How To Get Water Out Of Oil (long post)

[Harvester]

OK, I wrote this to help everyone who has the lack-of-water problem. This article will feature on my site (which I'm working on at the moment and should be up in around ten years), but I thought you guys should read it first and tell me what you think  
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HOW TO GET WATER OUT OF OIL

It has probably happened to you that you have guests in your house, but no water. Of course, your guests like to drink water, so you're in a bit of a trouble. It is scientifically proved that the lack of regular water supply (i.e. at least once in two hours) leads human individues to nervous and potentially dangerous behaviour. We will also assume that you don't have time to go to the nearest store to buy some water. So, what can you do to save your house from the furious guests?

Luckily, almost every kitchen has large quantities of oil. So, naturally, you will use oil to get water. This requires some knowledge of chemistry, biology and mathematics, but I doubt you will have problems understanding it.

First of all, it is important to know that around 30% of any oil is actually water. The other 70% are minerals, carbon-monoxide and similar things. So, roughly, five liters of oil will translate into one liter of water. One liter of water should be enough for two hours (presuming that you have only one guest, if there are more you will have to have more oil). Apart from oil, you also need to have some sugar, salt, carrot, cucumber and some sulphuric acid.

First you put one liter of oil in the freezer. The other four liters you should pour in a cauldron or something. Put it on the strong fire and wait for five minutes.

You will notice that due to the heat the large percentage of minerals has expired. Some harder minerals are not likely to disappear without a fight, so you will have to use salt and sugar. Mix three coffee spoons of sugar with one spoon of salt, and add a drop of sulphuric acid. This creates a material known as Carbon-Dioxide. Carbon-Dioxide interacts with hard minerals, connects with them and gives us - WATER! Yes, that's right! It is probably one of the coolest things in chemistry to create the water this way.

Now we need to get rid of the carbon-monoxide and other materials from the oil. How are we going to do that? Easily: First of all, those "other materials" are things like fluor, methane and other elements from group 5 of the Periodic system. Since they all belong in the same group as carbon-monoxide, it is natural that they will act similarly to it. A neat way to "extract" those materials is to combine them with natrium peroxide. When combined with natrium peroxide, these materials are simply going to transform to pure oxygen, which will elevate from the substance! And how are we going to get the natrum peroxide? Easily! We need to get some natrium and some peroxide.

As we know from our chemistry lessons, carrot contains lots and lots of natrium, while cucumber contains some peroxide. We will cut the carrot and cucumber into small pieces and put them into one bowl. Add some salt (as a catalist) and mix with a spoon. Natrium from the carrot will interact with peroxide from the cucumber and create the mighty natrium peroxide. Natrium peroxide is a solid brown material, so you won't have trouble extracting it from the carrot-cucumber mixture.

Now, all you have to do is add some natrium peroxide to the oil. It will combine with those materials we want to extract. We will get some pure oxygen, which is going to float away. However, not all of natrium peroxide is going to interact. What happens to the rest of it? Well, since natrium peroxide is pretty unstable, it will interact with hydrogen from the air and transform into ozone, O-3. Ozone will naturally elevate from the surface.

Keep in mind that during this whole time the cauldron was on fire (to provide the heat, a catalist). Naturally, large part of oil has boiled away, and what we're left with is a pure and simple ONE LITER OF WATER (give or take a few drops). Neat, eh?
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[evenwolf]

Man, don't even pretend that the entire process takes less time than going to the store.   It's more likely I'll have to go the store for carrots and cucumbers!



But I'm curious, is lack of water supply actually a normal occurence for some AGSers?

[BOYD1981]

So, what can you do to save your house from the furious guests?

turn on a tap?

[Harvester]

So, what can you do to save your house from the furious guests?

turn on a tap?

Damn, I didn't think of that one!

[Robert Eric]

We have a spring in our town.  We just go there every week with our empty milk jugs and we never run out of water.

[PureGhostGR]

sulphuric acid? Is there something we can use arround the house that contains that?

*evil scientist smile*

[MrColossal]

oh man i thought this was gonna be a post about Iraq and how they don't have running water

tho i guess it still kinda is

[DGMacphee]

This might be just my Westernised thinking, but if a kitchen has a mass amount of oil wouldn't a kitchen also have a mass amount of water too.

I mean, most kitchens usually do.

And even if your water supply isn't working, isn't it cheaper to buy a litre of oil instead of using the oil you paid a good price for?

And even if the shops have blown up, couldn't you just find a river?

Once again, probably my Westernised thinking.

[Barcik@School]

Israel suffers a serious lack of water. Israel has only one big source of water - the Kinneret Lake (called Galilee in English, if I am not mistaking. The one Jesus walked on). This water in this small lake is rapidly decreasing, and the day when the lack of water will become a very seirous problem will be upon us in several decades, according to many scientists. Various possible solutions have been proposed, such as the cleaning sea water and importing water from Turkey. However, no practical solution has been seen yet.

[Nacho]

I don´t know, Boris, but you can ask Harvester if that procedure has its equivalence to petrol. So, the civilizised World can invade countries like Saudi Arabia and Venezuela, to get a lot of spare amounts of petrol...

So, we could make water for Middle Orient.

BTW... USA is one of the main petrol producers of the World, so, I think we could invade USA for getting that oil...

I´ll talk to J.M. Aznar... I can hear the rumour of the engines of the spanish tanks, leading to USA!!!  

[Nostradamus]

Does that really work?   I have to try this...

To correct Barcik: many cities, especially in the Tel Aviv area use water from their own water sources, taking water from the water aquipers under the surface.

[La Lore]

I don´t know to convert oil into water yet.  Besides, I know have to make ASPIRINS.  

As an anecdot, today I´ve broken bacterian DNA with differents enzimes (EcoRI, HIII). Soon I´ll clonate DNA in the laboratory.

Lorena  

[Barcik]

Does that really work?   I have to try this...

To correct Barcik: many cities, especially in the Tel Aviv area use water from their own water sources, taking water from the water aquipers under the surface.

This really isn't done massively. There just isn't enough aquiper water for that. Most of these "own water sources" are pools of water taken mostly from the Kinneret.

[Raven_Gray]

Dude, that is #&@*ing amazing. Carrots reacting with cucumbers? Freaky. I always new vegtibles where never to be trusted.....but then again...what if on Thankgiving day we run out of water! Or...OH NO! What if we run out of oil. The next challange is to descover how to reverse the process.  

[Kweepa]

Pretty funny, but just in case someone does think about trying it, very wrong.

1. Oil has a higher boiling point than water, so boiling oil will, if anything, just boil off the water in it. But it's probably trapped in there pretty good.

2. Carbon dioxide does NOT react with hard minerals to give water. Perhaps the sulphuric acid will (acid + base = salt + water), but if you don't get the quantities just right you'll be drinking sulphuric acid.

3. Fluor[ine] is group VII, and methane [CH4] is not even an element. Nor is carbon monoxide.

4. Carrots don't contain much loose natrium [sodium], but salt does.

5. No doubt cucumbers do contain O2, but again, not loosely bound.

6. Natrium [Sodium] peroxide is a white powder. It's a bleach. It burns organic stuff. But that doesn't matter because you can't make it this way.

This has been a public service announcement.

[Harvester]

Bah, ruined a good joke.

[Femme Stab Mode >:D]

burning petrol works too   much simpler than boiling oil  

[Raven_Gray]

Well, I'm just posting again to put everyone's mind at ease. We didn't run out of water and all our company went home happy. I still want to know how to make water into oil....no wait! Water into wine, yeah. I could make huge profit margins by extorting divine miricals for my own personal gain.

P.S. Any idea in turning lead into gold?

[Timosity]

P.S. Any idea in turning lead into gold?

Alchemy is quite easy,  lead and gold are just 1 proton apart or something, so just add 1 or subtract one (not sure which way) with a little pair of tweezers, simple as that. Or you could get all fancy like in Hudson Hawk, but I think my way is easier, although I've never tried it cause I don't like the colour.

[MrColossal]

but Tim, you could be swingin' onna star!

though i think this image fits better