Fortnightly Writing Competition: Choose Your Own Adventure (Results)

Started by Sinitrena, Sun 03/02/2019 20:18:09

Previous topic - Next topic

Baron

   Suddenly you are standing in the midst of a great medieval battle.  All around you is the din of metal clanging on metal, of voices shouting and screaming in agony or triumph.  Faceless warriors behind helmets and masks slash viciously at each other on all sides.  What kind of crazy dream world is this?!?

   You catch motion in your peripheral vision and duck Katarina's head just as a halberd goes swinging past.  You hear rasping behind you and you dodge to the side just before a great sword cuts though the space that you just occupied.  Katarina kicks the off-balance warrior and he falls at the feet of the halberd-bearing one.  The halberd warrior raises his axe for a death-blow, but the swordsman is faster, using his momentum to swing his great sword around and cut the axe-man's leg clean off.  A billowing cloud of black vapour spills out of the wound.

   â€œOh shit,” you mutter, ducking a volley of arrows.  A warrior falls into you shield first, knocking you and Katarina into yet another duelling pair, whose own heavy armour brings them down as well, like a run of dominoes.  The first warrior in the chain reaction has an arrow sticking out of the eye slot of his helmet, and great plumes of black vapour are spilling out of his wound into the air.

   â€œThe Sgruck will be here in moments,” you say to Katarina.  “The black smoke forms them.”

   Katarina looks around, dazed by the amount of stimulus all around her.  “Ace of spades or jade necklace,” she keeps muttering to herself.  “Ace of spades or jade necklace....”

   You grab the shield from the fallen warrior and regain your feet, pulling Katarina up with you.  Using the shield, you begin to ram your way through the fray, trying to find some kind of opening where you can think.  “Ace of spades or jade necklace....” Katarina keeps incanting.  “Ace of spades...  ace of spades....”

   A warrior with a dragon emblem dispatches his opponent and notices you before you can knock him off balance.  He parlays your awkward body-check easily, swinging a spiked mace around and smashing it right into Katarina.  Except it is not Katarina next to you anymore, but yet another warrior who is now gushing black smoke.  The mace seems to be stuck in its victim's helmet, and its wielder bends over awkwardly to try to pry it loose again.  You step past him to collect Katarina, who is now wandering obliviously through the mêlée.  “Ace of spades...”

   â€œKatarina!” you call, grabbing her by the hand once more.  “Katarina, we have to get out of here!  The Sgruck will be here at any moment.”

   â€œAce of spades...” she says, trying to stumble past you.

   â€œWe have to-”

   â€œAce of spades!” she repeats again.  You can see a brightness in her eyes, but she can't seem to say anything else at the moment.  You turn to follow her gaze, barely raising the shield in time to block a sword thrust.  Your attacker is quickly smote from behind by another warrior, causing billowing clouds of black smoke to shoot out of his body.  But through the cloud you notice a spear held aloft in the air, clearly shaped like a spade.

   â€œC'mon!” you yell, pulling Katarina through the fray towards the sword.  Only as you near it do you realize that it is held by a great hulking warrior.  “Aaaaaaah!” you scream, throwing yourself into him with your full force.  Unfortunately you bounce right off of him and land roughly on the empty armour of previously fallen warriors.  Black smoke wraps around you like a den of snakes, and you can hear the snarling fury of the forming Sgruck.  You desperately fight your way back to your feet, only to notice the great warrior fall over with a sword in his back, revealing Katarina behind him.

   â€œReady?” you ask, grabbing the spear.  You are relieved to see an “A” emblazoned near the corner of the spade.

   â€œWait!” Katarina cries.

   â€œWhat?!” you call back.  “Let's go!  Let's get out of here!”

   â€œWe need the jade necklace,” she says.

   â€œThere's no time!” you shout.  Spikes and claws are shooting out of the black fog, and the black shell-like armour of the Sgruck begins to emerge along with shrieking mouths teeming with rows of iron-looking teeth.

   â€œWe can't get away without the necklace!” Katarina shouts back.

   â€œWe can find the necklace again in the next world!”

   â€œWhat if the next world is worse than this one?!?”

   â€œWhat can be worse that this!?!”

   Katarina grabs the spear from you and shoves it towards the nearest snarling Sgruck.  Instantly it disappears with a loud pop.  “How about worse than this with a bunch of Sgruck raining in from another world?” she shouts at you.

   You look down at the spear and then back to Katarina in disbelief.  Of course!  You grab the spear from her and start slicing your way through the growing field of Sgruck, sending them popping out of this dream-world to the left and right.  Warriors, half-formed Sgruck, even just the tenuous black clouds, all blink out of the world as soon as the tip of the spear touches them.  And through the hole thus carved in the smoke a shaft of dazzling sunlight pours through, as if heralding the coming of a new dawn.

   â€œThere it is!” Katarina points.  You can see the talisman, glinting in the sunlight, worn around the neck of a warrior mounted on a great black, eyeless steed.  Katarina grabs your hand as you slice your way towards him.  You draw the spear back, ready to strike.

   But then the warrior removes his helmet, revealing the wrinkled old face of the ancient Mind-Melder.

   â€œWhat the-” you and Katarina both say at the same time.

   Silently the warrior Mind-Melder removes the talisman and tosses it towards you.  Katarina catches it.

   You turn to her, noticing suddenly that her beautiful face is now bruised and bandaged.  The annoying chirp of medical instruments fills the small hospital room.  Katarina is in a gurney, and you are sitting next to her, holding her hand.  In her other hand she clasps her jade necklace.  Your other hand is now empty except for the ace of spades tattoo partly up the arm.  You look across the bed to the old Mind-Melder, who gently sets down the metal helmet on the bedside table.

   â€œI think I'll leave you two alone now,” she says softly before shuffling out of the room.

   Katarina stares at you and you at her for a very long time, both of you lost in a world far from medicine and surgeries.  It is a world far from the pain and burdens of reality.  It is like a dream come true.

The End

Frodo



Ana bites her lip.  Should she give Ben a tour of Rivermouth?  Most people in town just avoid her, so it's nice to have someone who actually WANTS to spend time with her.  On the other hand, she's so used to keeping her distance from people, so they won't find out her secret


BEN:   *looks at her*   So what do you say?  Care to show this newcomer around your beautiful town?   *smiles

ANA:   *pauses*   I'm sorry Ben.  No, I can't

BEN:   *surprised*   You can't?  Really? 

ANA:   *shakes her head*   I just don't have the time. 

BEN:  … I see. 


Ben can't help feeling disappointed.  He really wanted to get to know this attractive young woman.


ANA:  Maybe you could find a book or something in the library. 

BEN:  I guess that'll have to do then.  Where's the library?   

ANA:   *points down the cliff*   If you go back down the cliff.  Straight through the park to the other side.  Keep going until you reach the junction.  Turn left there, and it's right on the corner. 

BEN:  Okay, thanks.  C'mon Bandit. 


Ben turns to make his way to the library.  His dog barks, and bounds after him.  Ana watches him as he walks away, feeling sad that she's not going with him.  But that's the price she has to pay for protecting her secret - keeping her guard up always, not letting anyone get close.  She sighs, then begins the long walk home. 

Thirty minutes later, Ben arrives at the library.  He asks the librarian for books on River mouth - history of the town, sightseeing places, interesting parks, zoos, that sort of thing.  He sits down at one of the library tables to browse through the books. 

At the table next to him, he notices another man surrounded by a pile of history books.  The man keeps muttering to himself.  This man is Gunther, a local student.  Gunther is researching some history for a college project, and his chosen subject is the mystery of the legendary Princess Anastasia Castellanos.  Legend has it that this Greek princess from the 16th century was set to inherit the throne when she turned 18.  However, she mysteriously vanished the day before her 18th birthday, never to be seen again.  And legend also claims that, should the first born daughter of royal blood claim the throne, then tragedy, disease, and death would befall everywhere.  Since the princess was an orphan, and she had no living relatives, her guardian claimed the throne, and the royal line of ‘Castellanos' came to an end. 

But what DID happen to the princess?  Gunthar wants to know.  But as he turns the page… a painting of Princess Anastasia is in the book.  Gunther lets out a surprised gasps, hardly able to believe what he's seeing. 
 




Why was Gunther so shocked at the book?  Go HERE to find out. 

Frodo


It's only NOW that Gunthar notices Ben.  After enjoying themselves in the forest trail yesterday, they decided to meet up again today. 


BEN:  *looks at Gunthar*   Um… are you okay, mate? 

GUNTHAR: Yep.  Or at least I will be, once this bitch admits the truth.  And I ain't your mate! 

BEN: HEY!  Don't talk to her like that! 

GUNTHAR: *looks at Ana, and ignores Ben*   So you gonna admit it then?  C'mon, I want to know how you did it? 

ANA:  Gunthar… what do you want me to say? 

BEN:  Are you listening to yourself?  Do you really think Ana is some magical time-traveller? 

GUNTHAR:  I don't think.  I KNOW!  Here, take a look for yourself. 


Gunthar holds up the book, showing Ben the painting of the lost Greek princess. 


GUNTHAR: Now look at that, at tell me it isn't Miss High and Mighty Ana Castell, or whatever she's calling herself now. 

BEN:   *looks at the book*   It looks a bit like her, sure.  But so what?  I bet I could find a painting that looks like YOU, in some old book, if I looked hard enough. 

GUNTHAR:  Believe it or don't.  I really don't care.  I just want to know her secret.   *looks at Ana*   C'mon, how d'ya do it?  How do you travel through time.  I could make a FORTUNE if I know your secret. 

ANA:  I don't know how I can make it any clearer, Gunthar.   *glances at the book*    I am not a Greek princess.  An angry mob did not chase me down through the meadow in torrential rain.  There was no curse. 

BEN:   *looks at Ana*   Who mentioned an angry mob?  Or a curse? 


Ana gulps.  The three of them stare at each other, each wondering what to do next.  It's Gunthar that breaks the silence.


GUNTHAR:  TELL ME THE SECRET OF TIME TRAVEL!!! 


Before anyone can respond, Gunthar lunges at Ana.  Ben tries to stop him, but he's not quick enough.  Gunthar stumbles into Ana, but fails to regain his footing.  Gunthar and Ana both topple over the edge of the cliff, into the water far below.  All Ben can do, is watch in horror.  It's unlikely anyone could survive a fall like that. 


The next few hours pass in a haze for Ben, as he calls 999 for the police to report what happened. 


Ana's secret… will remain a secret. 


Frodo

It's only NOW that Gunthar notices Ben.  After enjoying themselves in the forest trail yesterday, they decided to meet up again today. 


BEN:  *looks at Gunthar*   Um… are you okay, mate? 

GUNTHAR: Yep.  Or at least I will be, once this bitch admits the truth.  And I ain't your mate! 

BEN: HEY!  Don't talk to her like that! 

GUNTHAR: *looks at Ana, and ignores Ben*   So you gonna admit it then?  C'mon, I want to know how you did it? 

ANA:  Gunthar… what do you want me to say? 

BEN:  Are you listening to yourself?  Do you really think Ana is some magical time-traveller? 

GUNTHAR:  I don't think.  I KNOW!  Here, take a look for yourself. 


Gunthar holds up the book, showing Ben the painting of the lost Greek princess. 


GUNTHAR: Now look at that, at tell me it isn't Miss High and Mighty Ana Castell, or whatever she's calling herself now. 

BEN:   *looks at the book*   It looks a bit like her, sure.  But so what?  I bet I could find a painting that looks like YOU, in some old book, if I looked hard enough. 

GUNTHAR:  Believe it or don't.  I really don't care.  I just want to know her secret.   *looks at Ana*   C'mon, how d'ya do it?  How do you travel through time.  I could make a FORTUNE if I know your secret. 

ANA:  I don't know how I can make it any clearer, Gunthar.   *glances at the book*    I am not a Greek princess.  An angry mob did not chase me down through the meadow in torrential rain.  There was no curse. 

BEN:   *looks at Ana*   Who mentioned an angry mob?  Or a curse? 


Ana bites her lip, angry at herself.  She slipped up there.  Why did she mention the angry mob?  She was just getting so worked up at Gunthar's constant harassment, it just slipped out. 


Ana gulps.  The three of them stare at each other, each wondering what to do next.  It's Ana that breaks the silence.



ANA:   *quietly*   Okay Gunthar, you want the truth?  Well, here it is!  I've kept this a secret for so long…   *pause*   Yes, I'm Anastasia. 

GUNTHAR: I KNEW IT!!! 

ANA:   *looks at the book Gunthar is holding*   That book is right.  I was going to inherit the throne on my 18th birthday.  I would have been Queen Anastasia Castellanos.   *pauses*   But Greece was a very superstitious place back then.  Someone I trusted dearly spread rumours that if I took the throne, that would bring about the downfall of Greece. 

GUNTHAR:  Who cares about the history lesson?  Tell me how you travelled through time! 

ANA:  Honestly?  I don't know.   *another pause*   A group of villagers dragged me from the castle and chased me onto the moors.  That mob was going to kill me!  Just because of some silly rumour!  So I prayed to Osiris to save me.  And he did.  He sent me here.  To this time.  Hundreds of years in the future. 

GUNTHAR: TELL ME HOW YOU DID IT!  OR I'LL TELL THE WHOLE VILLAGE YOUR LITTLE SECRET!  LET'S SEE HOW LONG IT TAKES THEM TO THROW YOU IN THE LOONY BIN! 

BEN:  ENOUGH!   *looks at Ana*   Ana, I really don't know what to think at this point.   *looks at Gunthar*    What I DO know is this.  Gunthar,  If you try spreading this around the village, do you really think anyone is going to believe you?  It'll be YOU they take to the loony bin, not Ana. 


Gunthar stops.  He hadn't really thought this through, before.  But Ben is right.  Who WOULD believe him?  His little Get-Rich-Quick scheme crumbles before his eyes.  He's never going to learn the secret of time-travel, and there's no point in blackmailing Ana with his silence.  A look of such anger and such hatred washes over his face as he glares at Ana


GUNTHAR: You think you're so smart, don't you?  Well, this ain't over!  I'm gonna find a way to expose your little secret, and prove it's true.  Then I'm gonna win a fortune.  Then I'm gonna sue you for everything you got… PRINCESS! 


Gunthar shoves Ana hard as he walks away. 

Ana looks at Ben



ANA:  Ben, I…

BEN:  Shhhhhh.   *pauses*   I don't know what to think about all this.  I don't know if you really are some ancient Greek princess.  I mean… how is it even possible?  But Ana, I don't care.  You may be royalty, you may not be royalty.  But I like you, Ana Castell.   *touches her hair*   I liked you before Gunthar thought you were a princess.  And I like you now.  And I'd like to get to know you more. 


Ben leans in, and gently kisses her. 

Ana gives a little smile.  It feels like a huge weight has been lifted from her shoulders.  It's a lonely existence, being lost in time.  Trying to keep her secret.  Afraid of being ridiculed.  But now Ben knows.  He doesn't mock her, or tell her she's stupid, or crazy.  He just accepts her.  And now, for the first time, maybe she can live a normal life





The End.





Frodo



Ana bites her lip.  Should she give Ben a tour of Rivermouth?  Most people in town just avoid her, so it's nice to have someone who actually WANTS to spend time with her.  On the other hand, she's so used to keeping her distance from people, so they won't find out her secret


BEN:   *looks at her*   So what do you say?  Care to show this newcomer around your beautiful town?   *smiles


She pauses for a moment, then makes up her mind. 


ANA:    *smiles*   You know what?  I think I'd like that. 

BEN:   *pleased*   Really?  That's great!  I bet you're an excellent tour guide. 

ANA:    Well, I‘ll give it my best shot.   *looks at Bandit, then back to Ben*   There‘s a beautiful walking trail through a forest not too far from here.  I bet Bandit would love it.  Trees with squirrels to chase.  Lots of things to have a good sniff at. 

BEN:   *grins*   Let's go then.  C'mon Bandit. 


Ana prepares herself to take Ben to the trail in the woods.  She's actually surprised at how excited she feels - Ben is the first person in a while to actually speak to her without following it with ‘You're weird, no wonder you don't have any friends', or ‘You're so stupid Ana', or any other nasty comment. 


Meanwhile, in a different part of town, Gunthar, a local college student arrives at the local library.  Gunther is researching some history for a college project, and his chosen subject is the mystery of the legendary Princess Anastasia Castellanos.  Legend has it that this Greek princess from the 16th century was set to inherit the throne when she turned 18.  However, she mysteriously vanished the day before her 18th birthday, never to be seen again.  And legend also claims that, should the first born daughter of royal blood claim the throne, then tragedy, disease, and death would befall everywhere.  Since the princess was an orphan, and she had no living relatives, her guardian claimed the throne, and the royal line of ‘Castellanos' came to an end. 

But what DID happen to the princess?  Gunthar wants to know.  But as he turns the page… a painting of Princess Anastasia is in the book.  Gunther lets out a surprised gasps, hardly able to believe what he's seeing. 
 




Why was Gunther so shocked at the book?  Go HERE to find out. 


Baron

I think I'm done.  I just have to check all the links to make sure they work.

Frodo

I'm done as well.
Hopefully I've linked everything up correctly.  If anyone finds something wrong, please let me know.   :smiley:

I really enjoyed this.  Thanks for the interesting theme, Sinitrena   :wink:

Sinitrena

@Frodo: Could you let us know which post is the starting point for your story? They all have the title so it's a bit difficult to tell.

Frodo

Quote from: Sinitrena on Sun 24/02/2019 21:01:51
@Frodo: Could you let us know which post is the starting point for your story? They all have the title so it's a bit difficult to tell.

Sorry.  I removed the title in all but the first post. 

Sinitrena

@Frodo: Thank you very much. Also, your links all seem correct.

@Baron:
- Your post #46 is missing the second link, which should lead to post #59 if I'm not mistaken.
- Unless my systematically going through all links wasn't as systematic as I think, you have a whole dream scenario completely unaccessible: I could not find a link to your post #45 (leading to #42 (to #37 and #57) and #51)

The deadline is a few hours away for any last minute entries. Link corrections are exempt from the deadline.

Baron

That's the exclusive story branch available only to VIPs.  ;)

Actually, I haven't had time until now to check that everything working, but I am now confident that everything leads to where it is supposed to.  Probably.  (roll)

Sinitrena

They all seem correct now.  (nod)

------


And with that we are closed.

The following brave adventurers embarked on four fantastic journeys:

Frodo with The Curious Case of Anastasia Castellanos
cat with A to B
Baron with The Dream-Roving Dalliance
WHAM with The Square of Choises

(Links lead to the starting points of the stories.)


As always, we vote in categories:

Best Character: Main Character or supporting, it doesn't matter. Which character stood out as interesting, funny, unusual, ect...
Best Atmosphere: Which story made you feel - anything really. Which story dragged you into a world of its own?
Best Writing: The technical aspect of writing. Turns of phrases, style.
Best Branching Plot: Were the paths similar or different, was it one story or a thousand different ones? It doesn't matter, as long as it stood out to you.

Please try to read every branch of the four stories and then vote for your favourites.

You have a lot of reading to do, so I think I'll give you a week. Voting closes 3. March 2019.

Baron

Every branch?!?  Sorry guys, I wrote a lot.  I'd be happy if you gave it two tries, then voted based on your sample.

Sinitrena

Well, if possible. It's a lot to read, but I think you should not judge a story by just half of it. Try to read as much as you can. And after "playing" one or two paths, maybe read the rest at least out of context.

cat

I agree with Baron. Not reading every branch is part of the experience. I once heard about a game with lots of decision and branches, where the author wants people to play it only once, because what they get is THEIR ending and experience.

I think reading two branches, as suggested by Baron, is a good idea. Reading each and every branch is not enjoyable but work. My story is very short with very few branches, but I'd rather have people experience it once (or maybe twice if they feel like they are missing out something) and then tell me what they chose and how they felt afterwards.

Sinitrena

Okay, if this is your opinion, I guess it is the author's choice howthey want  their story to be treated (and the reader's choice if they want to follow this suggestion).

I read all paths of the four stories and must say I'm glad I did, but if a reader prefers to judge based on the path he/she experienced by playing it once or twice, that is a no less valid approach.

Frodo


Baron

I'm glad of it, Frodo.  But you'll have to book off a sick day from work to manage it all....  ;)

WHAM

Mine is designed to invite multiple reads, but each path is fairly short and so the format I went for is best suited for reading one or two paths, moving on and coming back another time for another path or two to see what's there.
Wrongthinker and anticitizen one. Pending removal to memory hole. | WHAMGAMES proudly presents: The Night Falls, a community roleplaying game

Click'd

Quote from: cat on Mon 25/02/2019 18:58:53
I agree with Baron. Not reading every branch is part of the experience. I once heard about a game with lots of decision and branches, where the author wants people to play it only once, because what they get is THEIR ending and experience.
That's the case with Telltale games. They work well enough if played once, but if you try another route you see it's the same outcome with minor differences in fluff. Adding achievements that kinda "force" players to re-do sections doesn't help. It only points out the stage tricks.

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk