Fortnightly Writing Competition - CONCRETE POETRY: FESTIVE EDITION (Winner!)

Sinitrena · Sun 29/11/2015 17:21:44

Hello and welcome to a brand new Fortnightly Writing Competition!

This time around, we'll try something a bit different.

Concrete Poetry is a form of poetry where the visual element is as important as the words, or, as Wikipedia puts it:

QuoteConcrete, pattern, or shape poetry is poetry in which the typographical arrangement of words is as important in conveying the intended effect as the conventional elements of the poem, such as meaning of words, rhythm, rhyme, and so on.

It is sometimes referred to as visual poetry, a term that has come to have distinct meaning of its own, but which shares the distinction of being poetry in which the visual elements are as important as the text.

The easiest kind of concrete poetry are texts that are arranged in the shape of the meaning of the words they use:

Apfel by Reinhard Dohl (1965)
[Apfel is german for apple; Wurm means worm.]

The most common form is probably the kind where the text is just arranged in a way to follow the shape, disregarding length of words:

A more difficult kind is where length of words and verses is more or less followed and creates the intended shape almost automaticly:

Die Trichter by Christian Morgenstern (1905)
(This one actually rhymes as well.)

[Translation found here:

The Funnels

A funnel ambles through the night. [it should be two funnels; it's still a good translation...]
Within its body, moonbeams white
converge as they
descend upon
its forest
pathway
and
so
on]
(Sorry for the formating of the translation. This should also give you a hint that it's better to post pictures in this round.)

And last but not least, there's the most abstract kind where words don't seem to exist anymore:

Fisches Nachtgesang (Night Song of Fish) by Christian Morgenstern (1905)

So, I think you can imagine why I showed you all this? That's right! This time around I want you to write a piece of concrete poetry. Whether it is just a single word or a whole story, a poem with rhymes and rhythm or no words in the classic sense at all - that's all up to you, as long as the connection between the words and the shape is strong (and don't write a text and add a picture to it, that's not what this is about). And because we're in the festive season, it should have something to do with this: a snowflake, a christmas tree, a candle, etc. - it's up to you.

(As mentioned above, it's probably best to post all entries as pictures, so that the forum doesn't screw up the formating.)

The voting categories will reflect this unusual kind of poetry. We'll have the following:

Text: If you remove all visual elements, does the text still mean something? Is it well written, in a good style? Does it tell a story?
Shape: If you remove the language element, is it a good and interesting picture? How well is the artistic execution? This is the category for all visual elements.
Correlation: How well do text and shape fit together? Does the text add to the picture? Does the picture add to the text?

As you can see, writing and art are equally important this time around.

I hope I didn't scare you off and see a lot of poems in this Fortnightly Writing Competition - it's easier than you might think.

Deadline: 14. December.

Happy writing!

Sane Co. · Thu 03/12/2015 07:46:47

This is my entry:

It is what it is.
[imgzoom]http://i.imgur.com/dpzkSqN.jpg?2[/imgzoom]
Here's a link to the high res?
Is it here.

Sinitrena · Mon 07/12/2015 09:34:40

Thank you so much, Sane Co., for being the first (and hopefully not the last) to accept this challange.

(see, they are easy; not an entry, obviously)

ONe week left, guys!

selmiak · Fri 11/12/2015 13:38:31

If only I had an idea that would be
clever...

Sinitrena · Sun 13/12/2015 18:11:38

Look! There are trophies:

Now get your last minute entries in.

Ibispi · Sun 13/12/2015 18:31:02

EDIT: done as you asked! : )

: )

Sinitrena · Sun 13/12/2015 22:31:28

@Ibispi Thank you for your entry. But I think you should consider posting it as a picture. It looks fine from my laptop but on my tablet, the formatting is completley botched.

selmiak · Mon 14/12/2015 00:39:59

put it into pictures you say...

Spoiler

[close]

Baron · Tue 15/12/2015 04:16:01

Just barely beating the deadline this time:

Spoiler

[close]

MiteWiseacreLives! · Tue 15/12/2015 04:34:11

Those last two entries are something else! Selmiak's could be put into print and hung on office and high school library walls immediately! Although Baron's makes has teh drawings of my soles into inside teh univurse and nuthing at wunce

selmiak · Tue 15/12/2015 13:47:34

baron dis is teh brulliantz. Does he haves teh clockwoerkings orenges eyebrowez? Redingz dis makez my headdiez teh dizzyiez

Adeel · Tue 15/12/2015 14:34:26

Quote from: MiteWiseacreLives! on Tue 15/12/2015 04:34:11
Those last two entries are something else! Selmiak's could be put into print and hung on office and high school library walls immediately!

Highly agree!

Quote from: selmiak on Mon 14/12/2015 00:39:59
put it into pictures you say...
Spoiler
[close]

You should consider selling this, mein freund!

Sinitrena · Tue 15/12/2015 15:15:46

So many compliments already and we haven't even started voting yet. Well, let's remedy this, shall we?

Our entries, in order of appearence, are:

Sane Co. with It is what it is.
Ibispi with Smile or Die
selmiak with If only I had an idea that would be clever...
Baron with It is comgings without candies

(Some titels provided by your host because our artists didn't give us any.)

As a reminder, here are the voting categories for this round:

Text: If you remove all visual elements, does the text still mean something? Is it well written, in a good style? Does it tell a story?
Shape: If you remove the language element, is it a good and interesting picture? How well is the artistic execution? This is the category for all visual elements.
Correlation: How well do text and shape fit together? Does the text add to the picture? Does the picture add to the text?

You have one vote per category and all your votes must be in by the end of 20. December.

JudasFm · Tue 15/12/2015 15:38:02

For once, this was easy for me to decide

Text: selmiak
Shape: selmiak
Correlation: selmiak

kconan · Tue 15/12/2015 16:18:21

Text: Selmiak
Shape: Baron
Correlation: Selmiak

selmiak · Tue 15/12/2015 17:38:21

Text: Ibispi ... I like my own text but from the others I can hear some psycho shouting these words at me and they echo in my ear, so there you go... closely followed by harpooning a spooning sailors

Shape: Baron
Correlation: Baron

Adeel · Wed 16/12/2015 14:39:39

Splendid entry by selmiak. Didn't even need to think twice about this.

Text: selmiak
Shape: selmiak
Correlation: selmiak

Ponch · Wed 16/12/2015 15:25:49

Text: selmiak
Shape: Baron
Correlation: Baron

Sane Co. · Wed 16/12/2015 16:40:24

Text: Selmiak
Shape: baron
Correlation: selmiak

selmiak · Wed 16/12/2015 19:16:54

Quote from: Adeel on Wed 16/12/2015 14:39:39
Splendid entry by selmiak. Didn't even need to think twice about this.

Text: selmiak
Shape: selmiak
Correlation: selmiak

*covertly hands over the secretly agreed upon bribe*

ppl, vote for baron or so, I have no idea how to host a writing competition and the silver trophy looks like a mix between a panda and a cute dog...

Ibispi · Wed 16/12/2015 21:42:41

Text: It is what it is by Sane Co. What could it be?
Shape: It is what it is by Sane Co. Is it a bird. Is it a plane?
Correlation: It is what it is by Sane Co. No, it's art!

Thanks for voting for my entry Selmiak... yeah it seems like some kind of scary serial killer letter now when I think about it.

But it is supposed to have a different meaning.

selmiak · Wed 16/12/2015 23:28:54

Could also be some happy metal lyrics

Adeel · Fri 18/12/2015 22:13:51

Quote from: selmiak on Wed 16/12/2015 19:16:54
*covertly hands over the secretly agreed upon bribe*

Spoiler

[imgzoom]https://media1.giphy.com/media/vgUFOWBwBkziE/200.gif[/imgzoom]

[close]

Quote from: Ibispi on Wed 16/12/2015 21:42:41
it is supposed to have a different meaning.

Fuck you, Bogdan. I'd rather die than smile!

qptain Nemo · Sat 19/12/2015 10:25:32

text: Sane Co
shape: Baron
correlation: Ibispi

Baron · Sat 19/12/2015 18:24:58

Text: Sane Co.
Shape: selmiak
Correlation: selmiak

Quote from: selmiak on Wed 16/12/2015 19:16:54
ppl, vote for baron or so, I have no idea how to host a writing competition and the silver trophy looks like a mix between a panda and a cute dog...

Ha ha! I actually prefer participating rather than hosting, so it's all on you! Just to make sure the burden fell on your shoulders instead of mine I was going to give you all my votes, but I found Sane Co.'s text too thought provoking not to vote for.

Mandle · Sun 20/12/2015 22:18:29

Text: Selmiak
Shape: Baron
Correlation: Selmiak

Sinitrena · Mon 21/12/2015 13:21:52

Alright, that's it for this round.
This time, we had an impressive number of voters, thanks everyone.

On fourth place, we have Ibispi with 2 points. It oesn't seem like many votes for you, but I quite enjoyed your entry. It's not very festive, for sure, but you certainly found a shape that fit well with your text. It's easy to recognize the two faces and see their emotions.

On third place with 5 points is Sane Co. I love your text. It's thought provoking, as Baron says, and well-thought-out. I'm not sure what your shape is supposed to read: "RT" is obvious but is there a letter in front of this? An "A" maybe or an "N" (Though I have no idea what NRT could mean, which, incidentally would fit well with the meaning of the text, but ART fits even better). What I don't like so much, is that a large chunck of your text is easy to miss because it's just the frame for the letters while the place where the text is clustered is always the same line, albeit an important one.

Baron recieves the cute mixture between a panda and a dog (thanks, selmiak, although I really don't see it

) for his second place with 8 points. Your entry is certainly more focussed on art then text. As a matter of fact, I think removing the text wouldn't hurt the overall impression at all. Because of this, I'm not even sure I would considere it "concrete poetry", but then again, the defenitions of this kind of poetry are not exactly cut and dry. I like your entry as a picture.

Our unanimous winner is selmiak with 15 points. Your entry is, without a doubt, pleasing to the eye and the text is a nice little piece of poetry. It took me a while to figure out what your shape is supposed to be and even now I'm not completely sure. It reminded me of these kinds of wreaths but as far as I'm concerned, it could also be something more abstract. Therefore, I can't really comment on how well text and shape fit together. Still, the overall impression of your piece is beautiful.

Thank you all for your entries and votes.

Selmiak, it's your turn!

JudasFm · Mon 21/12/2015 14:12:36

Quote from: Sinitrena on Mon 21/12/2015 13:21:52
It took me a while to figure out what your shape is supposed to be and even now I'm not completely sure. It reminded me of these kinds of wreaths but as far as I'm concerned, it could also be something more abstract. Therefore, I can't really comment on how well text and shape fit together.

It's a light bulb, linking the text of trying to think of an idea with the concept of the 'Idea Bulb'

And congrats to the three who placed! I'll be looking forward to the next round!

selmiak · Mon 21/12/2015 14:33:46

Thanks Sinitrena for hosting this, thanks a lot for all your votes, thanks for looking at my picture and liking it

JudasFM is correct, it is supposed to be exactly that idea bulb.

I'll open a new writing competition thread sometime tonight. 14 days should be enough for a fortnight writing competition, right? And it should also be enough to get you over the holidays and give you some motivation to write something over the holidays after you feasted on everything in reach and are mostly unable to move.

Mandle · Mon 21/12/2015 15:24:57

Concerning: "FESTIVE EDITION"

Quote from: Sinitrena on Sun 29/11/2015 17:21:44
And because we're in the festive season, it should have something to do with this: a snowflake, a christmas tree, a candle, etc. - it's up to you.

To be honest, it took me forever to find this particular rule in the first post after I only realised that this was supposed to be Christmas-based/Holiday-season-based from the thread title, which had initially confused me when looking at the entries...

I would suggest that, in the future, if you are going to have such a theme that it should be mentioned right at the start of the first post instead of buried somewhere in a paragraph near the end. I don't think participants and viewers understood the "festive" theme...

Not that it mattered really as we got a load of beautiful entries nonetheless (also: it might have been also what confused you about the shape of the lightbulb and made you think it was some kind of wreath)...But just a heads-up on layout...

I'm not trying to be snarky either. It was a great contest and I will furthermore agree that selmiak could totally sell that poster! It is truely beautiful!

Sinitrena · Mon 21/12/2015 18:05:09

Now that you mention it, I see the light bulb and the whole thing makes so much more sense.

And Mandle, you're probably right, it was easy to miss that this was supposed to be a festive topic. Sorry.

Adeel · Mon 21/12/2015 20:12:31

Congrats, selmiak! A well deserved victory!

For what it is worth, selmiak's entry follows the festive edition rule too. Why? Because light bulbs are also used to decorate Christmas trees.

selmiak · Mon 21/12/2015 20:18:49

Now that you mention it, I totally overlooked that bit

But fear not, the new writing competition is totally not about Christmas.

reworking this poster thingy in 3D is totally on my list

Baron · Tue 22/12/2015 04:55:10

Light bulb?!? I thought it was getting all the votes because it looked like a round-bottomed woman bending over:

Congrats anyway, selmiak. I look forward to the next competition.

selmiak · Tue 22/12/2015 11:55:36

I like concrete poetry and where you placed the V