What about this story concept?

[Oliwerko]

Hi lads,

While drawing BGs one after another and main character complete, I am still unsure about the story. This makes me kind of nervous, because I still do not have clear idea of what I want the story to be.

My current idea is that a teenager is fed up with his family members torturing him in everyday life and he decides to escape. Whole story takes place in his family house and he must escape from it.

Is it good enough? Isnt it too boring/cliché? I still have time to change it so I want to be just sure. Also, there are tons of tutorials on drawing, but almost none on storyboarding/puzzle stuff. Can you recommend me any or just give me some pointers please?

Muchas gracias

[ildu]

Well, a number of questions arise:

- Why in the world would he have to 'escape' from his own house? It just doesn't sound credible, unless it's stylistically very surreal and over-the-top to the extent that the evil family members are trying to stop him from escaping. It's also very dark in theme - a child running away from his family, because he feels suffocated or tortured by his family atmosphere. That may detract from an endearing delightful mood, if in fact you're planning to go that route.

- Is the motivation something you think the right audience can relate to? The whole motivation for the story is to run away with really no specific destination to go to. To me that sounds more tragic than adventurey. Why not try and give him some better motivation for leaving, like for example a dream of joining the circus or leaving home to pursue an exciting life in the big city?

- Can you sustain a credible game arch with a story as simple as that? Sure you could always go with a 1-2 room game, but if you're going for anything larger, can you come up with enough obstacles and areas, without it becoming ridiculously stretched. Why doesn't the dude just break a window and leave right there and then to avoid all that hardship?

- How are you going to create a 3-dimensional player character with a setting like this, without alienating the audience? I can personally think of only three reasons someone would run away from home: (1) He's emo (2) The parents are evil and abusive (3) He has a burning desire to pursue his life somewhere else and the parents are against it. Only the latter I can even remotely relate to, whereas the first two I would just avoid. You have to developt the character into one of these directions, so it's kind of a gamble.

I suggest you find some better motivation for a plot like this. Maybe the kid is a little creatively overactive and imaginative (or ADD by today's standards ), like in most childrens' adventure plots, who's been grounded by his parents for doing something rascally, such as sneaking a pet squirrel into school. Turns out the squirrel got loose at some point and as the kid was searching for it, he accidentally overheard an evil plotting conversation between the school janitor and a strange man in a dark trenchcoat. Before he can tell anybody, he gets caught with the squirrel and gets grounded.

So, now you have a concrete motivation for the kid wanting to escape the house: a moral obligation and sense of duty to prevent whatever the two men were evilly plotting (and doing it alone, since the parents don't believe him). You also have a concrete barrier and conflict, as well as a basis for puzzles, by having the parents ground him. Maybe the kid in my suggestion is a little younger than yours, but the issues I mentioned are relevent in either case.

[space boy]

After months of rewriting plot and trying to be original I have realized that this is impossible, because no matter what you come up with, soon you find out someone has done it before. So stop worrying about using cliches ffs. I'm tired of people asking "Is this too cliched?". An idea alone is nothing. An idea that seems new and exciting can suck in the final result, while something like "farmboy saves princess" can turn out to be a hit.

This link might be helpful:
http://www.sff.net/people/saswann/text/plot.htm

[TwinMoon]

Cliché?
It happens to every teenager, but I can't say I've played much games with this theme.

If your main character clearly is a rebellious teenager, I think the idea is fine. Although  I don't see a lot of opportunity for puzzles.
Also I feel it's best if you make the family members really over the top. Realism might be too uncomfortable here.

Also, where will it end? If you escape, your ending isn't open, is a gaping hole.
Instead of escaping, you could as Ildu suggested better make the story about his quest to make his family treat him better.


As for information:

The Brass Lantern has articles / links on designing adventure games: http://brasslantern.org/writers/
It focuses mainly on text adventures, but most of the theory is valid in graphical adventures as well.

Also I can strongly recommend Whizzard's Guide to Text Adventure Authoring. You'll have to scroll down a bit, and there's two supplements.
Very interesting article.

[Oliwerko]

Oh, I have thought a bit about it and it turned out to be weird, I admit, almost no motivation and very shallow plot. I managed to decide how to deal with the grounded thing. The grounding of the teen will be just a complication of the main plot (which is unclear yet). I was thinking of mystery. You know, family mystery you solve in that house. Wheter from the past or in the present (seeing something strange happen through the window and wondering why/what/whatever and trying to reveal more info) or something like that - you solve it in that house. But whenever I think of something, I can only think of it "in general", not specifically about specific facts. It is even hard for me to fall asleep, because I spend too much time thinking... Poor me 

Anyway, it is really hard to think of an original story that is worth playing. I hope I can get further with that family/house mystery thing in my head.

Oh, just had an idea: join that two together. A girlfriend. He will see something (the girl, specifically) talking to a relative/whatever like this and he wants to find out more about her. He will struggle to find info in the house (the fact that he is grounded will complicate things) and in the finale, when all is clear, he wants to steal his dads car (he wont borrow it) and go to that girl. Thus he must fight his way to the car (missing keys, whatever, lot of puzzles come to mind) and escape.

Optionally, the girl may be substituted with an object. I dont know. I need to think about it more. What do you say so far?

[Paper Carnival]

What if his father is an evil genius? Maybe the child doesn't want to be evil, so the father grounds him until he changes him mind.

Think of the possibilities... Escaping from the lair of an evil genius is always fun.

But I guess this strays too far away from your original idea.

[Oliwerko]

That would surely be interesting, but I think I will stay in a more realistic bounds.

[Oliwerko]

OK, I guess I finally came to the final story concept.

The teen will realize that his whole family has gone missing. He will search for clues where they have gone in the house.

That's it. Only one possible problem - NPCs. How to add them? I have probably two of them so far - one friend that will possibly help him solve the mystery (?) and one special I do not want to give info about yet 

Is that any better guys ?

[TwinMoon]

Wow that's... totally different!

It looks like a good mystery story. Just make sure there's a good reason why the teen himself/herself isn't missing.

A neighbor who thinks he's a detective because he watches Derrick / Inspector Morse / Columbo springs to mind.
Or maybe a kid playing in the street wants to help?

[Oliwerko]

I was thinking about an absolute kid genius - you know, the people that know a few programming languages perfectly when they are 15 (I have one friend like this, sooo funny person)  Or maybe even a girl.

And the teen is not missing because he was (and still is) grounded, perhaps?

[Angel Dust]

When I first read your plot synopsis I thought you meant escape like how the girl in Pan's Labyrinth 'escapes' her family. So maybe it could just be some kind of mental escape?

[Stupot]

I'm liking the idea, but I think the adventure should take him out of the house.  Even if he is supposed to be grounded. That way there's more scope for NPCs and clue-building.  Perhaps the joke could be that the main answer was back at home the whole time, right under his nose.

[Oliwerko]

Well, I was thinking about the whole house, I mean - also a part of the street/exterior (neighbors, whatever), so he wont be only in one building.

But since this is my first game, I do not want it to go too big/long/complicated, you know.

[JuuJuu]

When I read the first plot you made, I automatically thought "Mourir de Mer", Where the boy was trying to escape the attack from his abusive father. (very good game by the way..everyone should look into playing it!)

The second plot I like MUCH better. But maybe find a way to really twist it up a bit. Maybe have him wake up, and only his mother is missing, then people start dissapearing in his house. Or have him wake up and only his little sister (or brother or whatever..) is left.

Just some random idea's. Good luck on the game!

[Oliwerko]

Yea, it definitely needs some spins to spice things up.
Thanks