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For the last couple weeks, my girlfriend had been showing signs of moodiness, fatigue, and extreme cravings.  She was also 2 weeks late.

So, she took a home pregnancy test tonight.  It came out positive.

Needless to say, when we saw the little "plus" sign on the stick, we both just about shit our pants.  She started crying, I started shaking and freaking out.  An hour or so later, we both had calmed down, and started joking about it as if it was no big deal (talking about funny baby names, and who's going to get up in the middle of the night).

I'm so not ready for something like this...  We don't have the money to raise a child.  She and I still have a lot of growing up to do.  She and I have only been dating since September 7, so we haven't been dating long.

All I can think about right now is diapers, bottles, sleepless nights, and placenta.

I don't know how we are going to tell our families.  My mom and stepdad will probably be ecstatic.  Her dad is probably going to disembowel me.

She mentioned that her parents will want us to get married.  Is that really necessary?  The baby is going to be born whether we're married or not.  It's not like the child will be disfigured or downtrod if we aren't.

I would never even think about abortion.  I'm totally pro-choice, but I'm not even going to ponder on it.  I have mentioned adoption... someone else could give the child a life that we can't offer, a better life.  I don't know if she wholly agrees with that, if at all.  I'm not afraid to step up and be a man, but I'm trying to explore other options (they seem very limited...).

My mom had my older sister when she was 18.  Her mom had her when she was 16.  I'm 23, and she's 19.  Isn't it funny how history repeats itself?

I'm going to have her take another pregnancy test.  They're only 99% accurate.  That leaves room for a 1% margin of error.  (who the fuck am I kidding?  I'm screwed...)

I know it sounds really selfish, but I'm really regretting this.  Right now, I want to scream at the top of my lungs, "It was an accident!!!!  I didn't mean for this to happen!!!!".  I didn't plan on children until later in life, when I knew it was something that I would be able to handle (money-wise and sanity-wise).

Thoughts?

EDIT:  Here's a picture of us.  She wonders if the child will be cute...?
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/bodyart/jonnyandashley.jpg)

personally i'd say go for having the baby and hell no to getting married because somebody else wants you to, but ultimately the decision is up to the both of you.

My daughters are one of the best things that ever happened to me. I was worried that I wouldn't be into babies, as I was never before, but literally the second my first daughter was born I knew that I would always love her, no matter how smelly her poos were!

I believe in marriage as the best place to bring up kids, but don't do it just because her parents want you to, that wont help anyone.

Just so you know, she'd better stop drinking and smoking right now, for the sake of the baby! And take folic acid supplements.

Wow, heavy news man. Ã, Best of wishes to you all regardless of what decisions you make in the matter. Ã, 

Really, it's a matter between you and your girlfriend to decide on. Try and maturely sit-down and discuss the matter openly and honestly with each other. Bring up all the points you want to mention with her, and listen to what she has to say and what she feels about it too.

You should not feel "forced" into marriage if you do not feel ready or not truely wanting to, and like you mentioned you've been in a relationship with her for a relatively short time, so "rushing" into something like marrage may not be the best choice if you both agree that's not what you really want, and being "forced" into a marriage may not be good for the child either.

If abortion is out of the question, then perhaps explore the idea of the adoption option like you thought about, as you say your're both young, only been in a relationship a short-time, and are not financially and mentally prepared to take on the task of raising a child... wheras there are lots of well-off couples, who for whatever reason may not be able to have a baby of their own, may be desperately seeking, willing and able to take on the job of raising a child.

I'm not telling you what to do, just trying to perhaps offer some friendly words of encouragement in your difficult/awkward situation in which you feel really unprepared for at this point in your life. Ã, 
Ultimately the decision is yours and hers, so I wish you the best of luck. Ã, 

If you think you may have difficulties from some of the family members, perhaps seek the advice of some family counselor or guidence counselor?

And, praying for help can't hurt either. Ã, Also, "home pregnancy tests" can be wrong, so, it might be better to get her checked by a real doctor, and also discuss options in the matter with the doctor. Ã, 

And, not meaning to be cruel or mean or anything, but if she does decide to go ahead and have the baby and keep it, you might also consider taking a paternity test for your own peace of mind to be "sure" that you're really the father... sorry if that sounds bad.

Hang in there Mr. Hyde. Best regards.

Heh.  Thank you, SSH.  I was really hoping you would comment, as I would trust your advice on this more than anybody else.

She's not a smoker, but she has given up on partying and drinking.  That was the first thing she said.  EDIT: I'll still have the occasional brew, but it looks like smoking for me is out the door once and for all.

I know I really don't do well with children (especially babies), as I'm a very impatient person.    But maybe you're right.  This may do me some good.

Barbarian:  I just think that it really shouldn't matter if she and I are married or not.  Her parent would want us to be married before the child is born, apparently.  To me, a marriage license and a wedding and all that is just more money in the garbage can that could be put towards more useful things.  Also, I understand what you mean about being "forced".  All things considered, I'm not ready for something like that, either.

I trust her, but I guess a paternity test won't hurt.  A real doctor doing a real pregnancy test is something I'm definitely interested in.  As far as adoption, I'm open to it, while it saddens me a bit to be giving up my first child to someone I don't even know (especially if it's a little girl...).  But I really don't think she would be willing to part with it in any way.  She seems standoffish about the idea.

At this time, we are trying to be as mature and level-headed about this as possible.  Right now, I figure she and I have about 8 months to get our affairs in order.

I appreciate your input as well. Thank you.

Quote from: Mr. Hyde on Mon 19/12/2005 13:49:57
Here's a picture of us.Ã,  She wonders if the child will be cute...?

Babies with beer bottles in their faces are allways awfull.

Seriously... Good luck. You can use AGS to amplify your own thoughts about this, but this is something you gotta face alone, or together with the people you love. We can't really help you, just give you e-support and e-friendship.

On the other hand, I am sure you'll manage well... :)

Quote from: Farlander on Mon 19/12/2005 14:23:19
We can't really help you, just give you e-support and e-friendship.

I know.  That's all I really need. :)

Well, if her parents come after you with a pitchfork and torch toting crowd, you can always blame it on Dr. Jekyll.

It's hard to tell from the picture what the baby will look like (most likely dark hair, since that's a dominant trait). But it looks like he will be a thirsty one. Maybe with a better picture, we could make it into a Photoshop Friday event. You know, where we can combine the two faces a la that celebrity segment on the Late Show with Conan O'Brien.

Just out of curiosity, what was the birth control situation like prior to the two weeks late bit?

you could find out what it may look like by recreating both you and your girlfriend in Sims 2 and then make them have a baby...

Man, I have been there.

My wife (girlfriend then) got pregnant when I was 18ish. I had the opposite problem though, I had asked her to marry me before we even started having sexual relations, but was unable to marry her because of her parents. They told me I was wasn't good enough because I wasn't a christian. And since she was homeschooled way up in "Hells Canyon" which is pretty isolated hence the name, her folks had a lot of sway over her. Even though she was 20.

Well my kid was 5 before we finally got married, but enough about me.

The first thing I thought was that your girlfriend was so young. You gotta go out of your way to take care of her, seriously. This is a rough deal for both of you but even tougher for her.

No matter what this will change your life though, but it's not a bad thing, just different.

Mr Hyde, you could have just said "me and my gf had sex" and that would have been cool...

LOL JK

congrats man, you hoping for a boy or girl?

Quote from: Mr. Hyde on Mon 19/12/2005 14:21:09
As far as adoption, I'm open to it, while it saddens me a bit to be giving up my first child to someone I don't even know (especially if it's a little girl...).  But I really don't think she would be willing to part with it in any way.  She seems standoffish about the idea.

My younger and extremely unemployed sister gave her baby up for adoption. Honestly it was the best thing she could ever do for him (He is now in the care of a doctor and nurse in their 40s-50s) Though it hurt her much, she knew she did right by him.

Quote from: Barbarian on Mon 19/12/2005 14:18:16
And, not meaning to be cruel or mean or anything, but if she does decide to go ahead and have the baby and keep it, you might also consider taking a paternity test for your own peace of mind to be "sure" that you're really the father... sorry if that sounds bad.

Ooh  :o, I would say do that only if there is any doubt you are the father (and from the sounds of it there is none) and not for any other reason. Imagine asking her to do that now of all times , with everything she must be dealing with.

Congrats! Think about it!

I'm PMing you about this. And I would appreciate an answer (a discussion or whatever).

Everybody: Sorry but this is personal...

And I think that Barbarian covered most aspects of the thing (the logical ones)...

First of all, congratulations and good luck with whatever you choose to do.
I was wondering if you have things happening in your life that are time consuming and might make it a problem for you to raise a child, such as studying in university or something like that. My mom left university some time after having me (which I feel kinda guilty about, but I know I shouldn't), but she was much older when I was born anyway, and she was married, so the situation was very different.

Quote from: Disco on Mon 06/08/1973 16:57:57
OohÃ,  :o, I would say do that only if there is any doubt you are the father (and from the sounds of it there is none) and not for any other reason. Imagine asking her to do that now of all times , with everything she must be dealing with.

Yes, you're right about that, I should have worded that more carefully. Only if there's "doubts" in mind, such as being in the relationship for such a short-time and perhaps not knowing or feeling that you're "sure" you're the father, then you might consider about a paternity test. But, if you feel confident that you are the father, then it's probably better to avoid doing such a paternity test at the moment. Ã, 

Ã,  I guess I speak from personal experience, where I was in a similar situation when I was younger and definately not ready at that point in my life to raise a child (no job, only 17, and only knowing my girlfrind for such a brief time and not feeling "in love I want to marry you and spend my whole life with you" love... I guess for me at that time it was more "in lust", thinking with the wrong head if you know what I mean), and I only knew the girl a short time, and I didn't really feel sure if I was the father or not. Ã, Well, she was angry that I asked, but for my own peace of mind I wanted to be more sure, so I insisted... turns out she was trying to pin it on me, when in fact it I wasn't the father at all, so I'm glad that I did do the paternity test afterall.

Ã,  Ã, But before you and her make any big decisions, I advise you to take her to a real doctor for a "real" pregnacy test... then when you're sure she's pregnent, you can go ahead from there.. who knows, the whole thing might turns out to be a false alarm.

Ã,  Ã, Best of wishes whatever happens.

Congrats hyde. It's a scary idea eh? Abortion is always on option of course seeing as she's only 2 weeks late.

I don't really have anything helpful to say but i hope it all goes well for you. Also you're wearing the same tshirt again ;)

Mr. Hyde: You'll be a great dad! I'm currently an adoptive dad and it's the best thing that has ever happened to me. My little girl is now 2 years and three months. Time goes by so quick! First you'll be waiting for that first smile, then that first giggle, next you'll be comparing her/his looks to you and your girlfriend. Watching my daughter grow from an infant to a toddler has been the most amazing experience in my life! She is learning French and English and says both with such cuteness, you just melt! I love coming home from work having her at the top of the stairs yelling "Papa, Papa, Papa!" with her arms wide open for a hug. She even melts others by winking at them, blowing kisses and smiles any time I tell her to. She is the MOST precious thing in my life... I couldn't live without her.

Even though being married makes the job much easier, don't...I repeat...DO NOT get married to your girlfriend unless you know she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. You do her and the baby no justice if you only get married because of your "mistake".

And if you ever decide adoptions is a possibility, my wife and I are always looking to have more children, being that we cannot have any of our own. You may PM me if you like concerning this.

It's nice to hear that abortion is NOT an option.

LOL RHARPE?? Did you just ask Hyde if you could buy his baby??

eBay babies anyone?

That's an odd way of taking it...

Wow...
Good luck... I mean, thinking of parenting is just dizzying for me... I have to say i greatly respect your decision to not have an abortion.  Whatever you decide to do, good luck.  You'll figure it all out, I'm sure.                                                     

Shitar:

Will we be allowed to use the same sense of humour you're using when you post about something you deeply care? Because it's obvious that this topic is important for Mr. Hyde...

Image your reaction if someone does reply something funny in your thread about the former Yugoslavia... Does it hurt? Yes? So... keep humour for funny threads.

Congratulations.  A baby is a wonderful thing.  I know it's scary, but when it comes, you'll love it more than you possibly know. 

Don't get married just because she's pregnant.  Get married because you know it's right. Don't let anyone try to force you into it.

As for adoption, that's a very hard decision.  I had a friend who did that.  She knows the baby is better off, but three years later, she still gets sad about it.  But, she's happy at the same time, because she knows that she would not have been able to care for it.  IT went to a very wealthy family, and they actually send her periodic updates on her.  I think she even gets to see her once in a while, but that is very rare in adoption situations.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.  :-)

By the way, looking at the picture, I think the two of you will have a beautiful baby.

QuoteFor the last couple weeks, my girlfriend had been showing signs of moodiness, fatigue, and extreme cravings.  She was also 2 weeks late.

You guys might want to have a double check on that.  As far as I'm aware, symptoms of pregnancy are not generally noticable until later on.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Quote from: Farlander on Mon 19/12/2005 17:09:04
Shitar:

Will we be allowed to use the same sense of humour you're using when you post about something you deeply care?

Yes.

Quote from: shitarâ,,¢ on Mon 19/12/2005 17:43:53

Quote from: Farlander on Mon 19/12/2005 17:09:04
Shitar:

Will we be allowed to use the same sense of humour you're using when you post about something you deeply care?

Yes.

Ok...

/me waits till Shitar mentions historical serbian rights against the former Yugoslavia and giggles...

Quote from: Becky on Mon 19/12/2005 17:42:19

QuoteFor the last couple weeks, my girlfriend had been showing signs of moodiness, fatigue, and extreme cravings.Ã,  She was also 2 weeks late.

You guys might want to have a double check on that.Ã,  As far as I'm aware, symptoms of pregnancy are not generally noticable until later on.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

He hasn't really stated the date of conception, right?
If it was late September, she's had plenty of hormone-changing time.

Anyhow, a couple of months sounds very brief considering you went from strangers to potential parents, so I can only deplore your decision not to protect yourselves better. Or maybe you did protect yourself and were unlucky, that can happen the best people.
Sure, parenthood and raising babies can be wonderful, but after two months you know nothing about how well you'll be able to stick together and take care of this baby.

I'm set on getting myself at least three kids, but I will not think about it before I've finished my education and got a good job. I think a couple of years of learning to know the mother-to-be is also on my agenda.

It's good that you admit that you still have growing up to do. Not everybody is realistic about that. Our generation is much less mature than our parents and grand parents when it comes to family-matters (my great grandfather moved out and started working by the age of 14; at the same age I still played with lego), and getting kids before you're finished with being a kid will detract important attention from the kid.
Then again, 23 isn't such a terribly young age, so you'll just have to face the music, start saving up money, take care of your very young lassie and never smoke indoors.

I know no matter how I say this I'm going to sound like a dickhead, but if you can't handle the consequences, keep it in your pants!  That's the bottom line, Hyde.  As with all things in life, sometimes the results of our actions aren't pleasant, for ourselves or others.

On a kinder note, I sincerely hope that you can find a solution that everyone can live with.  I come from a family that's been fragmented so many times, I have four ex-step-grandfathers (living and dead), two ex-step-dad's, a step-mother, a half sister, two half uncles, and a lot of trouble figuring things out during the holidays.  If you can figure out a way to stay together (not 'for the sake of the children' so to speak) that's probably the best thing, the reason the 'family unit' has endured so long is that it is the best way to raise a child.

This is exactly why I won't even date until I am somewhat prepared for marriage, psychologically and economically.

Laters

Wow, first of congratulations, second I hope this all turns out well.
I'm glad you don't consider abortion as an option, I had abortion as a subject for a debate at school.
I've seen stuff I wish I hadn't seen, trust me abortion is the last thing you want to do to your own flesh and blood. (I was against abortion in that debate by the way, I would have a hard time pretending I was pro-abortion if I had to)
So I hope all turns out well, I bet you would be great father ;)

Quote from: Farlander on Mon 19/12/2005 17:09:04

Will we be allowed to use the same sense of humour you're using when you post about something you deeply care?

I think humour is a good thing in bad moments, it helps people endure the difficulties. I prefer it to considering the glass half empty.
Just beware of the thin line between humour and sarcasm...or humour and mockery...

I see how humor can help.  Something like this--

Quotejoking about it as if it was no big deal (talking about funny baby names, and who's going to get up in the middle of the night).

Could help you share an uneasy laugh and calm jangled nerves.  But in no way is

QuoteLOL RHARPE?? Did you just ask Hyde if you could buy his baby??

eBay babies anyone?

helpful to anyone...

Let's not make a hen out of a feather now. Shitar is apparently too young to give useful input in a thread like this, but please don't shift all the focus onto him.

*Shifts the focus back*

Nine toes man! Should I congratulate you? Erm... I'll write to you in myspace!

*Gives you a very manly hug*

Name it Robocop.

Quote from: Tiki on Mon 19/12/2005 21:49:03
Name it Robocop.

Heh heh.

Mr. Hyde, I can completely relate to you on your feelings regarding becoming a father so early in your life.  I'm 23 as well and have just had my first daughter.  I was already engaged, but not yet married, when we found out, so I can't give you advice from my experience on that front, but I do understand all of the feelings you're having regarding becoming a father.

I, too, had intended to hold off on babies until later in life when I was more prepared to care for another life.  I wanted to have a long and happy marriage before that happened.  Y'know, have a lot of quality "just the two of us" time.  But it quickly became a family of three.  I was terrified when I found out.  I regretted.  I didn't want it.  It was an accident.  But then, at some point, you just accept your future and then you can see beyond all the scary things and see all the happiness that is coming your way.

Now that I've seen my daughter, I can't believe I ever had some of the thoughts I had.  She's the most beautiful little poop machine on the planet.

Regarding marriage, I don't think you should get married for any reason other than love.  Growing up with un-married parents would be better for a baby than growing up with married-parents-who-got-married-because-of-the-baby-but- are-now-very-unhappy-and-shift-some-of-that-blame-upon the-kid.  My sister had a baby over a year ago.  She's still with the father, but they are not married because they weren't sure at the time (and still aren't sure) if they were right for each other.  But the baby is bringing them closer together, and their eventual marriage (should it come to pass) will be much more rewarding for it.

Good luck with everything.  Send me a PM if you'd like to talk some more on the subject.

CONGRATS[/color]

This is great news if it's not planed that is another subject but we are so happy for you.
Try to look at it on the brightest side try to enjoy the fact that you created a new life ;D.
It will be hard but 23 is the best years to have a first baby.And your future wife (we hope so) have 19 that is cool cause your child will have young mom.You have our support and please don't worry think of new happy expiriences and belive us when you see your child for the first time you will love him/her to the end of life.
Once again this is great news.
Request if it's a boy name him Chris

P.S. God please let us finish our studies now and give us oppertunity to make a cute little baby.Ã,