#AGS Collaborative Story!

Started by enkerro, Sun 25/04/2010 18:28:37

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enkerro

Hello! We were bored (I think) and we decided in the irc channel to make a few collaborative stories! And without further ado...

(I've separated the paragraphs when the writers change, and the writers are in the order listed below the story title.)

JON AND THE INTERGALACTIC SPACE ASTEROID METEOR
(taking part: asuka, bicilotti, enkerro, FSi, Jon, NsMn)

At noon, Jon knew that he would have to do the most important task in his entire life....

Indeed, life got really depressing: unemployed, wife cheating on him, bills to pay, etc.
It was then that he decided to rob his local bank. It was eleven o'clock and Jon loaded his gun and stuffed his pockets with dynamite:
"If I'll go down, I'll go down with you all, law abiding citizens", he said looking at himself in the mirror.

However, unbeknownst to Jon, a giant hurl of asteroids from space would destroy the planet Earth in one hour.

The king of all Swedes came to Jon right before he was about to embark on his bankrobbing journey and told him that he was Earth's only hope.

But Jon did not care. He enjoyed the thought of the world going down with him.

But then Jon saw the meteor in the sky... it was giant and red... he imagined what would happen to these people on the street,
the woman with her child, the old man, the student with the funny nose whose voice sounded like Barack Obama's.
Tears shot into his eyes, his stomach turned - so he closed his eyes, climbed onto his roof and just when the asteroid passed his house,
he pushed the button on the dynamite belt. The last thing he heard was a dull sound... the sound of his body ripping apart together with the cursed rock.

- The End.

THE LIFE AND TIMES OF JERRY GARETH WHITE
(taking part: Grundislav, Jon, NsMn, asuka, bicilotti, Dualnames, enkerro, FSi)

Jerry woke up in a haze. He could hardly remember the events of the previous evening,
the only reminder he had was a dull headache and several bottles of beer on his floor.
He got out of bed and staggered to his bathroom, intending to shower and refresh his memory, but as he stepped into the bathroom, he saw...

blood and intestents smeared all over the walls and the floor,
dripping, smelling, he started to tremble, breathing faster, the heart pumping harder, he now knew what...

...the smell was. He had experienced it before... it reminded him of his childhood, when he visited his father in the glue factory.
Glue?! He started to search the room and finally found an old packet of gooey liquid.
It was red from the blood of the rotten individuals that did not survive the hot clima or the unhealthy conditions of the room.
As Jerry pulled out the bag, A VOICE APPEARED!

It was old Mr. Lancaster, the gardener. "You're late..." Mr. Lancaster said.

Quoting a verse from the Bible, Jerry sadly said: "Thy flesh consumed..." and then he continued:
"Mr. Lancaster, I'm turning into an evil beast. Please, put this doom to an end!". Hearing that, Mr. Lancaster...

...wondered, how many drugs was Jerry on. But is is of course known that ghostly forms such as Lancaster is,
are newbie friendly to those about to die. He however continued with the same passion his older sentence.
"Is your name Jerry Gareth White?" Jerry, lost his courage to spill any words. He tried to speak and failed miserably.
He just gestured with his face. Mr Lancaster accepting that movement as a yes, said "You're gonna die in 4 seconds. I thought you should know that. I kind of arrived late."

However, Lancaster was bored of his current job, so he decided to play a little game with Jerry.
Namely Monopoly. And as fate has it, Jerry won! Mr. Lancaster after losing decided to spare Jerry's life for now,
and with a quick snap, he disappeared. Jerry was lying on the floor, completely hungover with an irritable itch in his ears. But to his horror, he noticed...

...six men in white clothes entering the room. They were doctors. He was saved.


ShiverMeSideways

#1
The following post contains rude language, sexual and/or violent content. Sensitive people can bugger off.

ROUND 1

(participants: FSi, AngelicCharon, Asuka, Babar, Scarab, ShiverMeSideways)

      It was rainy british morning. Robert Philips took a sip of coffee and bit his morning muffin and suddenly become a completely different man in a completely different place. Now he was wearing sandals and toupee and was walking down the mountain road towards very bright and clear looking lake. There was a deer there. The deer opened its ass and said with its ass in a deep female voice: "Hi Robert. Our kingdom needs you!"
      With nary a moment's hesitation, Robert Philips, man amongst men, tamer of the lion the woman and the whoredrobe, defying all odds of reality, crawled head first into the drugged deer's anus, hoping beyond hope that his hunch was correct.
      For a few moments, all our intrepid hero of heroes could see was darkness.  Pitch black in tone. But being a man of action, he crawled forward.  Onward.  Towards a light. And then without warning, Robert Philips found himself in one of the few positions he never wanted to be in...
      Falling fast towards the ground, in the middle of nowhere, with nothing soft or comfortable to land on.  This could very well be the end of Robert Philips, and his awkwardly Russian adventures in Russiandom.
      Suddenly, Robert heard a soft voice in the background. "Mmmmbop...." was all he could make out.  Out of nowhere, like an angel in flight, Robert felt the soft hands of Taylor Hanson on his faling body.
      With a spasm of complete and utter terror, the man who may or may not have been Robert Philips, got up and ran as fast as he could from the Hanson, barely registering the fact that he´d just entered this strange russian clearing through the open maw of the very same deer!
      In the centre of the clearing was a giant mushroom, ten metres tall, and pulsating slightly... Robert stopped dead in his tracks. There was something in the ambience of this place that he couldn't quite put his finger on. Almost like he had been here, long ago...
      Taylor walked out from behind the stem of the Mushroom, "Welcome Robert," he said in a most gentle and inviting voice, "To my home..."
      As their eyes locked for that first moment, time seemed to stand still...perhaps it was the air of this place, the mystery of it all, perhaps it was something else.. but Robert found himself not wanting to leave...
      He came closer and closer to the mushroom, being attracted to it like a moth to a flame. He cuddled near it, and felt its soft touch. The mushroom asked Robert to kiss it and he did. The mushroom asked Robert to sing to it softly and he did. And then the mushroom asked him to make sweet love to it, and he did. But then!...
      His gaze went foggy... He could not see clearly what was going on... All he saw was mist. Slowly, but surely, though, he would start to recover his eyesight. And what he saw was... His kitchen. He had never left! What a wild and crazy adventure it has been! It would seem that the coffee was a special brand of Arabic Shallabalazy Coffee that had hallucinogenic properties. BUT THEN!...
      His wife entered the room and asked: "Robert, why are you naked and sticking a mushroom up yer bum?"

THE END
ROUND 2

(participants: Scarab, Asuka, Babar, Enkerro, FSi, ShiverMeSideways)

      Three things slid down the wall of the fast food outlet that day; the pickle of a pimply teenager's burger, a squirt of sauce from an unco-ordinated 80 year old's sachet, and the heart of Hector P. Williams.
      Hector P. was a law abiding computer programmer. He paid his taxes, he greeted his neighbours when he went to get the morning's mail, he cooked dinner for his mother on Wednesdays. But Hector P. was not like other programmers, oh no. He had one small difference.. a small difference that would change the lives of everyone in that Burger Joint... Forever...
      Hector P. was as normal as anyone else in that burger restaurant....or so you would think. Little did the restaurant-goers know that Hector P. was born with an amazing trait. He could kill people just by thinking the word "the."
      It was a good thing that he had developed this trick where the (oops, heart attack) moment he thought of that word, he´d follow it out with "-odore". He´d often yell out "Theodore" to drive in this point.
      However, as fate tends to be cruel, that day was special. For a large group of male individuals named Theodore decided to stop by for a refreshingly stagnant burger. Hector P. was refreshing himself in the gentlemen's room at the back when he heard the band of men jovially addressing each other. The time was now to...
      ...to get out of there, and put on his magic hat and ride the unicorn across the rainbow to the fairy land to the Chief Executive Fairy to negotiate urgent changes in the usual killing-people-by-thinking-the-word-thee protocol. Chief Executive Fairy was really hard to impress, but luckily, Hector P. took a magic hamburger with him.
      Having her hunger quenched, Chief Executive Fairy agreed to return him to the world where there were no men called Theodore.
      Hector was instead sent to a bright new planet. A whole other world filled with the greatest wonders he would never even think of dreaming up!
      Unfortunately, that planet was called Theta-6, and its inhabitants... Thetians.

THE END
ROUND 3

(participants: Enkerro, AngelicCharon, Asuka, Babar, ShiverMeSideways)

      It was a day like any other. That is, if you ignore the incoming asteroids that intend to pulverize the planet Earth. Jack Daniels, a veteran alcoholic starship commander was assigned to his last mission... To save Earth, at any cost. Back in Michigan, Terry, Jack's friend and lifelong nemesis at the same time decided to poison his brew, so that the asteroids could destroy the Earth which would in turn fulfill the prophecy of the death cult that Terry worships.
      "Terry, Terry, Terry." Jack started his call to his life long nemesis and hetero life partner, "You do know that these death cu..these death gr...these people who you worship with, it's...um....nice tits."
      "Thanks Jack, I just had them put in yesterday," Terry teased coyly, while running her hands up and down her chest.  "I'm glad you like what you see..."
      "Y'know Terry.  Asteroids.  They're bad.  I'm bad.  Let's do something about it.  Let's think of our future children, and their children."
      "I love you Ja---" The monitor fizzled and popped as the connection to Earth broke.  Jack was too late.  The earth was gone.  The death cu, the death gr...that weird organization was right.
      Totally right.
      The Earth was now gone forever.  Never to be used in stories ever again.  Jack Daniels was now alone.  Sure, he had an entire crew.  Sure, he had a starship, but what he didn't have now...was love.
      Or any of his stuff.
      Or a point to live.
      Or to continue.
      To go on!
      Or did he?
      Suddenly, in a neighboring starship came along a fellow named Jake. He greeted Jack Daniels calmly, and said, "I plan to eat your starship. What are you going to do about this?"
      Jack Daniels replied "I am going to eat YOUR starship!". And thus they began a torrid battle, testing their mettles where their mouth is.
      Jack Daniels swooshed while Jake swooped. Jack fired torpedoes while Jake fired lasers. They seemed evenly matched.After 33 intense hours of combat, they stopped. They opened a com channel and talked:
      "Look, man, this is useless, we're going to mutually destroy ourselves and what's the point?" said Jack.
      "Well, that's very well, but how shall we know which ship is going to get eaten?" replied Jake.
      "That's not the point. The point is that we're the only ones still alive in this wretched hellhole of a Universe. It's cold, it's weird, and I want my mummy." continued Jack.
      "What do you propose then?" asked Jake.
      "Let's form a new Terran Alliance. Let's form a brotherhood of honour, courage, leadership and hot gay sex!"
      A few hours later, they were both in Jack's private sleeping quarters... They were young, full of passion and energy. And they had lubricants and prophylactics to last them a century!
      But little did they know that a HUGE ASSTEROID WAS HEADING TOWARDS THEM!
      Just five seconds before Jack came, the ASSTEROID hit the ship, killing them instantly.
      All that was left was an echoing sound... The sound of Jack coming...
      "UGABUGABUGABUGA!"

THE END

Phemar

Hahahahahaha. You kids need to lay off the drugs ;)

QuoteTerry, Jack's

^ I lol'ed.

QuoteBut little did they know that a HUGE ASSTEROID WAS HEADING TOWARDS THEM!

It's funny how this line always manages to pop in somehow to these things :D

ShiverMeSideways

Hey, by the time the story reaches me, it's usually a right-old mess of loose ends, I need to finish it somehow. :P

asuka_mercury


asuka_mercury

Here is the latest story with contributions from AngelicCharon, me (Asuka), bicilotti, FSi and Jon.


Religion. Never works for you. Never really works against you. Never really works.
It's made scholars scratch their heads, and stroke their beards, and even the most lay of men bow down and worship blindly the most abstract of ideas.

This story isn't a story of religion, however, it is a story of faith. Or loss of faith in this case.
He was a priest, though as far as he knew, still was. When Father James Willowreed woke that morning, the sun shone across his face like any other day. But it wasn't like any other day. Not in the slightest.

Unbeknownst to Father James, a mist was encroaching upon the land. And a figure stretched out from underneath it. Was it a ghost? An apparition? No, it was Jesus himself.
Jesus looked really like a simple man. Rising his hand towards the horizon, he said Father James: "Oh good lamb, I am here to make one of your desires truth. Ask me anyhing you want. Just remember: anything you ask me, I will give you, but to make the karma even, I will get an evil man twice more"
"So beware to ask for a nuclear weapon, since Ahmadinejad could well get his dirty paws on a set of them."
So Father James asked for a pony. Jesus spread his hand and a pony appeared right where his finger was pointing. "Does that mean that Ahmadinejad will get two ponies?" - "Yes" - "Good. I know he hates ponies, he was my classmate back then"

And POFF! James woke up in his bed. He sat up supriesed, everything seemed so real. It was all a dream. Jesus was never there, and never cared about his pony request. Just as James layed his sad sad head back on his pillow, he heard: neigh!!

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