Fortnightly Writing Competition: Tell me a Joke!!! (Results)

[Sinitrena]

Tell me a Joke!!!

Yes, literally.

This Fortnightly Writing Competition is about jokes. But not just any jokes, I would like you to write a story-based joke, in contrast to a limmerick or a simple pun or a joke question. The joke you're about to tell, should have a plot (even a tiny one) of some kind. Think "a priest a rabbi and an imam talk about...", not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" There should be a set-up, a bit of a plot and a punchline. Other elements can certainly be involved, for example, the punchline can be based on a pun, there can be a joke questions in the middle, and so on.

In order to encourage the story-telling element of joke-telling, I'll do something a bit unusual and set a word minimum of 300 words, that is, your entry must contain at least 300 words or more.

Please also note that this is not about repeating or re-telling a known joke. Try for originality, though similar punchlines to known jokes might not be entirely avoidable and set-ups are also often fairly similar, so that is fine.

As a general rule, good comedy kicks up, not down. I won't put this as a rule, it's just something to remember.


In short:

- tell a (somewhat) original joke
- the joke should have plot, set-up and punchline
- word minimum: 300 words
- deadline: 5. February

Voting will be based on two categories: originality and hunour, so we won't be able to do it in a poll this round.


Have fun and make us laugh!

[Stupot]

So, an Aussie, a Canadian and a German walk into a bar...

[Mandle]

CCC

The 'Celebrity Confessions Circle' met in the dusty church basement as was the norm for a Friday night. Father Justin looked around at all the famous faces. He explained the rules, as he did at every meeting:

"We will go around the circle clockwise. Anyone can either voice a confession or pass their turn. There is no pressure on anyone to speak their piece. We will start with the lady on my left." spoke Father Justin, looking sideways. Jodie Foster caught the priest's glance, nodded to him, and spoke to the group: "Hello, everyone. You all maybe know me best for playing FBI agent Clarice Starling in 'The Silence of the Lambs'? Well, if you remember from the multiple-award-winning film, Hannibal Lecter forced my character to tell the story of how she couldn't save one of the Spring lambs from slaughter. I almost turned down the role because, by a complete coincidence, I actually grew up on a goat farm and almost the exact same thing happened to me. When I was a little girl, I tried to save the newborn goats from slaughter... and failed. It haunts me to this very day."

Father Justin nodded, his face sad, as the group murmered condolences. He said, "I am sure that goat's kids will forgive you up in Heaven, and that you will get to frollick with them for all eternity." and then nodded to the next celebrity in the circle to either speak their confession or pass. Charlie Daniels nodded and began, "Y'all prob'ly know me cos of my song 'The Devil Went Down to Georgia'?" There were smiles and chuckles of recognition all around the circle. "Well, truth be told, I'm a decent enough fiddle player, but that piece required somethin' far an' beyond my own abilities. I got some gap-toothed homeless dude fiddling his heart out busking on a street corner to come into the studio and record that track for only a hundred bucks, and I made millions offa that song. I sure wish I could find him or his kin and pay a decent enough compensation."

Gasps went up from the seated celebrities, but Father Justin took it in stride and said, "I shall pray that you find some way to make peace within yourself. Whether it be in this world or in the next." and the circle murmered agreement. The priest went on, "We have heard confessions of both kids and of fiddling here tonight. What say you, good sir?" nodding to the next man in the circle. Rolf Harris said, "Pass."

It's always a bit worrying posting jokes, knowing that the reader might see the punchline at the bottom before they have read the rest of the joke. So I'm just gonna post this random nonsense here at the bottom so that maybe nobody sees the punchline beforehand. Let me just say that I like cats and cucumbers and possibly pizza, but not with cats and cucumbers on it. Oh, if you are still reading this, the joke actually wrapped up at the end of the paragraph above. There's no reason to keep reading this but I could keep going if you like. Private message me, maybe? Naw, not really. Please don't do that.

[Baron]

Voting will be based on two categories: originality and hunour, so we won't be able to do it in a poll this round.

So, an Aussie, a Canadian and a German walk into a bar...

I think we must share the same sense of hunour! 

[RootBound]

All right, this is a real groaner, but here goes.

DINER DISASTER

One day the owner of a chain of breakfast diners got a call from his loyal sous-chef, who told him several people had gotten food poisoning because they'd eaten undercooked sausage links at several of the diners. What was more, the state health inspector had been ordered to come through to investigate whether the diners would still pass inspection.

The owner rushed in to figure out the source of the problem. "Don't we test every batch to make sure the sausages are up to the required temperature?" He asked the sous-chef.

"We do. We've been using those brand-new high-tech meat thermometers and ovens since last week. We test a few sausage links in every batch, every time."

"How much time until the inspector comes?" the owner asked the sous-chef.

"Two hours."

When one of the industrial ovens beeped the completion of its cooking timer, the owner rushed over to test the batch of sausages. The meat thermometer read 165F.

"That's not possible," he said. "Look at these. They're only half-cooked!"

He dug around until he found one of the old, low-tech thermometers they had used previously. It told him the sausages were only 130F inside. "The new gadgets are faulty!" he said. "How long was the oven timer set for?" The sous-chef responded with the correct amount of time.

The owner then tested the over temperature itself. "It's only 300F! It's set at 450! The sausages will take forever this way! We won't be able to serve orders!" He called the other diners in the chain, and sure enough, all their thermometers and ovens, which had been made by the same company, had malfunctioned.

The owner shook the sous-chef by the shoulders. "There's no time to sue them before the health inspector gets here!" He wracked his brain, on the verge of panic over the prospect of losing his entire diner chain. Then he froze. "I've got it! Boil the sausages instead of baking them, then brown them in skillets! That'll ensure they're cooked through with enough time to serve out customers!"

The sous-chef barked orders around the kitchen, and soon all the line-cooks stood over pots of boiling water filled with sausage links.

The health inspector arrived. The owner followed inspector around, peering over the shoulders over line cook to make sure every sausage was fully cooked.

"You need to back off and let them cook normally," the inspector said. "I need this inspection to be accurate. Stop hovering."

"Hey now," said the sous-chef. "Don't judge a cook by his hover! Fortune favors the boiled, and this diner chain is only as strong as its weakest link!"

[Stupot]

Coincidences

Paddy walks into the pub and joins Mickey and Seamus at the bar.

"What'll ye be having there?" The barman says.

"Pint of Guinness, sir."

The barman smiles. "Good timing. I've just put on a fresh barrel."

"What a coincidence, to be sure," says Paddy.

The barman scoffs. "Dere's no such ting as a coincidence."

Mickey and Seamus side with Paddy. "The feck are you on about now? Course there's such a thing as a coincidence."

"Okay," says the barman. "If you can convince me that there's such a thing as a coincidence, your next pint is free."

Mickey rubs his hands together. "Easy. Just this afternoon, I was on my way to the pub and I remembered Molly from school. Remember her? Tits so big, old Mr O'Conor had to sit with a cushion on his lap. Anyway, so I thought to myself, 'boy I'd love to see those tits now' and then my phone rang... guess who it was?"

"Molly?" the others ask.

"No. Mr O'Conor. He called me for a quote on his roof."

"Well," says the barman. "It's an interesting story, but it's hardly a coincidence is it? Now, maybe if it had been Molly on the phone..."

Mickey pays his money and sulks into his pint.

"Okay then, how's this?" says Seamus, eager to tell his story. "Just this afternoon, on me way to the pub, I got to thinking about Roisin from school. Remember her? Tits so big, old Mr Monaghan used to teach the whole lesson facing the blackboard. Anyway, I was just thinking 'I'd give anything to see those tits now.' And then my phone rang. Guess who it was?"

"Roisin?" the others ask.

"No. Monaghan. He was asking after me mam."

"Well," says the barman. "T'is quite the tale, to be sure, but hardly a coincidence now is it? Now, maybe if it had been Roisin on the line..."

Seamus pays his money and sulks into his Guinness.

"Well, what about you?" the barman says to Paddy. "Got any coincidences?"

"Well, actually. Just this afternoon, I was sitting at home, and I got to thinking about Siobhan, from school. Remember her? Tits so big, Mr O'Leary's wife got jealous and made him quit teaching. And then me phone rang.

"Let me guess," the barman says. "Mr O'Leary?"

Paddy gestures to Mickey and Seamus.

"No, it was this massive feckin' pair of tits, telling me to come to the pub"

[Stupot]

Layers

The other day, it was freezing cold outside. I had a few errands to run but it took me ages to get ready.

First, I went out in just my pants and socks. It was so cold I came running in again, and warmed myself up in the shower.
 
Then I went out in my pants and socks, and some long johns. Quickly came running in again, and warmed myself up with a nice bubble bath.

Then I went out in my pants, socks, some long johns and a vest. Came running back in again, and warmed myself up in the airing cupboard.

Then I went out in my pants, socks, some long johns, a vest and a set of silk pyjamas. Came running back in again and warmed myself up with a nice bowl of chicken soup.

Then I went out in my pants, socks, some long johns, a vest, a set of silk pyjamas and a pair of jeans. Came running back in again and warmed myself up in the tumble dryer.

Then I went out in my pants, socks, long johns, a vest, a set of silk pyjamas, a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. Came running back in and warmed myself up with a large brandy.

Then I went out in my pants, socks, long johns, a vest, a set of silk pyjamas, a pair of jeans, a T-shirt and a woolly Christmas jumper. Came running back in again and warmed myself up in front of a YouTube video of a cozy fireplace.

Then I went out in my pants, socks, long johns, a vest, a set of silk pyjamas, a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, a woolly Christmas Jumper and a bicycle helmet. Came running back in again and warmed myself up in my wife's loving embrace.

She looked pityingly at me and said, "Let's go shopping and get you a proper coat."
I said, "Not today, love, I've got a lot on."

[CaptainD]

Dinner for Two, or maybe One



Professor Carvarlho invited two friends, a Gungan and a Hungarian actress, for a meal. What he hadn't told then was that he was conducting a ground-breaking experiment without their consent.

The three chatted pleasantly through their aperitifs and starters. The guests gasped when they saw the main course being brought in - a whole wild hog on a spit. In their enjoyment of this unexpected culinary delight, they failed to notice that the professor had started taking notes instead of devouring the meal as they were doing.

Curious, they asked what he was doing.

"Oh, just making a record of what happens," he said cheerfully. They continued to eat.

Eventually, however, they became perplexed at his actions and demanded to know more.

"I have genetically modified this creature," he said, "to merge with those who ingest it. It will merge with them, and they will merge with each other.." With a shock, the guests realised that meant them.

"You see, I never really liked you, but gave enough of an appearance of friendship that you would accept my invitation readily enough."

The pair were outraged and stood up to leave, but somehow they couldn't - they felt impelled to eat every last morsel of the delicious meat. Their taste buds exalted whilst their brains were tormented.

Having no moral scruples at all, the professor simply continued to observe and make notes. For a while nothing seemed to be happening, but all of a sudden there was a loud POP and for a while no more noise was heard. Then a bit of a snort and a whining sound.

Professor Carvarlho looked up. His "friends" and the food were nowhere to be seen. Instead, on the table, stood a new (and very confused) character - Jar Jar Gab Boar.

"How rude!" exclaimed Jar Jar.

Inevitably, Gab Boar then married and soon thereafter divorced the professor, who decided to try the experiment again with Samuel Barber, Elle McPherson and meal made mainly of jackfruit.

[Sinitrena]

Wow, I did not expect so many people to come up with something so quickly.    I thought it would be difficult to force humour. Well done! And keep them coming! There's still more than a week left.

[Mandle]

Wow, I did not expect so many people to come up with something so quickly.    I thought it would be difficult to force humour. Well done! And keep them coming! There's still more than a week left.

Yeah, I just mentioned to Stu earlier today that you really hit on an awesome theme that resonated a lot with people.

[Mandle]

TIME WORKS WEIRD IN HEAVEN

Three mass-murderers show up at the pearly-gates after their recent killing sprees.

Saint Peter looks them over, scanning their data in on his new cutting-edge cloud-based podium.

He looks back up and says to the first man, "You gunned down two waitresses, thirteen customers, along with three of their children, at a McDonald's in Cleveland, Ohio. What could you possibly tell me to allow you entrance into Heaven?"

The man says, "Please, sir! Don't doom me to hell! I grew up rough. My father beat me every day. I never learned compassion!"

Saint Peter says, "Plenty of people went through similar upbringings, but did not end up like you. My holy judgement is final." and taps the fiery icon on his podium's tablet screen that opens the puffy clouds beneath the man's feet and sends him on his long, screaming chute-ride down into the eternal abyss.

The other two men watch the rectangular cloud-trapdoor swing back up, and step forward in the line.

The white-robed, snowy-bearded saint locks eyes with the second man and says, "You flew an airplane full of passengers into the side of a skyscraper, which then collapsed, killing thousands more. Explain your actions."

The man replies, "I was duped into my mission by a cult-leader who told me paradise awaited. Listen, man, this was the last thing I expected after waking up from the fireball I died in, ripped apart, screaming, and burning briefly. I really thought that..."

The man's words are cut off and turn into just "AHHHhhhhhhh" as the cloud trapdoor opens under his feet.

Saint Peter looks up from the next entry on the tablet's screen and turns to the third mass-murderer and says, "You stand here accused of a massive holocaust on the scale of millions and of having penned a book that propagated hatred and bigotry throughout the ages to come and... Oh! Forgive me, my Lord! Didn't recognize you there at first. Took the stairs up this time, eh? I'll just let you in then. Oh, by the way, did that guy ever even get his boat finished in time?"

The pearly gates swung wide at a single tap of Saint Peter's fingertip.

[Stupot]

Here's another one:

Neuralink

Three men, Tom, John and Don, are in the waiting room at Neuralink. They've all come to have new implants in their brain

Tom stands up nervously and speaks, "Errm. Why don't we all introduce ourselves and say a bit about why we're getting Neuralink."

The others nod in agreement, and Tom continues. "Okay. Hi, I'm Tom. I'm getting Neuralink because I want to improve my intelligence and increase my memory and learning speed, so that I can impress my wife."

The second man doesn't stand up but says, "Hi, I'm John. I'm getting Neuralink because I'm paralyzed from the waist down and I want to be able to make love to my wife for the first time."

The third man stands up but doesn't speak. Instead, he holds up a piece of paper which says, "Hi. I'm Don. I'm getting Neuralink because I can't speak and I just want to be able to talk to my wife through telepathy."

The men are all go off to get their Neuralink implants and are asked to come back three months later to see how they're getting on.

When they return, Elon Musk is there. Elon turns to Tom and says "Hi Tom. How is it going? Did you manage to impress your wife with your new found memory and intelligence?"

Tom replies, "Absolutely. Our conversations have become notably more stimulating. And I have also had the good fortune of winning several televised quiz shows, yielding a significant sum of money. Needless to say, my wife is happy on both counts."

"That's Wonderful," says Elon. He turns to John. "And how about you? Did you manage to pleasure your wife now that your lower half works?"

"I did. We're at it like rabbits, day and night. She can't get enough. And I'm so athletic now, I even entered the Olympics and brought back a couple of golds."

"That's amazing news," says Elon. He turns to Don. "And how about you? Were you able to use your new telepathic abilities to talk with your wife?"

"Fucking bollocks." Don's voice is heard in the heads of the other three men.

Elon looks concerned, "What's the matter? Did something go wrong? Who should I fire?"

Don shook his head. "No, I can talk. But... fuck fuck fucking twat..."

"What? Who?"

"Turns out I've got Tourette's"

[Mandle]

Smash-and-Grab

   Trevor ran as fast as his feet could carry him. The smash-and-grab alarms and incoming police car sirens blared behind him. Trevor kept running, ever faster as the sirens drew closer, the stash of stolen diamonds safely stowed away in one pocket of his jacket. He threw aside the cricket bat he had shattered the jewelry cases' glass tops to shards with and pulled out his phone from another pocket. He thumbed its screen to life as he dodged around a sharp corner and into a narrow lane. The map of the local area that came up on the phone's screen showed his escape route. He had only three hurdles remaining before him before he would be free and clear and rich:

   The first obstacle was the chainlink fence he easily scrambled up and over at the end of the alleyway, just as a police car slew, tires screaching, to a halt back there behind him at the alley's entrance. Its doors flew open and two cops jumped out and shouted, "STOP or we'll... shit!", the swear barely reaching his ears as he turned the corner out of their sight and ran toward a solid brick wall about two meters high. He leapt up on the dumpster against one side wall of the street, and then jumped harder than he had ever jumped before, planted his free palm on the top of the wall, and effortlessly vaulted over it.

   He hit the group running, with only a low-lying, simple fence remaining between his fleet-footed escape from the law and a lifetime ahead of luxurious lounging. And there was the fence, just as arranged. Trevor ran up to Rog and said, "Here ya go, gimme my farking money, you bottom-feeding idiot." and exchanged the diamonds for a briefcase full of unmarked bills.

[Baron]

The Magic of Laughter

Dale stood at the door to the crooked stone tower, admiring the sign.  Marvellor the Magnificent!  Apprentice Wanted.  He squinted to read the fine print underneath: Wet Noodles Need Not Apply!  Dale had just enough imagination to wonder why pasta would want to learn the art of magic in the first place before proceeding through the door with his resume in hand.

The main floor of the tower was a kind of cluttered workshop, filled with inventions and creations that seemed to defy reason.  There was a machine that seemed to create rainbows, except they were more like colourful waves that wiggled through the air.  There were balls that bounced off the ceiling but never fell to the floor.  And there was a dog that had cat heads for feet that either said "meow" or "ow" whenever the creature walked.

"What in the wide weirdness is all this?" Dale gasped to himself.  His question was soon answered by a most peculiar gentleman who floated over in a kind of inflatable bathtub.

"I am Marvellor the Magnificent, magician par excellence!  You are in my humble laboratory of magic.  Care for a smoke?"

"No thank you," Dale replied.  "I'm actually here to apply for... What the-?"  His clothes began emitting green smoke out of the cuffs and collars, making him suddenly afraid that his skin had turned green and caught fire.  He dropped to the ground and started rolling around, much to the amusement of Marvellor.

"Ha ha!  That's the spirit, my boy!" Marvellor laughed from his floating vantage point.  "The truest magic is in laughter, didn't you know?  The fact that you play the straight man so well only adds to the effect.  I can feel my power increasing just watching you flail about!"

"That's not funny," Dale coughed as he rose from the ground, slightly cheesed off that his resume was now crumpled.  He was about to hand the pages up to the magician floating in his bathtub when a giant kind of llama craned its neck over and ate the pages right out of his hand.

"What the-?" Dale gasped again.  "That... that... thing just ate my papers!"

"Ah, one of my greatest creations!" Marvellor smiled.  "He is a camel with no bothersome humps to get in the way of riding him."

"What do you call him?" Dale asked, wondering why on Earth such a creation might be great.

"Humphrey, of course," Marvellor winked.

Dale shook his head.  "Very funny.  At any rate, sir, I am here to apply for the -gah!"  At this moment he noticed a bug crawling up his shoulder and he shook it away in fright.

"Careful!" Marvellor shouted down.  "That's my pet firefly you're swatting away!"

Dale shook his head.  "What?  Fireflies fly around and glow.  That's just some kind of crawling bug."

"Well, this particular firefly flew into a fan the other day," Marvellor shrugged.

"That must have hurt."

"On the contrary, he was simply delighted."

Dale shook his head again.  "If I could just swing the conversation back to the... uh... Now what on earth are you?"

A large mushroom reaching up to his knee had waddled up to him, great pleading eyes looking up with an imploring cuteness.  "Hey Mister, wanna play with me?"

Dale jumped, alarmed that the mushroom could talk.  "Uh, sorry, no," he said apologetically.

"Why not?  I'm a fun guy!"

Dale bit his lip, trying very hard not to roll his eyes.  "No, I'm actually here on a serious matter," he said, turning back to the floating magician. 

"I'm here about the apprenticeship you've advertised.  I'm currently looking for work and am interested in applying for the position."

Marvellor arched an eyebrow.  "You want to be my apprentice?"

"Yes, sir.  I'm desperate, if you can't tell."

"Desperate?"  Marvellor mused.  "Desperate enough to prove yourself?"

Dale shifted his eyes back and forth, noting that there were paperclips fluttering by on moth wings.  "Uh... yes, sir."

"Desperate enough to... reach into the dark box over there and pull out something brown and sticky?"

Dale grimaced.  He could already see where this latest gag was heading.  His hand would emerge with something disgusting all over it and everyone would have a good laugh at his expense.  Indeed, the humpless camel already seemed to be snickering in his direction. 

Nevertheless, Dale was in dire need of a steady job and had not much dignity left with which to defend himself.  He sighed and stretched a tentative hand into the shady box, wincing for the feeling of something soft and slimy.

His fingers brushed against something surprising.  "What is brown and sticky?" he asked himself, pulling the thing out of the box.  "Oh good god, it's just a stick."

Marvellor roared with laughter before welcoming his new apprentice aboard.

[Sinitrena]

Nine entries? We've got 9 entries!?! Wow. Okay.

Let's get to voting then, shall we?

As stated above, you will vote in two categories this round:

Originality: Is it a joke you never heard before? That maybe even gave you something to think about or just really surprised you?
Humour: Did the joke make you laugh? Was it funny, strange, weird? Simply, the best joke you ever heard (or just the best of the bunch, I guess in the context of this competition, that is fine too)?

You have 3 points for each category, or 6 in total; and you can distribute them however you want (6 for one entry, 1-1-1-1-1-1 for six entries, or everything in between). Put them here in this thread (use spoiler tags, please).


And these are the jokes you may vote for this round:

CCC by Mandle
Diner Disaster by RootBound
Coincidences by Stupot
Layers by Stupot
Dinner for Two, or maybe One by CaptainD
Time Works Weird in Heaven by Mandle
Neuralink by Stupot
Smash-and-Grab by Mandle
The Magic of Laughter by Baron

You might have noticed that some of the entries are written by the same persons (thanks, Stupot and Mandle, well done!!!) so please remember that we vote for the story, not the writer, so don't forget to specify which entry exactly you vote for.

The entries are short but there are a lot of them, so I'd say a week of voting should be about right.

Get your votes in by 13. February and don't forget that comments are always welcome.

[RootBound]

Here are my votes.

Spoiler

A) 2 points of humor and 1 point of originality to "Coincidences."
B) One point of humor and 1 point of originality to "Time Works Weird in Heaven"
C) One point of originality to "Layers"

[close]

[Stupot]

Here are my votes:

Spoiler

Humour
Time Works Weird in Heaven - 2 points
The Magic of Laughter - 1 point

Originality
Smash and Grab - 2 points
Diner Disaster - 1 point

[close]

And some little reviews:

Spoiler

CCC
The concept of the Celebrity Confessions Circle is unique and could be a whole genre of joke in itself with different celebrities each time. It could have been tighter, but liked the simple punchline "pass". The joke relies heavily on knowing who Rolf Harris is, which I do, so I got a small giggle out of it, bad taste as it may be.

Diner Disaster
This story had a great build up and I wasn't sure what to expect from the punchline. In the end you had three punchlines in one, which was fun, but maybe just one might have been more impactful (the "weakest link" one, was my favourite. It also could have used some tightening up as there were a lot details that didn't matter in the end, like the thermometer readings and stuff, but overall I liked it.

Dinner for Two. Or Maybe One
This one took me a little while to puzzle out, so by the time I had worked out the punchline, the moment for laughter had passed. It's a funny concept, though. Another one that could be used many times and just swap out different celebrities or characters to come up with different punchlines. What we really have here is a storified version of a classic "What do you get when you cross..." type joke. Which would be more effective, but a lot less than 300 words.

Time Works Weird in Heaven
I enjoyed the misdirection in this one. And it appealed to the atheist in me. I think this is another one that would work great as a scene in a funny movie or TV sketch show. I imagine St Peter talking to someone off camera and you think it's Hitler but then then camera pans round and it's God all along. Wonderfully blasphemous.

Smash-and-grab
This story was gripping and I enjoyed the main pun at the end. And nice and tight at just a smidge over 300. I felt that this would make a great scene in a heist comedy where Trevor himself thinks he is looking for a an actual fence but gets confused when it turns out there is someone there waiting to buy the goods from him. As it is, he knows the fence is a person, so its just a pun for the reader. There's a slight missed opportunity for some situational humour on top of the pun.

The Magic of Laughter
Jokes aside, this was a nice story with a lovely message reminding us of the importance of humour. And I liked the framing device for the steady flow of mini-jokes, which I think is more effective than piling them all the end. However, the jokes themselves, funny as they are, are as old as the hills ("What's brown and sticky?" is a favouite of mine since childhood).

[close]

[cat]

Beware the non-native speaker! I have to confess I didn't get most of the jokes.

Spoiler

CCC by Mandle
I didn't know who that guy was, I guess some pedophile?

Diner Disaster by RootBound
I liked the build up and story, but didn't get the joke.

Coincidences by Stupot
I didn't get this one.

Layers by Stupot
I liked this one. It was really cute. I liked the repeating pattern and the punch line.

Dinner for Two, or maybe One by CaptainD
This was too complicated, the pun was not obvious and I couldn't care to analyse it to understand it.

Time Works Weird in Heaven by Mandle
Very classical set-up, not original in this part, but I think the best joke of them all. As an atheist, I enjoyed it most and it made me think.

Neuralink by Stupot
I got it but I didn't think it was really funny.

Smash-and-Grab by Mandle
I didn't get this one.

The Magic of Laughter by Baron
Cute one, I like the setting and nice atmosphere. Having the last sentence after the pun somewhat weakened the joke.

[close]

So my votes go to Layers, Time Works Weird in Heaven and The Magic of Laughter with 2 points each.

[Mandle]

Here is my feedback:

Spoiler

Diner Disaster by RootBound: I enjoyed the writing and overall story. Having worked in restaurants and hotels myself, it felt more like an amusing anecdote from one such than a traditional joke with a punchline. I wanted a bit more from the ending but liked the story overall.

Coincidences by Stupot: I have a love for jokes based around three guys in a pub, as they are always great to tell at pubs. The setup and punchline were perfectly delivered, but not sure if it rates above your other two entries.

Layers by Stupot: This one is gonna earn votes from me. It is simple and family-friendly and could be a great dad joke for the ages.

Dinner for Two, or maybe One by CaptainD: This one felt more like a word-puzzle or quirky adventure game puzzle solution to me than a joke. Which is not a bad thing at all. Once I had figured out the puns, I felt that familiar click of satisfaction. But didn"t work as a "joke" for me in this format. Put it in a game, though, and it could be awesome!

Neuralink by Stupot: This one was my favorite of the whole bunch. The idea that a guy, who had been mute his whole life, gained the ability to "speak", only to find out that he's also disabled in that regard, is wonderfully cruel and funny. I didn't take it as a dig at disabled people, just as a funnily tragic black joke in the best tradition of that genre of comedy.

The Magic of Laughter by Baron: I imagined the wizard's voice as the Mad Hatter's from Disney's Alice in Wonderland. The format of old-timey well-worn jokes presented in an omnibus format was fun and felt quite vaudeville and Terry Pratchett. It was a bit hard to work out which crazy details of the setting were intended as jokes, and which were, until the format became obvious, unless I maybe missed what paperclips with moth wings was a reference to. This one will win a vote from me in the originality category.

[close]

[Mandle]

Now, here are my votes:

Spoiler

Neuralink by Stupot: 3 votes for humour, being the one that really made me laugh the most.

The Magic of Laughter by Baron: 1 vote for originality, for the reasons mentioned in my feedback post above.

Layers by Stupot: Gonna plug 2 votes for originality into this one as it is a great dad joke that might stand the test of time and torture future generations for eons to come.

[close]