I was reading something today where a woman was talking about women proposing to men and suggested buying him a watch or something instead of a ring. I read another women gave a bracelet. I was a little surprised because I guess I'd never thought about it in that much detail but I must admit, it seemed a little weird to me. I've never had a problem with women proposing to men, but I never thought the "rules" would be much different. I can see the reasoning though, because men typically just wear one ring whereas I guess some women expect an engagement ring -and- a wedding ring, so you propose with the former.
For the record, I don't... I just picture having one ring. I guess for me it feels a little more special that way. That's just me though, and I'm not saying either way is better or worse. I'm not much for jewellery really so I don't like wearing too many things at once.
Anyway, back on topic. Has anyone here proposed to a guy or know someone who has? What did they do? It's sparked my curiosity because I never thought of doing it with anything but a wedding ring.
My girlfriend proposed to me once. She used a twist-tie as a fake ring. It was cute. We were really drunk.
I think eventually she wants me to propose.
Shit.
Uh, anyway, for an answer, I'd say go with whatever. Any choice works - the object is semantics. Love is the real element.
Bt
A girl proposed to me once. She couldn't afford a ring though, because she was only three years old at the time ;).
There is nothing new about it being the woman's idea to get maried; it's ben that way for a long long time. The traditional way it's done is that the woman coreces the man into asking. IMHO, the "woman asking" method, is more straight forward and honest than the "corecoing the man" method.
Well, what would you guys like if you were on the end of it (and er, a serious offer, not a 4 year old ^_^)
I would actually really like it if Sara proposed to me.
For two reasons;
I hate traditions for one, and this would certainly go against the normal guy proposes to girl fare.
Secondly, I hate the fact that I'm going to have to buy an uber-expensive ring just to get engaged. Jewelry has never made ANY sense to me. $3000.00 for a small shiny thing that does nothing but sit on a finger? What's the point?
"It shows you love her."
If it takes me spending $3000.00 to show I love her; 1) I'll buy her a nice Plasma screen HDTV which she'll get FAR more use out of than a little ring and 2) I would doubt the love existed at all if it boils down to spending money to prove it.
I know I know ... I'm such a typical guy ...
I've always been bemused by weddings and the surrounding customs. I guess I'm with Darth in a general dislike of 'tradition', as it generally seems to be an excuse to do things that are quite silly.
When it comes to love, rings and material goods are inconsiquental. Give him a hug instead!
Quote from: Dark Stalkey on Mon 18/07/2005 16:41:47
I've always been bemused by weddings and the surrounding customs. I guess I'm with Darth in a general dislike of 'tradition', as it generally seems to be an excuse to do things that are quite silly.
Engagement and marriage are different things (imho): engagement is about love (hence even a plastic ring can do the job), marriage about how the couple can stand in its social environment (diamont ring means the husband can be relied to always get up in the morning to go to work.)
Weddings have been invented by the respective mothers in law! ;)Ã,Â
In their opinion:
-Big wedding means ability of their respective sprogsÃ, to handle social events, so that the relatives can outdo each other in silly accessories.
-Rich wedding means security for the grandchildren (parents in law will be able to go on exotic islands with their retirement money instead of paying for schools)
-Traditional wedding means parents in law will be able to interfere in decisions about holidays, gardening, cooking, ironing and grandchildrens' names.
The couple is so tired and stressed and insecure and living in a bubbly golden-pink mist that they are practically dragged in all this without noticing... ;)
Quote from: Dark Stalkey on Mon 18/07/2005 16:41:47
rings and material goods are inconsiquental.
Diamont rings have to do with superstitions about plague, but that's another story.
And not all cultures include diamont rings in the ritual.
But rings as a shape are a symbol of liaison , so they are not inconsiquental...
My grandmother and grandfather wed during the great depression (American). They both picked cotton to earn a living and were very, very poor. Married in a court house. My grandmother was very strong willed, I don't know the exact circumstances but she wouldn't let him buy her a ring because she considered it inconsequential. She said that their marriage and love were most important. Just before she died, on her birthday, he bought her a wedding ring after being together for more than 60 years.
That is true love.
I'd propose if I got bored of waiting for my partner to do it. But then again, my approach to relationships is that it's between the couple involved as to how they do things, follow tradition or make their own, and not really anyone else's business.
Material goods mean nothing in terms of showing love, and I'd rather have the love then material goods anyway.
And I'm with DarkStalkey on the wedding front - they're full of traditions which are rather silly.
I tend to be pretty old fashioned, and personally would never propose to a guy, although I admire women that have the gumption to do it. Ã, When I was single, I had enough trouble having the guts just to ask a guy out. Ã, I'm a bit of a wuss.
My boyfriend's brother's girlfriend proposed to him. Ã, She took him to dinner and just asked him. Ã, She didn't give him anything for it.
On the ring topic... personally, I could care less about the ring. Ã, I hate rings with great big rocks on them. Ã, I think they look tacky as hell, and with my capacity to lose things, I would be worried all the time, if my boyfriend bought me a 3000 dollar ring. Ã, Ok, being the old fashioned person that I am, I would like some kind of ring if I get engaged, but I've already told him that I don't care if it's expensive. Ã, I'd actually prefer it not to be. Ã,Â
And on weddings... ugh. Ã, We've already decided that if we ever decide to get married, we're just going to Vegas and getting it over and done with. Ã, Big weddings bore me to tears, and I don't want to put my friends and family through that. Ã, Plus, I think they're a big time waste of money. Ã, I've seen so many of my friends go absolutely insane trying to plan a wedding and spending thousands of dollars... no way. Ã, Not for me. Ã, We'll go to egas, have some fun, come back and throw a party. Ã, I guess there's some things I'm not old fashioned about. :-)
I agree with the tradition thing. It seems people get wrapped up in the tradition (and money) of the thing and the actual proposal has no real meaning. I think gifts are really inconsequential these days (for men and women). The engagement ring used to be a sign of the man's financial comittment "there's more where this came from, baby!" But women don't want to be in that situation these days and, though men still kind of get stuck coughing up the dough, I don't think they generally want dependant women.
Nowadays, proposting to a man, I'd say the thing to do is, propose in person (biggie!), make it something special for him (it's the treat and the surprise that counts) - take them on a vacation and propose on a beach or somewhere cool or something like that (depends on the man). Buy their favourite meal, drink wine, dress sexy, whatever. Just making it fun and romantic, I think would be nice for me. It's the sentiment that really clinches it - just don't let the setting take away from that.
My two cents...
I always thought that if women were expecting an engagment ring and a man to get on their knees, then they have quite conservative views and they're still fooled by the system that gifts = love. Sure, it's symbolic and such, but wouldn't the buying of the wedding rings do the same effect?
Now, the other way around may insult some men out there, because you know.... a man who gets respect grabs the woman by the hair and drags her to his cave, therefore proposing to her. Or something.
I wouldn't care either way. A girl proposed to me once, but she was/is my friend's girlfiend, so maybe she's joking around. She says it all the time, though! :o
Quote from: ShenTirag on Mon 18/07/2005 17:21:17
And I'm with DarkStalkey on the wedding front - they're full of traditions which are rather silly.
That may be true, but nothing beats the spectacle of a load of elderly relatives gyrating on the dance floor to Brown Eyed Girl.
I'll havta agree with Darth on this. Why buy a girl an expensive, tiny thing that just sits on her finger? Why not buy something like a new kitchen for the money instead? :P
Engagment rings don't prove anything, you can't buy your way to a succesful marriage.
(Damn, I sound like some poet. :D)
I have a friend who refuses to even ask guys out, since she beleives they should as her, though I believe this is far less being traditional than a case of softcockery.
I told her that if she couldn't handle the heat, she should get back in the kitchen.
Quote from: Las Naranjas on Mon 18/07/2005 23:35:55
I have a friend who refuses to even ask guys out, since she beleives they should as her, though I believe this is far less being traditional than a case of softcockery.
That's just stupid. Who ever said the man has to take the first step? What if the man is even shyer than the woman? Will these questions ever be answered? I think. Maybe. :P
Hey, did I say that she was anything other than stupid? := [in this capacity at least].
Equality in this sphere of social relationships is a great thing for all people really...well, most equality is like that anyway.
If I bought an engagement ring, I'd probably make it a skull ring from a christmas cracker, or a giant plastic one, something stupid and irritating. It's an arguably endearing trait I display.
Quote from: Las Naranjas on Mon 18/07/2005 23:51:30
Hey, did I say that she was anything other than stupid? := [in this capacity at least].
I didn't say that your friend was stupid, just that the whole idea of waiting for the men to take action was kinda silly. :)
If I ever propose, I'm gonna give that special girl something very special instead of a silly ring. Like my
Ultimate Pleasure Pack (Leisure Suit Larry). Nah, I think I'll keep it for myself. But maybe something else that means alot to me, to prove that she means more since I'm giving that thing away. Nah, too romantic. ;P
Quote from: Darth Mandarb on Mon 18/07/2005 16:18:39
Secondly, I hate the fact that I'm going to have to buy an uber-expensive ring just to get engaged. Jewelry has never made ANY sense to me. $3000.00 for a small shiny thing that does nothing but sit on a finger? What's the point?
"It shows you love her."
If it takes me spending $3000.00 to show I love her; 1) I'll buy her a nice Plasma screen HDTV which she'll get FAR more use out of than a little ring and 2) I would doubt the love existed at all if it boils down to spending money to prove it.
I had a 6-minute wedding with my wife a few years ago, with just the absolute immediate family as guests. It wasn't because we couldn't have paid for a big wedding but because we didn't want to; we had the same line of thought: we can spend that money on more exciting things. But then again, she's also my best friend. :)
Quote from: Las Naranjas on Mon 18/07/2005 23:35:55
I told her that if she couldn't handle the heat, she should get back in the kitchen.
Amen, brotha! I also think it's a bad situation for women, because in order to get women, men have to be on 24-7 alert and that's part of the reason for the whole pick-up culture that women (generally) poo-poo men for...but that's the sort of situation that type of thinking creates? I don't think anybody is really gonna get what they want unless they desire it enough to work for it. Every now and then i read/hear about some woman who still insists that her date pay for everything, everytime. Is this for real? Are there any men out there who would even consider dating someone like this anymore?
QuoteI told her that if she couldn't handle the heat, she should get back in the kitchen.
excellent
Thanks guys ^_^
Unfortunately, I only have about 12 days before I'm out of the country so there's no time to organise a romantic holiday. I've been trying to do this for months but I've been stressing about how so much it's never happened. I keep thinking, "Wait for the right time, wait for the right time" but I don't know when that is. My parents are arriving tonight and there'll be NO time to do it when they arrive. He's just told me he's coming back from work to do some banking at home for a bit... I planned on having a ring by now but you've convinced me it's not so important.
Maybe I should just do it now before I put it off again and again and it never gets done. (It's not like I don't know what the answer will be, and yet it's still scary!)
When you guys get married send me an invite, I want to come.
I'll cry like little baby.
Quote from: Kinoko on Tue 19/07/2005 01:51:22Maybe I should just do it now before I put it off again and again and it never gets done. (It's not like I don't know what the answer will be, and yet it's still scary!)
GO FOR IT!!!Let us know what happens[ed]!!
Go for it, Kinoko. Just the fact that you asked him should knock him dead. It'll be a big ego boost. Men will like the idea of being proposed to for the same reason women get all googly over it! I hope it turns out great.
*ahem*
I did the deed and I'm now engaged :)
Huge congratulations to Kinoko!!!
So what's the plan re: Japan? Is he going with you? He should. There are a lot of JETs 'round here with spouses or significant others.
Good luck!
"Doing the deed" is a intriquing way to propose, and lends itself to many double entendres about rings.
congrats kinoko. and on the 'ring' subject, Darth's first post made perfect sense. If proving love is going to cost three grand, buy something the partner can use, like a TV or a computer or a gun... on second thought, scratch that last oneÃ, ;)
Blake G
Congratulations Kinoko! On reading that last post of yours my respect for you went up tenfold. And believe me, that was pretty hard to do already.
Aww, thanks guys ^_^
I'm pretty darn happy about it, and he just keeps remarking about how unexpected it was, which makes me feel all cool because I'm one of the minority now.
Plus, this is VERY convenient because noone has to buy rings guessing what the other would like.
CONGRATULATIONS!!
How cool is that!?!
A bucket-load o' congratulations to you, Kinoko. ;D
Enjoy life in captivity.
Awesome, Kinoko. I'm happy for you.
That's great that he didn't see it coming. In a lot of ways, I think that's the ONLY requirement for a good proposal - that it be an awesome surprise. ;)
Congratulations!
No wonder this topic got started, and I'm glad that you broke the silly tradition...
Congratulations Kinoko! I admire you for having the guts to do that.
Many congratultions, Kinoko ;)
This is indeed awesome, Kinoko ;D
CONGRATS KINOKO!!!!!
That's awesome!!!!!
Bt
AWESOME :D
My respect for you just rose a gabillion times, which should be impossible! I'm feeling jumpy inside, but I don't wanna wake the folks up. Like your avatar, except he would've gotten it more than anyone else.
Whoa, awesome Kinky. D: Congrats. ^_^
I don't think I'd ever have to guts to do what you did...
Congratulations!
And loads of kudos points, for having the cojones to do it!Ã, 8)
You should see my cojones - HUGE!
Thanks again everyone! Wow, I feel like a celebrity. Maybe I should propose more often ^_^
Tonight is telling all the "folks" *gulp*
Congrats, Kinoko! I'm very happy for you.
Can we by chance see a picture of the happy couple?
Well done!
Just make sure he doesn't see this thread...
Congratulations! I sincerely wish you both all the happines in the world.
Isn't it amazing what happens when a woman tells a man what she actually wants instead of complaining about the man not caring enough to guess correctly. ;)
Quote from: RickJ on Wed 20/07/2005 05:16:11
Isn't it amazing what happens when a woman tells a man what she actually wants instead of complaining about the man not caring enough to guess correctly. ;)
Well, I've done my share of that, too :P
Kinoko, unless you proposed like this (http://www.comics.org/graphics/covers/1296/400/1296_4_131.jpg), there's no way you surprised him as much as you could've.
Congrats Kinoko,
I just read the thread from the hypothetical to the reality, well done and I hope it all goes down well with the folks, if you're all pretty close, I'm sure it will be exciting for everyone involved.
As for my personal views, I'd probably only get maried if the girl proposed (but don't quote me on it), as I personally don't see it as a necessity, if you love someone that much you don't need a fancy overpriced party, a few vowes, some rings and a piece of paper to prove it.
I guess it's just an old tradition.
But I'd go through with it if the girl wanted it. (and I wasn't financially involved)
Good Luck
Well done, lassie
now do what worm three said and show us some pics
Congrats Kinoko!
Very cool!
This is the most recent one I have. It's a goofy one of us out bowling with friends (noone tell him I did this! ^_-)
(http://kinoko.futariba.com/misc/goofy.jpg)
Clothing advertising industrial machinery turns me on too.
Kinoko, it's finally nice to see you.
<my cat voice> <comment: the voice i use with my kitties>
aaawwww you 2 are sooooo cute!!!!!!
</my cat voice>
I have a cat voice too, so I can totally hear that.
Congratulations, Kinoko!
Congrats to the bride to be!
Well *ahem* how did you go about it ?
Keeping us in suspense?
Once again congrats!
Hey, congrats :)
Congratulations. And remember, when a girl gets married she needs to have just three things on her mind:
Aisle
Altar
Hymn
(say it out loud)
I'd like to also say Congratulations! :D