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Author Topic: Feedback on my design document  (Read 1865 times)

lostbuthappy

  • I can see living people!
    • I can help with play testing
    • I can help with scripting
    • I can help with story design
    • I can help with translating
    • I can help with voice acting
    • I can help with web design
Feedback on my design document
« on: 15 May 2009, 23:05 »
Good evening,

about a week ago I decided that my first adventure would be a RON game and so I started the process of violently pulling ideas out of my brain just to kick them in the waste basket afterwards, until I realized that I'd never be satisfied no matter how good or bad they were. Then I decided to take one of the ideas and give it a try. I wrote an early design document that describes new locations, characters, the plot and some puzzles. It's only ten pages long yet, but I think it's enough to determine whether the game fits in the RON spacetime and if it's worth the time and sweat.

I have no experience in writing stories (especially not for adventures and especially especially not in English) and have huge problems to decide whether my idea is good or just a piece of junk, which is why I humbly ask if one or two of the experienced ronatics in here could take a look at my draft and tell me if it's worth a try and suggest improvements.
If you really dare to give it a try, please let me know which format you prefer (odt, doc, pdf...) and I'll put it somewhere on the internet.

Thanks in advance,
lbh

Btw: I decided to go for a jeu noir, a hardboiled whodunit, starring Max Griff, maybe the most difficult character there is for non-gilberts ;)
It's a story about $54.40 and a little poodle.
(No kittens.)
« Last Edit: 16 May 2009, 23:06 by lostbuthappy »
Disclamer: When I say I'm an artist I usually just mean that I can selectively apply filters to an image until it looks like a blurry version of Uranus.

DeviantGent

  • Bewildered chappy of the Arcane
    • I can help with play testing
    • I can help with story design
    • I can help with voice acting
Re: Feedback for my design document
« Reply #1 on: 16 May 2009, 01:58 »
Cool beans, I'm pretty sure a lot of us here would be happy to take a butchers. Brent Williams (aka Brentmous) in particular might be a good chap to swing your ideas by - he's currently working on a Max Griff mystery himself, 'Dial F for Fedora', so with anything relating to dialogue and story (outside of teh DaveG, of course), he's a good mind to pick.

Having said that, I haven't seen him about lately, not since the forum/website switchover. Hope we haven't lost him, a frood most hoopy he is.

Anyway, in the meantime, feel free to post a brief synopsis here if you want some prelim feedback. If the general idea is deemed kosher, then we'll be more than up for seeing the full design doc.
The Deviant Gent
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lostbuthappy

  • I can see living people!
    • I can help with play testing
    • I can help with scripting
    • I can help with story design
    • I can help with translating
    • I can help with voice acting
    • I can help with web design
Re: Feedback on my design document
« Reply #2 on: 16 May 2009, 23:20 »
Having said that, I haven't seen him about lately, not since the forum/website switchover. Hope we haven't lost him, a frood most hoopy he is.
Neither do I. I already read the thread about his upcoming game and since he even got help from the current PTB I thought the game was already wrapped up and shipped.

Anyway, in the meantime, feel free to post a brief synopsis here if you want some prelim feedback. If the general idea is deemed kosher, then we'll be more than up for seeing the full design doc.
Alright, I'll simply post a few non spoiling sections of my doc:

New Characters

Rend AvehesQuentin RodriguezPrologue
« Last Edit: 17 May 2009, 00:44 by lostbuthappy »
Disclamer: When I say I'm an artist I usually just mean that I can selectively apply filters to an image until it looks like a blurry version of Uranus.