Funny things to do...

Started by Felipe, Wed 29/10/2003 04:37:24

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Felipe

Hey everybody!
I've never started a topic in the Gen Gen forum before cause I was waiting 'till I had something interesting enough to show...
Well, reading my joke-stuff the other day I found this "Funny things to do..." thingy and thought I'd just share it with you, afterall, Laughting is the best medicine! ;D

NOTE: WHAT WILL BE LISTED BELOW IS INTENDED TO BE FUNNY AND ENTERTAIN. IN NO EVENT SHALL FELIPE (me) BE LIABLE FOR ANY SPECIAL, INCIDENTAL, INDIRECT OR CONSEQUENTIAL FIGHTS NOR QUARRELS OF ANY KIND. DO IT AT YOUR OWN RISK...!

So, here we go:

Funny things to do...

...at a Wal-Mart
- Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
- Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it.
- Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
- Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him, "I need some tampons".
- Try on bras over top of your clothes.
- Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
- While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "I smell sex and candy".
- Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
- Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes all the way up.
- Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
- Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
- Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
- Put M&M's on layaway.
- Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
- Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
- Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
- Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
- When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
- Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
- Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joe's vs. the X-Men.
- Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
- While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
- Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
- Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission:Impossible."
- Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
- In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
- Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "Pick me! Pick me!" and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
- When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
- Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
- Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.
- If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

...on an Elevator
- When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
- Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
- Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
- Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you're on.
- Hold the doors open, and say that you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg, how's your day been??"
- Drop a pen, and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, and then scream, "That's mine!!"
- Bring a camera, and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
- Move you desk into the elevator, and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
- Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
- Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.
- Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
- Ask, "Did you feel that??"
- Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
- When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they'll open up again."
- Swat at flies that don't exist.
- Tell people that you can see their aura.
- Call out. "GROUP HUG!!" then enforce it.
- Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!!"
- Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, Got enough air in there??"
- Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
- Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, You're one of THEM", and back away slowly.
- Wear a puppet on your hand, and use it to talk to the the other passengers.
- Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
- Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
- Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, I have new socks on."
- Draw a little square on the floor with chalk, and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!!"

...at a boring Movie
- Wear a top hat.
- Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
- Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.
- Clap when the good guy gets killed.
- Make a noise like your passing gas and go, "Ahhh..."
- Start wheezing and ask the person next to you if you can have some Juiji Fruits for you asthma.
- During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
- Whenever the badguy is doing something devoius, say, "Watch out!"
- Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
- Tell the man selling popcorn that the girls bathroom is flooding.
- Yell out what is going to happen.
- Tell the man next to you that you have diarrhea and wink while smiling.
- Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
- Yell, "Fire!" and moon the people coming through the fire exit.
- Say that they cannot sit next to you because your invisible friend already is.
- Yell outloud, "Stop molesting me!"
- Gently, very softly, place a single popped kernel of popcorn on the head of the person in front of you.
- Scream out, "Hey, this isn't Bambi!"
- Stare at the person sitting across the aisle from you, then quickley look back at the screen when they notice, then stare at them again when they turn back to the screen.
- See if you can get a moistened Jujy Fruit to stick to the screen.
- Yell to the projectionist, "Can you pause it? I gotta pee!"

...in a Public Bathroom
- Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your naighbor,"May I borrow a highlighter?"
- Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
- Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a loud fart.
- Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
- Drop a marble and say, "Oh crap! My glass eye!"
- Say "Damn, this water is cold."
- Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
- Say, "Now how did that get there?"
- Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
- Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt fastly under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,"Whoa ! Easy boy!!"
- Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
- Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
- Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!
- Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
- Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
- Play a well known tune over and over again on your butt cheeks.
- Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down your "Cross-Dressors Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visiable to the adjacent stall.
- Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
- Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free".

Well, my apologies for the looooong post... ::)
Does any of you have more jokes like this?
I remember someone (CJ, I think) once posted a link to a "Things to do in a bad date" (or something like that) but I couldn't find it...

That's it! ;)
Don't blame me - I didn't know it!   (I have the feeling this will come handy...)

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Andail

I've already done all of that.
It was fun but not hilarious.

remixor

Quote from: Felipe on Wed 29/10/2003 04:37:24
- Make a noise like your passing gas and go, "Ahhh..."

It's even better when you pass gas for real.
Writer, Idle Thumbs!! - "We're probably all about video games!"
News Editor, Adventure Gamers

Matt Brown

for more funny lists, head on down to
www.keepersoflists.org
word up

Nellie

I don't know if I'm in a giddy mood today or something, but I was laughing my head off during that lot.  Maybe you've tapped into the precise wavelength that my sense of humour operates on (worrying?).

Anyway, cheers for the laughs, Felipe. :)

Squinky

Funny indeed. The Elevator ones were the best.

Darth Mandarb

Whenever I'm out in Public (or with a group of people) one of my favorite things to do is this:  Whenever somebody bends down to pick something up, tie their shoe, etc.  I make a loud fart noise right as their ass is up in the air.

This is particularly funny when it's a quiet place and there's a bunch of strangers around.

For the sack of decency I don't suggest doing this at a funeral, but just about anywhere else is acceptable.  The library is a great place 'cause it's generally quiet in there.

authorities

Just to clarify to any of you americans:

Yelling fire in a crowded building WILL get you arrested and does not fall under free speech.  So be wise.

Migs

Yeah!  Why are you posting that HORRIBLE joke about the movie theater, Felipe?  Sorry, but law-abidingness for me all the way!  ;D
This signature intentionally left blank.

Felipe

Glad to see y'all liked it ;)
QuoteI don't know if I'm in a giddy mood today or something, but I was laughing my head off during that lot. Maybe you've tapped into the precise wavelength that my sense of humour operates on (worrying?).
Heh, they had the same effect on me, too!
And note that humour is part of the culture of a country, things that might be fun for us (Brazillians), for example, might not be to you (others). But since I found this on an american site and it made me laugh a lot I thought you'd like it too.
Quotefor more funny lists, head on down to
www.keepersoflists.org
Thanks for the link, Panda, it's on my favourites already, i'll check it later.
QuoteJust to clarify to any of you americans:

Yelling fire in a crowded building WILL get you arrested and does not fall under free speech. So be wise.
Ha! I (think) we can do all that here in Brazil! (However, you might wake up in a garbage bin, or in a wooden shirt) ::)
QuoteYeah! Why are you posting that HORRIBLE joke about the movie theater, Felipe? Sorry, but law-abidingness for me all the way!
;)
Don't blame me - I didn't know it!   (I have the feeling this will come handy...)

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