Topic: My very first comic strip! (New version)

[Mouth for war]

Hey y'all!

Recently I began working on a book, "100 * funny" (Just a stupid working title) it will feature my own jokes, strips and other funny stuff. So this is my very first strip and I know that the art is kinda crappy right now but it works as a place holder. Hope you find it funny! A friend of mine pointed out that this could also be considered a covid joke but I wrote this as a joke about nagging but I guess he has a point as well. There might be grammar errors but...what the hey!



And here are a few samples of my own written jokes.

A man and a woman are going on a blind date. The guy drives to her house to pick her up and walks up to the door and rings the doorbell. The woman opens the door with a surprise look on her face and not fully dressed yet and says "Oh you came early. I'm not done yet". The guy responds: "Wow! You’re so beautiful! I can't wait to hear you say that again with a lot more disappointment in your voice"

Why is getting fired a lot easier than marriage?
Answer: When you’re fired, at least you know what you did wrong

Customer: "Oh excuse me waiter?"
Waiter: "Yes sir? Is everything ok?"
Customer: "Well I was just wondering why there are no flies in m soup like usual?"
Waiter: "Excuse me sir? do you WANT flies in your soup? Why?"
Customer: "They bring me joy"
Waiter: "Uh? What? I'm sorry I don't follow. How can flies in one's soup possibly bring joy to anyone?"
Customer: "I just got laid off at work, my wife left me when I told her and the bank is about to repossess my house. When I look at the soup I know there's at least someone whose day was worse than mine"

Of course there might already be similar jokes out there but I came up with these on my own


Have a nice weekend

[Pajama Sam]

Not to be discouraging but that story was as boring as normal everyday life. I suggest you look at some  old comics from the good ol days.And that would give you a good idea of some true comedy.Then you could make your own jokes.

[heltenjon]

I liked the comic strip gag and the blind date joke. 

[Mouth for war]

Thanks @heltenjon
And @Pajama sam you're not discouraging me in any way. I just don't share your opinion and I don't need to look at any old comics to learn how to be funny

[TheFrighter]

Well my friend Mouth for war, this used to be my playground...

That comic is too long to be  a "strip", that needs 3 or at least 4 vignettes.  And even if it's not a strip you can condense it in 6 vignettes, and the last with the boy in shadow is useless.

This joke:
A man and a woman are going on a blind date. The guy drives to her house to pick her up and walks up to the door and rings the doorbell. The woman opens the door with a surprise look on her face and not fully dressed yet and says "Oh you came early. I'm not done yet" the guy responds "Wow! You’re so beautiful! I can't wait to hear you say that again with a lot more disappointment in your voice"
is not easy to understand. And punctuction is necessary even in jokes.

For example you can change it like this:
A man and a woman are going on a blind date. The guy drives to her house to pick her up and walks up to the door and rings the doorbell. The woman opens the door with a surprise look on her face and not fully dressed yet and says: "Oh, you came early! I'm sorry but I'm not done yet!". The guy responds "Wow! You’re so beautiful! I can't wait to hear you say that again more sorry than this!"

That's the idea.  I'd like to be more specific, but I'm italiano and elaborate this matter in english is not easy

_

[Mouth for war]

Thanks for the tip. And I was actually thinking about that last picture of the boy if it was really necessary but decided to keep it. I will probably remove that :-) oh and of course punctuation is  important. I must've missed that XD

[heltenjon]

I see the comic strip as a storyboard for a skit. If you're just doing it digitally, you can easily do your own format. The strip format made for newspapers is its own thing - but you could easily compress this joke by starting when the woman is hanging from the branch and the man reaches out for her. What comes before that serves the purpose of establishing the nagging character and would be fine in a short film or a skit. (The only reason to avoid it here is if you're trying to condense the story-telling into a traditional short strip format.)

Your friend had a good idea...the last shot of the man's reaction COULD be incorporated in the image where the woman talks if you change the view point to include him in the shot. (This is what Popeye would look like, with a thought bubble over the guy's head...) OR the last image could be replaced with a COVID ad ("Remember to always wash your hands!"). Mind you, if you were to transform the joke, you could also lose the dishes part of the last speech bubble, as the joke would work just as good with a stranger trying to rescue the now not-nagging-but-worried-about-covid-woman.

The blind date joke is a good idea. I think in a stand-up setting, the man wouldn't say the punchline to the woman, but to the audience: "I didn't know it at the time, but she would repeat those very words to me later that night, with a lot more disappointment in her voice." That would make the joke more of a self-ironical joke at the man's own expense than it already is.

Oh, it just occurred to me that we're not in the critics' lounge. Sorry if you weren't looking for detailed response.

[Mouth for war]

Thank you! Good advice! Although i didn't post it for critics I guess it was unavoidable and I don't mind. If i was afraid to receive criticism I wouldn't have posted it at all I also know that it won't appeal to everybody

[Mouth for war]

Ok so after reading some suggestions here I decided to make it shorter and more of a covid joke :-)


My next strip/comic will tell you the truth about metalheads

[Cassiebsg]

That works so much better!   

[Mouth for war]

Thanks! I totally agree

[heltenjon]

Cue Evil Laugh (TM) BWAHAHA! It worked! 

[Mouth for war]

Haha awesome

[Babar]

The 3D or the style of attempted humour or something reminded me of this from an ancient AGSer

[Danvzare]

Good comic strip, the shorter three-panel version is definitely a lot better.
That being said, you've made some very simple easy-to-fix mistakes.

Firstly, try to make sure that the tail of the speech bubble draws a line towards the mouth. The angle of the tail on the second panel could be improved a little bit but is otherwise ok, but the third panel makes it look like her eye is talking.

Secondly, center the text in your speech bubbles, and go for either a triangle pattern or a jaggered pattern for the text.
For example:


Thirdly, have gutters between your panels. Gutters are those white spaces between the panels. Gutters denote a passage of time. Without them, you're suggesting that the panels are happening almost simultaneously. Gutters don't have to be white, they can be transparent, or you could use really thick panel borders. Whatever your choice, I do suggest adding them.



I've been making comic strips since 2009, and done a lot of research onto the matter, so I know what I'm talking about. I used to make all of those mistakes as well, so I hope that I've helped. 
Great joke by the way, and I hope you make more.

(Some more advice, which isn't relevant to this comic but might be relevant to future comics. Don't overlap speech bubble tails. Apparently that's a big no-no.)

[Mouth for war]

Thanks Danvzare! I'll definitely keep that in mind