2 weeks a Mini Story (Vince winner, get ready for next round!)

[Andail]

What's a mini story? It's like a short story but shorter. The Times had a competition that yielded some nice results, so I thought it'd fit this community. We need to exercise our story telling, but we might not have time for longer stuff.

Rules
The story must not contain more than 55 words. It needs to be pithy and smart to earn votes. It must inspire the reader's imagination, provoke their thoughts. Be brief but eloquent.

The winner
Will be decided by a public vote, which will be carried out after the deadline. Which is exactly 2 weeks from today.

Good luck!

PS:
I might contribute with a story in due time

Voting procedure update!!
Considering the unexpectedly high participation, I'm implementing a change. We'll vote for five finalists after only one week. These finalists will then write one more contribution each that we will vote for during the second week.

[stajp]

Is there a theme, or it's open for anything?

[Akatosh]

55 words? That's going to be a little tough... 

[Andail]

Here's a collection of links to some samples, for inspiration.
http://wordpress.com/tag/55-fiction/

[Stupot]

do we post them here or pm them to keep them anonymous?

[bicilotti]

Cute idea! I'll definitely join this!

[PixelPerfect]

Alek counted the remaining bullets. Two. Both of the casevian spiders creeped slowly to start feasting on his flesh. He knew what would happen to Earth if either of those warmongers reached the beacon. Alek's infection was worse and the clock ticked to most horrifying death. He prayed to die quickly and fired two times.

[Candall]

Cornered, the mouse withdrew a toothpick from its belt of twine.  It lashed wildly; a hot crimson bead fell upon the floor as the wooden sabre cracked and splintered, having met the large dark pad upon a large clawed foot.  The cat retreated hastily so that it may address its wound.  A scarlet trail followed.

[Lionmonkey]

Once upon a time there was a furry little thing. It had many furry little friends in the Great Forest, where they lived. It liked to run around the Great Forest, play with it's furry little friends and eat juicy fleshy humans. It was a happy furry little thing!

                                                      -- THE END --

[VK Dan]

He was alone; lost in a forest he had never seen before. There were many unrecognizable creatures scurrying about his feet. He looked behind him, wondering how this had come to pass. It had all begun earlier that morning. Everything started so normally, but things ended up going terribly wrong...

[TheJBurger]

Exactly 55 words. 

Is suicide painless?  I gaze down hundreds of feet at the boding, murky waters.  Nobody understood me.  Nobody liked me.  Now they all would know.  They would remember me.  I stepped up onto the railing of the bridge.  What would I feel as I jumped?  Relief?  My “friends” called me indecisive.  I'll show them. Regret.

Fin.

[Jon]

I looked down to see that I was totally naked. I screamed. My blood started to boil, I had had enough. I picked up the child and ate his face. There was no turning back now, I had to do it. I proptly left with my pistol. My work was only half done.

Das Ende.

p.s. sorry if this is weird I havn't slept in a while 

[nihilyst]

We sat on a cold bench outside the pub, smoking. It rained, and she told me things I didn't understand. She always did, and I always didn't, I guess. I nodded, shrugged my shoulder. She left crying, running down the street, passing ragged gardens. Life was never easy, someone said. I like to smoke alone.

[Da_Elf]

Today at six fifty seven, Andail decided to start a mini story competition. There were quite a few people who entered their stories however, try as i might, i could not think of a good story. Rather than waste time comming up with something brilliant I think I will just write something stupid. The End.


(exactly 55)

[Colxfile]

A couple that clock in at 55 words each:

He slumped into the chair. Another failed speed date. No-one ever seemed interested in him. Was it his clothes? His hair? His glasses? His short stature? His age? Perhaps it was his opening line: “So, what do you know about Brownian Motion?”

He feared he would die alone. But he didn't want to appear desperate…

Or, if you'd prefer a more uplifting one:

“Your wall clock is slow. Shall I wind it forward?” I asked, reaching out with two hands. “No! Don't touch!” he shouted, but he was too late. I pulled it off the wall. Plaster and masonry fell from the ceiling. The house shuddered, before it disintegrated around me.

“I said don't touch!”, he bellowed, glaring.

[Stupot]

He stepped quietly into the morgue.  It was cold.  The mortician nodded to him and pulled open a stainless steel drawer.  Inside, was a lonely mound, a sheet covering what he knew to be his daughter.  The mortician pulled back the sheet.  A solitary tear fell from the man's eye. "I Love You", he said.

[PixelPerfect]

The 23rd ball dropped from the hole and it was still blue. One of the girls from the other family catched the red and were led to the stairs. I didn't notice the scream anymore. The last ball was dropped. I sighed from relief. My father would make it. I was led to the stairs.

[auriond]

Wow, this looks like fun! Ok, jumping in feet first:

She opened her eyes, but only darkness stared back. Her mouth opened and screamed panic. Her arms shot out, flailed briefly, felt nothing. Then a hand took hers firmly, and she felt warm breath at her ear: “I’m here, no matter what…”

Tears leaked from sightless eyes; but she began her journey to see again.

[monkey0506]

Disclaimer (not an entry)

Upon actually reading over these entries it might seem that they could be quite easily linked together into a larger story. To an extent you would be correct, in that the larger story is in fact my life. But I assure you that I have not been writing about the same theme for the purpose of circumnavigating the 55 word limit. In fact, the following entries are not as related as you might think when you read them.

The following entries have been inspired by actual events in my life, but no two of them by the same event. I apologize if any apparent relation between the entries seems to serve the purpose of by-passing the rules. Such was not my intention and I only later realized how closely related these may seem.

Disclaimer entry (is an entry) / Fifth entry
Title: Disclaimed

It might seem that the following entries are related in a way in which they simply are not. Each entry has been inspired by a separate and distinct event in my life, and I assure you the "apparent" relation is simply due to my writing style. I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

55 words.

First/"official" entry
Title: Picture of the Damned.

I awoke gasping, drenched by my own cold sweat. I'd been dreaming of her again. For more than a year now she'd been gone but somehow I couldn't let go of her. She haunted my dreams. I would see her face in a crowd...

As my eyelids grew heavy, her image grew clear once more.

55 words.

Second entry
(I'm not sure how many entries we're allowed but others have done multiple entries. If we're only allowed one, the above is my "official" entry.)
Title: This pain is my own.

If this is just a bad dream then why can't I wake? This pain is so unbearable. They say you can't feel pain in your dreams. Then this must not be a dream. I've done it to myself though. My blood is on my own hands. Nothing can undo that now. I've gone too far.

55 words.

Third entry
Title: F^.*$ING Internet

It takes my eyes a second to focus on the new window. She has logged on. I can barely contain my joy. I shout out to her. She sends no response. "You have been disconnected." Why? A surge? Reconnect. She's gone. The reason why I hate the Internet.

48 words.

Fourth entry
Title: Wrong no more.

"I will always come for you." That's what I had told her. Yet I remained rooted to the spot. Why was this so hard? I was wrong before. I won't be wrong again. This time there's no turning back. She had given her life for me; it was time for me to do the same.

55 words.

[Vince Twelve]

As I stepped out onto the bridge of the great airship, I felt that familiar urge.  Looking around and finding myself alone on the deck, I unzipped my pants and began relieving myself over the side.  It gave me a warm feeling inside.  No, not inside, outside...

I woke up and started changing the sheets.

[ThreeOhFour]

Vince, that is the BEST!

[stajp]

It was a hot, steamy night. Knock on the door. A Ritzy dame entered the joint. "I need help" she said. "What kind of help?". She gasped "I have an urge". I looked at her deep blue eyes and full beautiful lips: "Baby, Doc is 2 doors down". She left. I still love guys.

[Mac]

The fucking end.

[Khris]

    I had been planning it for months. Everything was long perfectly prepared, once I finally mustered the courage to carry out my audacious plan. Feeling somewhat light-headed, longing for the rush of adrenaline soon to be taking over my body, I entered the grounds.
I cocked the shotgun, then kicked open the high school doors.

[InCreator]

I woke up, feeling that something is terribly wrong. I couldn't get this feeling off my shoulders. Must be stress... Upon arriving, I calmed down a bit. As soon as I entered building, I heard a loud bang behind me. The doors busted open.

This depressed boy was standing at the door, holding a shotgun.

[Vince Twelve]

Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

Let's find out!  One!  Two!  Three!  *Chomp*

Aah! You fucking bird!  My eye!  My fucking eye!  The pain!  Blood is spraying everywhere!  Oh dear lord, the pain!  Why, lord, why!?

The world may never know.

[Stupot]

It had been a month ago, but I still felt uneasy.  I couldn't help but think I'd made a terrible mistake.  The distant look in his eye.  The way he saluted me afterwards.  OK so he was the sheriff's son, but maybe I should have said no.  Maybe I shouldn't have sold him that shotgun.

[InCreator]

I watched them come. Even standing still like this, I felt adrenaline pumping into my veins and muscles stretching.

It was time.

I inhaled enormous amount of air, concentrated onto target, and jumped. Creature, almost my own size, splattered under my boots, producing a square-shaped airwave sounding like a simple click.
"Take this, Goomba."

____
This is fun! 55 is way too low limit though.

[Minimi]

Dear mustardseed in my hand. I put you in the sand, that you may grow. I waited, but you didn't show. I left to see Morpheus forever, my grandson came to you. To take your fruit in his hand, to say: "Grandpa, Thank You!

44 words.

[The Ivy]

Three coffees, two classes, four hours in the lab, one hour at the gym, two meals consisting of noodles, one shot of Bailey's, two loads of laundry, thirty minutes by the lake, five hours at the computer, twelve Rob Zombie tracks on iTunes, one hour of intra-house Starcraft, five new sprites, one new post. Non-fiction.

[FSi++]

Achtung! Rather SICKO 55-word stories follow.
1. Goodbye
(by selecting the text below you agree that you're older than 18 and your mommy allows you to read such stories)

Spoiler

"Heh," I thought and cut her throat.
Her body was still twitching in agony, missing limbs scattered nearby. Everything was covered in blood: the floor, her breasts, my clothes. Axe.
Slowly I undo my zipper and pull my pants down. Her body is still warm and does its last wrigglings when I cum.
Goodbye, Daughter...

[close]

upd: And some more regular ones

2. These special words
"I think it's a right time to tell you..."
"You know, we've been working together for a while now..."
"Ah, what the heck, I love you!.."
"Why?.. Because only you understand me." I whispered to my chainsaw. She replied with a tender growl.
Now I must go outside and bathe her in fresh virgin blood.

3. Wasteland
All was useless. All attempts to recourse have failed. All was lost.
Our homeland was dead and broken and burnt and twisted and lifeless and cold.
Only wind ran along the empty streets, waved charred flags of long forgotten nations.
Our old enemies, meantime, weren't celebrating their victory either.
In our last second we avenged...

4. Countess
A pool of blood lies before me and my bare feet. Muffled screams make me feel nauseated in a good way. I step forth and bathe my body. Virgins' heads hanging from the walls give me their blank stares. It's their blood I bathe in. It's their flesh I’ll devour after my bath. I'm immortal.

[Akatosh]

1. Goodbye

That, FSi, was maybe the sickest thing I read today. Congratulations. 

[Fyntax]

Please.. I don't have much time..

They'll be in here any minute now, I can hear them talking outside, they are at the front door..
I am on the sixth floor, that's the only way out!

Please!

I don't want to die!

Anyone who might read this, you must hurry, help me!

[DoorKnobHandle]

I wonder if that above is actually an entry? :o

[FSi++]

Well, it fits the rules.

[bicilotti]

Cyanosis?

"You cheated on me!"
-Sorry...-
"You... your promises..."
Tears came.
-I confess that because...-
A gloomy silence wrapped the couple.
She cleaned her cheek.
-I never wanted to hurt you so bad-
"And now?"
He ran his finger over her neck.
-Now... I have... to leave you breathless-
He kissed her. Something had broken.

54, exactly 55 with the title.Thanks Creed for proofreading.

[Jon]

1. Goodbye

That, FSi, was maybe the sickest thing I read today. Congratulations. 

Seconded. FSI, how and why do you think up these ideas??

[Ghost]

As Jack noticed that the beggar in front of him was made invisible in plain sight, he felt- for the first time in endless eternity- anger. A true emotion that somehow made him more real. And out of this emotion, a decision. He, the ghost of winter and ice, would help this beggar girl.

54 words in stylish italics.

[Stupot]

FSi... that was truly shocking.  Thank you.

[LimpingFish]

"Nothing", said O'Riley, brushing the mud from the ends of his trousers.

Phelan nodded slowly, shifting on his stool.

O'Riley had obviously crossed the marsh to get to Murnahan's, knocking precious minutes off his journey.

Slapping the last of the marsh from his trouser legs, O'Riley straightened himself.

"Nothing", he repeated.

Phelan began to twitch.

55 words.

[InCreator]

Ahmed looked down. The base looked busy as usual, with two soliders chatting near entrance and humvee taking it's usual sentry route.
With shaking hands, he loaded his RPG-7 and lifted it onto shoulder.
He waited  $80000 hellifire missile to strike any second and rip him apart.
Nothing happened.
He aimed down and pulled trigger.

__

FSI, eww!

[Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens]

   Once again I found myself at the ass-end of a checkout line while the stinking masses ahead shambled along with their carts, and the cashier's dazed expression seemed to seal the guarantee that this was going to take awhile.  I've only got a box of cereal and my loaded shotgun, for God's sake.  Fucking zombies!

[Akatosh]

The sound of gunshots, while still audible, was getting distant, fading away. Another National Holiday, another overthrow attempt thwarted by the military. Peace and stability were restored, as the official reports called it.

“Time to get back to work”, El Presidente thought, then started signing the death sentences for the survivors of today’s failed revolution.

I have to stop playing Tropico on 'Hard'.

[Azaron]

Illa'an's heart fell as he looked out over his troops. Their faces were as dark and forboding as the sky over the mountains, and he knew that many of them would never see home again. As he drew his sword to signal the advance up the mountain, he regretted his reign had come to this.

[MoodyBlues]

"What'd you do?" John shouted into his brother's face.  “What the hell did you do, Chris?”  He tried to shake an answer from him.  Calmly, Chris stared at the pale boy who lay beneath the tire swing, screaming for someone to stop the bleeding.

John looked away.  “I told you it was loaded.”

Chris nodded.

[jetxl]

She staggers out of the nightclub with her girlfriends. She is dressed well, but the drunk giggle and curly straw behind her ear makes her look easy.
"Hey, I know you!" she yells at a guy. Direct hit, cupid. Morning after pills in her purse.
We walk on. They will never know what we have.

[FSi++]

A little documentary from IRC. (a bit of patched, but everybody agreed that it's ok)

Hive Mind at Work
FSi: also: thread about wintermute? what the fuck.
bicilotti: yeah
bicilotti: it is like telling your girlfriend: "your friend’s boobs are GORGEOUS!"
FSi: *your sister's
spleen: *your daughter's.
FSi: *your brother's
bicilotti: well, much better
spleen: *your dad's.
FSi: I meant your YOUNGER brother
bicilotti: fifty five words
bicilotti:
FSi: ok, fifty five now.

[paolo]

Paolo reflected on what he could write. Some of the entries posted so far were little more than descriptions. Surely they should all have a plot with a beginning, middle and end? "I can do better than that," he thought. His Muse did her work. Satisfied with his effort, he posted it to the forum.

[InCreator]

Indrek looked at the thread. It was quite long already, and some good stories were there.
First time in his life, he had tried writing.
It felt good.
"For my fourth story, I shall write about..."
He focused on his creative part of brain...
"Boobies..."
The signature of jetxl had totally blocked his attempt.
____

Chris looked from window down to Hollywell Road. Two-story buildings looked quite peaceful, there was no one moving. Slowly, carefully, he locked room door. Then walked to a window and closed curtains.
He stood and listened. The house was quiet, with everyone sleeping.
"Time to finally make this game."
He sat and started Wintermute.

[LGM]

I stayed up past my bedtime to hear her let go her every apprehension. In me there was a longing. I couldn't hold her and tell her it was going to be ok. Instead I could only sit in front of a white computer screen, hoping that she would hold the strength to keep writing.

[Dualnames]

The writer picked up his old rusty pen. Yeah, we're talking about a really old pen. Ever seen your pen get rusty? He would go to the market and buy one, but then he would betray his beliefs..Ok, he was poor. So he started writing ,but the pen had no ink. The end.

[LimpingFish]

The barking of dogs.

McKenna paused, his hand resting on the handle of the open window. He leaned into the night air.

The darkness below was absolute, swallowing the pale light from the room above.

Nothing moved.

The distant barking trailed away to silence.

He pulled the window closed, and wiped the handle clean.

55 words.

[PixelPerfect]

Accident

If I could take it all back, I would. That night ended in a crash.
At the hospital my friends saw how depressed I was. "It is going to be okay", they said.
I knew it wasn't. My whole life was over.
I was going to be a father.

[PixelPerfect]

Hesitation

I never hesitated when they commanded. I saw too many times what happened when you disobeyed orders. One man was beaten to a bloody pulp and then shot to the groin. He was alive two hours after. They gave us towels and some soap to get cleaned. Inside I knew this time I should have hesitated.

[Jon]

Anger

!£$&^%*&^*^&*%& son of a*(*^%$$£@}@:}!"$%ham sandwich%$&??$%&ROFL**&^&*^*$%^${I(@?*()?***!
"Note to self" Bob grimaced, "Fire hot"

[Darth Mandarb]

Called from the front, I find myself pointing a gun at the captured British spy.  As a Nazi it's my duty to kill him but I can't pull the trigger.  He's my childhood friend.  My hand trembles.  Sweat drips from my brow.  I grew up in England? How did I get here? The confusion grows...

[monkey0506]

Anger

!£$&^%*&^*^&*%& son of a*(*^%$$£@}@:}!"$%ham sandwich%$&??$%&ROFL**&^&*^*$%^${I(@?*()?***!
"Note to self" Bob grimaced, "Fire hot"

Sorry Jon, but I'm counting 57 words here (excluding title of course).

Also, I wanted an excuse to post saying that I've written several entries, I've just compiled them all into my original post. Apparently this was it.

[DoorKnobHandle]

'What? You've... got to be joking.'
He smiled. 'I just love it when they say that.'
He waved his hand. They brought in a guy, tied to a chair, a cloth over his face.
His smile vanished. 'When you entered the program, you swore to do everything. Now kill him!'
I hesitated. I shot.

55 words exactly. Yes, I watched The Bourne Ultimatum.

[Vince Twelve]

The priest spoke.  The mourners cried.  The gravedigger lowered the body.

As the last shovelful of dirt fell upon the shallow grave, the priest, the mourners, and the gravedigger -- at this funeral, all one man -- looked nervously around the woods.  He headed off into the darkness to wash the dirt and blood from his hands.

-----------

Why are these all so morose? 

[Andail]

He pushed the door open and dashed across the small bedroom, finding no time to check the interior â€" the slightly provisional, almost rudimentary set of furniture, a mishmash of leftover items, accumulated desultorily over decades and decades. He would have noticed how it was just like in his dreams.
How there'd be rooms within rooms.

[Nikolas]

Sun is shining!

Why are these all so morose? 

Not all.

_____________________

Look at the moon.
It's there for you my love; Trying to steal a bit of your light.

You're shinning.
No cloud can turn you away from me.

Smell the air's whispers.
Listen to the stories and raise your eyebrows with excitement.

Close your eyes little one. It's time to go now.

Goodnight, sleep tight...
_______________________

According to word 53 words.

[LimpingFish]

The sun boiled.

The tang of porcine slaughter infused the heaving summer air as I stumbled past Goldman's Killing Floor and Barb-B-Q Meat House. A queue of fidgeting patrons undulated like a greasy appendage from Goldman's door to the pavement's edge.

Wednesday. Coupon day.

A sweaty wall of flab-bloated Hawaiian shirts rose up before me.

[Vince Twelve]

Awesome Limpy!

[Sylvr]

Hey guys. monkey_05_06 made me check this out and write something, so... I will try.
________________________________

The conductor raises his baton. I can see out of the corner of my eye shiny brass awaiting the downbeat. Oh look-- he has paused to babble, much to my annoyance. We secretly threaten him with death. We get the cue to play again and are actually able to start.

Symphonic Band makes me bitter.
__________________________________

The end.

[edited for name un-capitalization  :]

[Andail]

Thank you, let the voting commence.
Decide which five stories you consider the best, and give a brief motivation.

Try to look at both the story telling per see, but also how the author adapts to the rather strict confinement.

We will close voting in 3 days.

[bicilotti]

Here's my top 5, in alphabetical order:

FSi (Countess): for the extremely appalling goriness.
Ghost (the Beggar): for the unique, fairyesque, deep atmosphere of the tale.
Jon (Anger): for the really vivid picture of a fire-burn which was done with far less than 55 words too!   
Minimi (Mustardseed): for a well crafted singsong with a lot of wisdom in it.
Vince twelve (airship): for... well, quoting Ben, "Vince, this is the BEST!"

[jetxl]

There are waaaay too many stories about violence. Nothing wrong with that, but the stories seem so forced. "READ ME BECAUSE THERE IS A SHOTGUN IN MY STORY! READ ME!!!"

My vote in random order.

http://www.adventuregamestudio.co.uk/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434503#msg434503
by Lionmonkey
Poe meets dr. Seuss.

http://www.adventuregamestudio.co.uk/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434750#msg434750
by The Ivy
Life as meaningless statisticts.

http://www.adventuregamestudio.co.uk/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg435046#msg435046
first one by InCreator
It's funny and I'm in it.

http://www.adventuregamestudio.co.uk/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg435015#msg435015
by FSi
That sums up IRC.

That's 4 but I can't find any other good ones.

[Cino]

TheJBurger
My favourite of these, powerful
http://www.adventuregamestudio.co.uk/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434514#msg434514

Vince Twelve
This was a funny one, my second favorite
http://www.adventuregamestudio.co.uk/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434596#msg434596

Fyntax
Nice idea, nice execution
http://www.adventuregamestudio.co.uk/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434814#msg434814

bicilotti
I could see the events of this one in my mind, so I guess it was well done
http://www.adventuregamestudio.co.uk/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434826#msg434826

PixelPerfect
Ends with a twist and I like twists
http://www.adventuregamestudio.co.uk/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg435164#msg435164

[Stupot]

"READ ME BECAUSE THERE IS A SHOTGUN IN MY STORY! READ ME!!!"

I'd like to stick up for myself and the other shotgun users who played this game.
3 of the 4 (yes, there were only 4) stories which included a shotgun were all in fact different takes on the same story.  KrisMUC started us of with what I thought was an interesting school-shooting piece from the view of the shooter... it was by no means begging for attention. It was good.  Then InCreator followed it up and I realised he'd written the same scenario but from a different perspective.   I thought this was a nice touch and decided to have a go myself from the point of view of another character who may have been involved in the wider story.

If the word 'shotgun' was used in all three examples, this is only because it was the one main prop linking these three stories together.

I want to have another look through the lot before I vote... there are some excellent ones here.

[monkey0506]

Listed in order of total awesomitity.

• Mac's "End"
  
  • Adhered to the 55 word limit wonderfully. Nice sentence structure. Well composed storyline which kept me on the edge of my seat from the first word to the last.
• Stupot's "I Love You"
  
  • Somewhat emotionally moving which is good since it's only 55 words. Nice work.
• Sylvr's "Symphonic Band"
  
  • Made me laugh. Sorry if that sounds a bit cruel as this is based off a real-life experience, but the story was well written and seemed to me at least a bit humorous.
• The Ivy's "Non-fiction."
  
  • Horrible sentence structure which I loved because she actually pulled it off. Some people can't do it but The Ivy managed it. I also enjoyed the realism.
• InCreator's "Super Mario Bros."
  
  • Nostalgia. Need I say more?

[Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens]

I hadn't read any of the entries before I made mine so I don't know what you're on about with 'forcing' anything, Jet.  I wanted a visual cue about what was going on so having a shotgun seemed appropriate.  Also, I think in future this should really be limited to a one-entry-per-person thing.

[TheJBurger]

In no particular order:

- Auriond (Blind Woman): A nice, touching end.
- Vince Twelve (Airship): Funny because it's true.
- Khrismuc (The Shotgun): Unexpected, and actually managed to spawn spin-off stories.
- Fsi (Goodbye): Just because it's so sick.
- Pixel Perfect (Accident): I liked the ending.

[monkey0506]

Also, I think in future this should really be limited to a one-entry-per-person thing.

Agreed. My post got way out of control there. Especially when I realized all my entries were starting to sound like I was talking about the same thing...even though I wasn't....

[LimpingFish]

Colxfile's Speed date.

Auriond's Blindness.

Candall's Mouse.

Akatosh's El Presidente.

ProgZmax's Zombies.


No particular order, and all for different reasons.

[The Ivy]

Thanks jetxl and monkey_05_06. Not sure if I was trying to capture the 'meaninglessness' of my day so much as categorize it in a different way. It'd be interesting to see a whole diary or blog done this way, I think.

My favourites:

Candall's mouse warrior, for the vivid imagery.

Lionmonkey's forest story, for the lovely surprise ending.

Vince's zeppelin tale, because of the hilarious end and the fact that it was *based* on a real dream.

Ghost's winter tale, because it reminds me of The Little Match Girl and some of the weather we've been having here.

And finally, Sylvr's band story, because I've totally been there.

[Ghost]

Top 3: bicilotti, paolo and Nicolas, in this exact order 

Bic for offering a huge canvas in a small story, paolo for the mundane-y calm style, and Nicolas because it is about the moon. I like the moon.
4 and 5: Ivy and Vince. Both stories are tiny little packets of creativity. Both should be place 4 though.

[Nikolas]

Vince: Airship
FSi: goodbye (yes I did like it. I'm THAT sick)
Auriond: blind woman
Limpfish: Hawain coupon day
5th:? To be announced later on, while I think about it... :p

[Vince Twelve]

Geez, this is tough!

No order:

Lionmonkey's furry thing - This was easily one of my favorites.  A fun and twisted little fairy tale.

Nihilist's smoking alone - I quite liked the writing on this one.

Colxfile's Brownian motion - It's funny 'cause it's true.

Auriond's blindness - Again, great writing.  And touching.

LimpingFish's bacon - I loved the imagery of this one.  I felt like I was there.  And all with only a few words!

[FSi++]

PixelPerfect
(http://www.adventuregamestudio.co.uk/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434488#msg434488)
Fast and actionesque, I like it.

Lionmonkey
(http://www.adventuregamestudio.co.uk/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434503#msg434503)
Cute, furry and gory. :3

Mac
(http://www.adventuregamestudio.co.uk/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434632#msg434632)
Dunno if that's an entry, but I like it. Short, profound and provocative.

Fyntax
(http://www.adventuregamestudio.co.uk/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434814#msg434814)
Paranoidal and cute.

Ghost
(http://www.adventuregamestudio.co.uk/yabb/index.php?topic=33492.msg434841#msg434841)
Like it. The darkness, the cold, the beggar.

[Colxfile]

PixelPerfect's "Alex Counted the remaining bullets..."
Vince Twelve's Airship
Fyntax's "Please, I don't have much time...";
Auriond's "She opened her eyes, but only darkness stared back..."
PixelPerfect's Accident;

These either made me sit up and take notice, make me smile or have a great twist in them. (Not easy given the length restriction)

[Stupot]

PixelPerfect - Casevian soldier
Colxfile - Clock
Vince Twelve - Airship
FSi - Wasteland
Nikolas - Look at the Moon

[Jon]

Bicilotti
Vince Twelve's zepplin
FSI - goodbye (my favourite!??)
Akatosh's El presidente
ProgZmax's Zombies

[PixelPerfect]

Nihilyst - I like to smoke alone
InCreator - Take this Goomba
The Ivy - Non-fiction
FSi - Goodbye
LimpingFish - Hawaiian coupon day

Really nice entries from everyone!

[Andail]

Allright, let's close this now. Gonna count the votes later today. If anyone's inclined to speed up this procedure, feel free to count the votes for me.
From a quick look I can only tell that yours truly didn't receive any votes. Hmm, maybe I should write something less obscure next time...

[nihilyst]

PARTICIPANT Vince Twelve FSi PixelPerfect Auriond Lionmonkey The Ivy Ghost InCreator Colxfile Fyntax LimpingFish bicilotti Max Candall Akatosh ProgZmax Sylvr Nicolas nihilyst Jon Minimi TheJBurger Stupot KhrisMuc Paolo

VOTES IIIIIIIII IIIIIII IIIIII IIIII IIII IIII III III III III III III II II II II II II II I I I I I I

[InCreator]

I liked this compo!

But let the winner make next one, with a theme or title or something. Currently, entries were so different that it was almost impossible to compete with some.

And word count could be doubled too.

[FSi++]

And word count could be doubled too.

Nah, it'll lose half of its charm then.

[Tuomas]

So the coutn says Vince got most votes... but he did at least 3 entries. Shouldn't it be for one entry only, because, with 20 entries it's much easier to get more votes... unless you did it that way.

[Andail]

yeah I should have been a bit clearer with the rules. But for now we have to settle with those 5 people being the winners of round one. They shall now contribute with one (1) entry each for the final round. Then we will vote again.
Good luck!

[Vince Twelve]

But to be fair, Tuomas, all the votes for me were for the same entry.  Though I agree, the next one should place a stipulation on the number of entries.  I was actually expecting to have to declare one an official entry and have  the rest be just for fun.  And this competition definitely was fun.  Good idea Andail.

I'll contribute my final round entry as soon as I think it up!

How long do we have?

[Andail]

But to be fair, Tuomas, all the votes for me were for the same entry. 

I don't want to sound petty, because I think you're definitely a worthy winner. But your response to Tuomas's objection is not perfectly valid, for two reasons:
1. If you contribute with more than one entry, you're simply more statistically probable to strike the potential reader's fancy.
2. If you contribute with more than one entry, you'll establish a psychological leverage over other people, since you'll appear more represented. People might think "The overall impression of his essays is good, so I definitely want him to be among the top five" even though a single entry might not have had that sort of impact.

Just theorizing a bit on the topic, as I said I think you well deserve every vote you got.

[Stupot]

On the other hand I entered two stories, and only got one vote.
Cheers Monkey:)

[Tuomas]

plus I was speculating on a more general level

[LimpingFish]

Congrats to the first round winners.

For future comps, I don't think we need any rules beyond the limit on words. I think setting a preordained theme or a title would only suppress the spontaneous creative element of the entries.

Having such conflicting themes and styles is a bonus, in my opinion.

[Nikolas]

HEY!

I got 2 votes!

and to all the top 5, congrats people!

[FSi++]

Ok, my entry for round 2 (I'm still confused about whether I am supposed to do one or not, but here goes)

Fable.

Spoiler

Once upon a time there lived a little girl. Her family was really poor.
One day a coconut fell from the sky and hit the girl. It was quite a strange coconut: there were no husk and no meat and no milk inside; it was absolutely homogenous.
Not that it mattered because the girl died.

[close]

(bla bla read this if your mommy allows you to or whatever)

p.s. A sad story, if you ask me.

[PixelPerfect]

Gates of Doom

-"What are you doing!? That shit is deadly!", shouted Evrion.
-"It's ok, everybody! This will make our lives much better.", said Bill in a trance-like state.

Evrion took his gun and pointed it at Bill.

-"Now... slowly... step away from the computers and drop the Vista installation dvd from your hand."

[Vince Twelve]

Very true Andail.  I apologize if anyone feels the people who wrote multiple stories had an unfair advantage.  Luckily, no one wins anything!  Now excuse me, while I steal the victory!



Three boys sat atop the great banyan tree outside the village.  The first boy looked up to the mountains and saw adventure.  The second boy looked down to the sea and saw freedom.   The third boy, thinking of his home and family in the town below, looked back at his companions and saw fools.

[The Ivy]

Oh, pith off, Vince.

Here's my entry:

He pretended not to notice me, but his smile told me otherwise. On 4-inch heels I crossed the distance between us. As he turned to face me his ice blue eyes flickered with delight, but I put a finger to his lips. I leaned in close and whispered, "Wanna get out of here?" Fiction.

[Lionmonkey]

There was no safe place. A twisted melody of gunshots and pre-death moans, his arm, resembling a hunk of sliced beef and his legs, lying forty metres from the place, where he was, were the cleariest evidence. But Private Phil mashed buttons on his PSP no matter what. Gotta get to level 50!

[Ghost]

-please delete this, voting is further down-

[Vince Twelve]

I had hoped Auriond would still jump in.  Not sure if he noticed.  I sent him a PM

[bicilotti]

Vinnie.

[Nikolas]

I had hoped Auriond would still jump in.  Not sure if he noticed.  I sent him a PM

I hope you mean... she.

right?

[Vince Twelve]

Auriond is a girl?  Wow.  I did not know that... and I even worked with her for a bit for my latest blog post!  Apologies Auriond!  I guess in this forum you just assume...

This is almost as embarrassing as that time I thought Ivy was a girl.  But in my defense, he does look mildly feminine in all his pictures.

[auriond]

Yup, I'm a her. It's ok, I don't think it really matters either way!

Thanks to Pixelperfect and Vince for reminding me to come here and do something about that second round I seldom come in here and I wasn't even aware voting had started, much less that there was a Round 2 that had already commenced!

Right, er... here we go.

Stain

What was it like to be the only stain on the spotless linen of the world he lived in? No one knew. But she did; she, who had given him birth and watched his first and last breaths. And she knew that he thought of himself not as a stain, but only a contrasting colour.

Oh and... I love Pixelperfect's latest entry. That's awesome. XD Especially since I'm no fan of Vista either!

[Nikolas]

My entry:

one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty one, twenty two, twenty three, twenty four, twenty five, twenty six, twenty seven, twenty eight, twenty nine, thirty, thirty one, thirty two, thirty three, thirty four, thirty five, thirty six.

Art?

Bullshit!

[Andail]

Yeah Vince here too.

Voting will be open for 2 more days. Sorry for the delay, but I've been busy recently.

[Ghost]

Okay then, sorry for rushing- but of cause, each one should be voted.


1 - VinceTwelve
2 - PixelPerfect
3 - TheIvy
4 - Auriond
5 - Lionmonkey
6 - Nikolas
7 - FSi

Apart from that, and on a totally unrelated note, I knew auriond was a girl when I saw her first "Marionette" game thread. No, really, I did. It was obvious, somehow.

[Stupot]

How does voting for the second round work?... We just choose our favourite one?

[ot] I knew Auriond was a she when I'd only been here a week.  All because of THIS THREAD.[/ot]

[auriond]

Yes, and how do the contestants vote?

OT: That's interesting to know, Ghost!

[Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens]

I vote for Vince...because if I don't he'll fire me  :'(

[LimpingFish]

I though I was female once.

...

What?

PS. I vote for...Auriond and Vince. Very nice stories indeed.

[Ghost]

OT: That's interesting to know, Ghost!

It was the mood of the first pics.  And the overall idea. 

[Andail]

This has been drawn out long enough, so I declare Vince the winner.
Clap clap clap.
Vince is now eligible to commence a new writing activity, one of his own design and taste. Number of words may vary, genre, theme and other criteria are optional. 

[Ghost]

Congrats, Vince!

And a nice idea when all's said an done. I'm curious how the next one will turn out.

[Stupot]

Well done Vince!
What happens now? Does Vince start a new thread or will it stay in this one?

[auriond]

Congrats Vince! It was a pretty unanimous win. As you already predicted.

[Andail]

Yeah, the results exceeded my expectations. I've even started a Facebook group based on this activity

Ok, let's focus on Vince's new round now.