Any thoughts on "dead beat dads"?
See, the story is, I'm 22 now, and I haven't seen or heard from my real father since I was 2 (when he walked out on me, my mom, and my older *half* sister).Ã, That's two decades without knowing my real father.Ã, Not a phone call to say "hi", not a birthday card... not even child support.
For some odd reason, I've been thinking about this a lot the last few days... about who I am.Ã, Where I came from.Ã, Who my real dad is, and what he may or may not be like.Ã, What I may or may not do, if I were to encounter my real dad (say) tomorrow.
But, maybe 5 minutes ago, I found this letter on my mom's desk in her room...
May 13, 2005
CP: Linda Westphal*my mom
NCP: Robert Mason*my real dad
Court Case: *...whatever, moving on...*
Today I sent a letter to the Non-custodial parent (NCP) which informed them that they must submit a job job search forms to me every 30 days.
If you have any information about the NCP's employment please call me - even if the NCP told you that they would call me so that I may more efficiently enforce your order for child support.
I need you to provide me with the NCP's Name, the employer's name, the employers's address and the employers's phone number
Katie Powell
Child Support Specialist
Marathon County Child Support Agency...
*blah blah blah*
First of all... what good is it going to do if my dad suddenly starts paying his child support now?Ã, I'm 22... I've been a legal adult for almost five years now.Ã, I live on my own, I pay my own bills, and I take care of myself now.
Second, exactly how hard are these "Child Support Specialists" working to make sure that these dead beat dads take care of their children? Not to mention, they have extremely shitty grammar...
All of this makes me really angry...Ã, I can only remember once, while I was growing up, that my mom ever received child support.Ã, It was when I was sixteen, and it was a check for $40.00.
Ever since I was eighteen, I've been *kind of* looking for my real dad. (my mom tells me he's a heroin junky, and he knows how to hide so that he will only be found if he WANTS to be found)Ã, I've checked the internet, but do you realise how MANY "Robert Mason"s live in Wisconsin?Ã, I know exactly where my grandparents (HIS parents) live... they live right on Grand Avenue (the busiest street in Wausau), and Wausau is only an hour or so away from here.Ã, I also know where my Aunt Linda (his sister) lives, and her phone number.
I've never had the guts to call my aunt's number, or stop in and talk to my grandparents... I just don't know what I would say.Ã, "Hey, do you know where my dad is?"Ã, Not to mention, none of them have seen me since I was two...
Ugh... I hate it when I get upset about something like this... I can never keep my thoughts in order...
Is anyone else out there dealing with a father who, apparently, "doesn't care"?Ã, Does anybody have any words of wisdom for me?Ã, Some tips, pointers... what should I do?
My sympothies.
My parents seperated when I was 12. My father took off to America, (I live in New Zealand). My story is not as sad as yours but I do feel a similarity. He never payes child support and owes my mother lots of money. When I was growing up he pretended to be this cool guy that bought me heaps of toys. But when I turned 13 I realised that he wasn't like that at all. So I felt like I have never known who he acctually is. I talk to him and see him a little but I have lived with my mother for most of my life.
Although I am only 16 and still see him a little, my advice is to track your father down. But don't forget about your mother... How hard has she worked for you and your half sister? How much has she cared for you? If you fail to track him down, remember not to be dissapointed, but to see the other side of things. You have a perfectly loving mother that has cared for you, your whole life.
My father died when i was 7, and at the age of 16 i'm about to loose my mum to a residential care home. We got support from my dads death in the form of pension grants etc. But nothing comes close to having a real father by your side, someone to teach you all those things about growing up.
It's something i have to live with really, i can't relate in the sense that i have a father who 'doesn't care' but i sure as hell know what it's like not to have someone there when you need them. I would guess that you're scared of his reaction when/if you do meet him, i think that's how i would feel anyway. How supportive is your mother about this matter? Is she stopping you from seeing him in any way? Maybe it would be nice if someone went with you if you met your dad; to give you support. it might be worth calling your aunt afterall.
Either way g'luck sorting things out, i hope all goes well for you.
It's sad when things like this happen. I see a different side of the perspective every day. I believe that you SHOULD seek him out, because you honestly don't know his side of the story.
Here's why I say that. Not saying that anyone else's situation is like this, but this does happen. My boyfriend had a one night stand with a girl, a few months before we met. She got pregnant and he said he would be with her and take care of her. After about a month, she decided that she didn't want anything to do with him, but she was keeping the baby, and still wanted him in the baby's life. He would have stayed with her, but she turned him away. After that happened, we met, and started dating, but he still kept in contact with her, because she WAS carrying his baby. He would even go to appointments with her.
When the baby was born, she didn't call him until 3 days later. That was the start of the downhill spiral. She filed for child support, which was fine. He wanted to pay and help. Before the child support bills started coming, he would give her money anyway, to help, and we would go and visit the baby whenever we could. There were times though, that he didn't see the baby for weeks at a time, because the mom lived about an hour away, and we had a lot of car problems at the time, and no money.
After a while, the child support bills started coming, and he started paying. He always would pay on time. Then he found out that she had been on medicaid during the pregnancy, and the Health and Welfare system is making him pay 3000 dollars of her medical bills, while she pays nothing.
So he was paying child support, and visiting the baby when he could. She would even bring the baby to our house sometimes. He asked her once, if he could take the baby for the day, because he really wanted to spend some one on one time with his son. She refused. She said that the baby did not know him well enough. So, he kept visiting the baby when he could. At Christmas time, his mother came to town, and he asked again if we could take the baby for the day, so his mother could meet him. The answer again was no. Not just no, but a huge screaming fight.
All this time, he is still paying support. So he sets up a schedule. every Saturday we go to the mom's house with her and her boyfriend, so my boyfriend can see his son. We did this for two months, and he asked again if he coudl take him for a day. Surprisingly, this time the answer was yes. The day before we were supposed to take him, she called and told him that she wanted more money. She said she the child support was not enough, and she wanted 200 dollars more for day care. He does not have any amount of extra money. He works in a grocery store, and really doesn't make that much money. So he tried to compromise. I would pay some of his rent, and he would give her 100 dollars. She freaked out, and told him that he wasn't stepping up and that he could not see his son at all if he didn't give her the money. He didn't have the money, and so now, it's been three months since he's seen his son. He cries every night because he misses him. He wants to go to court and sue for some kind of partial custody, but he can't afford a lawyer. She won't let him see the child. Yet, she tells her friends that he doesn't WANT to see the child. We know this because some of her friends came to his place of work and threatened him. He's afraid that when his son gets older, his mother will tell him that he didn't want him, which is so far from the truth.
He is a good person, and he WANTS to be in his sons life. He is stuck between a rock and a hard place. Child Support Services won't help, because they see him as the bad guy.
He's hoping upon hope that when his son gets older, he wants to find his real dad and get to know him. So I say, go search out your dad. You never know the real story.