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Messages - Sinitrena

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The Rumpus Room / Re: What's on TV?
« on: 14 Jan 2019, 20:43 »
Chuck? Because of Matt Bomer, and I seem to vaguely recall something like the first shot from that show (his superagent character being superthrown out of a supercomputer superroom).

That's a fairly acurate description and the scene the first pic comes from. Chuck is correct, your turn.

The Rumpus Room / Re: What's on TV?
« on: 14 Jan 2019, 17:30 »
It's not White Collar, but White Collar made me watch this show.

...helpful or confusing, you decide! :P  (laugh)

The Rumpus Room / Re: What's on TV?
« on: 14 Jan 2019, 15:23 »
For all I know, it's possible. The screenshot is from an action-packed scene, so I assume a stunt double was involved and I'm sure stunt doubles double more than one actor. What I can say with absolute certainty is that Tom Cruise was not involved in the production of this show.

Edit: Stupid me, forgot the new picture...

And we are closed!

... Ehm, guys, are you... are you alright? You didn't have anything dropped on your head or something? Because if these are your definitions of a Happy Ending, I am a bit afraid.  (laugh)

Let's go through them one by one:


I think I wasn't quite as confused as JudasFm and think this story could work as a short story. But in general, the scenes feel rather unconnected. We don't get a lot of background information but it makes sense that a rebel group wants to steal money. Sure, I can see that. It also makes sense that they seduce the director of the bank to get some information. The problem is that it doesn't have any consequence. You could leave the venus trap out and jump from the meeting to the (failed) robbery, you could leave out the meeting and just have the last part and the reader wouldn't lose much information.

All in all, it feels a lot like you were going too much for humour. The scenes try to be funny with the classic two people in one coat or through pure grossness but the inner structure of the story suffers as a result.

As for the ending - I was confused. I'm not even sure if they escaped. And if they did, do I want it? The characters did not endear themselves to me at all. That isn't absolutely necessary for an Ending to be defined as happy, but it certainly makes it easier. Also, I think to some degree a story sets its own goal as to what it would need to make it happy. And as the meeting in the beginning sets the bar as "For the Cause" (as in, their revolution) the win the characters do get, no matter if it feels happy in and off itself, just feels too small.


In general, I really enjoyed this story. I like how the narrator, having lost his pet, isn't ready to get a new cat but finds some happiness in watching the stray. The kitten finds a family, even though it doesn't look all that good for it in the beginning. Also, the descriptions of the cats are lovely.

But (there's always a but, isn't there) the ending is hardly happy, is it? "If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." According to google, that's a quote by Orson Welles and I think it fits very well on your story. Had you ended it with "On the way back home from a shopping trip I saw two of the grown-up cats of Chibi's litter crossing the road and Panda was behind them, in tow, glancing around nervously and I could imagine that he was just like a young kid out on a lark with older brothers and saying stuff like "Hey... guys... are you sure we should be..." but tagging along nonetheless." and maybe a sentence or two to round it up, that would be a happy ending. But having Panda die? Yeah, I can't see this as happy.

Without the condition of this FWC that the story is supposed to end happy, I think it's a great ending. It's emotional, it has a melanchloc vibe that works well. But that's just it, it's a sad ending.


I was so sure you were going for a fairy tale structure there with the three days of the ceremony. You surprised me there.

The stroy has a lot of small details about the culture of the merfolk, which I quite like. I think it's a bit strange that the princess would find her way into the slave pits and would have liked an explanetion for it, or better yet, a real reason why the princess and the slaves interact with each other. Maybe they are the servants who are ordered to dress her (assuming the merfolk wear clothes), just something that makes it logical for them to meet.

Your ending was the only one that feels at least like it could be happy. The slaves are freed, the wedding allows them to escape... Unlike Baron's story, your characters' proclaimed goal also isn't to overthrow the government, just to get away, so they do manage to achieve what they set out to achive. At the same time, this doesn't feel like an ending, it feels like the beginning of a story. Dirnec and Meruna still have to get away, they still need to build a new life - difficult, considering they seemed to have spend a long time as prisoners and at least Dirnec was too young to be useful when he was caught. Also, they probably started a war, leading to more people ending up as prisoners. Still, this story comes closest to a real happy ending.

Alright, let's add my votes to the mix:

Best Character: Baron
Best Plot: JudasFm
Best Atmosphere: Mandle
Best Writing: Mandle
Best Ending: JudasFm

And that leaves us with the following results:

JudasFm wins with 10 points.

Mandle reaches a second place with 8 points.

Baron comes to a close third with 7 points.

JudasFm, your turn!

The Rumpus Room / Re: What's on TV?
« on: 13 Jan 2019, 14:06 »
Next one:

The Rumpus Room / Re: What's on TV?
« on: 12 Jan 2019, 16:52 »
Defenitely one of the cheesy 90s (maybe 80s) fantasy shows, so maybe The Lost World (That show had 3 seasons? Seriously?) or Tarzan?


I find it hard sometimes to tell when you are joking but I must admit I found your comment about hoping I don't win because of your vote a bit jarring in this instance. This feeling will not shade my own votes though, which I will place tomorrow.

Well, you were supposed to place them by yesterday  :P but if you promise, I can wait.   ;)

And with that, we are so very close to the end of this Forthnightly Writing Competition. Just the voting and the awards ceremony are left.

As for your votes, you have a choice between:

For the Cause by Baron
A Happy Life by Mandle
Under the Sea by JudasFm

Who shall it be? Who do you think did best in the following categories?

Best Character: Who wrote the most convincing, interesting, funny, etc personality?
Best Plot: What happens in the story? Does it makes sense? Could you follow along?
Best Atmosphere: Did a story invoke feelings in you? Did it suck you in and hold you in its grip?
Best Writing: The technical aspect of writing. Correct grammar, good word choice, ect...
Best Ending: This category is specific to the topic of the competition. Which story had the best ending? The happiest?

Vote for one entry per category and get your votes in by the end of Friday, 11. January.

The Squid is smiling so nicely, how could I possibly say no? Besides, I never liked wins by default.
24h left (see timestamp of this posting!).

No entries yet? No Happy Ending for me?  :~(

Or are you just planning last minute entries to make the surprise all the sweeter?

Anyway, officially there are a couple hours left, inoffically probably until Monday, just to get a higher chance for some amazing writing.  ;)

The Rumpus Room / Re: What's on TV?
« on: 03 Jan 2019, 18:53 »
That is indeed Vinnie Jones and Deception is correct. Your turn, Superkumi - or anyone elses, because Superkumi doesn't want theirs.

You need to check your javascript privilege.

You've completely lost me, there.  Why are you talking about javascript privilege? ???

The Rumpus Room / Re: What's on TV?
« on: 03 Jan 2019, 01:51 »
I have to assume that Jack wants to solve this without hints, because I have no idea how one could consider Black Mirror a
Spoiler: ShowHide
short lived show.


Wrong answer, sorry.

The Rumpus Room / Re: What's on TV?
« on: 02 Jan 2019, 22:12 »
I'm sure someone has seen the show...

The Rumpus Room / Re: What's on TV?
« on: 29 Dec 2018, 18:45 »
It's not Counterpart - and because I haven't seen Counterpart, I can't even tell you how close or far of you are.

I'm trying to find pictures that tell you something about the show but that turns out to be rather difficult.

So, here's a picture of
Spoiler: ShowHide
the only actor I knew before I saw the show.

That might help.


Spoiler: ShowHide
It was a short lived show.

The Rumpus Room / Re: What's on TV?
« on: 28 Dec 2018, 19:08 »
I admit, this one isn't easy, but not even some guesses?

I'll give you some hints:

Spoiler: ShowHide
One actor plays two important characters.


Spoiler: ShowHide
It is a very recent show.

One week left, everybody!

The Rumpus Room / Re: What's on TV?
« on: 26 Dec 2018, 15:34 »

The Rumpus Room / Re: What's on TV?
« on: 25 Dec 2018, 21:00 »
Either nobody knows the show or you're all busy with holiday stuff.
I'd probably bet on the
Spoiler: ShowHide
first option.  ;)

The Rumpus Room / Re: What's on TV?
« on: 23 Dec 2018, 19:36 »
That was easy, especially the first pic.

Next one:

The Rumpus Room / Re: What's on TV?
« on: 23 Dec 2018, 15:36 »
The marvelous Mrs Maisel?

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