Ideal age/Now mostly about Religion and Religious Upbringing

Started by Helm, Mon 16/04/2007 21:47:35

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Helm

I can see that at 38 - 48. People are pretty much what they'll remain to be on a lot of ways at 38.

WINTERKILL

voh

And my guess is that it's the same for Matt at this point. While the age gap is there - if it feels like it isn't, and you care enough about one another, why not give it a try?

But others might always get an 'okay, this is weird' feeling in their gut. Like CJ said, love doesn't care about cultural taboos.
Still here.

Meowster

I guess sometimes you have a meeting of minds with someone, and age doesn't matter so much...

The thing is, with a CERTAIN age it's a bit more... well, 16 year olds can look and behave a lot like 12 years olds.... The younger a person gets, the more you have stand back and REALLY think about whether it's okay... whether that age gap is okay for both of you...

...of course if it works okay and everything, cool, good stuff. But don't be surprised when people give you funny looks and ask how old your girlfriend is...

Pumaman

Quote from: Helm on Thu 19/04/2007 19:36:36
I can see that at 38 - 48. People are pretty much what they'll remain to be on a lot of ways at 38.

I think that's quite an important point ... people's personalities can change a lot through their teenage years so it's quite possible to "grow apart" from the other person if you date someone young.

Of course, this can happen at any age, but in general once people get to 30 or so I guess their personality is less likely to change very much as they get older.

Dan_N

Actually, IMHO, it's not so much the age difference, it's the age GROUP difference... Matt is an adult, while his girlfriend is a teenager, that's the thing that strikes me as creepy. I mean, teenagers can be neurotic, childish, confused people. And I should know, I'm one too. Seriously, Matt, did you give this thing more than 5 minutes of thought?

Tuomas

And when you mentioned the word "group" I started thinking. You'll have a laugh when you hang out with her and her friends or vice versa.

Mr Flibble

Am I just anti-social, or do you find that your partner's friends are usually not people you enjoy hanging around with? I find it more likely that it's just my own reaction though.

As for the age thing, being a teenager, I'd limit myself to any person with a -teen in their age. If nothing else, because younger girls are just children and older girls would be in a substantially different place in their life. Overall, it wouldn't really work out. Having said that, I wouldn't use age alone as a factor in a relationship. The age of a person and their level of maturity aren't always connected, so it's best to judge each case on its own merits. I know a 13 year old girl with whom I can have deep and intelligent conversations, and  17 year olds who are seemingly incapable of independent thought.
Ah! There is no emoticon for what I'm feeling!

Meowster

Quote from: Dan_N_GameZ on Thu 19/04/2007 21:35:01
Actually, IMHO, it's not so much the age difference, it's the age GROUP difference... Matt is an adult, while his girlfriend is a teenager, that's the thing that strikes me as creepy. I mean, teenagers can be neurotic, childish, confused people. And I should know, I'm one too. Seriously, Matt, did you give this thing more than 5 minutes of thought?

Actually, that's a fair point to bring up.

I've never felt comfortable in my own age group. I always found conversation with most people my own age to be quite shallow, and I never enjoyed hanging out with people my age because they had very much more immature ways of entertaining themselves... I found other girls takes on relationships at my age to be much different from my own (a lot of girls are so immature, always creating problems and drama for their relationships and then crying to their friends if their boyfriend doesn't say 'I love you' in a convincing enough way, that kind of thing...)

Which could be why my relationship with my older boyfriend works so well: all my friends are his age, too. My youngest friend is 23, my oldest is 30. I just naturally find that's the group of people I hang out with most easily.

What about you, Pesty? Is this situation similar to yours?

Meowster

Quote from: Mr Flibble on Thu 19/04/2007 21:46:49
Am I just anti-social, or do you find that your partner's friends are usually not people you enjoy hanging around with? I find it more likely that it's just my own reaction though.


My partner and I have the same group of friends... some of my friends are people I met because of dating him, and some are people I've "added" to the group since knowing him. But we always get on well...

Dan_N

Of course, it is possible for people be mature or immature enough so that, emotionally and intelligently, they're not part of their respective age group, but from what I gather from Matt's post, he just saw a pretty face and jumped on it, and now he's "madly in love", he didn't say anything along the lines "I know she's a lot younger than me, but we have stimulating conversations, she's really a lot more mature..." and the like. Frankly, in my school, the "popular kids" have relationships that last a week tops... And of course, while in them, they're all "OMG I L00VE HERE SO MUCH :X:X:X:X I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HER" and such all day. But I disgress. I have experienced love. It is nothing like what Matt describes...

lo_res_man

I have bit of thing for both thin, leggy woman with a grinning pixie look, as well as cougers, Yet to find ANYBODY, but hey, my step dad never dated in all his life and he recently (1 year anniversary a few days earlier) married my mom, so I guess love can happen to anyone.
†Å"There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.†
The Restroom Wall

Quintaros

#71
Reading Matt's initial comments included with the pictures of his g/f, I would speculate that it's his first relationship. 

Twenty-five is pretty late to be entering the dating game so he'd probably be ill-equipped to date a girl his own age as she'll likely be a lot more experienced than him. 

It can tough for late bloomers to find a partner their own age at the same level of development as them. 

Meowster

I would also add to that, that I find Matt to be a lot less mature than you would expect from his age... I don't mean that to be an insult, Matt... I already said that my own boyfriend is a lot less mature than his age group (okay well, that was when I met him... in the space of a year he has managed to take a massive leap and has gone from being a bit of a flirty, attention-seeking, loudmouth to being a bit settled down...)

But, I honestly thought from the way Matt behaves online and in his videos, pics etc... that he was younger than me.

Evil

Quote from: Andail on Thu 19/04/2007 16:58:47I've done a lot of teaching in high-school, and kids there are just so immature I sometimes lose faith in humanity and cry within.

Quote from: Meowster on Thu 19/04/2007 21:49:01
I've never felt comfortable in my own age group. I always found conversation with most people my own age to be quite shallow, and I never enjoyed hanging out with people my age because they had very much more immature ways of entertaining themselves...

I wouldn't date someone younger than me, but there are girls that I find very attracive and are, ironicly, younger. I think if a girl at a young age can show maturity and an intrest in more "adult" things, they are more attractive than someone of my age with the same views.

I'm dating a girl a year older than I am. I'm a senior in high school and she's a freshman in college. I find that more odd than a senior dating a freshman in high school.

Then again, I have an addiction to women. :D

Pesty

Quote from: Pumaman on Thu 19/04/2007 19:26:01
Quote from: Pesty on Wed 18/04/2007 23:45:35
I agree with Helm in this situation, a sixteen year old girl dating a 25 year old man is creepy at best.

My first instinct is to agree, and indeed I can't see myself going out with anyone younger than 21 or so.

But then, you know how it is with relationships, sometimes you just meet someone that you can't get out of your head, and when that happens their age doesn't seem to matter any more.


I see what you're getting at here.


You had me at "hello", CJ. You had me at "hello".
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Redwall

We're comparing CJ to Tom Cruise now?
aka Nur-ab-sal

"Fixed is not unbroken."

monkey0506

#76
Well this has just exploded! Hahaha I should definitely clear up what I meant earlier. When I said that I like the fact that her parents don't currently support my interest in a relationship with her and that she only likes me as a friend, I didn't really think through my next statement. I said "that's the way I like it." I should have elaborated upon the fact that if I want to pursue this mission for my church, I don't need to be getting involved in a relationship right now.

The fact that her parents wouldn't let us date right now even if we wanted to makes it easier on my part, and though right now she just likes me as a friend, she did agree to go out with me when I return from my mission. We both know that for now, whether we like it or not, we're just friends. When I said, "that's the way I like it," I simply meant that this is the way it is going to be, the way it has to be, and I've come to terms with that.

Perhaps "t3h 1nt4rw3b" isn't the best place for such a serious discussion. Especially considering that someone will inevitably dissect your words unmercifully. What I said about her parents saying we could go out when I return from my mission was of course taken completely out of context.

I was not, as Helm put it, "in contact with her parents and haggling". For Valentine's Day I gave this girl...a very...extravagant...display of my affection. She knew I was going to do it, in fact, she told me to. She didn't know before-hand what it was, but she told me to do it anyway. Due to the extent of my display, her parents were quite rightly concerned for her well-being. That is because the display was entirely anonymous. 'The girl' is the only one who knew who it was from.

Her mom called me that morning to ask if I was the one who had set up this display. Because it was anonymous, it was understandable why she would be concerned about her 14 year old daughter. I confessed to her mom that I was the one who had done it, and she told me that I (as an 18 year old) didn't need to be focusing on their 14 year old daughter...I needed to focus on going on my mission. She told me that when I return from my mission we can (if we are both in mutual agreement to do so....¬¬") date. And that they (the mother and father) will support the relationship. But if I don't go on my mission they will not support me dating their daughter.

I wasn't in secret cohorts with her parents. They said these things to me because of the extent I went to on Valentine's Day to show this girl how much she means to me. And let me reiterate once more, that even though right now she says she only likes me as a friend, she has agreed to go out with me when I return from my mission. I'm unsure how most people strike off their relationships (as I've never really had a girlfriend before)...but I imagine (romanticize) that romantic relations start off with friendship. Of course I'm probably wrong and romantic relations (in this modern world) probably just start off with sex.

Dissect away Helm....dissect away.

Vince Twelve

Quote from: monkey_05_06 on Fri 20/04/2007 07:57:08
Dissect away Helm....dissect away.

Oooh oooh!  Can I do it too?!

Quote from: monkey_05_06 on Fri 20/04/2007 07:57:08
For Valentine's Day I gave this girl...a very...extravagant...display of my affection. [...] Due to the extent of my display, her parents were quite rightly concerned for her well-being.

Creepy!

monkey0506

#78
I spent over $100 on their 14 year old daughter. It was gifted to her anonymously. Therefore they had right to be concerned. Especially considering there is a 40-something member at our church who is also interested in her....:-X

2 dozen roses, a big purple heart-shaped balloon that played the song "Wild Thing", a teddy bear, 1.25 gallons of her favorite ice cream, 4 liters of her favorite soda, a vase for the roses, a box of chocolates, a card....yeah I think that's it. Other than the poem I wrote her.

Vince Twelve

Quote from: monkey_05_06 on Fri 20/04/2007 08:23:05
Especially considering there is a 40-something member at our church who is also interested in her....:X

Creepier!

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