My Comics

Started by Tom S. Fox, Sun 20/08/2006 17:55:16

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Tom S. Fox

Recently, I spent quite some time on drawing various comic strips, and I really want to hear some feedback!
(And I really hope there is no problem in posting this here!)

Here are two of them (they might contain some spelling or grammar mistakes, since my english is not quite perfect):



If you like them, I might post more!

Evil

The jokes aren't superb, but the caricature of the Mac guy is great.

Phemar

Pretty cool I understand the first competely, but I don't quite get the second one ...

Tom S. Fox

Quote from: Evil on Sun 20/08/2006 18:34:12
...the caricature of the Mac guy is great.
He, thank you, I try! What about the PC guy?

Quote from: Zor on Sun 20/08/2006 18:51:29
Pretty cool I understand the first competely, but I don't quite get the second one ...
Well, do you know the Mac ads?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxGyWsvPyds

voh

Using the word "alienist" seems kind of awkward. It's pretty much an obsolete word.

The second one would be better if, for example, the last panel was of the PC and mac guy sitting next to each other on a sofa, and a therapist was sitting in a chair next to it, asking "and how long have you been having these problems?"

I can stretch my disbelief, but a psychologist walking in and immediately hypodermic needling two guys... Nah :P
Still here.

Tom S. Fox

#5
Quote from: voh on Mon 21/08/2006 00:29:59
Using the word "alienist" seems kind of awkward. It's pretty much an obsolete word.
Yeah, what do I know? I looked it up in a dictionary.

Quote from: voh on Mon 21/08/2006 00:29:59
I can stretch my disbelief, but a psychologist walking in and immediately hypodermic needling two guys... Nah :P
It was supposed to be like they are in a nuthouse.
I considered drawing a padded cell in the background, but I decided not to do it, since I didn't want to draw it in the first panels, either. I though, it would be to obvious.

skyfire2

They aren't funny at all. Case closed.

deadsuperhero

Maybe put them in straightjackets with a mac logo on one and a Microsoft logo on the other?
The fediverse needs great indie game developers! Find me there!

Phemar

Skyfire1 I'm sorry but I really don't appreciate your comment. No, I'm not the owner of the cartoons and I appreciate that everyone has the right to an opinion, but if you want to express the fact that you disliked the cartoons please maybe tell the author what he did wrong, or how he can improve the artwork.

Please think next time you post.

voh

Well, artwork usually doesn't matter so much - as long as the jokes are good (look at userfriendly, for example, ugh).

Using the dictionary for words to use is a good thing, but in the case of alienist you should've looked further. Not only is it pretty much an obsolete word (as far as the public goes, it IS), it also means something different from what you'd expect.

An alienist is a psychologist who's specialized in the legal aspects of mental competence, and is often the expert witness. They're psychiatrists, but they're also alienists - alienist != psychiatrist :)
Still here.

Tom S. Fox

#10
Quote from: voh on Mon 21/08/2006 16:15:26
Well, artwork usually doesn't matter so much
Wait a minute! What, er... what are you implying?

Quote from: voh on Mon 21/08/2006 16:15:26
Using the dictionary for words to use is a good thing, but in the case of alienist you should've looked further. Not only is it pretty much an obsolete word (as far as the public goes, it IS), it also means something different from what you'd expect.
Yeah, I know! I warned you it might contain mistakes.
Especially the first one, since it was originally made in german.
You know, that's one of the reasons I put it in here in the first place.
So you can help me fix it.
(By the way, I was referring to an english-german dictionary. And for "alienist" it displayed me what, translated back to english, would be "psychiatrist" and "doctor for the insane", wich I though it would be fitting.

Dan_N

Quote from: Alliance on Mon 21/08/2006 03:00:08
Maybe put them in straightjackets with a mac logo on one and a Microsoft logo on the other?

Can anyone spot the major WHOOPS here?
Microsoft DOES NOT MEAN PC!
Maybe put the IBM logo on the PC guy, but not the Microsoft logo. *shudder* Yikes! Even the name scares me to death: Mi-cro-soft... *shudder* *shudder*

Anyway, back on topic, Thomas, good job. The first one was kind of average joke-wise, but the second was funnier. I have no problem with the graphics so far, as long as I can understand what those things are. So keep it up!

Tom S. Fox

Hehe, thanks! To you all!  ;D
(Except for skyfire1.)

Neil Dnuma

I found them quite funny. There have been times in my life when I've been laughing harder but they are not too bad. Would be cool to see some more.

The art is quite clean, and all important details and actions are easy to get. I think your greatest strength lies in the facial expressions which are mostly very good and to the point. Details like the Mac guy's nostrils are great additions. The anatomy could use some work though, the poses are often stiff, and their arms generally too short. You could also work more on the compositions. Eg. in the first panel of the first comic, there's a lot of dead space at the bottom while everything is stuffed together at the top. Also the last panel should have been centered. Try to look at each page as a whole piece. Sketching things out beforehand should help you moving things around to make your comic more visually appealing. The "camera" angles are also very simple, classic tableaux style. Maybe it's your style of choice, but it often doesn't hurt experimenting with more varied angles. The fourth panel might be "shot" straight on to make it different from the third, or you could try an over-the-shoulder shot (with the girl's shoulder appearing in front of the boy).

Nikolas

I like them and I did laugh.

I would urge you to post some more please :)

Tom S. Fox

#15
@Neil: Hey, thank you, that sure was helpful.
You are right, I do have problems with the anatomy, but I'm already working on that.
As for the nostrils, I actually drew them for caricaturing purposes.
The last panel of the first comic was supposed to fill the whole bottom part of the page but I kinda screwed that up.
Oh, and the camera angles, in those strips they are a little simple, but I'm also working on a comic with plot and everything, wich is going to have various camera angles.
I'm mentioning this, so you wouldn't think I'm all unoriginal and everything I do is that plain.

However, yes, I will post more in a while. I just have to do some stuff and translate them before posting.

EDIT: Alright, here we go:

(I know, this one has some awkward scaling-problems. No need, to point that out! :) )


Ghost

#16
oops.. my connection failed.. sorry for double-posting

Ghost

#17
The first one's cool. I like the big glossy smiles in panel 3, but what the guy does with his arm in panel 4 is SO WEIRD that even the most loyal Jehova guy would run away! BTW, you spell that "witness". And I don't quite get the punchline...

Second one's okay- the middle panel is, in my opinion, really very good: It switches the perspective apruptly and drags the reader's eye in. While not the strongest of all possible jokes, I know how often you stumble across that sentence in any given german city. I mean, I live in Aachen, Germany, and must've read that line a hundred times.

BTW, I see you use your computer for lettering, and, in my opinion, the Comic Sans font is heavily overused. Check out some font sites (blambot.com is quite good- you can get a fine set of professional fonts there, and they're free as long as you're not working for a company. Well worth a visit.)

Go on! More!

Tom S. Fox

Quote from: Ghost on Mon 21/08/2006 23:40:21
what the guy does with his arm in panel 4 is SO WEIRD that even the most loyal Jehova guy would run away!
Yeah, I tried to make such a waving-in gesture, but well... ::)

Quote from: Ghost on Mon 21/08/2006 23:40:21
And I don't quite get the punchline...
*Sigh* Nobody does... The joke is, that the guy is a scientologist, wich means that the witnesses are pwned!

Quote from: Ghost on Mon 21/08/2006 23:40:21
While not the strongest of all possible jokes, I know how often you stumble across that sentence in any given german city.
Yep, this one is even based upon something, that actually happened.  :D

Quote from: Ghost on Mon 21/08/2006 23:40:21
BTW, I see you use your computer for lettering, and, in my opinion, the Comic Sans font is heavily overused.
Oh yeah, I know what you mean...!
The problem is, I have a rather bad handwriting.
Plus, if want to translate a comic I also have to use computer lettering.
The thing in the third panel, by the way, was actually hand-written but, you know, for the translation I had to overwrite it with the computer, making it looking not so good.

Ghost

#19
1.
Hands are hard, arms too. Took me a long time to find my style there; practise makes perfekt. A trife thing to say, I know, but you must've already heard it.
2.
Ah, a scientologist. I couldn't have guessed from his looks. This should be made clear, I'd say.
3.
Funniest place I ever saw that was on a specially made Aachener Printe. Tasted nice, still made me feel strange to eat my words.
4.
As I said, there are fonts out there GALORE. I checked for you; http://www.1001fonts.com is another nice site to visit. Font does a lot.

If you want to stick with the shorter comics, try out some reference material. Calvin and Hobbes and Garfield come to my mind. They too have a clean and simple style, and by looking at the work of professionals, you can learn a lot.

Also try to get a good dictionary, don't trust the internet. At my university we're sworn in to "Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary", an english-english dic. Very good. An idioms dic would also be helpful. If you want, I can dig up a list.

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