Jibble

Author Topic: Stupid Things People Said That Made Me Laugh Inside  (Read 634 times)

Mandle

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I have a collection in my head of the stupid things that people have said and that I have witnessed them saying but couldn't just laugh out loud for fear of offending them.

These are things I actually heard from people that I thought were comedy gold. Please don't re-post accounts from others that you have heard tell of. Only first-hand experiences or we will just end up recording fake stories from the internet here, which is not the intent of this thread.

The intent of this thread is to record such never-before-heard comedy gold here, anonymously, for others to potentially use in their games, stories, stand-up comedy routines, or whatever without giving away identities or otherwise offending anyone.

Here are some of mine:

CASE #1:

ME: I found a bar that has a sign advertising an all-you-can-drink wine course at 10 cents for 1 minute.
FRIEND: Sounds too rushed for my liking.

CASE #2:

(While driving through a busy street decked on both sides with Jacaranda trees in full bloom)

FRIEND #1: Wow, the Jacarandas really are beautiful this time of year.
FRIEND #2: I don't really know that much about makes of cars.

CASE #3:

ME: Silence Of The Lambs is a perfectly plotted movie.
FRIEND: No, I found a flaw. It was never explained how Hannibal managed to make such a perfect mask of the guard's face for his escape.

I had another one but I forgot it for now. I will post it when I remember it.

But for now... Let's see some more molten comedy gold flowing through this thread of stupid things you have heard people say:
« Last Edit: 22 Dec 2020, 11:40 by Mandle »

Re: Stupid Things People Said That Made Me Laugh Inside
« Reply #1 on: 22 Dec 2020, 11:40 »
 (laugh) Nice

In an office, I saw a guy open a cupboard that was up quite high. As he opened it, the corner of the opening cupboard door banged his head quite hard, which prompted "holy sh|t, where did that come from?"

Just the way it happened had me quietly dying of laughter on the inside.

Mandle

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Re: Stupid Things People Said That Made Me Laugh Inside
« Reply #2 on: 22 Dec 2020, 11:57 »
In an office, I saw a guy open a cupboard that was up quite high. As he opened it, the corner of the opening cupboard door banged his head quite hard, which prompted "holy sh|t, where did that come from?"

That definitely qualifies!!!

Mandle

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Re: Stupid Things People Said That Made Me Laugh Inside
« Reply #3 on: 22 Dec 2020, 12:07 »
Not exactly on topic but:

I have seen a friend of mine do this a couple of times:

A cockroach runs across the floor in her house.

She SCREAMS a legitimate scream of terror.

Then she leaps across the room and catches the roach in her bare hands and goes over to the window and throws it outside.

Does not compute!!!

Cassiebsg

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Re: Stupid Things People Said That Made Me Laugh Inside
« Reply #4 on: 22 Dec 2020, 18:23 »
 (laugh)

ME (to my son): "Don't eat with food in your mouth..."  (laugh) (meant to say: don't talk with food in mouth.!
There are those who believe that life here began out there...

Gilbert

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Re: Stupid Things People Said That Made Me Laugh Inside
« Reply #5 on: 22 Dec 2020, 19:06 »
Reminds me of a famous saying of a celebrity singer here (who is infamous of inventing nonsensical quotes anyway):
Don't eat breakfast if your stomach is empty.

Mandle

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Re: Stupid Things People Said That Made Me Laugh Inside
« Reply #6 on: 23 Dec 2020, 00:47 »
Reminds me of a famous saying of a celebrity singer here (who is infamous of inventing nonsensical quotes anyway):
Don't eat breakfast if your stomach is empty.

I think they may have been implying that they have alcohol for breakfast, like "Don't have breakfast on an empty stomach."

Re: Stupid Things People Said That Made Me Laugh Inside
« Reply #7 on: 29 Dec 2020, 23:45 »
I giggled at seeing a quote of Dolly Parton saying:

Nobody cries alone in my presence!

Re: Stupid Things People Said That Made Me Laugh Inside
« Reply #8 on: 08 Jan 2021, 23:38 »
A guy I know once told me that he was very interested in WW2. I knew he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer back then so I asked him. "For how long did ww2 last?"
His response: "Umm...40 years?" THAT made me laugh :D
mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer

Gilbert

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Re: Stupid Things People Said That Made Me Laugh Inside
« Reply #9 on: 09 Jan 2021, 04:41 »
I'm terrible at history, but hey that guy was so wrong! He was off by several to 10 years! :=
Quote
According to Valdas Adamkus, the former president of Lithuania, the Second World War did not truly come to an end until the last Soviet troops withdrew from the Baltic States in the early 1990s.
https://www.historyextra.com/period/second-world-war/how-when-ww2-end-ve-day-vj-day-fighting-atomic-bombs-japan-world-europe/

Mandle

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Re: Stupid Things People Said That Made Me Laugh Inside
« Reply #10 on: 10 Jan 2021, 11:00 »
I'm terrible at history, but hey that guy was so wrong! He was off by several to 10 years! :=
Quote
According to Valdas Adamkus, the former president of Lithuania, the Second World War did not truly come to an end until the last Soviet troops withdrew from the Baltic States in the early 1990s.
https://www.historyextra.com/period/second-world-war/how-when-ww2-end-ve-day-vj-day-fighting-atomic-bombs-japan-world-europe/

I would even go as far as to say that WWI and WWII were the same war with a brief respite in between where countries had a chance to rebuild and also fester their hatred for each other.