decent sanitation and garbage removal in Iraq. If only they could do the same here at home."

Boom-ching!

THe way I see it, if you're going to do old jokes about war and US interference, go straight to the master -- the late-Bill Hicks:

"I'm so sick of arming the world, then sending troops over to destroy the fucking arms, you know what I mean? We keep arming these little countries, then we go and blow the shit out of them. We're like the bullies of the world, y'know. We're like Jack Palance in the movie Shane, throwing the pistol at the sheepherder's feet.

"Pick it up."

"I don't wanna pick it up, Mister, you'll shoot me."

"Pick up the gun."

"Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister."

"Pick up the gun."

(He picks it up. Three shots ring out.)

"You all saw him - he had a gun."


Or howabout:

People say "Iraq had the fourth largest army in the world". Yeah, maybe, but you know what, after the first 3 largest armies, there's a REAL big fucking drop-off. The Hare Krishnas are the 5th largest army in the world, and they've already got all our airports.


or this:

Go back to bed, America, your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed America, your goverment is in control. Here, here's American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up, go back to bed America, here is American Gladiators, here is 56 channels of it! Watch these pituitary retards bang their fucking skulls together and congratulate you on the living in the land of freedom. Here you go America - you are free to do what well tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!


Or this:

It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, but that I believe he is a child of Satan here to destroy the planet Earth.


Or this:

Iraq: 150,000 casualties. USA: 79. Does that mean if we'd sent over 80 guys we still would have won?


And this:

"Iraq? Incredible weapons. Incredible."

"How do you know that?"

"Ah, well... we looked at the receipts."

[Nacho]

I haven´t found anything "offensive" in DM´s post... I think he has joking.  :o

"Actually, a post telling that a democratically elected president of the most powerfull country in the world is "crawling back" to a decadent institution like the UN can be more offensive to the people in that country who voted him (let´s suppose 137,5 milion inhabitants...)"<---Notice that I was joking in this paragraph, but this is the lenguaje used in this thread. :

But nobody did really feel offended, because this is a forum, and the dialectical strikes and counter-strikes are funny. If you feel personally offended, you´re lost (and, I could add, you´re not enough mature for discussing some issues in some forums).

DG was trying to "poke-in-the-eye" the "pro-US". Now, DM is counter-attacking. The "battle" can be thrilling  .

What really offended me most has been that: "People like Darth Mandarb". What did you mean? Is he an alien? Do you think he´s some kind of extreme-right-wing person??? I think he isn´t.

Everybody thought DG post about the UN was funny and smart... Now, DM does something similar, but in the opposite direction, and he´s a cunt.

C´mon, let them go on with this game and let´s participate also for our own fun and joy  

It can be very exciting, DG and DM are two intelligent, mature membrs of the forum. Let´s go on with this...

[Nacho]

In fact... for re-directioning this thread I´m going to do something that should repulse me in other context...

I´ll tell you the jokes that I heard in my country about the twin towers:

What says one tower to the other?
C´mon, I wait you here down!

Who should win a chess game, Bush or Bin Laden?
Bin, because he has two towers (In spanish the rocks are called towers )

Which is the favourite TV programme in Afganistan?
Mr. Bean.

In Iraq the coaches are called Saddamh, because they´ve noticed in the US they´re called Bush.<---This is quite good.

I don´t know if you do jokes of the worst things in the world... In Spain we do, after the first shock. There was a girl in Spain (whose name all the spanish guys know) who lost her legs in a terrorist strike by ETA. We do a lot of jokes of her, like:

Which is the resemblance between (that girl´s name) and E.T? They both fit in the bicycle basket.

That could be very disgusting in a "serious" context... But we´re talking that these jokes are told when you´re drunk or something like that... That was what I was talking about. The context matters...

[DGMacphee]

DG was trying to "poke-in-the-eye" the "pro-US". Now, DM is counter-attacking. The "battle" can be thrilling  .

Everybody thought DG post about the UN was funny and smart... Now, DM does something similar, but in the opposite direction, and he´s a cunt.

My UN thread was funny???  :o



Like I said, I don't see what everyone is whining about with the whole DM post -- I figured they'd have read it anyway (It's even passed my inbox twice in the last six months)

Besides, there's far more damning pro-war stuff on the net where people aren't joking.

[Nacho]

I didn´t really read it... I read Pumaman´s post which told that it was a smart post, and I preffer to trust in Pumaman´s posts than reading a long political thread  

J/K... It was some kind of sarcastic, and there is lot of people who rolls over the floor when facing a good sarcasm, so... We could say it was funny.

BTW, the only way to be involved in political discussions is to take all as a joke, that´s what I do.

[Shattered Sponge]

DG, I am absolutely appalled.



The 'Pick up the gun' routine is useless without the voices.

[DGMacphee]

DG, I am absolutely appalled.



The 'Pick up the gun' routine is useless without the voices.

Well, YOU record the voices YOURSELF, smartypants, and post the MP3 HERE.

WHY am I TALKING like I'm from Beneath a STEEL Sky??

[Shattered Sponge]

I'm tempted to buy a mic just so I can fulfill that request, DG.  Unfortunately, they are, at their cheapest, 6 ENGLISH POUNDS, and I just don't have that kinda money.

[DGMacphee]

Alright, here's what you do:

1. Buy a 3.5 Stereo jack cable from your local electronic store

2. Plug one end to the MIC input on your soundcard (If you don't have a MIC input, buy a soundcard that does).

3. Stick the other end in your bum

4. Get an electric shock and don't do it again.

Remember! An anus is a poor substitute for a microphone!

[Shattered Sponge]

I love you, DeeGee.

[makri]

An anus is a poor substitute for a microphone!

Truly words of wisdom. That's a proven fact.

[taryuu]

listen to some people talk and you'd think that there wasn't any war until those pesky americans started it all in 1776.  

americans used to be very isolationist.  hell they showed up after WW1 was pretty much already over, and only came into WW2 because they got their ass kicked at pearl.  since that war the US hasn't been burying its head in the sand.  and since then we haven't even come remotely close to the same level of armed confilct in the world.  

americans kick ass and take names because they learned after WW2  it's too costly to ignore problems in the world.somebody has to deal with them.  

however here's my proposal.

because europeans are naturally smarter (due to a lack of cable, beer, and dental hygeine ) let them handle it.  

and if they decide they don't like the US? well then they can do something about it!  

c'mon you guys can take em! just kick their asses real good one time and they won't try shit ever again.  burn down the white house a couple of times and they won't dare fuck with you. it worked for canada!  

[Nacho]

because europeans are naturally smarter (due to a lack of cable, beer, and dental hygeine ) let them handle it.  

Eeeer... yes, yes... We don´t have cable, or beer or dental hygiene. Nor cars or steam machines. We don´t have wheels in Europe, and we wake up every mornind desiring to catch a mammoth with stick hits.