Vampires Suck - New Webcomic

[DGMacphee]

Although I agree with Chrille about the second to last panel, I think the comic is very much finding its legs now. The third comic is an improvement x 10 over the first two. Good work!

[SSH]

I agree with DG and Chrille. The problem is making it clear, though, that there is a glass door BEFORE the slapstick punchline. Perhaps the vampire could try sliding the glass door and find it locked, or press his own face against it, or wipe some condensation from it or something...

[Helm]

Yeah, I guess you have to consider saying less and leaving more to be understood by showing.

I don't know about Swedish readers. I know that when you draw something even vaguely funny, there'll be people that will be falling off of their seats bellyachin'. I'm just saying what it does or doesn't do for me. I'm sure this comic will have a good following without you giving any thought at writing the material better, if that's what you need, I'm sure the only thing you need to do now is just make this steadily for a while until a lot of people pick it up. If you want to make it better, I'd reconsider the usage of profanity until it means something more than 'extreme disapproval' (wild horses skullfucking, silly bitch). I think generally this seems much more european than american, and this americanism with swearing every time something unfortunate happens just doesn't mesh well.

I've explored my critique more than just telling you to 'make it better', Linus, on every post of mine.

[Kweepa]

and this americanism with swearing every time something unfortunate happens just doesn't mesh well.

I don't think that's an Americanism so much as a European-speaking-English-ism.

I disagree with SSH's concern about the glass door. I think spelling it out is just going to ruin the joke (like the speech).

[Kweepa]

It is better to hyphenate than to have a poor text mass shape.

Here's (roughly) what I would do with this strip's lettering:

[Evil]

I LOVE Steve's idea. The hyphenated/line broke words take a lot away. Speech and thought bubble shapes can add a lot to frames too. Your characters and coloring are very dynamic, why ruin it with crappy bubbles?

[Andail]

Love the gfx, top notch. The first comic was far the best imo. The anti-climax with the inflatable doll worked well, as well as the punch-line.
I think you need to vary the style of humour a bit, though. Right now all of them seem to be based on the sudden switch to very coarse language...I mean, soon you'll expect him to say something outrageous, and then the homour won't work at all.

EDIT:
Through DG's link I found this
http://web.archive.org/web/20050303170835/http://castlezzt.net/
It's mostly a pile of psychedelic junk, but there are a few gems. The first panels with Garfield have been deprived of Garfield's responses, just to make Jon appear even more pathetic and mentally challenged.
Also, halfway down you'll find SITUATION 81 which is quite hilarious imo.
The rest probably needs a sort of acquired taste.

[2ma2]

I guess the most gripes lie within the usage of coarse language. I dunno, it is not as I aim for this nor do I think it will show in following editions. Perhaps I aim for the shock value, but I doubt it. Rather the contrast between a Victorian entity and outrageous language.

About the hyphenation, even though it seemingly works, your bubble has alot of space and a single word (me) being alone in the last line. I don't know if it is my typographical education acting up, but that is simply a no no if it can be avoided.

Helm, you have often brought up problems with little or no suggestions on improvements. Unless the advice is simply to never repeat the problem at hand.

Chrille, DG and SSH: I kinda like the idea of delivering a punchlines and linger on to it some more time. As the punchline in the first comic is when turning on the lights, halfway through the comic. The last panel is not there to act as the "funny part", the "funny part" is allready delivered.

[Helm]

As far as the fourth wall breakage, yes, never to do it again would be the point, but I was mistaken there as you didn't break the fourth wall, I misread. And I suggested what could be done to fix the misreading, by alternating between blow-up doll and Lucius.

About the language, I have nothing to suggest besides to not use such language unless it's appropriate. What DG said.

Those were all my points about your comic, which I sincerely hope goes well. From there and on, you've offered counter-arguments to my points, which I shouldnt really have to contest though I tried. If you feel my criticism was not constructive enough, I think that's an unfounded impression.

I adore the visuals. I like the concept on the bare level, like DG said. I find the ties to White Wolf gaming (as if the victorian debutante and the nosferatu are their property) connection superfluous and contributing nothing of interest (and I know my RPGs) to this strip. If someone without any knowledge of the game can't read this and enjoy it, then I think you're narrowing your target audience more than you have to. This has not happened yet! I hope it doesn't in the future.

You need to pay special attention to how this is written, which seems to be the resonant critique in this thread, and the way you do this, is by paying special attention. I can't offer any more constructive hints. Read books, see how Victorian-era gentlemen insulted each other. Oscar Wilde will be of interest to you, as well as this book I found in AGA's house of a guy that basically spent his whole life insulting people in correspondence and publications in a very erudite way.

[Kweepa]

About the hyphenation, even though it seemingly works, your bubble has alot of space and a single word (me) being alone in the last line. I don't know if it is my typographical education acting up, but that is simply a no no if it can be avoided.

Orphaned words are perfectly normal and natural in comic lettering. Hyphenated words are not. You may be able to find one or two exceptions, but I've been reading comics for 33 years and in my experience hyphens are ugly.
http://www.balloontales.com/tips/arrangement/index.html

I can't find any explanation for the acceptance of orphans (either online or in Scott McCloud's books), so I'll just have to provide my own. In typesetting, orphans are bad because the eye travels a long way, only to find a single word to complete a thought. In typical comic bubbles, each line is short anyway (two to four words) and the eye doesn't have to travel far, so it's not jarring.

As for hyphens being bad, they are accepted in typesetting (and generally only in narrow columns) because they facilitate equal line widths without undue stretching or compression. In balloons, equal line widths are unnecessary and often unwanted.

Balloons are often shaped to fit the text, or in extreme cases, the text is rewritten to fit a balloon. The medium is the message.

Here's some interesting articles on lettering:
http://www.silverbulletcomicbooks.com/panel/107521985758362.htm
http://www.comicbookresources.com/news/newsitem.cgi?id=229

[2ma2]

Helm: I usually have problems with the writing, so trying to emulate Victorian wit may prove to be impossible. But I'll definatly try.

Steve: I stand corrected. But I also find the word placements to be of bigger importance within the bubbles. The "Glass door, you silly bitch" was fought with for quite some time since the placements were ideal with "Glass [break] door, you [break] silly bitch". But that placement read wrong within the context. Oh well, bubbles are a mystery on it's own.

[FieryPhoenix]

The art work is nice- but the text did nothing for me.  However- the Radiohead "reference" was groovy.  I think I'll stick with Vampirella and EmilyStrange.