Adventure Game Studio

Got this from an author forum I'm on and it's a good laugh.  Basically this is one continuing story, each person can add only 4 words to it.  They can be as zany or surreal as you like but should at least read like part of a proper sentence! 

I'll start off with a traditional intro... and then someone else adds 4 words, and we just keep going and see where this leads us!




Once upon a time


THE STORY SO FAR (thanks Kumpel and S-Made for collating some of the chapters):

Chapter 1

Once upon a time there was a goat which fell from a magical floating train station on top of a high mountain. The goat died horribly. Suddenly a gigantic beetle appeared in a wizard's robe to play with his bits and ennoble his manhood. "I bestow the sobriquet Du'Ray'cell the Ever Ready with the power to summon an army of Little dry humping bunnies." The beetle placed his cigar between his mandibles eagerly waiting for the opening of the portal. The goat carcass began to get dry humped , it moisturized it's hump, All in attendance despaired the carcass was repaired. In walked Fred Astaire saying this ain't fair dancing without a care The goat yelled "baahhh. Itch gonna get paid unless I get laid" the goat was afraid. When Du'Ray'Cell heard this she suddenly turned into a sidestreet and parked. The trunk popped open a can of Pepsi filled with Coca Cola which ripped a hole the size of the Queen's largest corgi's head , flew out of the earth's atmosphere and landed on the planet of Uranus! It was lucky Chief Inspector Beetle Juice with his partner called in time to stop Hillary Clinton from destroying Bill's collection of rare used toilet paper rolls. If only Oceanspirit Denis knew about his terminal case of raging halitosis, then he would be not in this story. However, he was unaware that his breath stank but the Wizard smelt his behind. That smells like dayowlron's last meal. He quipped. Meanwhile, robots stormed into the water, corrupting their morality chips. Suddenly a gigantic blue tortoise appeared asking him to suspend his disbelief. He sank into the vat of pig lard and found the great white shark named Dave Seaman. His teeth were underestimated, like a Ronaldinho with cat-like reflexes! Dave told him that there would never be another cake like the first cake in life. But he already knew that she was coming. She, being the notorious cat burglar of the of the 1980's. Suddenly she fell flat down on top of the goat. This made a horn poke right through her red underpanties. So it goes without saying. Suddenly the Pepsi can exploded and a Coca-Cola wave flooded the AGS forums. Oceanspirit Dennis was taken aside by AGA to Dave Gilbert, who only survived when they grabbed the goat corpse and bent it over a inflated AGS survival raft. The brown liquid had goat blood in it. It started seeping into it's hooves. So the AGS lifeguard dove into the mysterious depths to pull out the plug that was located near the bottom of the rumpus room thread. Now everyone thought it was about time to refresh the browser window to check if now the end was not. The forums smell of soda like the ancient pagoda or a modern decoder or ZX Spectrum loader, what a foul odor. From the goats shoulder Dave laid there dying, asking "What? How? WHY?" as the egg protruded out of his gills. The egg cracked open in a pool of distressingly malodorous amniotic fluid. Then out came small wobbly purple tentacle. An ominous creature peeked through the amniotic fluid and a a red egg suddenly fell onto dave's corpse. The ominous creature vomited violently from it's massive mouth, as it slowly ate Daves mangled corpse with a satisfied burp. Meanwhile, Danvzare attempted to climp up the goat. Fred called Du'Ray'Cell and slyly reversed the charges so that he might celebrate his birthday with Puff, the magic dragon. But Puff didn't want any cake because he was allergic to rabbit and the buttercream contained copious rabbit droppings. Still, he managed to sneak out of the crowded room undetected, because he is as fast as a ninja with his pretty killer tasting toothpaste. And then it happened. Ooooooooooooooo, then it happened. The incredible happening happened! Like nothing before it.  And like nothing since. It was oh so that someone or something would have been there just watching all the weasels traipse out of a back door somewhere, worshipping the goat cadaver in the hope that it would rise high but it didn't. Fifty minutes later they tried eating a Jill sandwich but they didn't have enough hot chlli sauce to make it taste like a good meal.

Chapter 2 

The Bogeyman. He's scary.

Chapter 3

The incident with a dead goat has got to stop being referenced.  It was an accident, that crashed into the dead goat's dead brother, Goaty McGoatface, and his cousin, Goatbert Goatington McGoatface who is unrelated to any goat that's breathing. The goat family decided to cull the herd so they visited the goathic church of the Holy Coptic Helicopter where everyone went on a rotory chip chop party wearing a pink tutu and a studded leather outfit for common bestiality. Everyone looked so pretty! Then the event began engulfed in a cloud of smoke, the goats gasped for free clean air, in an attempt to escape the matrix. Finding itself surprisingly trapped in the irrational course that is life, they began meditating violently. This caused structural damage in the space time continuum... Bad stuff then happened... ..., despite many complacent predictions, things had suddenly gone pear-shaped.  However, no one ever heard from the goat again. And that was the beginning of the apocalypse. Sticky was the apocolypse, it never went away but stayed suspended in "Fireballs-in-face" stage thinking "what is this madness about goat corpses that keeps popping up?" Just then, a goat decided to prove her strength in a contest of wits, despite how desperate it tried to think of a reason not to start with no functional frontal lobe but could not find neither heads or tails of its relatives. This shocking revelation made it convulse uncontrollably for hours until he come and me wan' go home in the daylight hours of Raccoon City's airport. Apo the Apocalypse knew that the end was not yet in sight and so she hired an army of squirrels to ravish the land. The squirrels began by summoning an ancient, dead Lollypop lady complete with her beloved, dead, hircine. The lady then exploded and to everyone's relief she wasn't radioactive. After removing her bits from from their fluffy tails, the squirrels decided to throw a dancing party! During the party, the absolute best samba moves were nothing compared to the Doritos served at Sid's bar. They then released salsa from the salsa reservoir, and flooded the dance floor with spicy tomato sauce and sticky cheddar cheese. By sheer luck, the cheese was tasty and delicious but also very fattening. "Oh cheese! to thee I give ye a golden opportunity to be eaten by me." The music became more lively as the storm approached  and the summoning began to bring together all ducks and whales to party like it's 1999 and summon the lollypop to the other side of the college campus for the lady with large hair and bigger hircine than before, was completely lost in this perplexingly metaphysical ritualistic conundrum. And then it ended. And the sun rose... and the moon ripened... and the night faded. And then it happened! And it happened again! Harold's uncontrollable flatulence was in fact the big secret ingredient of the three tier wedding cake. Who got married? That will remain a mystery. Even to those married.

Chapter 4

A new beginning was in order to correct the mistakes made by malodorous creatures with goat flat feet. 
It would be challenging to convince the judge to convict the goat. 
Even with the mountains flattened because of the huge flying saucer that Du'Ray'Cell summoned to undo The never ending bunny.
But still, they would carry on dancing merrily round the mulberry bush.
It was said that two wise homeless men died when they saw the unfathomable darkness of solitude and monkeys which enjoyed dining on mouldy goat carcasses covered in sweet putrefied flesh and even sweeter royal icing.
It was a feast, not for the eyes but for the small intestine of the lesser known heroes of the realm of flatulence.
Several goats joined the feast, showing appallingly bad taste in regards to their choice of Hawaiian shorts and heavy snow jackets.
But it worked, and the fashion police came rejoicing greatly about the goatskin jackets that the fedora wearing american archeologist had found in Tutankhamun's chamber pot, leading to the goat's conviction happening, a.k.a. The GCH.
Every time it rains, the goats are herded into coffee shops where they sit and gossip about greener grass on the back of a giant pimple.
Suddenly, the coffee, which was formerly delicious, became rather lukewarm, like the semen of a shaggy Arabian horse.
Then, in unison, people started to yell "Hakuna Matata!".
And suddenly they all grew horns and hooves and galloped into the mouth of a giant thermonuclear reactor core, which caused them to become superheroes who fought against people staring at goats.
Twenty years later, the horrendous smell of their feces could be used to seduce a large group of trolls into relinquishing the secret to the island of monkeys where people go to read Agatha Christie novels and spread their sweaty skin all over.
Meanwhile, the polar caps continued to be exploited by Santa and his shameless nudist elves, who loved to put their tiny asses in the snow.
It was ironic because elves always complain about how the cold snow makes their feet swallow.
Later, the goats eventually settled their differences with a roshambo tournament; however, due to their hooves they couldn't quite walk nor rashambo each other.
Unfortunately it was the final round of the popular game known as "Eat Your Own Head While Jumping On One", a traditional pastime in the outermost reaches of Flatheadia.
The naughty spanking of apple trees in your area is a way to distract the public from truth that Tycho Magnetic Anomalies happen, even if you don't yet notice them happening.
Which is all very Christmas and a happy gay old time for humbug-loving aardvark mutatants, considering the fact that most them don't even have a pre-frontal cortex but they do have a good sense of whether or not they're genuinely funny, or just desperately trying to get a glimpse of the second sun.
"Enough!" said Gurok, who ironically was the cause for the first sun becoming too "mainstream" for the goats.

Chapter 5

On the side of bread that's not buttered is the buttered side.
My brain hurts now, a pulsing reminder of how life feels when you realize that butter is sometimes tangentially transient.
But butter can also create a feeling of deep obsession, on account of the polish milkladies who smear it on liberally when hunky firefighters take a break from fighting fire and sipping non-alcoholic cocktails.
This is a testament to their quite incredible butter skills and their copious amounts of churned cream.
If you think that's crazy, just wait till you hear about what they like to do to with goat milk!
They never seen the face sophisticated pasteurization protocols until the goat butter machine went offline due to unprecedented server load.
The only silver lining was the small quantity of butter that was found when the mythical dairy vault was opened with the skeleton key revealed the day before.
"I hereby declare you goat and therefore you must now leave", the overseer said.
"What's going on?!" cried the master pasteurizer, revealing presently his intent to cause untold mayhem, by releasing a fourth side to the three-sided Triangle of Unintentional Doom.
The triangle of WHAT?
The Triangle of DOOM.
And thus the universe was never the same.
At the end of the day, all goats went to bed early, only to find that their testicles had developed the ability to commit inexcusable sin.
When seals would rub their flippers together vigorously, the heat becomes unbearable in seconds.
If anyone is getting mixed signals from this continuous stream of disconnected sentence fragments, we apologise.
We apologize so much, that an apology alone seems worthless in comparison to the hopeless desperation of basement dwelling nerds.

Chapter 6

A loud noise was heard coming from the Polish milkladies who had dropped ALL the jugs of goat milk.
But they were not fired because of their amazing lawyers.
Good to have someone to call when the going gets tough, because these ladies were summoned by the great God Of Dairy Products, Da'r-EE-Le'e, whose face was that of Nicolas Cage wearing John Travolta's face.
"Grease" or "Battlefield Earth"? asked the iridescent ponies, who got punished instantly by Roger Ebert's ghost.
Later, the goats heard that their herd was heard, although they quietly hoard horribly hairy hats.
Suddenly, a giant blue whale swam by, blowing whale-sized spit balls at God, which is ironic because God had just made the whale so strong that even the other Gods said, "Holy shit! He's dead!"
It was clear that this could never have been foreseen by the oracle conveniently hidden in plain sight.
That said, the oracle's mysterious words transcended time and space.
"Far out, dude," said the omniscient observer to his plant named Chuck.
Chuck didn't reply, but grew some more leaves.
The observer, LeChuck Junior, then decided to write strongly worded letters to his proctologist.
These letters were so red that it was a pain and a pleasure for all those in attendance when they were read by computers, double speed.
Nobody could ever think that the goats were down with the sickness and gifted with madness.
Because they had certificates of authenticity, these goats were worth quite a goat-load of money.
Then Lechuck Junior gave ClickClickClick as goat food to the goat god.
The goat god was actually Billy Connolly.
He liked ClickClickClick's taste, but the aftertaste was bitter.
Afterwards, the goat god made an eleventh Commandment dictating that goats, henceforth, should only wear fluorescent cheap sheep wool caps.
Naturally, the sheep were afraid of luminous water and cheese wheels, so they decided to convert to a new religion where goats don't need to be involved. 
This made fluorescent caps go up in market value so goats couldn't afford their strangely iridescent headgear which would sit atop the fourth wall.
Then many beautiful goat maidens were chosen to become, like so many before, chefs to the octopus overlords worshiping golden idols of Bob the Builder.

Chapter 7

7921 years prior, Mister Wigglebottom was watering his watermelon patch when he discovered a hole in the space-time continuum, leading refreshening lemonade through a funnel, then a sieve, then a series of interconnected tubes, ultimately spilling out into the open, nebulous black of space.
Afraid of what he might encounter.
The great space explorer Rex Wilco whipped off his pink flesh, revealing his skeleton.
Rex then started singing, playing bones like xylophones, rhyming verses that should never ever be rhymed.
His song ascended into a funky beat, reminiscent of a funkier time. And then he jumped cause they said so.
Who are they? 
Well, it's hard to say.
Starting at the beginning, there was a goat-shaped cloud, an omen of goats to come.
And how they came.
But how they came to coming was how they left the flock.
"Silence!" bellowed a presumptuous armadillo with rainbow hair and a butt tattoo of a bean burrito.
"Without a doubt, this is a most delicious burrito!" Exclaimed the armadillo.
"Not so fast," snapped a snapping turtle named Snappy the Snapitious Snapitor, of Snapping Snappton.
The way he said it implied deep knowledge of speed. 
Indeed, he is a renowned master of "Gotta Go Fast" theory.
"Sooooo you think you can dance?  Show me."
Slow and sexy he performed the paso doble, which was a very awkward dance, performed solo.
"Not bad but you could use a partner."
Here, take this one, the Armadillo said as he openend his big satchel of inflatable dolls.
One for you and you and you and...him.
"Now let's see if you're good enough to dance upside-down, darling," he quipped as the room slowly began to rotate slowly and then slowly even slower.
Finally he found viagra flavoured water in his sexy looking inflatable doll.
Drinking it quickly, he got Smurf blue teeth.
"What? No boner?" he shoutet at his penis, sputtering blue liquid everywhere.
"WHY!?!" He screamed.
Suddenly his teeth started to grow quite rapidly. 
Tusks began to form, and, realizing this, the armadillo shouted thrilled "It's alive!!!"

Chapter 8

It was the best time for a nuclear meltdown.
But Snappy didn't like eating Plutonium sauce without an uranium topping, so he uncorked a bottle of his finest North Korean nuke flavoured vomit with carrot chunks, applying them generously with radiant whip cream and succulent hippopotamus rump steak.
"This hippo meat originated from my wife, who can't stand the pressure of being married to Ol' Snappy here," he claimed.
"I hope she doesn't mind if I eat her." Snappy then opened a secret compartment revealing an inter-dimensional portal in orange and blue gift wrapping, that never was activated.
He then went through the portal, just to find out where it led.
Little computer people looked at the end credits, surprised by the hidden meaning of "No animals were harmed during the making of this sentence".
Strange to think that only yesterday he was recovering from sentence-induced wounds.
Crying, a thing he never knew existed until now.
Laughing, a thing he practiced copiously, albeit with little enthusiasm.
When goats laugh, they usually blow trumpeting sounds from their anal openings while yelling furiously at each other's parents in incoherent haiku.
When goats cry, everything falls apart, literally everything.
But goat tears form shapes nobody would ever want to see described.
Out of the blue AGS cup, came a disgusting smell that was somewhat like rotting skunk or a McDonald's burger.
Snappy took a sip, "gaak! schwaa! blurgh! EEEEEEeeeeeeee..." he cried, melting into a goat-shaped puddle of putrescent, sizzling, multi-colored slime.
The slime then began to take the form of Old Snappy but this time he had mutations, including terrible bulging forearms and an appetite like a goat in heat.
Feeling like someone who could take on a drunk mall Santa, this monstrous Snappy mutation began to rampage through a tulip garden.
Ironically, this garden was poisoned, which made him even more determined to find solace among the trees.
A friendly bird came to warn Snappy of the poisoned tulip garden hidden deep within the past, and he remembered.
He remembered the tumoils, the tumors, and turmoils, tortoises, turtles and terrapins, tortillas, traffic cones, and turgid topaz-tinted tarantulas tearing through the terrain.
This needless alliteration was also an arbitrary agitation, aggravating Albert and Anita, amazingly activating artificial anacondas slithering sideways so skillfully.
Suddenly Snappy sought salvation.

there was a goat

which fell from a

magical floating train station

on top of a

high mountain. The goat

died horribly. Suddenly a

gigantic beetle appeared in

a wizard's robe to

play with his bits.

and ennoble his manhood.

"I bestow the sobriquet

Du'Ray'cell the Ever Ready

with the power to

Spoiler

Yeah, I've played these before and they are a lot of fun, especially when the story is assembled every ten pages or so (laugh)

[close]

summon an army of

Little dry humping bunnies.

" The beetle placed his

cigar between his mandibles

eagerly waiting for the

opening of the portal.

The goat carcass began

to get dry humped

*Considering nobody has continued this yet, I understand that I am sick, and I will seek professional help immediately!

, it moisturized it's hump,

All in attendance despaired

the carcass was repaired.

In walked Fred Astaire

saying this ain't fair

dancing without a care

The goat yelled "baahhh"

"itch gonna get paid"

"unless I get laid"

the goat was afraid.

When Du'Ray'Cell heard this

she suddenly turned into

a sidestreet and parked.

The trunk popped open

a can of Pepsi

filled with Coca Cola

which ripped a hole

the size of the

Queen's largest corgi's head

, flew out of the

@Danzvazare

Spoiler

QuoteThe trunk popped open a can of Pepsi filled with Coca Cola which ripped a hole the size of the Queen's largest corgi's head flew out of the ...

Please add a comma in front of "flew"?!

[close]

earth's atmosphere and landed

on the planet of

Uranus! It was lucky

Chief Inspector Beetle Juice

with his partner called

in time to stop

Hillary Clinton from destroying

Bill's collection of rare

used toilet paper rolls

. If only Oceanspirit Denis

knew about his terminal

case of raging halitosis

, then he would be

not in this story.

However, he was unaware

that his breath stank

but the Wizard smelt

his behind. That smells

like my last meal.

He quipped. Meanwhile, robots

stormed into the water

, corrupting their morality chips.

Suddenly a gigantic blue

tortoise appeared asking him

to suspend his disbelief.

He sank into the

vat of pig lard

and found the great

white shark named Dave

Seaman. His teeth were

underestimated, like a Ronaldinho

with cat-like reflexes!

Dave told him that

There would never be

another cake like the

first cake in life.

But he already knew

that she was coming.

She, being the notorious

cat burglar of the

of the 1980's. Suddenly

she fell flat down

on top of the

goat. This made a

horn poke right through

her red underpanties. So

it goes without saying.

Suddenly the Pepsi can exploded

and a Coca-Cola wave

flooded the AGS forums.

Oceanspirit Dennis was taken

aside by AGA to

Dave Gilbert, who only

survived when they grabbed

the goat corpse and

bent it over a

inflated AGS survival raft.

The brown liquid had

goat blood in it.

It started seeping into

it's hooves. So the

AGS lifeguard dove into

the mysterious depths to

pull out the plug

that was located near

the bottom of the

rumpus room thread. Now

everyone thought it was

about time to refresh

the browser window to

check if now the

end.

















It was not.

The forums smell of soda

like the ancient pagoda

or a modern decoder

or ZX Spectrum loader

, what a foul odor.

From the goats shoulder.

Dave laid there dying

asking "What? How? WHY?????????????"

as the egg protruded

out of his gills.

The egg cracked open

in a pool of

distressingly malodorous amniotic fluid

then out came a

small wobbly purple tentacle.

An ominous creature peeked through

the amniotic fluid and

a red egg suddenly

fell onto dave's corpse.

The ominous creature vomited

violently from it's massive

mouth, as it slowly

ate Daves mangled corpse.

With a satisfied burp

. Meanwhile, Danvzare attempted to

climp up the goat.

Fred called Du'Ray'Cell and

slyly reversed the charges

so that he might

celebrate his birthday with

Puff, the magic dragon.

But Puff didn't want

any cake because he

was allergic to rabbit

and the buttercream contained

copious rabbit droppings.  Still,

he managed to sneak

out of the crowded

room undetected, because he

is as fast as

a ninja with his

pretty killer tasting toothpaste.

And then it happened.

Ooooooooooooooo, then it happened.

The incredible happening happened!

Like nothing before it.

And like nothing since.

It was oh so

that someone or something

would have been there

just watching all the

weasels traipse out of

a back door somewhere

, worshipping the goat cadaver

in the hope that

it would rise high

but it didn't. Fifty

minutes later they tried

eating a Jill sandwich

but they didn't have

enough hot chlli sauce

to make it taste

like a good meal.

Chapter 2 - The Bogeyman.

He's scary. Chapter 3 -

The incident with a

dead goat has got

to stop being referenced.

It was an accident,

that crashed into the

dead goat's dead brother

, Goaty McGoatface, and his

cousin, Goatbert Goatington McGoatface

who is unrelated to

any goat that's breathing.

The goat family decided

to cull the herd

so they visited the

goathic church of the

Holy Coptic Helicopter where

everyone went on a

rotory chip chop party

wearing a pink tutu

and a studded leather

outfit for common bestiality

. Everyone looked so pretty!

Then the event began

engulfed in a cloud

of smoke, the goats

gasped for free clean

air, in an attempt

to escape the matrix.

Finding itself surprisingly trapped

in the irrational course

that is life, they

began meditating violently. This

caused structural damage in

the space time continuum...

Bad stuff then  happened...

..., despite many complacent predictions

, things had suddenly gone

gone pear-shaped.  However,

no one ever heard

from the goat again.

And that was the

beginning of the apocalypse.

Sticky was the apocolypse,

it never went away

but stayed suspended in

"Fireballs-in-face" stage

thinking "what is this

madness about goat corpses

that keeps popping up?"

Just then, a goat

decided to prove her

strength in a contest

of wits, despite how

desperate it tried to

think of a reason

not to start with

no functional frontal lobe

but could not find

neither heads or tails

of its relatives. This

shocking revelation made it

convulse uncontrollably for hours

until he come and

me wan' go home

in the daylight hours

of Raccoon City's airport.

Apo the Apocalypse knew

that the end was

not yet in sight

and so she hired

an army of squirrels

to ravish the land.

The squirrels began by

summoning an ancient, dead

Lollypop lady complete with

her beloved, dead, hircine

. The lady then exploded

and to everyone's relief

she wasn't radioactive. After

removing her bits from

from their fluffy tails,

the squirrels decided to

throw a dancing party!

During the party, the

absolute best samba moves

were nothing compared to

the Doritos served at

Sid's bar. They then

released salsa from the

salsa reservoir, and flooded

the dance floor with

spicy tomato sauce and

sticky cheddar cheese. By

sheer luck, the cheese

was tasty and delicious

but also very fattening.

Oh cheese! to thee

I give ye a

golden opportunity to be

eaten by me. The

music became more lively

as the storm approached

and the summoning began

to bring together all

ducks and whales to

party like it's 1999

and summon the lollypop

to the other side

of the college campus

for the lady with

large hair and bigger

hircine than before, was

completely lost in this

perplexingly metaphysical ritualistic conundrum.

And then it ended.

And the sun rose...

and the moon ripened...

and the night faded.

And then it happened!

And it happened again!

Harold's uncontrollable flatulence was

in fact the big

secret ingredient of the

three tier wedding cake.

Who got married? That

will remain a mystery.

Even to those married.

I found the time to sum up the first 8 pages of this amazing story with slight changes in grammar and replacing a me with the poster's name :)
Maybe CaptainD or Snarky could add it to the first post.


Once upon a time there was a goat which fell from a magical floating train station on top of a high mountain. The goat died horribly. Suddenly a gigantic beetle appeared in a wizard's robe to play with his bits and ennoble his manhood. "I bestow the sobriquet Du'Ray'cell the Ever Ready with the power to summon an army of Little dry humping bunnies." The beetle placed his cigar between his mandibles eagerly waiting for the opening of the portal. The goat carcass began to get dry humped , it moisturized it's hump, All in attendance despaired the carcass was repaired. In walked Fred Astaire saying this ain't fair dancing without a care The goat yelled "baahhh. Itch gonna get paid unless I get laid" the goat was afraid. When Du'Ray'Cell heard this she suddenly turned into a sidestreet and parked. The trunk popped open a can of Pepsi filled with Coca Cola which ripped a hole the size of the Queen's largest corgi's head , flew out of the earth's atmosphere and landed on the planet of Uranus! It was lucky Chief Inspector Beetle Juice with his partner called in time to stop Hillary Clinton from destroying Bill's collection of rare used toilet paper rolls. If only Oceanspirit Denis knew about his terminal case of raging halitosis, then he would be not in this story. However, he was unaware that his breath stank but the Wizard smelt his behind. That smells like dayowlron's last meal. He quipped. Meanwhile, robots stormed into the water, corrupting their morality chips. Suddenly a gigantic blue tortoise appeared asking him to suspend his disbelief. He sank into the vat of pig lard and found the great white shark named Dave Seaman. His teeth were underestimated, like a Ronaldinho with cat-like reflexes! Dave told him that there would never be another cake like the first cake in life. But he already knew that she was coming. She, being the notorious cat burglar of the of the 1980's. Suddenly she fell flat down on top of the goat. This made a horn poke right through her red underpanties. So it goes without saying. Suddenly the Pepsi can exploded and a Coca-Cola wave flooded the AGS forums. Oceanspirit Dennis was taken aside by AGA to Dave Gilbert, who only survived when they grabbed the goat corpse and bent it over a inflated AGS survival raft. The brown liquid had goat blood in it. It started seeping into it's hooves. So the AGS lifeguard dove into the mysterious depths to pull out the plug that was located near the bottom of the rumpus room thread. Now everyone thought it was about time to refresh the browser window to check if now the end was not. The forums smell of soda like the ancient pagoda or a modern decoder or ZX Spectrum loader, what a foul odor. From the goats shoulder Dave laid there dying, asking "What? How? WHY?" as the egg protruded out of his gills. The egg cracked open in a pool of distressingly malodorous amniotic fluid. Then out came small wobbly purple tentacle. An ominous creature peeked through the amniotic fluid and a a red egg suddenly fell onto dave's corpse. The ominous creature vomited violently from it's massive mouth, as it slowly ate Daves mangled corpse with a satisfied burp. Meanwhile, Danvzare attempted to climp up the goat. Fred called Du'Ray'Cell and slyly reversed the charges so that he might celebrate his birthday with Puff, the magic dragon. But Puff didn't want any cake because he was allergic to rabbit and the buttercream contained copious rabbit droppings. Still, he managed to sneak out of the crowded room undetected, because he is as fast as a ninja with his pretty killer tasting toothpaste. And then it happened. Ooooooooooooooo, then it happened. The incredible happening happened! Like nothing before it.

The next 8 pages will follow soon, as long as nobody else will do it in the meantime. :P

Let's continue:


Fourth Chapter:
A new

beginning was in order


(Thanks for collating, I've added it to the first post :-D)

to correct the mistakes

made by malodorous creatures

with goat flat feet.

It would be challenging

to convince the judge

to convict the goat.

Even with the mountains

flattened because of the

huge flying saucer that

Du'Ray'Cell summoned to undo

Pages 8 to 16 (wtf)

And like nothing since. It was oh so that someone or something would have been there just watching all the weasels traipse out of a back door somewhere, worshipping the goat cadaver in the hope that it would rise high but it didn't. Fifty minutes later they tried eating a Jill sandwich but they didn't have enough hot chlli sauce to make it taste like a good meal.

Chapter 2 - The Bogeyman.
He's scary.

Chapter 3 - The incident with a dead goat has got to stop being referenced.
It was an accident, that crashed into the dead goat's dead brother, Goaty McGoatface, and his cousin, Goatbert Goatington McGoatface who is unrelated to any goat that's breathing. The goat family decided to cull the herd so they visited the goathic church of the Holy Coptic Helicopter where everyone went on a rotory chip chop party wearing a pink tutu and a studded leather outfit for common bestiality. Everyone looked so pretty! Then the event began engulfed in a cloud of smoke, the goats gasped for free clean air, in an attempt to escape the matrix. Finding itself surprisingly trapped in the irrational course that is life, they began meditating violently. This caused structural damage in the space time continuum... Bad stuff then happened... ..., despite many complacent predictions, things had suddenly gone pear-shaped.  However, no one ever heard from the goat again. And that was the beginning of the apocalypse. Sticky was the apocolypse, it never went away but stayed suspended in "Fireballs-in-face" stage thinking "what is this madness about goat corpses that keeps popping up?" Just then, a goat decided to prove her strength in a contest of wits, despite how desperate it tried to think of a reason not to start with no functional frontal lobe but could not find neither heads or tails of its relatives. This shocking revelation made it convulse uncontrollably for hours until he come and me wan' go home in the daylight hours of Raccoon City's airport. Apo the Apocalypse knew that the end was not yet in sight and so she hired an army of squirrels to ravish the land. The squirrels began by summoning an ancient, dead Lollypop lady complete with her beloved, dead, hircine. The lady then exploded and to everyone's relief she wasn't radioactive. After removing her bits from from their fluffy tails, the squirrels decided to throw a dancing party! During the party, the absolute best samba moves were nothing compared to the Doritos served at Sid's bar. They then released salsa from the salsa reservoir, and flooded the dance floor with spicy tomato sauce and sticky cheddar cheese. By sheer luck, the cheese was tasty and delicious but also very fattening. "Oh cheese! to thee I give ye a golden opportunity to be eaten by me." The music became more lively as the storm approached  and the summoning began to bring together all ducks and whales to party like it's 1999 and summon the lollypop to the other side of the college campus for the lady with large hair and bigger hircine than before, was completely lost in this perplexingly metaphysical ritualistic conundrum. And then it ended. And the sun rose... and the moon ripened... and the night faded. And then it happened! And it happened again! Harold's uncontrollable flatulence was in fact the big secret ingredient of the three tier wedding cake. Who got married? That will remain a mystery. Even to those married.

Happy continues!

the never ending bunny.

But still, they would

THE STORY SO FAR

Chapter 1

Once upon a time there was a goat which fell from a magical floating train station on top of a high mountain. The goat died horribly. Suddenly a gigantic beetle appeared in a wizard's robe to play with his bits and ennoble his manhood. "I bestow the sobriquet Du'Ray'cell the Ever Ready with the power to summon an army of Little dry humping bunnies." The beetle placed his cigar between his mandibles eagerly waiting for the opening of the portal. The goat carcass began to get dry humped , it moisturized it's hump, All in attendance despaired the carcass was repaired. In walked Fred Astaire saying this ain't fair dancing without a care The goat yelled "baahhh. Itch gonna get paid unless I get laid" the goat was afraid. When Du'Ray'Cell heard this she suddenly turned into a sidestreet and parked. The trunk popped open a can of Pepsi filled with Coca Cola which ripped a hole the size of the Queen's largest corgi's head , flew out of the earth's atmosphere and landed on the planet of Uranus! It was lucky Chief Inspector Beetle Juice with his partner called in time to stop Hillary Clinton from destroying Bill's collection of rare used toilet paper rolls. If only Oceanspirit Denis knew about his terminal case of raging halitosis, then he would be not in this story. However, he was unaware that his breath stank but the Wizard smelt his behind. That smells like dayowlron's last meal. He quipped. Meanwhile, robots stormed into the water, corrupting their morality chips. Suddenly a gigantic blue tortoise appeared asking him to suspend his disbelief. He sank into the vat of pig lard and found the great white shark named Dave Seaman. His teeth were underestimated, like a Ronaldinho with cat-like reflexes! Dave told him that there would never be another cake like the first cake in life. But he already knew that she was coming. She, being the notorious cat burglar of the of the 1980's. Suddenly she fell flat down on top of the goat. This made a horn poke right through her red underpanties. So it goes without saying. Suddenly the Pepsi can exploded and a Coca-Cola wave flooded the AGS forums. Oceanspirit Dennis was taken aside by AGA to Dave Gilbert, who only survived when they grabbed the goat corpse and bent it over a inflated AGS survival raft. The brown liquid had goat blood in it. It started seeping into it's hooves. So the AGS lifeguard dove into the mysterious depths to pull out the plug that was located near the bottom of the rumpus room thread. Now everyone thought it was about time to refresh the browser window to check if now the end was not. The forums smell of soda like the ancient pagoda or a modern decoder or ZX Spectrum loader, what a foul odor. From the goats shoulder Dave laid there dying, asking "What? How? WHY?" as the egg protruded out of his gills. The egg cracked open in a pool of distressingly malodorous amniotic fluid. Then out came small wobbly purple tentacle. An ominous creature peeked through the amniotic fluid and a a red egg suddenly fell onto dave's corpse. The ominous creature vomited violently from it's massive mouth, as it slowly ate Daves mangled corpse with a satisfied burp. Meanwhile, Danvzare attempted to climp up the goat. Fred called Du'Ray'Cell and slyly reversed the charges so that he might celebrate his birthday with Puff, the magic dragon. But Puff didn't want any cake because he was allergic to rabbit and the buttercream contained copious rabbit droppings. Still, he managed to sneak out of the crowded room undetected, because he is as fast as a ninja with his pretty killer tasting toothpaste. And then it happened. Ooooooooooooooo, then it happened. The incredible happening happened! Like nothing before it.  And like nothing since. It was oh so that someone or something would have been there just watching all the weasels traipse out of a back door somewhere, worshipping the goat cadaver in the hope that it would rise high but it didn't. Fifty minutes later they tried eating a Jill sandwich but they didn't have enough hot chlli sauce to make it taste like a good meal.

Chapter 2 

The Bogeyman. He's scary.

Chapter 3

The incident with a dead goat has got to stop being referenced.  It was an accident, that crashed into the dead goat's dead brother, Goaty McGoatface, and his cousin, Goatbert Goatington McGoatface who is unrelated to any goat that's breathing. The goat family decided to cull the herd so they visited the goathic church of the Holy Coptic Helicopter where everyone went on a rotory chip chop party wearing a pink tutu and a studded leather outfit for common bestiality. Everyone looked so pretty! Then the event began engulfed in a cloud of smoke, the goats gasped for free clean air, in an attempt to escape the matrix. Finding itself surprisingly trapped in the irrational course that is life, they began meditating violently. This caused structural damage in the space time continuum... Bad stuff then happened... ..., despite many complacent predictions, things had suddenly gone pear-shaped.  However, no one ever heard from the goat again. And that was the beginning of the apocalypse. Sticky was the apocolypse, it never went away but stayed suspended in "Fireballs-in-face" stage thinking "what is this madness about goat corpses that keeps popping up?" Just then, a goat decided to prove her strength in a contest of wits, despite how desperate it tried to think of a reason not to start with no functional frontal lobe but could not find neither heads or tails of its relatives. This shocking revelation made it convulse uncontrollably for hours until he come and me wan' go home in the daylight hours of Raccoon City's airport. Apo the Apocalypse knew that the end was not yet in sight and so she hired an army of squirrels to ravish the land. The squirrels began by summoning an ancient, dead Lollypop lady complete with her beloved, dead, hircine. The lady then exploded and to everyone's relief she wasn't radioactive. After removing her bits from from their fluffy tails, the squirrels decided to throw a dancing party! During the party, the absolute best samba moves were nothing compared to the Doritos served at Sid's bar. They then released salsa from the salsa reservoir, and flooded the dance floor with spicy tomato sauce and sticky cheddar cheese. By sheer luck, the cheese was tasty and delicious but also very fattening. "Oh cheese! to thee I give ye a golden opportunity to be eaten by me." The music became more lively as the storm approached  and the summoning began to bring together all ducks and whales to party like it's 1999 and summon the lollypop to the other side of the college campus for the lady with large hair and bigger hircine than before, was completely lost in this perplexingly metaphysical ritualistic conundrum. And then it ended. And the sun rose... and the moon ripened... and the night faded. And then it happened! And it happened again! Harold's uncontrollable flatulence was in fact the big secret ingredient of the three tier wedding cake. Who got married? That will remain a mystery. Even to those married.

Chapter 4

A new beginning was in order to correct the mistakes made by malodorous creatures with goat flat feet.  It would be challenging to convince the judge to convict the goat.  Even with the mountains flattened because of the huge flying saucer that Du'Ray'Cell summoned to undo The never ending bunny.  But still, they would


carry on dancing merrily

round the mulberry bush.

It was said that

two wise homeless men

died when they saw

the unfathomable darkness of

solitude and monkeys which

enjoyed dining on mouldy

goat carcasses covered in

sweet putrefied flesh and

even sweeter royal icing.

It was a feast

, not for the eyes

but for the small

intestine of the lesser

known heroes of the

realm of flatulence. Several

goats joined the feast

, showing appallingly bad taste

in regards to their

choice of Hawaiian shorts

and heavy snow jackets.

But it worked, and

the fashion police came

rejoicing greatly about the

goatskin jackets that the

fedora wearing american archeologist

had found in Tutankhamun's

chamber pot, leading to

the goat's conviction happening

, a.k.a. The GCH. Every

time it rains, the

goats are herded into

coffee shops where they

sit and gossip about

greener grass on the

back of a giant

pimple. Suddenly, the coffee

, which was formerly delicious,

became rather lukewarm, like

the semen of a

shaggy Arabian horse. Then,

in unison, people started

to yell "Hakuna Matata!".

And suddenly they all

grew horns and hooves

and galloped into the

mouth of a giant

thermonuclear reactor core, which

caused them to become

superheroes who fought against

people staring at goats

. Twenty years later, the

horrendous smell of their

feces could be used

to seduce a large

group of trolls into

relinquishing the secret to

the island of monkeys

where people go to

read Agatha Christie novels

and spread their sweaty

skin all over. Meanwhile,

the polar caps continued

to be exploited by

Santa and his shameless

nudist elves, who loved

to put their tiny

asses in the snow.

It was ironic because

elves always complain about

how the cold snow

makes their feet swallow.

Later, the goats eventually

settled their differences with

a roshambo tournament; however,

due to their hooves

they couldn't quite walk

nor rashambo each other.

Unfortunately it was the

final round of the

popular game known as

"Eat Your Own Head"

"While jumping on one"

, a traditional pastime in

the outermost reaches of

Flatheadia. The naughty spanking

of apple trees in

your area is a

way to distract the

public from truth that

Tycho Magnetic Anomalies happen

, even if you don't

yet notice them happening.

Which is all very

Christmas and a happy

gay old time for

humbug-loving aardvark mutatants

, considering the fact that

most them don't even

have a pre-frontal cortex

but they do have

a good sense of

whether or not they're

genuinely funny, or just

desperately trying to get

a glimpse of the

second sun. "Enough!" said

Gurok, who ironically was

the cause for the

first sun becoming too

"mainstream" for the goats.

And here is the summary for chapter 4:

A new beginning was in order to correct the mistakes made by malodorous creatures with goat flat feet. 
It would be challenging to convince the judge to convict the goat. 
Even with the mountains flattened because of the huge flying saucer that Du'Ray'Cell summoned to undo The never ending bunny.
But still, they would carry on dancing merrily round the mulberry bush.
It was said that two wise homeless men died when they saw the unfathomable darkness of solitude and monkeys which enjoyed dining on mouldy goat carcasses covered in sweet putrefied flesh and even sweeter royal icing.
It was a feast, not for the eyes but for the small intestine of the lesser known heroes of the realm of flatulence.
Several goats joined the feast, showing appallingly bad taste in regards to their choice of Hawaiian shorts and heavy snow jackets.
But it worked, and the fashion police came rejoicing greatly about the goatskin jackets that the fedora wearing american archeologist had found in Tutankhamun's chamber pot, leading to the goat's conviction happening, a.k.a. The GCH.
Every time it rains, the goats are herded into coffee shops where they sit and gossip about greener grass on the back of a giant pimple.
Suddenly, the coffee, which was formerly delicious, became rather lukewarm, like the semen of a shaggy Arabian horse.
Then, in unison, people started to yell "Hakuna Matata!".
And suddenly they all grew horns and hooves and galloped into the mouth of a giant thermonuclear reactor core, which caused them to become superheroes who fought against people staring at goats.
Twenty years later, the horrendous smell of their feces could be used to seduce a large group of trolls into relinquishing the secret to the island of monkeys where people go to read Agatha Christie novels and spread their sweaty skin all over.
Meanwhile, the polar caps continued to be exploited by Santa and his shameless nudist elves, who loved to put their tiny asses in the snow.
It was ironic because elves always complain about how the cold snow makes their feet swallow.
Later, the goats eventually settled their differences with a roshambo tournament; however, due to their hooves they couldn't quite walk nor rashambo each other.
Unfortunately it was the final round of the popular game known as "Eat Your Own Head While Jumping On One", a traditional pastime in the outermost reaches of Flatheadia.
The naughty spanking of apple trees in your area is a way to distract the public from truth that Tycho Magnetic Anomalies happen, even if you don't yet notice them happening.
Which is all very Christmas and a happy gay old time for humbug-loving aardvark mutatants, considering the fact that most them don't even have a pre-frontal cortex but they do have a good sense of whether or not they're genuinely funny, or just desperately trying to get a glimpse of the second sun.
"Enough!" said Gurok, who ironically was the cause for the first sun becoming too "mainstream" for the goats.

(laugh)(laugh)(laugh) My vote for best sentence in that chapter:

'Meanwhile, the polar caps continued to be exploited by Santa and his shameless nudist elves, who loved to put their tiny asses in the snow.'

This looks like fun.  May I presume to begin the next chapter?  Here we go:

On the side of

Thanks S-Made - the entire story so far in all its' dubious glory can now be found in the first post.

Here we go for Chapter 5 - her'es dactylopus' starter and my rejoinder:

Chapter 5

On the side of bread that's not buttered

is the buttered side.

My brain hurts now

, a pulsing reminder of

how life feels when

you realize that butter

is sometimes tangentially transient

.  But butter can also

create a feeling of

deep obsession, on account

of the polish milkladies

who smear it on

liberally when hunky firefighters

take a break from

fighting fire and sipping

non-alcoholic cocktails. This is

a testament to their

quite incredible butter skills

and their copious amounts

of churned cream.  If

you think that's crazy,

just wait till you

hear about what they

like to do to

with goat milk!  They

never seen the face

sophisticated pasteurization protocols until

the goat butter machine

went offline due to

unprecedented server load. The

only silver lining was

the small quantity of butter

that was found when

the mythical dairy vault

Spoiler

dactylopus is hereby sentenced to 10 years in AGS prison for using 5 words in the 4-word story thread

[close]

was opened with the

skeleton key revealed the

Quote from: CaptainD on Thu 10/08/2017 09:05:35

Spoiler

dactylopus is hereby sentenced to 10 years in AGS prison for using 5 words in the 4-word story thread

[close]

was opened with the

Spoiler

Dang, how did I miss that?  I plead guilty and accept my sentence.  :undecided:

[close]

day before.  I hereby

declare you goat and

therefore you must now

leave, the overseer said.

"What's going on?!" cried

the master pasteurizer, revealing

presently his intent

to cause untold mayhem

Spoiler

I see what you did there! :-D

[close]

, by releasing a fourth

side to the three-sided

Triangle of Unintentional Doom.

The triangle of WHAT?

Spoiler

No seriously, that's my post

[close]

The Triangle of DOOM.

Spoiler

Yes that's my post too :-D

[close]

And thus the universe

was never the same.

At the end of

the day, all goats

went to bed early

, only to find that

their testicles had developed

the ability to commit

inexcusable sin.  When seals

would rub their flippers

together vigorously, the heat

becomes unbearable in seconds.

Spoiler

Are we writing the weirdest porn here? Is someone getting off on this?

[close]

Quote from: ClickClickClick on Thu 17/08/2017 22:44:42

Spoiler

Are we writing the weirdest porn here? Is someone getting off on this?

[close]

Spoiler

I sure hope not...

[close]

If anyone is getting

mixed signals from this

continuous stream of disconnected

sentence fragments, we apologise.

We apologize so much

, that an apology alone

seems worthless in comparison

to the hopeless desperation

of basement dwelling nerds.

Summary of chapter 5:

On the side of bread that's not buttered is the buttered side.
My brain hurts now, a pulsing reminder of how life feels when you realize that butter is sometimes tangentially transient.
But butter can also create a feeling of deep obsession, on account of the polish milkladies who smear it on liberally when hunky firefighters take a break from fighting fire and sipping non-alcoholic cocktails.
This is a testament to their quite incredible butter skills and their copious amounts of churned cream.
If you think that's crazy, just wait till you hear about what they like to do to with goat milk!
They never seen the face sophisticated pasteurization protocols until the goat butter machine went offline due to unprecedented server load.
The only silver lining was the small quantity of butter that was found when the mythical dairy vault was opened with the skeleton key revealed the day before.
"I hereby declare you goat and therefore you must now leave", the overseer said.
"What's going on?!" cried the master pasteurizer, revealing presently his intent to cause untold mayhem, by releasing a fourth side to the three-sided Triangle of Unintentional Doom.
The triangle of WHAT?
The Triangle of DOOM.
And thus the universe was never the same.
At the end of the day, all goats went to bed early, only to find that their testicles had developed the ability to commit inexcusable sin.
When seals would rub their flippers together vigorously, the heat becomes unbearable in seconds.
If anyone is getting mixed signals from this continuous stream of disconnected sentence fragments, we apologise.
We apologize so much, that an apology alone seems worthless in comparison to the hopeless desperation of basement dwelling nerds.

Chapter 6:

A loud noise was

heard coming from the

Polish milkladies who had

dropped ALL the jugs

of goat milk. But

they were not fired

because of their amazing

lawyers. Good to have

Spoiler

You wanted to steer it towards porn again, didn't you? :P

[close]

someone to call when

the going gets tough,

Quote from: ClickClickClick on Tue 22/08/2017 13:29:58

Spoiler

You wanted to steer it towards porn again, didn't you? :P

[close]

Spoiler

NO NO NO!

[close]

Spoiler

Though depending on who posted next, it could easily have gone that way >:(

[close]

Spoiler

Not that some need much excuse. (roll)

[close]

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

There is nothing here.

[close]

[close]

[close]

[close]

[close]

[close]

[close]

[close]

[close]

[close]

because these ladies were

summoned by the great

God Of Dairy Products,

Da'r-EE-Le'e, whose face was

that of Nicolas Cage

wearing John Travolta's face.

"Grease" or "Battlefield Earth"?

asked the iridescent ponies

, who got punished instantly

by Roger Ebert's ghost.

Later, the goats heard

that their herd was

heard, although they quietly

hoard horribly hairy hats.

Suddenly, a giant blue

whale swam by, blowing

whale-sized spit balls at

God, which is ironic

because God had just

made the whale so

strong that even the

other Gods said, "Holy

shit! He's dead!"

It was clear that

this could never have

been foreseen by the

oracle conveniently hidden in

plain sight. That said,

the oracle's mysterious words

transcended time and space.

"Far out, dude," said

the omniscient observer to

his plant named Chuck.

Chuck didn't reply, but

grew some more leaves.

The observer, LeChuck Junior,

then decided to write

strongly worded letters to

his proctologist. These letters

were so red that

it was a pain

and a pleasure for

all those in attendance

when they were read

by computers, double speed.

Nobody could ever think

that the goats were

down with the sickness

and gifted with madness.

Because they had certificates

of authenticity, these goats

were worth quite a

Spoiler

What's up with goats all the time? Some not-so-hidden agenda? :-D

[close]

goat-load of money.

Then Lechuck Junior gave

ClickClickClick as goat food

Spoiler

No agenda.  Well, there's wasn't.  There may be now! :grin:

[close]

to the goat god.

The goat god was

actually Billy Connolly. He

liked ClickClickClick's taste, but

the aftertaste was bitter.

Afterwards, the goat god

made an eleventh Commandment

dictating that goats, henceforth,

should only wear fluorescent

cheap sheep wool caps.

Naturally, the sheep were

afraid of luminous water

and cheese wheels, so

they decided to convert

to a new religion

where goats don't need

to be involved.  This

made fluorescent caps go

up in market value

so goats couldn't afford

their strangely iridescent headgear

which would sit atop

the fourth wall. Then

many beautiful goat maidens

were chosen to become

, like so many before,

chefs to the octopus

overlords worshiping golden idols

of Bob the Builder.

7921 years prior, Mister

Wigglebottom was watering his

watermelon patch when he

discovered a hole in

the space-time continuum, leading

refreshening lemonade through a

funnel, then a sieve,

then a series of

interconnected tubes, ultimately spilling

out into the open

, nebulous black of space.

Afraid of what he

might encounter. The great

space explorer Rex Wilco

whipped off his pink

flesh, revealing his skeleton.

Rex then started singing

, playing bones like xylophones,

rhyming verses that should

never ever be rhymed.

His song ascended into

a funky beat, reminiscent

of a funkier time.

And then he jumped

cause they said so.

Who are they?  Well,

it's hard to say.

Starting at the beginning,

there was a goat

-shaped cloud, an omen

of goats to come.

And how they came.

But how they came

to coming was how

they left the flock.

"Silence!" bellowed a presumptuous

armadillo with rainbow hair

and a butt tattoo

of a bean burrito.

"Without a doubt, this

is a most delicious

burrito!" Exclaimed the armadillo.

"Not so fast," snapped

a snapping turtle named

Snappy the Snapitious Snapitor,

of Snapping Snappton. The

way he said it

implied deep knowledge of

speed.  Indeed, he is

a renowned master of

"Gotta Go Fast" theory.

"Sooooo you think you

can dance?  Show me."

Slow and sexy he

performed the paso doble

, which was a very

awkward dance, performed solo.

"Not bad but you

could use a partner."

Here, take this one

, the Armadillo said as

he openend his big

satchel of inflatable dolls.

One for you and

you and you and

...him. "Now let's see

if you're good enough

to dance upside-down

, darling," he quipped as

the room slowly began

to rotate slowly and

then slowly even slower.

^^ this is fun!


Finally he found viagra

flavoured water in his

sexy looking inflatable doll.

Drinking it quickly, he

got Smurf blue teeth.

"What? No boner?" he

shoutet at his penis

, sputtering blue liquid everywhere.

"WHY!?!" He screamed. Suddenly

his teeth started to

grow quite rapidly.  Tusks

began to form, and

, realizing this, the armadillo

shouted thrilled "It's alive!!!"

I propose to start a new chapter. Maybe CaptainD could add the summaries of the last three chapters to the first post?

Spoiler

Chapter 5:

On the side of bread that's not buttered is the buttered side.
My brain hurts now, a pulsing reminder of how life feels when you realize that butter is sometimes tangentially transient.
But butter can also create a feeling of deep obsession, on account of the polish milkladies who smear it on liberally when hunky firefighters take a break from fighting fire and sipping non-alcoholic cocktails.
This is a testament to their quite incredible butter skills and their copious amounts of churned cream.
If you think that's crazy, just wait till you hear about what they like to do to with goat milk!
They never seen the face sophisticated pasteurization protocols until the goat butter machine went offline due to unprecedented server load.
The only silver lining was the small quantity of butter that was found when the mythical dairy vault was opened with the skeleton key revealed the day before.
"I hereby declare you goat and therefore you must now leave", the overseer said.
"What's going on?!" cried the master pasteurizer, revealing presently his intent to cause untold mayhem, by releasing a fourth side to the three-sided Triangle of Unintentional Doom.
The triangle of WHAT?
The Triangle of DOOM.
And thus the universe was never the same.
At the end of the day, all goats went to bed early, only to find that their testicles had developed the ability to commit inexcusable sin.
When seals would rub their flippers together vigorously, the heat becomes unbearable in seconds.
If anyone is getting mixed signals from this continuous stream of disconnected sentence fragments, we apologise.
We apologize so much, that an apology alone seems worthless in comparison to the hopeless desperation of basement dwelling nerds.

Chapter 6:

A loud noise was heard coming from the Polish milkladies who had dropped ALL the jugs of goat milk.
But they were not fired because of their amazing lawyers.
Good to have someone to call when the going gets tough, because these ladies were summoned by the great God Of Dairy Products, Da'r-EE-Le'e, whose face was that of Nicolas Cage wearing John Travolta's face.
"Grease" or "Battlefield Earth"? asked the iridescent ponies, who got punished instantly by Roger Ebert's ghost.
Later, the goats heard that their herd was heard, although they quietly hoard horribly hairy hats.
Suddenly, a giant blue whale swam by, blowing whale-sized spit balls at God, which is ironic because God had just made the whale so strong that even the other Gods said, "Holy shit! He's dead!"
It was clear that this could never have been foreseen by the oracle conveniently hidden in plain sight.
That said, the oracle's mysterious words transcended time and space.
"Far out, dude," said the omniscient observer to his plant named Chuck.
Chuck didn't reply, but grew some more leaves.
The observer, LeChuck Junior, then decided to write strongly worded letters to his proctologist.
These letters were so red that it was a pain and a pleasure for all those in attendance when they were read by computers, double speed.
Nobody could ever think that the goats were down with the sickness and gifted with madness.
Because they had certificates of authenticity, these goats were worth quite a goat-load of money.
Then Lechuck Junior gave ClickClickClick as goat food to the goat god.
The goat god was actually Billy Connolly.
He liked ClickClickClick's taste, but the aftertaste was bitter.
Afterwards, the goat god made an eleventh Commandment dictating that goats, henceforth, should only wear fluorescent cheap sheep wool caps.
Naturally, the sheep were afraid of luminous water and cheese wheels, so they decided to convert to a new religion where goats don't need to be involved. 
This made fluorescent caps go up in market value so goats couldn't afford their strangely iridescent headgear which would sit atop the fourth wall.
Then many beautiful goat maidens were chosen to become, like so many before, chefs to the octopus overlords worshiping golden idols of Bob the Builder.

Chapter 7:
7921 years prior, Mister Wigglebottom was watering his watermelon patch when he discovered a hole in the space-time continuum, leading refreshening lemonade through a funnel, then a sieve, then a series of interconnected tubes, ultimately spilling out into the open, nebulous black of space.
Afraid of what he might encounter.
The great space explorer Rex Wilco whipped off his pink flesh, revealing his skeleton.
Rex then started singing, playing bones like xylophones, rhyming verses that should never ever be rhymed.
His song ascended into a funky beat, reminiscent of a funkier time. And then he jumped cause they said so.
Who are they? 
Well, it's hard to say.
Starting at the beginning, there was a goat-shaped cloud, an omen of goats to come.
And how they came.
But how they came to coming was how they left the flock.
"Silence!" bellowed a presumptuous armadillo with rainbow hair and a butt tattoo of a bean burrito.
"Without a doubt, this is a most delicious burrito!" Exclaimed the armadillo.
"Not so fast," snapped a snapping turtle named Snappy the Snapitious Snapitor, of Snapping Snappton.
The way he said it implied deep knowledge of speed. 
Indeed, he is a renowned master of "Gotta Go Fast" theory.
"Sooooo you think you can dance?  Show me."
Slow and sexy he performed the paso doble, which was a very awkward dance, performed solo.
"Not bad but you could use a partner."
Here, take this one, the Armadillo said as he openend his big satchel of inflatable dolls.
One for you and you and you and...him.
"Now let's see if you're good enough to dance upside-down, darling," he quipped as the room slowly began to rotate slowly and then slowly even slower.
Finally he found viagra flavoured water in his sexy looking inflatable doll.
Drinking it quickly, he got Smurf blue teeth.
"What? No boner?" he shoutet at his penis, sputtering blue liquid everywhere.
"WHY!?!" He screamed.
Suddenly his teeth started to grow quite rapidly. 
Tusks began to form, and, realizing this, the armadillo shouted thrilled "It's alive!!!"

[close]

And now for Chapter 8:

Thanks TheLastToKnow, I've added this to the first post.  What a strange story we have here!! :-D

Chapter 8

It was the best

time for a nuclear

meltdown. But Snappy didn't

like eating Plutonium sauce

without an uranium topping,

so he uncorked a

bottle of his finest

North Korean nuke flavoured

vomit with carrot chunks

, applying them generously with

radiant whip cream and

succulent hippopotamus rump steak.

"This hippo meat originated

from my wife, who

can't stand the pressure

of being married to

Ol' Snappy here," he

claimed. "I hope she

doesn't mind if I

eat her." Snappy then

opened a secret compartment

revealing an inter-dimensional portal

in orange and blue

gift wrapping, that never

was activated.  He then

went through the portal

, just to find out

where it led.  Little

computer people looked at

the end credits, surprised

by the hidden meaning

of "No animals were

harmed during the making

of this sentence". Strange

to think that only

yesterday he was recovering

from sentence-induced wounds.  Crying,

a thing he never

knew existed until now.

Laughing, a thing he

practiced copiously, albeit with

little enthusiasm.  When goats

laugh, they usually blow

trumpeting sounds from their

anal openings while yelling

furiously at each other's

parents in incoherent haiku.

When goats cry, everything

falls apart, literally everything.

But goat tears form

shapes nobody would ever

want to see described.

Out of the blue

AGS cup, came a

disgusting smell that was

somewhat like rotting skunk

or a McDonald's burger.

Snappy took a sip,

"gaak! schwaa! blurgh! EEEEEEeeeeeeee..."

he cried, melting into

a goat-shaped puddle of

putrescent, sizzling, multi-colored slime.

The slime then began

to take the form

of Old Snappy but

this time he had

mutations, including terrible bulging

forearms and an appetite

like a goat in

heat.  Feeling like someone

who could take on

a drunk mall Santa,

this monstrous Snappy mutation

began to rampage through

a tulip garden. Ironically,

this garden was poisoned

, which made him even

more determined to find

solace among the trees.

A friendly bird came

to warn Snappy of

the poisoned tulip garden

hidden deep within the

past, and he remembered.

He remembered the tumoils

, the tumors, and turmoils

tortoises, turtles and terrapins

, tortillas, traffic cones, and

turgid topaz-tinted tarantulas

tearing through the terrain.

This needless alliteration was

also an arbitrary agitation

, aggravating Albert and Anita

, amazingly activating artificial anacondas

slithering sideways so skillfully.

Suddenly Snappy sought salvation

I think we should start a new chapter. And have CaptainD add the summary of the latest chapter to the first post.

Spoiler

Chapter 8

It was the best time for a nuclear meltdown.
But Snappy didn't like eating Plutonium sauce without an uranium topping, so he uncorked a bottle of his finest North Korean nuke flavoured vomit with carrot chunks, applying them generously with radiant whip cream and succulent hippopotamus rump steak.
"This hippo meat originated from my wife, who can't stand the pressure of being married to Ol' Snappy here," he claimed.
"I hope she doesn't mind if I eat her." Snappy then opened a secret compartment revealing an inter-dimensional portal in orange and blue gift wrapping, that never was activated.
He then went through the portal, just to find out where it led.
Little computer people looked at the end credits, surprised by the hidden meaning of "No animals were harmed during the making of this sentence".
Strange to think that only yesterday he was recovering from sentence-induced wounds.
Crying, a thing he never knew existed until now.
Laughing, a thing he practiced copiously, albeit with little enthusiasm.
When goats laugh, they usually blow trumpeting sounds from their anal openings while yelling furiously at each other's parents in incoherent haiku.
When goats cry, everything falls apart, literally everything.
But goat tears form shapes nobody would ever want to see described.
Out of the blue AGS cup, came a disgusting smell that was somewhat like rotting skunk or a McDonald's burger.
Snappy took a sip, "gaak! schwaa! blurgh! EEEEEEeeeeeeee..." he cried, melting into a goat-shaped puddle of putrescent, sizzling, multi-colored slime.
The slime then began to take the form of Old Snappy but this time he had mutations, including terrible bulging forearms and an appetite like a goat in heat.
Feeling like someone who could take on a drunk mall Santa, this monstrous Snappy mutation began to rampage through a tulip garden.
Ironically, this garden was poisoned, which made him even more determined to find solace among the trees.
A friendly bird came to warn Snappy of the poisoned tulip garden hidden deep within the past, and he remembered.
He remembered the tumoils, the tumors, and turmoils, tortoises, turtles and terrapins, tortillas, traffic cones, and turgid topaz-tinted tarantulas tearing through the terrain.
This needless alliteration was also an arbitrary agitation, aggravating Albert and Anita, amazingly activating artificial anacondas slithering sideways so skillfully.
Suddenly Snappy sought salvation.

[close]

And now onto Chapter 9

Meanwhile, in a galaxy

not so far away

, Larry the Leprechaun was

running away from a

gang of evil goldfish

hellbent on eating his

rainbow made of two shades of grey just to

break all the rules.

"Damn communist!", they shouted

at levitating goldfish swarms.

Leaflets of red propaganda

fluttered among green pamphlets

about a goat religion

which banished those goldfish

to the shadow realm.

Larry quickly converted. "Phew!"

"I was once evil

but now I am

an honourable potato eater."

Larry thought about his

previous fate.  He shuddered.

From now on he

would refrain from eating

rotten vegetables he found

up the ass of

a donkey.  Why he

ate such delicacies, nobody

really wondered, but they

did wonder how he

kept his fresh breath.

The distinctly minty aroma

was something he would

boast about, claiming it

stemmed from his amazing

ability to lick every

clitoris in the world.

Most women are quite

keen on getting their

opinions heard about this

issue, but only a

few are actually men

or transitioning between genders.

After a short while

the ability was forgotten

and everyone shouted ~"Hurrah!"

"Thank goodness that's over,"

Although they couldn't remember

what they thought of

the new season of

"Game of Goats", so

they watched it again.

"This show reminds me

of The East Wing",

they thought, really examining

the minutiae of the

copious scenes involving gratuitous

use of metaphorical imagery.

Like a hitcockian Kubrick

imitating a Tarantinoid Spielburg,

this show was a

huge success, due to

a secret formula. It

stole from Colonel Sanders,

and his brother Colonel

Mustard, who was king

of the great hotdog

, and then it went

up the Scoville scale

to become the most

zapped away program of

"The Zap Away Gang."

The hoopiest froods ever

knew how to put

anything into anything. Even

elephants into tiny fridges.

With such knowledge, they

began placing very large

members of parliament inside

clown cars full of

cute cats dressed as

goats with golfish faces

singing humpback whale songs.

"I have a secret!"

cried the ugliest creature

in the room. "You

don't know how to

breath." Then he suffocated.

Nobody helped him. They

just laugh out loud.

They were evil.

EVIL.

How evil, you ask?

Take, for example, a

rabid badger, and multiply

it with a giant

Tasmanian devil in heat.

NOT a pretty sight.

But then along came

Polly the Polynesian parrot

to save the day.

The day was saved!

"Saved!" repeated the parrot

, "Saved!" it repeated again.

For the sake of

brevity, parrot was shot.

By a one eyed

moose, wielding a camera

shaped gun. Which it

promptly ate afterwards.  Meese

, the inaccurate 'moose' pluralisation,

is what moose prefer.

Only when the clock

cries its terrifying noise,

Will the army of

mutant space goat-faced demons

finally be free from

the evil cannibalistic meese.

"Wait... WHAT?!" cried the

still dying parrot.  Blood

on the dance floor

Bwaaaaak.. bwwwaaaackk they cried

as the meese transformed

into monstrous mechanoid mice

who really enjoyed alliteration!

As they scurried away,

nervously nibbling neurotic nits,

they realized that alliteration

was shortening their lifespans

, and they soon died.

"Behold these dead mice."

Those words, emblazoned on

an ugly, over-sized sweater

knitted by grandma for

her favorite moose, were

unfortunately inflammatory to rodentia.

However, the sweater's back

displayed a glorious rendering

of Monkey Islands's hotel,

The Goodsoup Plantation Resort

immersed in flames. When

you look closer, you

see the island volcano

is about to blow!

So you run furiously

to escape the lava

that smells of cheese!

"Nacho cheese for all!"

"Gimme that!"  "Nacho cheese..."

yelled the smelly geese

. "It's my cheese, nachos!"

cried the meese, loudly

, not realising the pun.

Thereby the nachos wept,

wetting the nacho cheese.

The runny nacho cheese

seeped into the voluminous

and cavernous crack beneath

Helga's pink yoga pants.

Looking down, Helga shrieked

in rage and confusion.

She lunged quickly backwards

and tumbled right into

a bloated bramble bush

, which subsequently exploded into

a choreographed rendition of

42nd Street, when suddenly

it was a whole

series of frantically crying

babies covered in the

greenest of green Jello.

There was an awed

gorilla bystander, watching as

he peeled a banana.

Slowly inserting the banana

into the coin slot

of a nearby arcade

gumball machine, the ape

rubbed his wadjet eye

,danced the Blackwell Shuffle,

And as he tripped

the light fantastic, sunrise

of the twin suns.

Such senseless sentence sank

beneath both blind behemoths

while widows walked widdershins

among ageless aardvarks alliterating

curiously captivating careless crustaceans

that think thoughtful thoughts.

Replacing alliteration with rhyme

that everyone thought sublime.

It can be tricky

so don't be picky

Be like Eddie Niedzwiecki!

O captain!  My captain!

Be like Kerry Dixon

who died last Christmas.

Did you know that

when the clock strikes

indefinitely, it's a sign

that all the things

you thought you knew

are for one moment

unknowable?  If not, you

probably know nothing. Which

isn't the worst thing

in the world, honestly.

"I have a rash!"

"Rash decision to make?"

"That really made my

porridge taste nice." "Really?"

"Yes, it was the

two pickled newt eyes!"

Of course, there are

always where you least

expect them, animal optics.

Like in the loo.

Wild wildebeest were worried.

A very hot commodity!

Also alarming were the

many indistinct noises emanating

beneath a pale blue

scrotum dangling from a

scrotum. It was a

sordid sight to behold.

"Whoa! Double scrotums!" said

the mischievous mechanical monkey.

"I want to play

them!" Suddenly white liquid

seeped from her eyelids

as music emanated from

elsewhere, leading to dancing

in circles for days!

Later that week, after

the Dark Lord had

arranged some flowers in

the mechanical monkey's garden,

With careful attention paid

to the placement of

the endangered Amorphophallus titanum.

The double scrotum finally

inverted and became a

glorious personification of artistry.

Only a few know

of the song it

sang that glorious day:

Hakuna Matata... Hakuna Matata!

And there was much

merriment, wonderment and sentiment

, and oxford commas everywhere.

Then the second verse

Changed everything.  Dogs howled

to a man mooning

, pants down, hair flowing.

Shouting "Kakuna Rattata!" repeatedly.

Insects and rodents began

making armpit fart sounds

just because they could.

A most flatulent symphony!

The mighty vermin chorus

reached a crescendo when

the cavernous crack of

Las Alimañas began to

blow magical bubbles of

noxious gas into the

blogosphere, causing a massive

problem for local wildlife.

Clearly, it was the

mischievous mechanical monkeys prophecy.

"As was prophesied, whenever

the faces of rats

become infected with toxic

gas, the world will

fart loudly into space

and all is lost!

" said a random orifice.

The squeaky voiced orifice

waved at the passing

of his dear friend

unbeknownst of the fate

of his owner. Who

was not entirely certain

of things?  The confused

owner silenced the orifice.

Using a trombone mute,

which was highly dangerous

to insert, he delicately

placed it within his

ornery and outspoken orifice.

This caused his intelligent

orifice to cease its

babbling.  Later, his uncle

asked for a detailed

description of the hallucinations

suffered under the influence

of a muted orifice.

But he refused to

partake in psychedelic discussion

since he no longer

imbibed vast quantities of

Wicked Strength Lager.  However,

he did wish to

spread Vegemite on his

hidden secret stash of

potato based electronic products,

which he had collected.

He was missing one

crucial ingredient: the elusive

albino tasmanian devil fish.

Interestingly, these fish originate

from deep within the

Caribbean. The island of

monkeys was well known

for secrets and curses

, which led to the

castration of every other

simian on the island.

A secret curse indeed!

Who could have known!?

"Certainly not I!" said

Herman Toothrot, as he

remembered the obvious secret.

He lifted up his

shirt, his nipples were

there.  Lowering his shirt,

he forgot the secret.

"Damn, I forgot!" he

wrote on his hand.

This helped him remember

that he couldn't remember

anything he ever forgot.

Except that he forgot.

While scratching his head,

he thought he remembered

, what he forgot. But

his nipples started tingling

strongly with delight at

a surprisingly alarming rate!

"Hello!", the nipples boomed.

"NOW YOU ARE ALL

GOING TO DIE IN

BOLOGNESE SAUCE, CAUSING YOU

TO TASTE LIKE THE

APPROXIMATION OF ITALIAN CUISINE!"

Suddenly the sky became

drippy, leaking gallons of

cod liver oil droplets

that could melt skin.

Ashamed of his skinless

oiled skeleton, he decided

that life was overrated.

The rating he gave

to himself was very

low. "7 out of

the hat, one out

the dustbin.  But he

didn't fully understand recursive

." He stammered without reason.

"S-s-s-sir, you left your

l-large vi-v-vibrating o-orange i-i-inflatable

p-p-p-pizza c-cutter over here!"

"Oh No!" he thought.

And then, "Why me?"

"Why always Mario Balotelli?"

"And why always me?"

Such puzzling questions often

create temporal distortions in

the AGS community. Which

could be construed as

Once upon a time

there was a goat

that did not fall?!

Gravity was gone, because

goats can defy it

during a temporal distortion.

"Whatever floats your goat,"

said the Timekeeper, master

of clocks and watches.

Most troubling were the

digital clocks, always flashing

themselves to the watches

who gave off alarms

: beep, beep, beep, beep...

The Timekeeper grimaced. "Enough

time has passed that

the portal has opened!"

A blinding light emanated

from the Timekeeper's eyes

"Something is terribly wrong!"

, said a clock. The

Timekeeper was sucked into

the timestream, which resulted

in myriad particles swirling

around him, and causing

him to dissolve into

a Liquid Crystal Display.

Then at Woodstock 1969,

something extraordinary happened.  Thousands

of people on LSD

began to hallucinate vividly.

Their hallucinations were none

of my business, but

something had to give

them the idea that

an ancient evil was

brewing beneath the surface

from the very beginning

of the Oregon Trail.

The ravenous looks, the

local goats gave, were

beyond anything of this

universe.  In another universe,

at another time, on

various unrelated planetoids, there

was a familiar ruckus

not unlike that heard

on the London Underground

a fortnight ago.  Twelve

Deep in the Caribbean

intros later, and the

porpoise purposefully postulates paradigms

while whales waste away.

Thus ending the alliteration.

The repellent sisters lurched

in a most disturbing

manner through time dilation

of the nth kind.

Meanwhile in Dimension X

, where the wild things

travel in packs of

cigarettes; floating, oversized boxes.

Bounteous beasties roamed free

. "Ahoy there!" said the

voice inside my head.

It was Captain Jack

Rainbow of the Jolly

Goat. "Have ye any

ole' barber shop quartets?

" he asked.  I was

struck by the boldness

of my own eyebrows

Spoiler

^^^Those last few entries had me LOL! (laugh)

[close]

. Little did I know

those were not eyebrows!

Feeling my brow, I

realised they were actually

hyper-intelligent pan-galactic mutant slugs.

I shrieked, but then

they told me to

recite the following words:

"Since the dawn of

time mutant slugs have

been at the forefront

of all things powerful.

Many centuries from now,

creatures will visit from

across the heavens to