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The 4 word story thread

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Got this from an author forum I'm on and it's a good laugh.  Basically this is one continuing story, each person can add only 4 words to it.  They can be as zany or surreal as you like but should at least read like part of a proper sentence! 

I'll start off with a traditional intro... and then someone else adds 4 words, and we just keep going and see where this leads us!

Once upon a time

THE STORY SO FAR (thanks Kumpel and S-Made for collating some of the chapters):

Chapter 1

Once upon a time there was a goat which fell from a magical floating train station on top of a high mountain. The goat died horribly. Suddenly a gigantic beetle appeared in a wizard's robe to play with his bits and ennoble his manhood. "I bestow the sobriquet Du'Ray'cell the Ever Ready with the power to summon an army of Little dry humping bunnies." The beetle placed his cigar between his mandibles eagerly waiting for the opening of the portal. The goat carcass began to get dry humped , it moisturized it's hump, All in attendance despaired the carcass was repaired. In walked Fred Astaire saying this ain't fair dancing without a care The goat yelled "baahhh. Itch gonna get paid unless I get laid" the goat was afraid. When Du'Ray'Cell heard this she suddenly turned into a sidestreet and parked. The trunk popped open a can of Pepsi filled with Coca Cola which ripped a hole the size of the Queen's largest corgi's head , flew out of the earth's atmosphere and landed on the planet of Uranus! It was lucky Chief Inspector Beetle Juice with his partner called in time to stop Hillary Clinton from destroying Bill's collection of rare used toilet paper rolls. If only Oceanspirit Denis knew about his terminal case of raging halitosis, then he would be not in this story. However, he was unaware that his breath stank but the Wizard smelt his behind. That smells like dayowlron's last meal. He quipped. Meanwhile, robots stormed into the water, corrupting their morality chips. Suddenly a gigantic blue tortoise appeared asking him to suspend his disbelief. He sank into the vat of pig lard and found the great white shark named Dave Seaman. His teeth were underestimated, like a Ronaldinho with cat-like reflexes! Dave told him that there would never be another cake like the first cake in life. But he already knew that she was coming. She, being the notorious cat burglar of the of the 1980's. Suddenly she fell flat down on top of the goat. This made a horn poke right through her red underpanties. So it goes without saying. Suddenly the Pepsi can exploded and a Coca-Cola wave flooded the AGS forums. Oceanspirit Dennis was taken aside by AGA to Dave Gilbert, who only survived when they grabbed the goat corpse and bent it over a inflated AGS survival raft. The brown liquid had goat blood in it. It started seeping into it's hooves. So the AGS lifeguard dove into the mysterious depths to pull out the plug that was located near the bottom of the rumpus room thread. Now everyone thought it was about time to refresh the browser window to check if now the end was not. The forums smell of soda like the ancient pagoda or a modern decoder or ZX Spectrum loader, what a foul odor. From the goats shoulder Dave laid there dying, asking "What? How? WHY?" as the egg protruded out of his gills. The egg cracked open in a pool of distressingly malodorous amniotic fluid. Then out came small wobbly purple tentacle. An ominous creature peeked through the amniotic fluid and a a red egg suddenly fell onto dave's corpse. The ominous creature vomited violently from it's massive mouth, as it slowly ate Daves mangled corpse with a satisfied burp. Meanwhile, Danvzare attempted to climp up the goat. Fred called Du'Ray'Cell and slyly reversed the charges so that he might celebrate his birthday with Puff, the magic dragon. But Puff didn't want any cake because he was allergic to rabbit and the buttercream contained copious rabbit droppings. Still, he managed to sneak out of the crowded room undetected, because he is as fast as a ninja with his pretty killer tasting toothpaste. And then it happened. Ooooooooooooooo, then it happened. The incredible happening happened! Like nothing before it.  And like nothing since. It was oh so that someone or something would have been there just watching all the weasels traipse out of a back door somewhere, worshipping the goat cadaver in the hope that it would rise high but it didn't. Fifty minutes later they tried eating a Jill sandwich but they didn't have enough hot chlli sauce to make it taste like a good meal.

Chapter 2 

The Bogeyman. He's scary.

Chapter 3

The incident with a dead goat has got to stop being referenced.  It was an accident, that crashed into the dead goat's dead brother, Goaty McGoatface, and his cousin, Goatbert Goatington McGoatface who is unrelated to any goat that's breathing. The goat family decided to cull the herd so they visited the goathic church of the Holy Coptic Helicopter where everyone went on a rotory chip chop party wearing a pink tutu and a studded leather outfit for common bestiality. Everyone looked so pretty! Then the event began engulfed in a cloud of smoke, the goats gasped for free clean air, in an attempt to escape the matrix. Finding itself surprisingly trapped in the irrational course that is life, they began meditating violently. This caused structural damage in the space time continuum... Bad stuff then happened... ..., despite many complacent predictions, things had suddenly gone pear-shaped.  However, no one ever heard from the goat again. And that was the beginning of the apocalypse. Sticky was the apocolypse, it never went away but stayed suspended in "Fireballs-in-face" stage thinking "what is this madness about goat corpses that keeps popping up?" Just then, a goat decided to prove her strength in a contest of wits, despite how desperate it tried to think of a reason not to start with no functional frontal lobe but could not find neither heads or tails of its relatives. This shocking revelation made it convulse uncontrollably for hours until he come and me wan' go home in the daylight hours of Raccoon City's airport. Apo the Apocalypse knew that the end was not yet in sight and so she hired an army of squirrels to ravish the land. The squirrels began by summoning an ancient, dead Lollypop lady complete with her beloved, dead, hircine. The lady then exploded and to everyone's relief she wasn't radioactive. After removing her bits from from their fluffy tails, the squirrels decided to throw a dancing party! During the party, the absolute best samba moves were nothing compared to the Doritos served at Sid's bar. They then released salsa from the salsa reservoir, and flooded the dance floor with spicy tomato sauce and sticky cheddar cheese. By sheer luck, the cheese was tasty and delicious but also very fattening. "Oh cheese! to thee I give ye a golden opportunity to be eaten by me." The music became more lively as the storm approached  and the summoning began to bring together all ducks and whales to party like it's 1999 and summon the lollypop to the other side of the college campus for the lady with large hair and bigger hircine than before, was completely lost in this perplexingly metaphysical ritualistic conundrum. And then it ended. And the sun rose... and the moon ripened... and the night faded. And then it happened! And it happened again! Harold's uncontrollable flatulence was in fact the big secret ingredient of the three tier wedding cake. Who got married? That will remain a mystery. Even to those married.

Chapter 4

A new beginning was in order to correct the mistakes made by malodorous creatures with goat flat feet. 
It would be challenging to convince the judge to convict the goat. 
Even with the mountains flattened because of the huge flying saucer that Du'Ray'Cell summoned to undo The never ending bunny.
But still, they would carry on dancing merrily round the mulberry bush.
It was said that two wise homeless men died when they saw the unfathomable darkness of solitude and monkeys which enjoyed dining on mouldy goat carcasses covered in sweet putrefied flesh and even sweeter royal icing.
It was a feast, not for the eyes but for the small intestine of the lesser known heroes of the realm of flatulence.
Several goats joined the feast, showing appallingly bad taste in regards to their choice of Hawaiian shorts and heavy snow jackets.
But it worked, and the fashion police came rejoicing greatly about the goatskin jackets that the fedora wearing american archeologist had found in Tutankhamun's chamber pot, leading to the goat's conviction happening, a.k.a. The GCH.
Every time it rains, the goats are herded into coffee shops where they sit and gossip about greener grass on the back of a giant pimple.
Suddenly, the coffee, which was formerly delicious, became rather lukewarm, like the semen of a shaggy Arabian horse.
Then, in unison, people started to yell "Hakuna Matata!".
And suddenly they all grew horns and hooves and galloped into the mouth of a giant thermonuclear reactor core, which caused them to become superheroes who fought against people staring at goats.
Twenty years later, the horrendous smell of their feces could be used to seduce a large group of trolls into relinquishing the secret to the island of monkeys where people go to read Agatha Christie novels and spread their sweaty skin all over.
Meanwhile, the polar caps continued to be exploited by Santa and his shameless nudist elves, who loved to put their tiny asses in the snow.
It was ironic because elves always complain about how the cold snow makes their feet swallow.
Later, the goats eventually settled their differences with a roshambo tournament; however, due to their hooves they couldn't quite walk nor rashambo each other.
Unfortunately it was the final round of the popular game known as "Eat Your Own Head While Jumping On One", a traditional pastime in the outermost reaches of Flatheadia.
The naughty spanking of apple trees in your area is a way to distract the public from truth that Tycho Magnetic Anomalies happen, even if you don't yet notice them happening.
Which is all very Christmas and a happy gay old time for humbug-loving aardvark mutatants, considering the fact that most them don't even have a pre-frontal cortex but they do have a good sense of whether or not they're genuinely funny, or just desperately trying to get a glimpse of the second sun.
"Enough!" said Gurok, who ironically was the cause for the first sun becoming too "mainstream" for the goats.

Chapter 5

On the side of bread that's not buttered is the buttered side.
My brain hurts now, a pulsing reminder of how life feels when you realize that butter is sometimes tangentially transient.
But butter can also create a feeling of deep obsession, on account of the polish milkladies who smear it on liberally when hunky firefighters take a break from fighting fire and sipping non-alcoholic cocktails.
This is a testament to their quite incredible butter skills and their copious amounts of churned cream.
If you think that's crazy, just wait till you hear about what they like to do to with goat milk!
They never seen the face sophisticated pasteurization protocols until the goat butter machine went offline due to unprecedented server load.
The only silver lining was the small quantity of butter that was found when the mythical dairy vault was opened with the skeleton key revealed the day before.
"I hereby declare you goat and therefore you must now leave", the overseer said.
"What's going on?!" cried the master pasteurizer, revealing presently his intent to cause untold mayhem, by releasing a fourth side to the three-sided Triangle of Unintentional Doom.
The triangle of WHAT?
The Triangle of DOOM.
And thus the universe was never the same.
At the end of the day, all goats went to bed early, only to find that their testicles had developed the ability to commit inexcusable sin.
When seals would rub their flippers together vigorously, the heat becomes unbearable in seconds.
If anyone is getting mixed signals from this continuous stream of disconnected sentence fragments, we apologise.
We apologize so much, that an apology alone seems worthless in comparison to the hopeless desperation of basement dwelling nerds.

Chapter 6

A loud noise was heard coming from the Polish milkladies who had dropped ALL the jugs of goat milk.
But they were not fired because of their amazing lawyers.
Good to have someone to call when the going gets tough, because these ladies were summoned by the great God Of Dairy Products, Da'r-EE-Le'e, whose face was that of Nicolas Cage wearing John Travolta's face.
"Grease" or "Battlefield Earth"? asked the iridescent ponies, who got punished instantly by Roger Ebert's ghost.
Later, the goats heard that their herd was heard, although they quietly hoard horribly hairy hats.
Suddenly, a giant blue whale swam by, blowing whale-sized spit balls at God, which is ironic because God had just made the whale so strong that even the other Gods said, "Holy shit! He's dead!"
It was clear that this could never have been foreseen by the oracle conveniently hidden in plain sight.
That said, the oracle's mysterious words transcended time and space.
"Far out, dude," said the omniscient observer to his plant named Chuck.
Chuck didn't reply, but grew some more leaves.
The observer, LeChuck Junior, then decided to write strongly worded letters to his proctologist.
These letters were so red that it was a pain and a pleasure for all those in attendance when they were read by computers, double speed.
Nobody could ever think that the goats were down with the sickness and gifted with madness.
Because they had certificates of authenticity, these goats were worth quite a goat-load of money.
Then Lechuck Junior gave ClickClickClick as goat food to the goat god.
The goat god was actually Billy Connolly.
He liked ClickClickClick's taste, but the aftertaste was bitter.
Afterwards, the goat god made an eleventh Commandment dictating that goats, henceforth, should only wear fluorescent cheap sheep wool caps.
Naturally, the sheep were afraid of luminous water and cheese wheels, so they decided to convert to a new religion where goats don't need to be involved. 
This made fluorescent caps go up in market value so goats couldn't afford their strangely iridescent headgear which would sit atop the fourth wall.
Then many beautiful goat maidens were chosen to become, like so many before, chefs to the octopus overlords worshiping golden idols of Bob the Builder.

Chapter 7

7921 years prior, Mister Wigglebottom was watering his watermelon patch when he discovered a hole in the space-time continuum, leading refreshening lemonade through a funnel, then a sieve, then a series of interconnected tubes, ultimately spilling out into the open, nebulous black of space.
Afraid of what he might encounter.
The great space explorer Rex Wilco whipped off his pink flesh, revealing his skeleton.
Rex then started singing, playing bones like xylophones, rhyming verses that should never ever be rhymed.
His song ascended into a funky beat, reminiscent of a funkier time. And then he jumped cause they said so.
Who are they? 
Well, it's hard to say.
Starting at the beginning, there was a goat-shaped cloud, an omen of goats to come.
And how they came.
But how they came to coming was how they left the flock.
"Silence!" bellowed a presumptuous armadillo with rainbow hair and a butt tattoo of a bean burrito.
"Without a doubt, this is a most delicious burrito!" Exclaimed the armadillo.
"Not so fast," snapped a snapping turtle named Snappy the Snapitious Snapitor, of Snapping Snappton.
The way he said it implied deep knowledge of speed. 
Indeed, he is a renowned master of "Gotta Go Fast" theory.
"Sooooo you think you can dance?  Show me."
Slow and sexy he performed the paso doble, which was a very awkward dance, performed solo.
"Not bad but you could use a partner."
Here, take this one, the Armadillo said as he openend his big satchel of inflatable dolls.
One for you and you and you and...him.
"Now let's see if you're good enough to dance upside-down, darling," he quipped as the room slowly began to rotate slowly and then slowly even slower.
Finally he found viagra flavoured water in his sexy looking inflatable doll.
Drinking it quickly, he got Smurf blue teeth.
"What? No boner?" he shoutet at his penis, sputtering blue liquid everywhere.
"WHY!?!" He screamed.
Suddenly his teeth started to grow quite rapidly. 
Tusks began to form, and, realizing this, the armadillo shouted thrilled "It's alive!!!"

Chapter 8

It was the best time for a nuclear meltdown.
But Snappy didn't like eating Plutonium sauce without an uranium topping, so he uncorked a bottle of his finest North Korean nuke flavoured vomit with carrot chunks, applying them generously with radiant whip cream and succulent hippopotamus rump steak.
"This hippo meat originated from my wife, who can't stand the pressure of being married to Ol' Snappy here," he claimed.
"I hope she doesn't mind if I eat her." Snappy then opened a secret compartment revealing an inter-dimensional portal in orange and blue gift wrapping, that never was activated.
He then went through the portal, just to find out where it led.
Little computer people looked at the end credits, surprised by the hidden meaning of "No animals were harmed during the making of this sentence".
Strange to think that only yesterday he was recovering from sentence-induced wounds.
Crying, a thing he never knew existed until now.
Laughing, a thing he practiced copiously, albeit with little enthusiasm.
When goats laugh, they usually blow trumpeting sounds from their anal openings while yelling furiously at each other's parents in incoherent haiku.
When goats cry, everything falls apart, literally everything.
But goat tears form shapes nobody would ever want to see described.
Out of the blue AGS cup, came a disgusting smell that was somewhat like rotting skunk or a McDonald's burger.
Snappy took a sip, "gaak! schwaa! blurgh! EEEEEEeeeeeeee..." he cried, melting into a goat-shaped puddle of putrescent, sizzling, multi-colored slime.
The slime then began to take the form of Old Snappy but this time he had mutations, including terrible bulging forearms and an appetite like a goat in heat.
Feeling like someone who could take on a drunk mall Santa, this monstrous Snappy mutation began to rampage through a tulip garden.
Ironically, this garden was poisoned, which made him even more determined to find solace among the trees.
A friendly bird came to warn Snappy of the poisoned tulip garden hidden deep within the past, and he remembered.
He remembered the tumoils, the tumors, and turmoils, tortoises, turtles and terrapins, tortillas, traffic cones, and turgid topaz-tinted tarantulas tearing through the terrain.
This needless alliteration was also an arbitrary agitation, aggravating Albert and Anita, amazingly activating artificial anacondas slithering sideways so skillfully.
Suddenly Snappy sought salvation.

Retro Wolf:
there was a goat

which fell from a

magical floating train station

on top of a


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