A story needs a point

[Oliwerko]

Hi there fellows.

I have this short story, written in Slovak, and I've come to a point where I no more can continue just according to momentary tendencies, I need to find a point of the story, or perhaps, a twist.

A short summary of the story so far:
The story begins with a man kneeling on his knees. He just opened his eyes and is observing his surroundings. He discovers he is kneeling on a concrete panel. Actually, as far as he can see, a grid of concrete panels is all he can see. There's a thick fog restricting his vision to a few meters. He decides to move and after a few minutes of walking discovers a mysterious building, having no clue what it might have served for.

He enters, and explores. He finds out that there is something strange about the building. Something's missing. The labels on all the door (which should state what the room is) are all blank, except for the library. In the library, there are piles of books, but nothing's written in them. Just blank books with no title. Blank papers lie on the desk, only one has the word "light" written on it.

Then he discovers a piano in an empty room. Hitting the keys does not make a sound, and on the notesheet lying there, only the title "confusion" is written. No notes.

He observes that the building is fully equipped for everything, yet for nothing. It's full of things, yet empty. Musical instruments make no sound. Light switches don't work. Books are blank.


Now that's the point where I halted. I need to decide what to do with him next. It's not a standard detective story - remember the fog and the panels? The setting is weird and strange. And I have really hard time thinking about what to do with the mystery of the building.

I was thinking of somehow making the story end like it begins. To make him leave the building somehow, make him become lost and kneel down and close his eyes. That way the reader could roll back to the beginning and I would create a loop.

Still, that doesn't solve the building mystery. Of course I could leave it unsolved and just make him leave the building and after a few hours of searching for something else and realizing that he is lost, make him kneel down and that's it; but actually revealing what's wrong with the building would be great I think.

Any thoughts what next?

[quo_sp]

Maybe the man has lost his memory, the building is a reflection of his subconscious, everything is blank, nothing fits or works becouse he has lost his memory. Perhaps objects are familiar, such the piano, (could be a pianist), but failed to do work because he does not remember how to do. Labels on doors are in blank becouse behind this doors are rooms with his memories to discover.

Could the paper writed with "Light" means the light that he need to iluminate his memory?.

The man could enter the building while he is sleeping, objects and rooms could be revelated as the story progresses and he is recovering memory, so you can play with the real world and the subconscious world, and both can be fused.

Well, it is a possibility.

[Tabata]

It strongly reminds me of Stephen Kings "Langoliers".

... when people are in an airplane-building (before time arrives there). There was no sound, taste ...

So maybe that's the secret of your building, too?

When time/present reaches there , the fog goes away and everything starts living, tasting, sounding ... people appear from nowhere  ... and now the man has to "jump" back into (his) life.

[Oliwerko]

quo_sp - that's a nice idea, but I don't know where it would lead, what would be the ultimate point?

It's the same with Tabata's idea - it sounds good actually, but first, I don't want to replicate something which was already done, and second, where would it lead?

I mean - I have enough ideas what to do with him NOW, but what about the ending? What's the point? I'm clueless about that.

[deadsuperhero]

Well, one twist that I was saving for my own set of stories (but you're welcome to use it too)

He's in a coma trapped in his own mind. The building, the items, the books, even any people he comes across, are all different projections and representations of his state of mind, memories, emotions, etc.

[Tenacious Stu]

The whole thing could be a metaphor for Dementia/Alzheimer's . This man sees things that are familiar to him, but yet not familiar and he is deeply confused, hence the music sheet. The book with light written on it could be to do with his fading memories. Perhaps at one point, all of the books said 'light', but everything slowly faded away until now only one remains and this mans mind will soon be entirely overcome by the dark fog of his disease. Then it repeats itself, as this man forgets everything and continues in a never-ending cycle.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alzheimer's_disease

[limeTree]

The whole thing could be a metaphor for Dementia/Alzheimer's . This man sees things that are familiar to him, but yet not familiar and he is deeply confused, hence the music sheet. The book with light written on it could be to do with his fading memories. Perhaps at one point, all of the books said 'light', but everything slowly faded away until now only one remains and this mans mind will soon be entirely overcome by the dark fog of his disease. Then it repeats itself, as this man forgets everything and continues in a never-ending cycle.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alzheimer's_disease

Interesting. There was an hour game contest couple of days ago and I made some quick game  about dementia people, only my guy was in space and had no idea who he was. Haven't uploaded it though..thinking of it but then I have to fix couple of thing like GUI which is completely screwed and other things which I prefer not to at the moment..
Maybe I can uploaded it as it is as a sign of how messy the mind of dementia people is, might work