King Simulator 2013

[CaptainD]

Get Lancelot to have 2 of his men guard your room tonight.  I sense an assassination attempt...

[WHAM]

As your 'guests' leave you call for Lancelot.

However, in his place arrives one of his knights, whom informs you
that Lancelot is not in the castle at this time.

You order that no guests should be allowed to enter the throne room
bearing arms. The knight seems taken aback by the command, but
promises to comply and inform Lancelot upon hisreturn.

As the knight leaves you decide to retire for the night.

[WHAM]

As the new day dawns and you take up your throne, the Jester greets you with glee.

"My king, we have a couple of reports that came in this morning!
Lancelot has returned from GUTHWALD'S FARMSTEAD and the four expeditions
set out by ROBINA and her RANGERS have also returned. Lancelot and Robina would like to report."

You nod and tell the Jester to let the two enter.

---

Lancelot arrives first, looking pleased with himself, and declares:
"My King, I have dispatched the vile goblins that were harrassing GUTHWALD'S FARM.
The creatures have been slain and their bodies burned on a pyre.
That should serve as a warning to the other goblins for certain!

My men also tell me that you have decreeed that no people entering the throne
room are allowed to bear arms. I have ensured my men are instructed of this rule, but
you should be aware that this might cause some visitors to decline to enter. In the days
of the old king an unarmed guest who failed to please the king might be cut down in an instant
and many would like to have a weapon at hand in case of such an attack. In time most 
people will likely understand and accept, but not soon."

With that Lancelot steps back and Robina takes the floor.

---

"My King, I have news from the expeditions.

In the NORTH there is talk of a vile PACK OF WOLVES attacking cattle and even travellers.
The people are fearful of the beasts and are pleading that the King send help.

In the EAST all is well. There has been talk of goblins roaming the countryside, but only in small numbers.

In the SOUTH the farmers fear for their crops. There hasn't been rain in a long time
and the farmers fear drought might spoil their harvest. There is little we can do about
this now, but hope for the best.

In the WEST a number of bandits are said to prey upon people travelling to and from the coast.
They attack in groups and pick and choose their targets with frightful accuracy."

---

Robina's report thus ends. The Jester reminds you that there is a MEETING for you to have
outside of the castle. He offers you a cloack to hide your regality for the short trip to
the DISCREET LOCATION where you are to meet your first guest today.

[miguel]

Who are we meeting? Can't remember!

[WHAM]

Added a recap of day 4 events in the first post.

[NightHawk]

>Order Lancelot to have his men set up a decoy and ambush the bandits, Robina to send a team of her best hunters and trackers to bring back the hides of those wolves, and then go to the meeting with the spymaster candidate.

[WHAM]

In a rush of energy you command LANCELOT to have his men set up a decoy to lure out the bandits
so that they can be ambushed and dealt with. Lancelot agrees at once and marches off to fulfill
your command, six of his knights joining him as he marches off.

Next you tell ROBINA to gather the best hunters in her band of rangers and send them off north
to hunt the wolfpack. You tell her that you expect to see some nice wolf pelts adorning the throne
room soon. Robina smiles and bows, gathering her rangers and heading off at once.

Lastly you turn to the JESTER, whom seems to have switched to a new set of bright-red clothes and
is donning a fake beard.

"My king, it is time for the meeting! Here, this way, and please wear this." -he says, leading you
towards the rear of the castle and handing you a simple brown robe, which you wear to cover your
identity just in case.

The Jester leads you out from the rear of the castle, through a small gate built into the castle
wall. He leads you into a set of abandoned horse stables, which remind you of the odd fact that
there are no horses in the town at all. The EVIL KING hated horses. Weird...

As you enter the old stable you notice something, or rather someone, who doesn't quite belong.
A brown robe similiar to the one you wear, fails miserably to cover the shapely body of the tall
lady who awaits you there. As the steps towards you you can hear her high heels clack on the old
wooden floor of the stable.

"Welcome, gracious sir." -an openly suggestive female voice welcomes you. The hooded figure removes
her hood, revealing a rather striking face underneath: full lips painted bright red, eyelashes
longer than you think are natural and curtain of straight black hair as smooth as velvet. You nod
to your 'guest', struggling to keep your face from turning bright red, and await for the Jester
to introduce you. The Jester chuckles and steps forward:

"My K- Lord!" - he corrects himself, remembering the little charade you have going on to cover
your identity.

"Meet MISTRESS SONYA, the lovely lady whom we came here to meet."

Sonya extends her hand and you can see that she has painted her long fingernails with the same
shade of red as her lips. You cautiously shake the woman's hand.

"My apologies for meeting you so late, Sir." -she explains. "I have meant to offer you a deal
of some value ever since you took the throne. You see, I run an establishment near the edge of
the town. I gave it a nice name, but the locals have come to call it the HAPPY HANDS BROTHEL. Me
and my girls work there, you see, serving our customers to our best ability. However, in our
line of work we hear all sorts of things."

She leans in so close that her lips almost touch your ear: "Secret things" -she whispers. You
swallow hard and take a cautious step back.

"I can trade these secrets to you, good Sir, for a simple service. Some of our clients are a
bit rough around the edges and the laws of the realm frown upon our kind carrying weapons. I
would request that you order  your Knights to make rounds in our establishment every now and
then, perhaps station a knight or two on the walls nearby, and tell them to keep my girls safe
from harm. In exchange I can tell you the deepest secrets of almost anyone in town as well as
most visitors, for you see, we are quite a popular establishment."

She steps back, smiling a mysterious smile.

"What do you say?"

Her offer made she crosses her arms, gives you a playful wink and awaits your reply.

[miguel]

Ooooohhh, she's hot!
It sounds like a good deal to me.

> Agree to her request, she'll have some guards patroling her house at all the time. But arrange that the most inocent girl she has working will be the one to bring information to the castle. The girl should wear decent clothes and pretend she's delivering fruit. Or onions. She can be a onion-seller, yes.

[NightHawk]

> Agree to post city guard patrols within shouting range on the additional condition that she and her employees agree to regular medical checkups so that diseases aren't spread around the realm.

[miguel]

Or we could invent the condom?

[selmiak]

yay, call us king pimp!

[WHAM]

You agree to the request, promising to have Lancelot route his patrols so that they keep the
HAPPY HANDS brother secure. You also add that SONYA should send her most innocent -looking
girl to deliver your intel, preferrably in some furtherly innocent disguise. Perhaps she could
deliver onions to the castle, you suggest.

SPYMASTER SONYA smirks at you, remarking that this is a wonderful suggestion and that she knows
just the girl for the job.

[YOU HAVE ESTABLISHED AN INTEL TRADE. WRITE DOWN NAMES, OBJECTS OR PLACES ON PIECES
OF PAPER AND LEAVE THEM IN A BOX OF ONIONS IN THE KITCHEN TO HAVE THEM DELIVERED TO
SONYA. REPLIES ARE GIVEN ON THE SAME OR FOLLOWING DAY.]

Your meeting just about concluded, Sonya leans in close and places a kiss on your bearded cheek.

"You won't be disappointed..." -she whispers. "Do come visit sometime, if your schedule allows it."

The JESTER gestures wildly, wiping faux -sweat off his brow and giggling.

[miguel]

> Create the song Sex Bomb right after she leaves and sing it loud while doing macho poses! Invite the Jester do keep up with us!

[Ghost]

Invite the Jester do keep up with us!

I want the graphics adapter back to see that.

Also +1.

[CaptainD]

>Shave off beard.

[miguel]

Guys we should actually give a proper order to WHAM or else he will put us inventing songs!

[CaptainD]

Before we go, I think we should ask Sonya if she has any information that could be useful to us NOW.  And maybe offer her the title of LADY in the future if the information we get over the next few weeks is truly valuable.

Ask her if there is anyone who seeks to usurp the throne.
And if she has any information on those guys who came insisting we hand over the supposed criminal.

[miguel]

Before we go, I think we should ask Sonya if she has any information that could be useful to us NOW.  And maybe offer her the title of LADY in the future if the information we get over the next few weeks is truly valuable.

Ask her if there is anyone who seeks to usurp the throne.
And if she has any information on those guys who came insisting we hand over the supposed criminal.

+1


Sounds pretty good to me!

[WHAM]

You strike a macho pose and go:
"Seeex bomb, I am a big sex-bomb,
I have the sexiness of a bomb and the bomb of a bomb
and I fly through the air 'cause I am a sex-bomb!

SEX BOMB!"

The Jester cackles like a maniac, mimicing your pose and singing along.

[miguel]

Oooops... I've did it again...