Livestock Laughs

[Baron]

Seriously, AGSers, is this all the rumpus you got?!?  I used to hang out on this site for the entertainment value.  Now I just hang out on this site....

[Ponch]

A Catholic cowboy lost his Bible while he was fixing fences out on the range.

The next morning, a cow ambled up to him while he checked the herd, carrying his lost Bible in her mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.

He took the book out of the cow's mouth and exclaimed, "Praise, Jesus! It's a miracle!"

"Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."


There, I have rumpused enough for one night. 

[Crimson Wizard]

Baron, change your game dev company name to "Lustful Adventures". You'll surely get more customers.

[Baron]

Baron, change your game dev company name to "Lustful Adventures". You'll surely get more customers.

Ha!  You know, I've considered going down that route.  But could I wake up every morning, look myself in the ceiling mirror, and say "There's a man I respect?"

[Mouth for war]

There once was Homer simpson, one baker and a D'oh...And the rumpus winner for todaaaaay is........ME for having such a bad joke to share

[Ponch]

A new day brings fresh rumpusing!

Two cows are standing in a pasture.
The first cow asks, "Do you ever worry about getting mad cow disease?"
"Of course not," says the second cow. "I'm a chicken."

[Crimson Wizard]

What was Ponch's first word?

"Moooma!"

[Ponch]

How do cows know when it's time to go to sleep?
When it's pasture bedtime.

[Tabata]

two cows on a pasture
... one says: "Mooooo!"
... the other one replies: " What a strange coincidence! I just wanted to say the same.""

[Mouth for war]

Ok Tabata that was pretty damn bad too! Maybe you're the winner

[Tabata]

[Sane Co.]

Two cows are tandin in the middl of a feild, the first one eats a rat. Umm... I forgot the punchline.

[selmiak]

cow1: what are you eating.
cow2: grass.
cow1: I prefer moooo-sli.

I came up with that all by myself

[Mouth for war]

I'd love to see...The secret of Mooooo-nkey island

[Tabata]

Oooooookay!
... and all together now:

[embed=420,315]<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/1r88B1NjhcM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>[/embed]

[Ponch]

Why don't cows jump over barb wire fences?
Because they fear an udder disaster.

[Baron]

What do you call the variety of cow that has just given birth?

Decalfinated. 

Buddum-bum, chi!  I'll be here all week.  Try the shrimp.

[Ponch]

Just because I've got a couple of beers in me and I refuse to be typecast...

What dog loves to take bubble baths?
A shampoodle

G'night, AGS Community. Sleep tight. I'll be back for more rumpusing tomorrow. 

[Sane Co.]

Where do cows eat?
A calfe

[Baron]

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef.

[Ponch]

What do you get when you cross a cow with a belly dancer?
A milkshake. 

[Eric]

A man who spent most of his life wearing a drab grey suit and working in a fluorescent-lit office retired and dipped into his savings to take a trip to Europe. While there, he promised himself he would be adventurous, try anything that came across his path, and basically live life for the first time after years of having slaved away for the company.

It was in a restaurant in Spain when he saw a man eating a plate of two fried, thick hunks of meat. He called the waiter over.

"What's that man having?" he asked.

"Ahhhh yes," said the waiter. "Señor has excellent taste. Those are the testicles of the bull, the loser in today's bullfight."

The man took a deep breath, thought of his promise to himself to try everything, and said, "I'll have what he's having."

The waiter's countenance fell a bit as he said, "I apologize, señor. We have only one bullfight per day, and so only one plate per day of this particular item. If you would like to come back tomorrow, I will reserve this delicacy for you."

The man agreed, and went to his hotel thinking of how privileged he was to get this opportunity. The next day, he returned, and the waiter put a plate in front of him. The two chunks were tiny, less meaty, and looked nothing like what he'd seen the day before. The man felt as though he'd been gypped, and said so.

The waiter's countenance fell again as he explained, "You must understand señor...the bull is not always the loser."

[Baron]

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

[Baron]

Huh.  No more cow jokes from Ponch....  C'mon man!  Just a bit of Google and a scroll wheel: that's all I ask.  Or perhaps we can resort to good old fashioned shooting from the hip....

What do you call the alpha bull at an abattoir?

Burger King.

[Ponch]

Huh.  No more cow jokes from Ponch....  C'mon man!

Not all of us are vaguely Germanic semi-royalty, Mr. Baron. Some of us have jobs, you know. 

What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?
Cow pi.

(My apologies for bringing math into this )

[Eric]

[Tabata]

What do cows do on rainy days?

             

They go to the moooovies.

[Intense Degree]

[CaptainD]

I can't believe how long this thread has gone on.  You guys are just miking it for all it's worth.

[Baron]

I love Gary Larson, and yet curse him at the same time.  Who retires at 45?  Bastard.  Here's my favourite cow one:



I think it's the cow's posture more than the situation that I find humorous.... but I'll have to wait for the cow humour analysis thread to flesh that line of thinking out fully....

[kconan]

Larson is the man.  My favorite of his cartoon compliations is the one that contained all of his work which was too contraversial for the newspaper.

[Ponch]

Cows of the world: (ASCII style)

Code: AGS

                 |------========|
                 | **** |=======|
           (__)  | **** |=======|              vv    vv
           (oo)  |==============|              ||----||  *
    /-------\/   |==============|              ||     | /
   / |     ||----<                            /\-------/
  *  ||----|     |                           (oo)
     ^^    ^     |                           (~~)
 
 American Cow                               Australian Cow

Code: AGS

         \ (__)                       (__)
         \\(oo)                       (\/)
    /-----\\\/                 /-------\/
   / |    (**)                / |     ||
  *  ||----||`               *  ||----||
     ^^    ^^                   ^^    ^^
  Scottish Cow               Japanese Cow

Code: AGS

 / / / / / / / / / / / /
 / / / / / / / / / / / /
 / / / / / _______   / /
 / / /    /   |   \  / /
 / / /    (__)|      / /
 / / /    (oo)|      / /                  oo
   /-------\/ |
  / |     ||^_|
 *  ||----|
    ^^    ^ 
  English Cow                      Ghost Cow

I apologize to any American, Scottish, English, Japanese or undead AGSers if I have offended you.

[Gilbert]

You missed one.

Code: AGS

           (__)
           (oo)
    /-------\/
   / *     ||
     ||----||
     ^^    ^^
 Ask Whole Cow

Yeah. I know. It is pretty lame.

[Ponch]

Nothing lame about it, Iceybooty. It's a fact of life that everyone poops. In fact, someone should write a book about that. I imagine they would get quite rich. 

[Gilbert]

To keep in the spirit of this site, maybe we should start another thread about goatse instead.

[Baron]

Not all of us are vaguely Germanic semi-royalty, Mr. Baron. Some of us have jobs, you know. 

Code: AGS

                 |------========|
                 | **** |=======|
           (__)  | **** |=======|              vv    vv
           (oo)  |==============|              ||----||  *
    /-------\/   |==============|              ||     | /
   / |     ||----<                            /\-------/
  *  ||----|     |                           (oo)
     ^^    ^     |                           (~~)
 
 American Cow                               Australian Cow

Allow me to raise a vaguely Germanic semi-royal eyebrow in your direction, sir.

[Crimson Wizard]

Code: AGS

                 
            __       
           (_*) -|
          /(oo)\ |
    /-------\/   |-/
   / |     ||----<
  *  ||----|     |--
     ^^    ^     |\
 
 Soviet Cow

[Ponch]

Allow me to raise a vaguely Germanic semi-royal eyebrow in your direction, sir.

U S A!  U S A!  U S A!

And Crimson Wizard: nice AK-47, comrade! 

[Crimson Wizard]

Code: ags

 
   *   *   *   *   *               *   *   *   *   *
 *   *   *       *   *           *   *   *       *   *
   *   *    __ *   *               *   *   |   *   *
 *   *   * (__)  0               *   *     |__   0   
   *   *  /(oo)\ |                 *   *   (uu)  |   
 *  /-----\\\/   |               *  /-----\\--   |   
   / |     \\----<                 / |     \\----<
  *  ||----|     |                *  ||----|     |   
   __LL_/__L__/  +                 __LL_/__L__/  +
                            
                        
   Suomi Cow                       WHAM Cow     

[ThreeOhFour]

What do you call a cow with only 2 legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

[Baron]

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

So that's where you've been getting all those great game ideas....  Stay out of my head, man!

Also, I'm changing the name of the thread again, just to keep things fresh.

[Crimson Wizard]

Also, I'm changing the name of the thread again, just to keep things fresh.

....
How do you call it when there are too many cows around?

Livestock Overflow.

[Baron]

Who better to appreciate mixing cow jokes with Star Trek humour than my fellow AGSers:

[Ponch]

Just in time for Halloween! 



Can I take a moment to say that I love that we have a cow thread on the forums? This is how Icey must have felt on IceyDay. 

[Baron]

Ha.  Still, if the straw was long enough I'm sure just about anyone'd find their own trouble eventually.....

[Ponch]

It's a little early for Christmas jokes, but the ghost theme ties in nicely with Halloween. 

[OG]

Code: AGS

function Is_Cow_joke_told()
if (player == cCowjoke) Display("Laugh");
else cDon't_bother.SetAsPlayer();
}

[Ponch]

And this has been another installment of "Coding With Cows". Tune in next week when somebody puts the milking function in repeatedly_execute_always and hijinks ensue! 

[Baron]

Code: AGS

function Is_Cow_joke_told()
if (player == cCowjoke) Display("Laugh");
else cDon't_bother.SetAsPlayer();
}

This code would throw an error on line 3:  there is no circumstance where a cow joke would be told and the laughing would be conditional.

NERD EDIT: Er, and you forgot your opening bracket.  (*Baron makes FRINK NOISE*)

[OG]

Code: AGS

function Is_Cow_joke_told()
if (player == cCowjoke) Display("Laugh");
else cDon't_bother.SetAsPlayer();
}

This code would throw an error on line 3:  there is no circumstance where a cow joke would be told and the laughing would be conditional.

NERD EDIT: Er, and you forgot your opening bracket.  (*Baron makes FRINK NOISE*)

I think from here on in I won't be trying to look smart whilst intoxicated.

We should all learn a valuable lesson from this, folks.

[Anian]

Guys from http://wumocomicstrip.com made a few comics with cows, but sometimes they go to dark places, so here we go too:
Lighter:


Darker:


Dark dark:

Spoiler

[close]

[Baron]

Lighter and Darker are inspired!  Darkest is.... a bit too much.

Here's my daily contribution (ie internet thievery):



And a little something else that's theme related and just plain funny (from my perspective):

[Ponch]

It's getting so dark in this thread.

[Dualnames]

[Baron]

When cows laugh do they squirt milk out their noses?

[Ponch]

_______________________________________________________

[OG]

This one is pretty bad...

[Baron]

Ah, you crazy girls and your cold-hands-o-phobia.... Makes me laugh every time.

[Ponch]

Mock all you like, Baron. But it's clear to me that you've never been milked by cold hands. Let me tell you, it's quite bracing.

Also, you usually have to pay extra for that sort of thing. 


_______________________________________________________

[Baron]

Mock all you like, Baron. But it's clear to me that you've never been milked by cold hands. Let me tell you, it's quite bracing.

Fine.  I'll rub my hands together real quick-like the next time I milk you.  Just don't ask me to enjoy it as much without your shrill girlish shrieks and defensive convulsions.

Also, you usually have to pay extra for that sort of thing. 

I'll hold you to that ....next time.



FAIL!

[Ponch]

Suddenly an awkward silence fell over the livestock laughs thread. 


_______________________________________________________

[Frodo]

What did the cow say to her partner in bed?

Moooove over, darling. 

*groan*   

[Baron]

Suddenly an awkward silence fell over the livestock laughs thread. 

....I'm just going to point out that the solution to your silence problem is a little bit of cold hand action: that's all I'm sayin'.

[Ponch]

Fun fact: Milk comes from more than one critter.



Also, why the hell is Aquaman doing that?! Silly Aquaman! Goats aren't fish! You have no power over them.



_______________________________________________________

[Baron]

Knock knock!

[Ponch]

Who's there?

[Baron]

Cow goes.

[Ponch]

Cow goes who?

[Baron]

Cow goes who?

No.  Cow goes MOOO!

[Ponch]

 


EDIT:

[Baron]

I don't get it.  Wait..... 



Bizarro is my new favourite cartoonist.

[Ponch]

Less livestock related than cat related, but I stand by my choice nonetheless.





_______________________________________________________

[Baron]

Gasp!  Is that a cat joke, or a Scottish joke?  Well, if we're running out of grade A beef, I guess we can open the thread up to other domestic animals.....

Here's my two favourite cat ones:

[Ponch]

Boom! Rumpus is back, baby!

[Baron]

How have we neglected this thread for so long?

Why calves don't fake sick: