Adventure Game Studio

Quote from: Shakespeare: As You Like It, Act II Scene VIIAll the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven stages.

(https://i.imgur.com/DNUU1xG.gif)

Quote from: Joel Grey: Cabaret, Act I, Scene IWillkommen! And bienvenue! Welcome!
Fremder, étranger, stranger
Glücklich zu sehen
Je suis enchanté
Happy to see you
Bleibe, reste, stay
Willkommen! And bienvenue! Welcome!

If you haven't figured it out by now, this Fortnightly Writing Competition is all about the stage and theater.

I'm not asking for a story set in a theater-setting, though, but for you to write a play for me - well, part of one, I'm not unreasonable.  ;)

Writing for actors is in many ways very diffferent to writing a short story: You cannot decide what exactly someone will look like, being limited by actors; you don't have the option to lead your readers into a world of its own through elaborate descriptions; you cannot show many different locations, being restricted by physical limitations of a stage, and so on.


So, this is the challange for you:

- Write a play or - more realistically - part of a play (you can add a synopsis of parts that come before or after), maybe a sketch, or something similar. It should be one completed scene (characters coming on stage and leaving again) or more.
- Remember the limitations of theater! (For this, I want you to think classical theater or amateure theater without any money or technology, so even if you could argue that nowadays video-installatons allow us to show nearly everything on stage, that's not what this topic is about.)
- Convey your story through mainly spoken language (dialogue, monologue, etc...) and obviously visible actions.
- Use stage directions as necessary. (They should be functional, not fancy.)


I haven't decided on voting categories yet, but I'll probably focus on the technical aspect a bit more than the plot aspect - that doesn't mean that you shouldn't also tell a story! As a matter of fact, a good scene advances the plot just as much as a paragraph in a short story.


That's it.

Quote from: Shakespeare: The Winter's Tale, Act III, Scene III (Stage Direction)Exit, pursued by a bear.

But not before you notice the deadline of 19th June 2019.

It is a very nice idea, though I wish it allowed for prose about plays, or a story influenced by the famous quote.
Even so, I am sure there will be interesting creations, just not by myself (I can't do plays) :)

Quote from: KyriakosCH on Tue 04/06/2019 19:05:26
It is a very nice idea, though I wish it allowed for prose about plays, or a story influenced by the famous quote.

While that would be a great topic as well, it is something completely different and also allowing prose about plays/theater would probably lead to most entries ignoring the challenge to write a play. The challenge is to write something we usually don't write here. Although, it has some similarities with writing for a game.

Quote from: KyriakosCH on Tue 04/06/2019 19:05:26
Even so, I am sure there will be interesting creations, just not by myself (I can't do plays) :)

Of course you can! Just give it a try!  :-* That's part of the fun of writing for the FWC: Working with topics, themes and techniques that are not your cup of tea.  (nod)

Hooray!
The Squid and I majored in screenwriting at tech college in Tokyo, but I never tried writing for theater before. I'm eager to tackle this one  :-D :-D :-D

NUTS AND BOLTS

ACT ONE:

SCENE ONE:

LIGHTS FADE IN TO REVEAL A STAGE SET AS A FACTORY WORK-FLOOR WITH SEVERAL LARGE MACHINING STATIONS AND A COFFEE BREAK AREA ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF STAGE WITH A SIMPLE CARD TABLE, COFFEE MACHINE, AND SEVERAL CHAIRS.

(A lone actor stands slightly off mid-stage to the left in overalls with one shoulder strap broken but left uncared for and hanging at knee-level...He is sweeping nuts and bolts from the factory floor into a scoop and is very intent on doing so.)

(ENTER STAGE LEFT: THREE WORKERS)

BOB (A workman dressed in oiled overalls) : "...but even then it's just a..."

DRUE (Dressed same): "...yeah-yeah, "a wank", how many times you gonna say it?!"

JULES (Dressed same): "It's not like the test is gonna matter or anything."

DRUE: "Whatta ya mean? They said we might get..."

BOB: "WHAT?! Promoted?! That retard over there (GESTURES TOWARDS THE SWEEPER) stands a better chance to get promoted off the floor than any of us."

JULES: "Come on, mate. He's standin' right there! Don't call him that!"

DRUE: "Naw, doesn't matter a rat's shit. Luke doesn't know his socks from his shoes."

(THE THREE WORKERS HAVE CROSSED TO THE COFFEE STATION AND ARE PREPARING THEIR DRINKS)

DRUE: "Ain't that right, Luke?"

LUKE (The sweeping worker): "Huh?"

DRUE: "I said isn't that ri..."

JULES: (Loud voice) How you like your coffee there, Luke?! Black or white?

(The three workers turn to Luke, who, head still down, broom in mid-sweep, replies)

LUKE: (In a robotic voice) Brown, please.

(The three workers laugh as if this is an old joke they are very used to laughing at and then start to make their coffees)

(As JULES prepares LUKE's "Brown" coffee:)

(ENTER STAGE RIGHT: SUPERVISOR PARKER with his clipboard)

(PARKER takes the coffee prepared for LUKE on the fly as he breezes past, takes a stance of clipboard held out and other hand on hip)

PARKER: "The test results are in and..."

DRUE (Under breath): "Whatever..."

PARKER: "At the top of the scale for promotion for factory floor manager is..."

(EVERYONE EXCEPT FOR LUKE (who is continuing to look for nuts and bolts to sweep up) IS WAITING ON PARKER'S NEXT WORDS)

PARKER:  "Drue Hill!"

BOB: (Slamming fists on coffee station table) BULLSHIT!!!

(DRUE looks ecstatic while JULES tries to restrain BOB's furor!)

PARKER: "Drue, please finish your work day and then report tomorrow at Personnel for relocation training."

(PARKER holds out the "Brown" coffee prepared for LUKE under his nose and leads him off stage with it... A single piece of paper falls from PARKER's clipboard just before he exits left)

(BOB runs over, picks up the paper, makes a show of reading it and then turns gape-mouthed towards the remaining cast)

DRUE & JULES (in unison): What?!

BOB: They tested brown-coffee retard...

JULES: Oh, shit... Is he fired?!

BOB (Peering again at paper before saying): If a big "EYES ONLY" stamp means "fired" then yeah, I guess...

LIGHTS FADE OUT

SCENE TWO:

LIGHTS FADE IN TO REVEAL A SMALL, INDUSTRIAL-GREEN PAINTED ROOM AT CENTER STAGE. THE BACK WALL CONTAINS A MIRROR (it is a sheet of reflective material that can quickly be pulled down by hidden staff members)

(LUKE, head slumped, but now dressed in a hospital gown, is chained to the floor by his ankles in the middle of the room.)

(A side door opens and two soldiers leads a goat (the goat is a puppet controlled by puppeteers up in the rigging) into the room. The soldiers advance to either side of LUKE, draw their guns, and point them at his head.)

LOUDSPEAKER VOICE: DO NOT DO TO IT WHAT YOU DID THE LAST TIME FOR GOD'S-SAKE... YOU ONLY NEED TO CLEANLY KILL IT...

(LUKE'S head snaps up and his eyes focus on the goat)

LOUDSPEAKER VOICE: WE ONLY NEED KIM AND HIS LIKE TO KEEL OVER... NOT TURN INSIDE-OUT...

LOUDSPEAKER VOICE: TIMER ACTIVATED!

(LUKE's eyes narrow in on the goat and his brow furrows as he concentrates.)

(The goat shudders and then leaps at the mirror, it falls back down, it leaps again, controlled by the puppeteers, the "mirror" is pulled down by the hidden staff as they throw out plastic chips of transparent "glass" through the gap and a glass-smashing sound effect is played by the sound technician. The goat falls back onto the stage, "unconscious")

(Revealed behind the mirror are two men dressed in lab-coats. They are actors with tubes to pour blood from their heads, over their faces, hidden under their wigs. They have a bulb in their hands to squeeze and control when the blood comes out from under their wigs.)

SCIENTIST #1: INITIATE RAT-TRAP PROTOCO...

(LUKE whirls towards the speaking scientist and squints his eyes... Scientist #1's eyes roll up in his head as the blood pours out from under his wig and he collapses)

(Scientist #2 watches this happen in horror)

(Both soldiers draw their pistols and point them at LUKE from each side of him)

(LUKE glances at both soldiers quickly and then closes his eyes and furrows his brow in concentration)

(Both soldiers fire their guns and collapse backwards, dead, hit by the bullets that LUKE has bent around himself)

(Scientist #2 tries to run to STAGE RIGHT but LUKE turns towards him and goes rigid. Scientist #2 collapses out of sight as blood pours out from under his wig.)

(LUKE straddles the gap of the "smashed" open window and exits STAGE RIGHT while alarms start to sound and red lights flash)

LIGHTS FADE OUT

Oh, hi early entry, nice to see you!  (nod)

Keep them coming!

Who is this mysteriously prompt stranger?!?  ;)

Quote from: Baron on Sat 08/06/2019 17:11:06
Who is this mysteriously prompt stranger?!?  ;)

Yes... I'm excited when writing my own stories and lazy when it comes to reading other people's stories at times.

I know that's not fair but sometimes I get distracted when voting is happening and the rush of writing my own story has already passed.

I try though, and often fail.

I thought I would leave my play with the last reveal that LUKE had been recruited as a psychic soldier in the same program that "Men Who Stare At Goats" was set in...

But, over the last few days, I re-imagined the story beyond that point, and so I have updated the script above.

There are some direction lines that have changed to explain how the effects will take place live on stage so please re-read if possible.

Love's Luckless Lackey

The following is almost certainly a fragment of Love's Luckless Lackey, a romantic comedic play mentioned in other texts but sadly not surviving to the present day.  It was written by Agnes C. Willis, a former seamstress and aspiring playwright of approximately 48 years.  It is unknown how long she worked on the script, but the text seems to have been completed in late spring of 1900.  Miss Willis persuaded John W. Houghton, an impresario of some notoriety, to stage the play at the Grand Oleander Theater in her native Galveston, Texas.  The following exchange takes place between two friends, apparently commiserating in a saloon: 

Dutton?:              ...was but a lad of fifteen
                 You reckon'd on stumblin' between
                 A life of fame 'n' fortune golden
                 T' no lady enslaved; no man beholden
                 But looky now, John Lee Carney
                 You've got debts in both love n' money!

Carney:      I ain't done called you friend these years
                 To piss on me when I've no cheer
                 So lest you got no 'spiring words
                 Head on back to them rangin' herds

Dutton:      Buck up, buttercup!  I can't bear
                 To see a friend so pruned by care
                 You're like a mustang on the range
                 Whose strength were sapped by age and mange
                  These worries have done brought you low
                 But in the end you oughtta know
                 No matter how the trail might wend
                 I'll always be there for you friend.

Carney:      I know, Dutton.  Thy words might err
                 But your some kinda pardner rare
                 What stays through storm and pox and drought
                 You're my truest friend, I've no doubt

Dutton:      Then listen here, stop your wallowin'
                 Self-piteous whiskey swallowin'
                 Get back up in that saddle high
                 And make it right, the time is nigh!

Carney:      That ship is sailed, that train be missed
                 That egg is cracked, that skunk is pissed
                 That money's spent, that bell is rung
                 That glass is broke, that trap is sprung
                 That man is hanged, quartered and drawn
                 That bridge is burnt, that girl is gone.

Dutton:      That train don't leave till half-past eight
                 And Lucille, on it, might yet wait
                 And Grayson with his ill-got gains
                 Will be a-riding that same train
                 So get on yer horse and ride it down
                 'Fore it gets too far out of town!

Carney:      My love and hate trundlin' away
                 Me, just an empty shell in th' Bay....

Dutton:      Spineless, gutless, weepin' git!
                 Get out there and-

Carney:                                -Consarn it!
                 I lost!  I bet high, and I crashed!
                 My soul is crushed.  My hopes are dashed.
                 There ain't be nothin' gonna come
                 From some last-ditched gallant charge dumb.

Dutton:      That's it, then?  Yer resigned to be
                 A footnote in Lucille's hist'ry?
                 An empty husk in the abyss
                 Dripping vinegar and piss?
                 What are you afraid of, Carney?
                 She might say no?  Or might say yea?

Carney:      Damn it, Dutton!  Respect my woe.
                 I'll bust yer head if'ya push me so!

Dutton (aside):   There's some steam in his engine yet,
                  Maybe somma powder's not wet...
        (aloud)  I heard ol' Grayson had an eye
                  When purdy Lucille's a-dancin' spry
                  I would-no' be half-surprised
                  To hear 'twas all a plan devised
                  O' his, t'be on that very train
                  Where Lucille rode, alone in pain
                  A broken heart on her sleeve wound
                  To a-score her on the rebound!

Carney:      Damn you, Dutton!  Them's fightin' words!
         
Barkeep:    No shootin' in my bar, you turds!

Dutton:      Save your bullets for the road
                 You be right, there's a debt owed
                 By yer arse to the saddle hard
                 For Lucille, yer love cross-starred!
                 Enough of yer sorrow and pride
                 Let's chase 'em down, friend.  Let's ride!
         
Sadly that is all that survives.  We can only presume that Carney was persuaded to gallop after the lovely Lucille and the antagonistic Grayson.  The play seems to have been well-received on its opening night on Friday September 7, 1900, according to a partial review recovered from The Daily News published the following morning.  The play was almost certainly in the process of being performed the following evening when the city of Galveston, Texas was struck by the great hurricane of 1900.  Although records are patchy, the theatre district was entirely obliterated by the storm surge and all present were almost certainly killed.

(The stage is dark for several minutes. Suddenly, a bright spot appears, illuminating a human-sized Blue Cup.)

:): I am here to announce that this competition will soon draw to a close. Therefore, it is my immense pleasure to remind everybody to get their entries in!

(As suddenly as the light turned on, it disappears again.)

Mine's nearly done! It's just a bit of a long one  :-D Okay, done! This is the penultimate scene in the play. I'm not sure how well it works but I had a lot of fun writing it, and it gave me more characters to use in future rounds which is never a bad thing  (laugh) I did originally try and lay it out like a normal script (lines centered, stage directions justified) but it turned out to be too hard to read on a screen.

CONFESSION

SCENE: Tengoku Host Club â€" Floor

The club's closed, tables bereft of the usual drinks. The bar's dark and shut up. HIKARI is sitting with SHUYA at one of the tables. Both flicking through phones. Hikari's got a lit cigarette in the other hand.

The door to the club opens and KAWAMOTO enters, closely followed by TAIYOU. Hikari doesn't look up.

HIKARI
He alone?

TAIYOU
Yeah.

Taiyou slams the door shut behind them and leans against it. Kawamoto jumps and spins around.

TAIYOU
Problem?

Kawamoto swallows hard.

KAWAMOTO
Uh...no.

Hikari stops playing with his phone and sets it to one side on the table, indicates the chair opposite.

HIKARI
Have a seat.

Kawamoto does so, glancing around nervously.

HIKARI
(indicating phone)
You don't mind if I record this, right?

KAWAMOTO
Ah...n-no, that's fine.

Silence.

HIKARI
So? What d'you want now? I didn't kill Kouji. None of us did.

KAWAMOTO
Uh, no. No, we know that.

Hikari laughs while Taiyou and Shuya exchange do-you-believe-this-shit looks.

HIKARI
You know, huh? What, you just gonna take my word for it with no proof?

KAWAMOTO
(oops)
Well...that is...

HIKARI
Fuck me, you really are a rookie, aren't you?

KAWAMOTO
It's, well, it's about Kouji that I want to-

His cell rings, cutting him off.

HIKARI
Who's that?

Kawamoto takes out his phone and looks at it. Rejects the call.

KAWAMOTO
No one. Did Kouji ever meet up with patrons outside the club?

TAIYOU
Not on the day he was killed. Patron couldn't kill him anyway.

KAWAMOTO
What do you mean?

Taiyou shrugs.

TAIYOU
We grew up together. He had his fair share of fights. Ain't no way some patron would've got the jump on him.

KAWAMOTO
Then could it have been revenge?

TAIYOU
Doubt it. This were back in Kyoto. We come to Tokyo two years ago to get away from that life, so he wouldn'ta picked up any new enemies here.

Kawamoto's phone rings again. He rejects the call and looks from one host to the other. Settles on Hikari.

KAWAMOTO
Did you know this?

HIKARI
Course. I don't usually hire people like that, but they'd come a long way and I figured Kouji was serious about getting out that life, so I gave him and Taiyou a chance. My one act of charity.

Kawamoto's phone rings again. He grimaces and picks it up, answering this time without looking at the screen.

KAWAMOTO
Look, I'm in the middle of something! Call me back, okay?
(beat, then he gets an "Oh SHIT" look on his face)
Mom? Mom, now's not really...I just...
(beat. Kawamoto surrenders to the inevitable)
Alright...Yes...Yes, I got it. Trash bags and milk. I'll stop off at Lawson's on the way home...No, I don't need to make a list! Goodbye!

He hangs up. All three hosts are now grinning like it's Christmas come early.

SHUYA
How old're you?

KAWAMOTO
Uh...twenty four.

The grins get a little bigger.

SHUYA
And you still live with your mom?

TAIYOU
Lame.

KAWAMOTO
Look, can we please justâ€"

His phone rings again.

KAWAMOTO (CONT'D)
Oh, for…

SHUYA
It's okay, go ahead. She probably wants you to get some eggs.

KAWAMOTO
It's my partner. He's been trying to get hold of me.
(Glances at Hikari)
Uh…

Hikari shrugs and waves his hand in a 'sure' gesture. Kawamoto answers the phone.

KAWAMOTO
What is it?

Lights go on in the upper part of the stage, revealing a much smaller version of Kawamoto and Ueda's office. Ueda's at his desk, staring at the PC.

UEDA
You alone?

KAWAMOTO
What? No, I'm with Hikari and the others.

Ueda runs a hand through his hair.

UEDA
What others?

KAWAMOTO
Well, Taiyou and Shuya.

Ueda jerks upright in his seat.

UEDA
Get out of there.

KAWAMOTO
Huh? Why?

The three hosts are watching him now. Narrow-eyed. No longer smiling. Taiyou shifts his weight slightly. Kawamoto doesn't see him.

UEDA
It's Shuya. I knew I'd seen that kid before. We just got a match for those fingerprints on the leaflet. Real name: Shigeyama Kazuya. Wanted for murder in Osaka. He stabbed his uncle to death when he was twelve, stole his money and went on the run.

Ueda pulls his jacket on one-handed, scrambling for the door. Kawamoto stares at Shuya and squirms on his chair, trying to inch away without being too obvious.

KAWAMOTO
He wha-a-a-t?

UEDA
I notified the local police and they're on their way. I'll be there as soon as I can, but you have to get out!

KAWAMOTO
Uh. Yeah.

He ends the call and puts the phone back in his pocket, never taking his eyes off Shuya.

SHUYA
What?

Kawamoto moistens his lips.

KAWAMOTO
Are you...Shigeyama Kazuya?

The effect is electric; Shuya catapults himself off the chair and away from Kawamoto, heading for the door. Kawamoto leaps to his feet and starts to give chase, but Taiyou grabs him, holding him in place as Shuya wrenches open the door.

Exit Shuya, stage left.

HIKARI
Taiyou!

Taiyou glares at Hikari and doesn't move or release Kawamoto.

TAIYOU
The fuck you yellin' at me for?

HIKARI
Shuya's escaped. You wanna be sent down for assaulting a detective? Let him go!

Long pause while their eyes lock and Kawamoto flinches in Taiyou's grasp. At last, Taiyou looks away and releases him.

Kawamoto runs to the door Shuya escaped through and opens it. Looks through, then closes it again.

HIKARI
How'd you find his name?

Kawamoto returns to the table, but doesn't sit down.

KAWAMOTO
Fingerprints. On the leaflets we found next to Kouji's body...we got fingerprints off them.

He frowns, shakes his head slightly. Something doesn't add up.

TAIYOU
That ain't possible.

KAWAMOTO
I know he's your friend and you want to protect him, but...

TAIYOU
(cutting in)
No, it really ain't possible. Shuya ain't done catch duty for ages.
(to Hikari)
Right?

Hikari sits down at the table and stubs out his cigarette before answering.

HIKARI
'Sright. Last time he did it was about two or three years ago.

KAWAMOTO
But he could have got the leaflets, right?

HIKARI
Sure, but why would he kill Kouji? They were friends.

KAWAMOTO
Where do you keep the leaflets?

Hikari jerks a thumb toward the bar counter.

HIKARI
Right over there. Help yourself.

Kawamoto crosses to the counter, giving Taiyou rather a wide berth, and picks up the topmost leaflet.

KAWAMOTO
No, sorry, I meant the ones you give out to people on the street.

HIKARI
That's them.

KAWAMOTO
No, I meant...

He gives up and digs out his phone, flicks through it and shows it to Hikari.

KAWAMOTO
See? I took a picture. These were the leaflets left on the body.

Hikari takes the phone and frowns, then hands it back.

HIKARI
Oh, that's the old design.
(takes out his cigarettes, lights up)
I changed it about six months ago.

Kawamoto stares at him. His world's starting to fall down around him. Slowly, he sits down on the bar stool, takes out his phone and stares at it. Closes his eyes, puts it back in his pocket.

KAWAMOTO
You need to get out of here.

TAIYOU
What?

KAWAMOTO
The police are on their way. I'll handle things here, just get out. You don't want to be mixed up in this.

HIKARI
Maybe you've forgotten, but we got pretty well mixed up in it when one of us got stabbed to death!

Kawamoto stares at him. Halfway to crying now, because he knows.

KAWAMOTO
Just go!

Taiyou and Hikari exchange looks, then both head for the same door Shuya left by and exit.

Kawamoto picks up a leaflet, then lets it flutter back to the ground. Gets up, moves to the table and sits down. Waiting.

SFX: A car pulls up outside.

The entrance door opens. Enter UEDA. He looks around, seeing no one but Kawamoto. Goes to the door leading to the street, opens it. Closes it again. (NB: for most of this conversation, Kawamoto speaks in a dull monotone).

UEDA
Where're the hosts?

KAWAMOTO
(shrugs)
No idea.

Ueda whirls on him.

UEDA
What do you mean, no idea? They were with you, weren't they?

KAWAMOTO
How did you know which door to go through?

UEDA
(baffled)
What?

Kawamoto half turns his head to look at him.

KAWAMOTO
In Kouji's apartment. We arrived at the crime scene together, but when I tried to go through the wrong door, you corrected me. How did you know?

Ueda frowns. He continues searching the club â€" opening door to Hikari's office, peering behind the bar and under tables etc â€" but is very slowly moving closer to Kawamoto.

UEDA
I didn't, I guessed.

KAWAMOTO
(bitter laugh)
I'm green but I'm not that green. You didn't guess, Ueda. You knew.

Ueda gives up on the search as Kawamoto stands and moves over to the bar. Both men are half-circling each other, neither wanting to get too close to the other.

UEDA
So now...what? You think I'm a murderer because I knew which room Kouji was in? It wasn't my fingerprints they found on the leaflets!

Kawamoto snatches up a fistful of leaflets from the bar and hurls them at Ueda.

KAWAMOTO
You mean these leaflets?

Ueda picks up one of the leaflets and glances at it. Freezes.

UEDA
This…

KAWAMOTO
They changed the design. Whoever killed Kouji must have been planning it for a while.

UEDA
So they changed the design. Shuya works here! He could've gotten them at any time.

KAWAMOTO
But Shuya only committed one crime that we know of, and he was never caught. How could anyone have matched his fingerprints to those on the leaflet? His fingerprints aren't on file!

UEDA
Yeah, but…

KAWAMOTO
(cutting across, looking around)
Where are the police?

UEDA
Police?

KAWAMOTO
You said you called the local police before you left. They're a lot closer than you were. If you called them before leaving, why aren't they here yet?

UEDA
How the fuck should I know!

KAWAMOTO
You're a detective. Trained, like me. A normal person might not have been able to get the drop on Kouji, but you could.

(FX: the lights around the club dim, so that the audience only see Ueda and Kawamoto at the table)

UEDA
(sighs, sits down at the table)
Even if you could persuade someone to listen to this crazy fantasy of yours, you don't have any proof.

Kawamoto draws his gun and points it at Ueda. His hand's shaking visibly.

UEDA
What the hell do you think you're doing?!

KAWAMOTO
Did you kill Kouji?

UEDA
Enough already! This is…

KAWAMOTO
(yelling)
Did you kill him?

Long, long silence. Ueda leans back in his chair, never taking his eyes off Kawamoto.

UEDA
What if I did?

Kawamoto squeezes his eyes shut. Devastated.

UEDA
They're scum. All of them. My last partner got himself killed by one of 'em.

KAWAMOTO
(quiet, broken)
But not any of the ones in this club.

UEDA
(shrugs)
So?

KAWAMOTO
So? So you're a detective! You're supposed to uphold the law, not break it!

UEDA
(snorts)
Still the naive kid, huh? We arrest people, we put 'em away and then they're walking free not three weeks later. Kouji had previous. Fights, burglary, he even put a few people in hospital when he was running wild in Kyoto. You think we should let someone like that loose on the streets of Tokyo?

KAWAMOTO
That doesn't give you the right to kill him!

UEDA
(sighs)
One less street punk...who's gonna know? Who's even gonna care?

Long silence. Ueda reaches inside his jacket for his own gun, but doesn't draw it.

UEDA
What now?

Kawamoto looks up at him. Tears. Betrayed by the person he looked up to the most. He sets his gun down, and Ueda smiles a little.

UEDA
That's what I thought.

Kawamoto picks up Hikari's cell phone from the table and pushes the button to stop recording.

KAWAMOTO
Thank you for your confession.

The smile drains off Ueda's face.

UEDA
What?

Kawamoto gets to his feet. Hating every second of this.

KAWAMOTO
Shinji Ueda, you're under arrest.

UEDA
(re: cell phone)
That's not admissible as evidence.

KAWAMOTO
Then you've nothing to worry about.

Ueda draws his gun and aims it at Kawamoto's chest.

UEDA
If you think you can arrest me by yourself, then...

(SFX: breaking glass)

Ueda falls to the ground as the club lights come back on, revealing Hikari standing there with a broken bottle in his hand.

HIKARI
(off the bottle)
Ah shit. Hundred thousand yen, down the drain.

KAWAMOTO
What are you doing here?

Hikari shrugs, sets the bottle down on the table.

HIKARI
Forgot my phone.

He holds out his hand for it. Kawamoto draws away.

KAWAMOTO
I'm sorry; I need it for evidence. I'll make sure you get it back afterwards.

He moves next to Hikari. Both look down at Ueda's unconscious body.

HIKARI
Didn't think you'd have it in you to arrest your own partner.

KAWAMOTO
(beat, then he looks at Hikari)
You came back to help me?

Hikari shrugs, not looking at him.

HIKARI
Yeah, well. Myâ€"

KAWAMOTO
â€"one act of charity, yeah, I get it.

Blackout.

End of scene.

-

Definitions
catch duty: Slang. Basically, the person on catch duty is the one responsible for standing outside a club or restaurant, handing out leaflets and trying to entice passers-by into visiting.
Host club: A place where women pay to have good-looking young men flirt and drink with them and generally make them feel like the most desirable woman in the room. The hosts get a hefty commission on any drinks their lady buys. Some host clubs are classy, others are decidedly not. Club Tengoku falls very much in the latter category ;) Not illegal - assuming they don't have sex for money, which is something most hosts go out of their way to avoid - but many Japanese people tend to look down on hosts and hostesses.

"You're like a mustang on the range
Whose strength were sapped by age and mange"

I died.

Consarn it!  Mandle done up and died, right before the voting was about to be proceedin'!   8-0

And that's a wrap. Everyone, come back on stage, bow, receive your applause...

These are the nominees for AGS Theater Price:

Nuts and Bolts by Mandle
Love's Luckless Lackey by Baron
Confession by JudasFm


We vote in categories:

Most Distinct Voice: Which writer managed to give their characters different voices, making them distinct even though they are - on a piece of paper (on the screen) - just talking heads?
Best Play: Through the use of stage directions and spoken words, who managed to let the stage come to life?
Best Writing: This is not different from the usual writing category. Through use of figures of speech or other means of writing, who created images in your mind?
Best Plot: Who told a story that was engaging, interessting, suspensful, funny, and so on? Which play was not just a scene but a story?

You have one vote per category and voting ends 23. June.

Most Distinct Voice: Baron. I didn't feel like Mandle's characters stood out much; their personalities were too similar. I did like Loudspeaker Voice's version of orders though ("DO NOT DO TO IT WHAT YOU DID THE LAST TIME FOR GOD'S SAKE" really made me grin).
Best Play: Mandle. It was a bit clunky (scripts don't explain how to get blood effects etc, although I took this in the spirit of showing that it's possible on a stage and thus keeping in the spirit of the competition) but I could imagine everything.
Best Writing: Again, Mandle. Baron's made it seem like there were two people just standing on a stage with no background, no actions, just 'talking heads' (are the characters drinking, ordering more drinks, sitting down, standing up, what are they doing?)
Best Plot: Baron. Maybe it was because Mandle's entry was at the very beginning, but I didn't really get what was going on. (I did do a bit of research and found The Men Who Stare At Goats, which seems to have inspired this? Or maybe I'm reading too much into it). Anyway, Baron gets this vote; he made an easy-to-follow story, or part of one, and he made me want to read on.

Most Distinct Voice: I'm going with Mandle.  All his characters were extremely well differentiated, even his three workers  (Jules was the nice-guy, Drue the cynic, Bob the jerk).  I struggled a bit differentiating the hosts from each other in JudasFm's piece.

Best Play: I felt Mandle had the more creative stage ideas (the mirror for example), while JudasFm had the better stage directions (light narrowing to set mood and focus, adversaries circling each other).  The thing that tips me towards giving my vote to Mandle is his ambition to push the envelope away from convention (his use of special effects, for example), but also his use of clear formatting.  I kept getting confused with JudasFm's script trying to differentiate stage directions from speech, which broke the atmosphere for me. 

Best Writing:   I'm voting JudasFm.  Mandle had some wild and zany things going on, but I felt he rushed some great opportunities for lines (i.e. where's the one-liner delivered by Luke when he escapes, telling you he really is a genius or really is dim-witted or, better yet, leaves you wondering thereafter?  ;) ).  JudasFm used concise language to dramatic effect, which I felt suited the characters and atmosphere well.

Best Plot: I think it's gotta be JudasFm for a suspense-filled scene.  Mandle's play was ambitious to say the least, but in wrenching the viewer so quickly from one extreme to the other I feel some of the plot arc was lost on me.

Quote from: Baron on Sat 22/06/2019 00:15:26
b]Best Play:[/b]I kept getting confused with JudasFm's script trying to differentiate stage directions from speech, which broke the atmosphere for me. 

Yeah, that was a serious screw up on my part :) Like I said, I originally set it out script-style, with lines centered and stage directions left-justified, but when I previewed it, it turned out really hard to read. If everyone was reading this site on their phone, it would've worked, but I wasn't about to take that risk. I did think about going back and reformatting the setting in much the same style as Mandle, but I think I barely squeaked in by the deadline as it was, and I always feel that editing an entry after submission (barring those times when I forget to turn the italics off) isn't quite fair (laugh)

Most Distinct Voice: JudasFm Kawamoto was a bit boring, I think Hikari and Ueda really stood out. I could see them acting in my imagination.
Best Play: Again, JudasFm. I could really imagine where doors open, people enter and leave, walk around, and the light setting. I liked Mandle's part 1 a lot, but I think part 2 was rather meh. I don't like special effects in theater, most of the time they look ridiculous and I didn't get what this was about anyway.
Best Writing: This one goes to Baron. I also like that you invented a back story why there is only one scene left.
Best Plot: JudasFm I just love murder mystery stories.

Wow, time flies...

I will add comments later and simply vote now to avoid missing the *GASP* 3 day deadline for voting.

Most Distinct Voice: Baron
Best Play: JudasFm
Best Writing: Baron
Best Plot: JudasFm

Quote from: Mandle on Sun 23/06/2019 17:40:06
... to avoid missing the *GASP* 3 day deadline for voting.

I'm not sure how to take this. Is it:
- *gasp* the deadline was so long and I still had problems voting in time!
- *gasp* the deadline was so short, how could you? Don't force me to read so fast!
- *gasp* the deadline was three days. I really didn't realize it's been three days already.

Anyways, you can ask for an extension of the voting deadline too, you know.  (nod)


But you did get your votes in and you did so with time to spare, so let's get down to business.

Mandle: Your first and second version are not very different from a plot point of view, or from the amount of dialogue you provided. The difference is mainly in the amount and descriptiveness of the stage directions. Unfortunately, I don't think you improved your piece - from a purely technical point of view. Stage directions are not orders for the FX crew, their job is not to give a detailed explanation of how a trick is done. Simply put, they demand, they do not explain. Of course, stuff like that varies from play to play and author to author, but I just think you went way too far. On the other hand, your first version had just the right amount of stage directions - they set the scene, they intervened when a specific action that needed to take place was not clear from the spoken word, and they left the right amount of interpretation for the director. From a plot point of view, I'm hocked. I would watch this play and I would probably be engaged from the beginning, so kudos.

Baron: Where Mandle went too far, you provided too little. It's not necessary to explain every movement of a character's hand or every intonation, but some information should be there: they are in a saloon, but are there other people? Do I need extras to fill all the tables, or is it empty except for the two talking? Is the barman around? (The answer to that is yes, because he suddenly speaks at one point, but that should have been told to the reader beforehand. As a director, you want to know at the beginning whih actors you need.) I liked your use of the classic theater technique of aside/aloud and the poetic dialogue. In general, I enjoyed the little backstory you provided, though I have to point out that it also made you break the rules (maybe): You did not offer one completed scene, but started in the middle of one. As for the plot itself, I found the backstory more interesting than the actual play.

JudasFm: Your formating didn't work out too great. Like Baron, I had problems recognizing stage directions for what they are. Honestly, I wonder why such a format (with centered text too) is used for film scripts. I think it's incredibly difficult to read. Anyways, that has nothing to do with the writing itself, so I'll ignore it. I think you had slightly too many, or too detailed, unnecessary stage directions. They often didn't read like something in a play but what the director would tell to his actors. For example: Kawamoto stares at him. His world's starting to fall down around him. such a reference to the emotional state of a character seemed slightly out of place, especially considering that this is pretty clear from the dialogue itself. The whole time reading your text, I wondered if the title was supposed to refer to the whole play or just this scene. Considering your plot seems to be a fairly generic murder mystery, "Confession" seems like a weird title - but scenes usualy don't get titles at all, so...

I wish you all had taken (more) advantege of the option to explain a bit what happens before and after your scenes, to give some more context.

My votes:

Most Distinct Voice: JudasFm, by a whisker. Mandle's was also pretty good.
Best Play: JudasFm, despite a bit of oversharing  ;)
Best Writing: Baron, I really liked your attempt at poetry.
Best Plot: Mandle, I liked JudasFm's too but I just got the impression because this scene was near to the end and the mystery didn't seem that deep, that the scenes before would contain a lot of padding.

And with that, we have a winner:

(https://www.img-load.de/images/2019/06/24/Stage1.gif)
JudasFm wins with 9 points

(https://www.img-load.de/images/2019/06/24/Stage2.gif)
In second place we have Baron with 6 points.

(https://www.img-load.de/images/2019/06/24/Stage3.gif)
Mandle reaches a close third place with 5 points.

Quote from: Sinitrena on Mon 24/06/2019 10:19:11
JudasFm: Your formating didn't work out too great. Like Baron, I had problems recognizing stage directions for what they are. Honestly, I wonder why such a format (with centered text too) is used for film scripts. I think it's incredibly difficult to read.

Actually, no. It's only the actor's lines that are centered; everything else is left-justified. So if I were to write some of the lines script-style, it would be:

Quote

HIKARI
He alone?

TAIYOU
Yeah.

Taiyou slams the door shut behind them and leans against it. Kawamoto jumps and spins around.

TAIYOU
(CONT'D)
Problem?

Since you can easily tell what you're looking at by glancing at where the sentences are on the page, it's incredibly easy to read. It's harder here because most PC screens are wider than a sheet of A4, and without italics/brackets such as Mandle used, it's difficult to tell where the entry stops and the author comments kick in  (laugh) Like I said, it was my bad in formatting.

QuoteI think you had slightly too many, or too detailed, unnecessary stage directions. They often didn't read like something in a play but what the director would tell to his actors. For example: Kawamoto stares at him. His world's starting to fall down around him. such a reference to the emotional state of a character seemed slightly out of place, especially considering that this is pretty clear from the dialogue itself.

To a certain extent, it depends on the writer - some will include more than others - but this really is how it's done in scripts, both theater and screenplay, and in a real script, you would actually expect to see more of this ;) It's not the director's job to tell the actors how to read a certain line (and some actors can get pretty upset if this happens) any more than it's the director's job to tell the cameraman how to operate his camera. The director's job is to plan out all the angles they want of a particular scene, then tell the cameraman to make it happen. Likewise, the writer gives the actor a little context (this is what your character's thinking and why they react the way they do) and the director makes sure they're doing it right. Bear in mind that the majority of directors - ie, anyone who isn't James Cameron or Steven Spielberg - won't be working with their own scripts, but with someone else's and often in a genre they're not particularly keen on (one of my director friends in LA specializes in psychological thriller, and on one Skype call he spent some twenty minutes yelling at me because the company he works for assigned him a romantic screenplay to direct  :P)

What they also do, however, is try different ways of doing the same thing ("Hey, Kawamoto? That scene where you threw the leaflets was great, but this time I'd like you to try marching right up to Ueda and shoving them in his face.")

QuoteThe whole time reading your text, I wondered if the title was supposed to refer to the whole play or just this scene. Considering your plot seems to be a fairly generic murder mystery, "Confession" seems like a weird title - but scenes usualy don't get titles at all, so...

Yeah, it referred to the scene (laugh) I suck at titles, but it was the best I could think of.

QuoteBest Plot: Mandle, I liked JudasFm's too but I just got the impression because this scene was near to the end and the mystery didn't seem that deep, that the scenes before would contain a lot of padding.

Well, it doesn't make any difference to the result so I guess it doesn't matter, but I feel it's pretty harsh that you seemed to base this decision on scenes you never even read. Granted, there was nothing stopping me from giving everyone a Cliff Notes version, and I should have done, but even if I'd laid out all the red herrings and problems Ueda puts in Kawamoto's way (bear in mind he's far more experienced than naive rookie Kawamoto, so he would be capable of a) misleading people and b) destroying/fabricating evidence) and the tensions and prejudices that both the cops and the hosts have to overcome before they can even start to work together to solve this mystery, it still shouldn't have had any bearing on this. It's like if I read someone's entry and said, "Yeah, I liked it, but I think that this is going to happen next in the story and that doesn't work for me, so I'm not voting for it."

Since it's hard to judge tone over the internet, I'll add that I'm really not trying to change any decisions or cause any problems or offense here :) I just wanted to throw my two cents into the ring.

And with that (as you so aptly put it) a huge thanks to everyone who was kind enough to vote for me, and the next contest will be up very soon!  (laugh)

Congratulations to JudasFm for a well-deserved win, and congratulations to Mandle for a timely resurrection!   ;-D

I blame my poor showing at stage directions on all the Shakespeare I had to read back in school.  His stage directions are basically limited to enter/exit, aside/aloud, and dies.  Well, except at the beginning of scenes, but lucklessly that part of the play didn't survive....  ;)

See you all next time!

QuoteTo a certain extent, it depends on the writer - some will include more than others - but this really is how it's done in scripts, both theater and screenplay, and in a real script, you would actually expect to see more of this

Actually, in my experiance that's not the case. As a matter of fact, that's one of the differences between a play and a movie script: For some reason, movie scripts contain a lot of comentary on a character's state of mind and inner turmoil, while in theater that usually is left to the director.

An example:
These:

Spoiler

SCENE III. A churchyard; in it a tomb belonging to the Capulets.
Enter PARIS, and his Page bearing flowers and a torch
Retires
The Page whistles
Retires
Enter ROMEO and BALTHASAR, with a torch, mattock, & c
Retires
Opens the tomb
Comes forward
They fight
Exit
Falls
Dies
Laying PARIS in the tomb
Drinks
Dies
Enter, at the other end of the churchyard, FRIAR LAURENCE, with a lantern, crow, and spade
Advances
Enters the tomb
JULIET wakes
Noise within
Noise again
Exit FRIAR LAURENCE
Kisses him
Snatching ROMEO's dagger
Stabs herself
Falls on ROMEO's body, and dies
Enter Watch, with the Page of PARIS
Re-enter some of the Watch, with BALTHASAR
Re-enter others of the Watch, with FRIAR LAURENCE
Enter the PRINCE and Attendants
Enter CAPULET, LADY CAPULET, and others
Enter MONTAGUE and others
Exeunt

[close]

are litterary all stage directions of the very emotional last scene of Romeo and Juliett, the one where everyone kills themselves. There's not a single reference to how a character feels, because this is all in the spoken text, nor is there any description of what a fight looks like, because that is of no importance for the way the story progresses. It's important that people fight, not how.

But you are certainly right that this depends very much on the writer.

Oh, and I'm not trying to argue. Votes and comments are subjective, after all.  :-*

Quote

QuoteBest Plot: Mandle, I liked JudasFm's too but I just got the impression because this scene was near to the end and the mystery didn't seem that deep, that the scenes before would contain a lot of padding.

Well, it doesn't make any difference to the result so I guess it doesn't matter, but I feel it's pretty harsh that you seemed to base this decision on scenes you never even read.

If it sounded like that was the only reason or the main reason for this vote, I appologize. Just based on the text itself, I had you as a tie, and then my decision was based on what has more potential, as the last deciding factor.

Quote from: Sinitrena on Mon 24/06/2019 12:20:50
Actually, in my experiance that's not the case. As a matter of fact, that's one of the differences between a play and a movie script: For some reason, movie scripts contain a lot of comentary on a character's state of mind and inner turmoil, while in theater that usually is left to the director.
[...]all stage directions of the very emotional last scene of Romeo and Juliett, the one where everyone kills themselves. There's not a single reference to how a character feels, because this is all in the spoken text, nor is there any description of what a fight looks like, because that is of no importance for the way the story progresses. It's important that people fight, not how.

To be fair, styles do change over 400 years or so (laugh) I've seen both styles of script used in the theater, but I did a quick search of more modern scripts and you're right that skimpy directions do seem to be more the order of the day ;) It's probably something to do with the fact that shooting schedules can be (and usually are) hellish; there just isn't time for the director to think up thoughts and emotions. Plus, you're shooting in completely random order, and very often only for about 5-10 seconds at a time, so the actors need to know instantly what's going through their character's head at that point in the script 8-)

Quote from: JudasFm on Mon 24/06/2019 12:46:39
It's probably something to do with the fact that shooting schedules can be (and usually are) hellish; there just isn't time for the director to think up thoughts and emotions. Plus, you're shooting in completely random order, and very often only for about 5-10 seconds at a time, so the actors need to know instantly what's going through their character's head at that point in the script 8-)

That might be. I always assumed it had something to do with the fact that you get one movie out of a film script but infinite (different) perfomances out of a play script, leading to the need for the author to accertain his or her vision more thoroughly.

Considering I used Shakespeare as an example, for fairness sake I should also point out that the bard directed his own plays, so there was less need to describe stuff in what he wrote down.

Quote from: Sinitrena on Mon 24/06/2019 12:59:20

Quote from: JudasFm on Mon 24/06/2019 12:46:39
It's probably something to do with the fact that shooting schedules can be (and usually are) hellish; there just isn't time for the director to think up thoughts and emotions. Plus, you're shooting in completely random order, and very often only for about 5-10 seconds at a time, so the actors need to know instantly what's going through their character's head at that point in the script 8-)

That might be. I always assumed it had something to do with the fact that you get one movie out of a film script but infinite (different) perfomances out of a play script, leading to the need for the author to accertain his or her vision more thoroughly.

One movie, a zillion different takes and camera angles :-D Ever see a scene in a movie where Character A opens the front door and has a short, maybe 30-second conversation with Character B standing on the porch? And the camera cuts back and forth between the two faces? Yeah...the shooting schedule for that would go something like this:

1. Shoot the whole thing from start to finish with the camera behind Character A's shoulder.
2. Shoot the whole thing from start to finish with the camera directly in front of Character B to get Character A's POV, while Character A delivers their lines from next to the cameraman.
3. See #2, but instead of seeing all of Character B, this time only shoot the actor from the waist up.
4. See #3, only this time shoot Character B from the chest up.
5. See #4. This time, shoot Character B in close-up.
6. If you want a particular reaction shot (grimace, puzzled look, sneeze, scowl, etc) from Character B, shoot each one individually.
7. Move all the equipment to the other side of the set.
8. Repeat Stages #1-6, only this time with Character A as the main focus.
9. Pray to the gods of movie-making that nobody sneezes, gets a phone call, burps, rustles papers or farts during the take, and that the actors don't screw up their lines. Either one will mean you have to repeat the current stage from the beginning. If it's the beginning of the day, you're good, but if you're getting towards the end and the actors are exhausted, you can bet there'll be a blooper or two.
10. Get all your reaction shots, and all your takes, and spend a couple hours in an editing suite mixing and matching every take from every camera into a cohesive whole. (Okay, we have editors who actually do the dirty work, but the director's looking over their shoulder telling them to put this bit there, or drop in the close-up when Character A says this line etc).

And that's not even counting the numerous dry runs and extra takes (laugh) With all that in mind, the director can't exactly call CUT halfway through a take just to give the actors direction :P

QuoteOne movie, a zillion different takes and camera angles :-D

True, but still just one final product. Even remakes use newly written scripts, after all.

QuoteWith all that in mind, the director can't exactly call CUT halfway through a take just to give the actors direction :P

In theater, a director also can't exactly call "Stop" in the middle of a performance...

That's what rehearsals are for - in both mediums, I think.


Simply put, while there are of course similarities, a play and a movie script are not the same and therefore use different methods to convey their meaning - and that's the point I was trying to make the whole time.  ;)

I had to skip this one, due to working on the final beta testing of a game. Things seem to be leveling off, so I should be able to join in on the next one.
Congrats to JudasFm for the win!

Quote from: cat on Sat 22/06/2019 21:14:54
I liked Mandle's part 1 a lot, but I think part 2 was rather meh. I don't like special effects in theater, most of the time they look ridiculous and I didn't get what this was about anyway.

Very nice feedback!

Act One was a play I submitted for a local contest when I was about 14 years old. Well, it is the submission as best as I remember it. I didn't win and never continued the story and then a bunch of movies came out around the same time about seemingly mundane or even mentally disabled people turning out to be geniuses in their own way: Rain Man, Malcolm, Good Will Hunting, etc. so the story became redundant.

The original story came from something my father told me which I still don't know was true or not.

The joke about him asking for his coffee "brown" when asked "black or white?" was the height of my young wit, and I still thought it was pretty amusing so I left it in.

After re-writing the first act I came up with the second act on the fly but I didn't think it was very strong. But once it was out it was out.