Stand up, sit down

[Robert Eric]

The local bowling alley has people from town, as a joke, do stand up comedy for the crowd once every couple of weeks.  Recently, the performances have gotten quite good.  After watching Last Comic Standing, I decided to sign up for the next time they do this.  Wish me luck...and may god have mercy on my soul.

(Any ideas for my act?  Wait, let me get a pen...)

[MillsJROSS]

So this horse walks into a bar, see? And the bartender says to the horse, "You want a drink?", and now get this, the horse looks at the bartender and says "Neigh!"

-MillsJROSS

[Sylpher]

Ba-dum...tish


(Good luck. Prop comedy would probobly be nice in a somewhat standard seeming stand-up...thing)

[rodekill]

Do funny observations, only do them about people in the audience.

"And what's with this guys face? I mean, is it really necessary to subject the public to something like that? Do I wake up in the morning, drag a rake across my face and say 'You know, I think I'll flash this baby around town today!'?"

Surefire winner there.

Seriously though, good luck. Stand up is hella tough.

[DGMacphee]

Dick jokes.

Lotsa dick jokes.

[evenwolf]

Well,  my material is pure gold. But I want to bomb using it myself NEXT Wednesday and Thursday.  Topics include: glitter, chinese buffets, and spelunking! Buy your tickets now.

[Barcik]

Good luck!

Listen to some famous acts to get inspiration.

[Robert Eric]

My act will include the dentist (something alot of comedians have talked about), public restrooms, bodybuilding, and the best of all...SEX.  If the act does not go well, I'll just have to pull out my penis.

[Barcik]

Who would pay to see that?  

[furrylilkreature]

a drunk guy walks out of a bar and see's this guy standing next to a sky scraper the drunk guy says:  I bet you $50.00 I could jump off that sky scraper and still be alive.  The other guy says:  ok.  So the drunk guy goes up the staircase to the roof and jumps off makes it.  The other guy says:  wow that's awesome i'll pay $200.00 just to see that again. so the drunk guy says: ok.  goes up and does it all over again and makes it.  The other guy says: wow how do you do it.  the drunk guy says oh it's easy you can do it yourself.  He says: really ok.  So the other guy goes up jumps off and goes splat.  The drunk guy picks up his wallet.  Then the bartender comes out of the bar and says:  superman you're really mean when your drunk.

I got a million of them