So I got bored last night, and decided I hadn't played any Neutral Milk on my guitar in a while. Much to my Harry and Frances's chagrin, I'm sure, I decided to plod about with oh comely. Only I played around with the chord progression a tad and kinda toyed with the melody.
Not sure exactly what I did.... But I know it's a step in the right direction.
Here it is: http://www.aedmark.com/temp/ohcomely.mp3
Known issues:
1. I take breaths in some wrong places.
2. Late on a few key/harmony changes.
3. Tempo goes off at places.
4. Yes, Harry, I know there's too much reverb.
5. Some stanzas lull, lose their punch.
6. Needs more... Bassline? Strings? Some various odd sounds, I was almost thinking sleigh-bells for a moment.
7. The weird break noise on the second "Say what you wanna say" stanza is because I was too lazy when merging two different recordings.
8. The first four minutes are boring.
Whatever. Call this a demo and I'll get back to the drawing board, thanks for listening. Anyone have any suggestions, comments, or critiscms. Feel free to throw 'em out here. I promise I won't be offended, I know it's not that good.
Your voice sounds off tune, at some points, but for a reason it calms me down. So that's good. Definetely one of those melodies you see in tv series when the episode's about to end and the narrator(usually the main character) says epic stuff.
It's quite simple, but I can barely make some of the lyrics. So if you're planning on clearing this out it would be nice.
I think Neutral Milk mostly works, because of Jeff's crisp melancholic voice. Maybe this song would be a lot better if you'd put yourself more in the foreground.
Yes, and should re-think the reverb ;)
You recorded it quite nicely, but I think you should think about removing a lot of the reverb on the guitar and the voice. It's a bit distracting listening to it like that.
Also your voice goes off tune quite a bit, (don't know if it's meant to be like that), but I know that can be the most frustrating thing to fix. I have like the worst voice in the world which sometimes seriously impacts my songwriting :/
My first impressions are quite positive overall. It has the issues you say, but I think the reverb would work if it were pulled back to where it was supporting your voice instead of obscuring it.
It sounds like you're a lot more confident about the guitar playing and the chord progression and melody than you are about the lyrics, and perhaps your own voice as well. A lot has been done to muddy up the words and voice, which rather than making up for whatever you felt they lacked, sort of distracts from the whole composition.
I hear a lot of interesting things going on with the songwriting itself and from what I can tell, your voice is plenty to carry it, if you let it. I would say commit to the vocals and don't be afraid of letting us hear them in all their glorious imperfection. Sometimes it's that imperfect, emotional vocal that can make a song truly compelling.
They mostly said it, but just so you know I actually listened I'll comment.. :)
Yep, too much reverb! And yep, bring your vocals foward and dont sing down your nose so much!
Oh but it's a relaxing song and I like your voice, but needs more confidence as it shows in your performance a little.
Thanks guys, I have a less reverby version, I just haven't uploaded it yet. I will record a more "confident" rendition some time in the future, when I have the melody locked down a little better.