First Chapter of Book

[Bluke4x4]

OK. I'm making this book called Soulstealer. It'll be all Tim Burton-esque.
Here's the first chapter:


1____________________________

It was night. Dark night. Not a night that was called Dark Night, but a dark night nonetheless. The streetlights flickered on. A hooded figure hid in the shadows. He was The Menace. The Menace was menacing. Evilly menacing. Maniacally menacing. Menacingly menacing. And quite menacingly and maniacally evil, and menacingly and evilly maniacal. And as a menacingly (e.g. maniacally) evil and menacingly (e.g. evilly)* menace, The Menace almost never did anything. He did practically nothing. Menacingly. But still, he did one thing. He specialized in soul-stealing.
            Well, it was more like soul-trading than stealing, as The Menace always gives something to the person in turn for their soul. And his friend did the rest. Like he always said, “I have friends in low places.” Only The Menace understood his phrase, as its answer laid in the pits of Hell, sitting on an evil throne.
             If you asked me, The Menace was a truly menacingly menacing, evilly evil, maniacally maniacal menace.
                    He’d go up to a stranger and read his or her thoughts. Read his/her mind. Read all of his or her wants. And grant it to them, for a small fee: their soul. Though most don’t believe him and take their wants happily, their minds and souls slop away.
         PLOP
               The Menace looked up. Just a drop of water.
                    PLOP
                          It was beginning to annoy the demonic soul-stealer.              
                              PLOP
                                       The Menace frantically looked around, trying to find the source of the sound. He found a drooling homeless man in an alley to be the cause.
                                             PLOP
                                                    With a raise of The Menace’s hand, the man’s sleeping head spontaneously combusted.                                            
                 The Menace smiled.
                                     And with a swish of his cape, darkness wrapped around him and he disappeared.
                               
*and vice-versa, of course.



Please critique!

[earlwood]

Lol, that's pretty damn funny, but It may get a little annoying if the whole book just repatatively repeats it self, repeatedly. Though it is funny in small protions.

Sounds like a very well-written amatuer adventure game.

*hint hint*

[Bluke4x4]

Well, actually, the whole repetetive thing is just supposed to be annoying, and it's probably only going to be in the first chapter.