Insult competition, Captain D vs Ryan Timothy! Vote now!

[Andail]

Check this thread for info:
http://www.adventuregamestudio.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=49139.0

CAPTAIN D VERSUS RYAN TIMOTHY

Let the insulting begin.
The captain is first out to deliver his post-o-insultativeness!!

[CaptainD]

Ryan Timothy cranks out computer code like a cowardly Canadian cobweb cleaner!


(No it doesn't rhyme, but alliteration's got to be good, right? _ )

[Ryan Timothy B]

I started to wonder there what you were cranking out in your underwear!

(I didn't know I signed up for this I had only suggested no swearing or dirty talk. But I'm fine with giving this a go)

[Ryan Timothy B]

You claim to be an experienced writer, yet your skill is equal to an overnighter.

[CaptainD]

Your judgement is ill when you talk of skill; what you spout is clearly pig swill.

[CaptainD]

One of these days, if you study, you too, can reach an IQ of more than twenty two.

[Ryan Timothy B]

Retort:
  At least my teacher wasn't a kangaroo, teaching in Timbuktu with a shoe!

Insult:
  You try to be funny but your jokes come out all runny, now give me your money and bounce off like a bunny.

[CaptainD]

(Ooh, tripple points for extra rhyming AND correlation of bouncing animals!! )

Retort:

It's true my friend that you have a gift for rhyme, but looking at your face you have an even greater gift for grime

(+1 for The Princess Bride reference? )

Insult:

It's a pity that your brain is no bigger than a grain, it must be a pain - it's plain that's why you're insane.

[Ryan Timothy B]

Retort:
   You try in vain to learn and retain, you've cooked your brain on mary-jane.

Insult:
   You think you're hot stuff, but yet oddly enough, you look like cream puff.

[CaptainD]

Retort:

Cream puff?  Isn't that what you smear on your cheeks every night?  All four cheeks I mean, thankfully I'll never see it but must be a fearsome sight!

Insult:

Amazingly sad, but sadly true - you never play adventure games without using a walkthrough!

[Ryan Timothy B]

Retort:
   And listen to you, learning to play Sudoku, you hadn't a freakin' clue, as one through two, you only knew.

Insult:
   I need to point out, yet I have no doubt, that you know about, your big honkin' snout!

[CaptainD]

Retort:

My nose is large, that much is true, but it's not horribly misshapen, like the one fastened upon you.

Insult:

Speaking of facial and bodily calamity, did you ever get fixed what was wrong with that cavity?

[Ryan Timothy B]

Retort:
   There's no abnormality, but in all actuality, your twisted mentality, filled with irrationality, is a virtual reality, of flat dimensionality.

Insult:
   I had tried to be nice, but now it won't suffice, your face looks like, it was in a vise.

(I'm running out of creativity. Ha!)

[CaptainD]

Retort:

Adding some spice, attempting to be nice?  Better think twice, I've known nicer head lice!

Insult:

I don't know why you persist with this fight - you know you will lose and you know that I'm right!

[Ryan Timothy B]

Retort:
   Oh I know outright, that I'll win the fight, because you're plain alright, like black and white.

Insult:
   Your wife is a horse, with high rear-end force, you love her of course, but she wants a divorce.

[Andail]

Alright, since the cretins that make up the general populace of this community couldn't manage to select a winner, it's come down to an insult off. Or sudden insult, or something.
You each get to post one insult each, using no more than two lines of text. I'll then choose the winner unilaterally.

Since captain started last time, ryan will start now!

[Andail]

Alright, 24 hours later, it seems Ryan Timosity has forfeited.
Winner is Captain!
Clap clap.