Fortnightly Writing Competition "ABSURDITY" Results

Started by Baron, Tue 23/06/2020 04:48:14

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Baron

Hi.  I'm Baron.  I like to write, so I usually compete in AGS's monthly writing competition.  Its official title is the "Fortnightly Writing Competition" (FWC for short).  The contest administrator (i.e. the person who won the last competition) sets a theme and then everyone has two weeks plus the odd extension to write a short story on that topic.  Then there's a reading and voting period that usually lasts from 3-7 days, maybe a bit of administrative downtime in between competitions, and then BAM!  We're back to writing again next month!  Celebrity endorsements include "It is very fun!" (Reiter) and "What competition?" (Ponch).  Basically it is a fun forum in which to explore your creativity, practice writing, and discuss writing challenges with friendly people.  :)

As a writer I will admit that I've fallen into a bit of a rut.  I usually write these really weird absurd little stories that often don't go anywhere and end abruptly.  I think it gets on Sinitrena's nerves, to be honest, but she's too gracious to mention it (much).  :=  So last competition I tried to play it straight and WOW, I actually won!  Which got me thinking... NUTS TO THAT!!!1!  Writing zany silliness is just too much fun!  So this fortnight I give you the theme of....

ABSURDITY!



According to Dr. Google the proper definition of absurdity is: "the quality or state of being ridiculous or wildly unreasonable."  Your challenge is to write a story that is at least 63% absurd 39% of the time.  Maybe you have a quirky character that makes the most unexpected choices; maybe a hugely improbable event throws a mundane scene into utter disarray; maybe the plot twists YOU?  I would give you more direction than that, but you would be compelled to ignore it due to your state of being wildly unreasonable.    Just make your story fun and silly and I'm sure it will pass muster.

Deadline for your submission is midnight at the International Date Line on Tuesday JULY 7, 2020.

Possible voting categories, for those of you striving to win by following the rules (which is the opposite of the absurd mentality you need to win this competition, by the way):

Oddest character: Which character stood out the most for their qualities of being really, really different?
Weirdest plot: The winning story must have a plot that is both discernible and yet wildly outlandish.
Purplest Writing: If we're being honest with ourselves, the most absurd writing is over-the-top flowery.  Who used words in the most absurdly poetic way?
Funniest Larks: Which story had you giggling the most?
Best Absurd Story: Which story was overall the best in your opinion?

Good lick to all the participants!  ;)

Edit: Fixed somewhat unreasonable typo.   ;-D

Sinitrena

Quote from: Baron on Tue 23/06/2020 04:48:14
As a writer I will admit that I've fallen into a bit of a rut.  I usually write these really weird absurd little stories that often don't go anywhere and end abruptly.  I think it gets on Sinitrena's nerves, to be honest, but she's too gracious to mention it (much).  := 

(laugh) (laugh) (laugh)

I love you, Baron, and your writing.  (nod)

Quote from: Baron on Tue 23/06/2020 04:48:14
Good lick to all the participants!  ;)

(laugh) (laugh) (laugh)



Wow, what an articulate post from me... and so mature... :=




Baron

Quote from: Sinitrena on Tue 23/06/2020 05:53:19
Wow, what an articulate post from me... and so mature... :=

The baronification process has begun!  :shocked:

Quote from: Laura Hunt on Tue 23/06/2020 06:46:12
Quote from: Baron on Tue 23/06/2020 04:48:14
It's official title

(roll)

I'll fix that, but only because it's just a somewhat unreasonable typeo.  If it were wildly unreasonable it would have to stay.  (nod)


Sinitrena

Quote from: Baron on Tue 23/06/2020 17:34:35
Quote from: Sinitrena on Tue 23/06/2020 05:53:19
Wow, what an articulate post from me... and so mature... :=

The baronification process has begun!  :shocked:


No, no, I don't want to! Please, get me out of here. Please! Help! Help me, please! Help!

*Sini claws on her monitor, complete panic washing over her face...

:=

Baron

Quote from: Sinitrena on Tue 23/06/2020 20:57:27
*Sini claws on her monitor, complete panic washing over her face...

Is that panic washing over your face?  It's hard to see with the monocle in the way....

DBoyWheeler


Baron

Well, logically that would make sense.  In a contest of absurdity, however....  ;-D

Sinitrena

Got an idea. - So, then, why is reality constantly knocking and shouting "Nope, tried that one already!!!"  :-\

Baron

Reality is always shouting nonsense.  Listening to it could be advantageous in a competition such as this.  (nod)

Baron

One week left, folks.  If you're the type of writer that likes to wait until the last minute, you've still got all kinds of time to procrastinate!  ;-D

Sinitrena

My muse is annoying. I might need a little more time.

Baron

Are you saying I'm your muse?  :shocked:  Extension granted!  ;-D

It's summer and I'm feeling lazy, so let's extend the deadline to Monday July 13.

Mandle

Oh, this theme is too good to ignore!

I'm (kinda) in!!!

Mandle

Here's an entry I collaborated on with a guest writer:

Jup

Jup is a tiny wood-tick who lives in a knot-hole in the back wall of the "Greenish Pig" tavern's toilet wall.
One day, Jup decides he has had enough of toilet life and heads out into the world to seek his destiny! He wanders around aimlessly for quite some time until one day he stumbles upon a small town called "Tumbleweed".
Jup finds himself in the center of the town. He sees an old man making potions in a brown building. Jup goes up to him and asks if he can be of some assistance. The man says sure, so he hands Jup a vial of purple liquid.
"Drink this. It'll make you taller," he says.
"Taller?" asks Jup.
"Yes, it's a potion. Drink it."
Jup does as he is told and after drinking the potion he discovers he is now two feet tall. He is a little disappointed that he isn't a giant, but decides it's still better than being a princess.
"Now go in there and give that girl a drink," says the man, pointing to a small house across from him.
Jup walks over to the girl's house and rings the doorbell. An old lady comes to the door.
"Can I help you?" she asks.
"I have come here to give you a drink."
"Oh, really? I haven't had anyone here to give me a drink in quite some time."
The lady tells Jup to come in and he does. He enters the house and sees a staircase going down. Downstairs he finds a man, a woman, a child and another old lady all in a row.
"Hey, we're the last survivors on earth. Can you give us a drink?" says the old lady.
"We're the last survivors on Earth," repeats the man.
"We're the last survivors on Earth," says the child.
"We're the last survivors on Earth," says the woman. 
Jup looks at the old lady and then at the man, the woman, the child and finally the old lady again. He slowly reaches into his satchel and pulls out a glass bottle with a cork in it.
"We're the last survivors on Earth," says the man.
"We're the last survivors on Earth," says the woman.
"We're the last survivors on Earth," says the child.
"We're the last survivors on Earth," says the old lady.
Jup uncorks the bottle and pours the drink down the old lady's throat. She begins to get smaller and smaller. The man, the child, and the woman all begin to get smaller until they are no bigger than ants. Jup watches as they all enter the old lady's mouth, which closes upon itself.
"Ah, that's better," says the old lady as Jup steps up to the fireplace. "Have a seat."
Jup sits down on a comfortable-looking chair in front of the fireplace. The old lady takes a seat beside him and rests her head on his shoulder.
"Welcome to my home," she says. "Now tell me, what brings you to my little house in the middle of nowhere?"
"I'm looking for the man who drank all the water on Earth." Jup replies.
"Why?"
"Because he's my enemy and I want to destroy him."
"I see. And where is this man? I don't think we've ever seen him."
"He lives in a tower."
"A tower? Hmm, I'm not sure we have any around here. We do have a nice library, though. Would you like to see it?"
"Yes," says Jup.
The old lady stands up and pulls Jup to his feet. She walks him to the library and opens the door for him. They walk in and the room is filled with books. The smell of the books is intoxicating to Jup, who finds himself drawn to them. He walks past the old lady and picks up a book.
"This is a very old book," she says. "It's in Latin and I don't understand it, so you'll just have to take my word for it that it's a good book."
Jup opens the book and starts reading the words on the page. He finds himself captivated by the words and forgetful of all else. He reads for a while, then hears someone calling his name. He looks up and sees the old lady with a worried look on her face.
"Come on, Jup. We have to go. The man who drank all the water is coming. He'll find his way here no matter what, but we can try to confuse him if we leave now."
"But I haven't finished reading," says Jup.
"You can read later. Come on! He's getting closer and we don't have time to talk to him."
The old lady grabs Jup by the hand and leads him towards the door. He pulls his hand away.
"I have to finish reading this book," he says.
"No, you don't," she replies. "The man who drank all the water is coming. We have to go before he finds us. Now, come on!"
The old lady drags Jup out of the library and he follows. They run outside and to the top of the nearest hill before stopping to take a breather.
"He's getting closer," says the old lady. "He'll find his way here whether we like it or not. We need to leave now."
The old lady turns to Jup. "Do you have any idea how lucky you are to have escaped the man who drank all the water? Most who are trapped here don't get that chance. If you stay here, you'll end up like them. I only helped you because I'm a nice old lady, not because I like you. Now, I have to go. Good luck dealing with the man who drank all the water, child. I hope you find your way out of this forest. I'm going back to the library. I wish you well, child. Goodbye. Oh, and take this."
The old lady hands Jup a small wooden ring. "It's the only thing left of my home. It was a ring my grandmother gave me. She used to tell me it had magic in it, but I never knew what it did until now. It'll protect you if you wear it. He can't get to you if he can't see you. Good luck, child. I hope we meet again somewhere down the road. Goodbye."
The old lady leaves, never to be seen nor heard from again. Jup is all alone in the middle of a dark and desolate forest. He puts the ring on and feels some strange warmth coming from it. He hopes it works.
Hours turn into days as Jup searches the forest for a way out. He hasn't eaten in days and has resorted to drinking the moisture in the leaves, which has no effect. He gets sleepy, but not to the point of unconsciousness. He's still aware of his surroundings. He doesn't know what else to do.
Suddenly, it starts raining. It's not a heavy rain, but it's enough to drown in if you're not careful. Jup runs back to the tree line and finds he's standing knee-deep in muddy water. He runs his hands through his hair in frustration. This isn't going well.
Then, it gets better. The water starts to recede.
Jup can't believe it. He starts to look around. The water's not even that high anymore! He can walk across! He's going to make it after all!
Then, the sun starts to shine. It's a nice day. Jup decides to take a break from his situation and explore the surroundings. He's pretty much in the middle of a clearing. He sees roads going off in three different directions. To the east, he sees a very well-maintained highway. It's easy to tell that there has been human activity here recently. To the north, he sees a dirt path disappearing into the forest. It looks like it might go all the way around the forest, which would be the perfect solution to his problem. To the west, he sees a hill rising up in the distance.
Jup is still starving, so he decides to investigate the highway first. He walks up to it and starts exploring. He sees a trail of dust going on for miles and realizes that it must be a road from a long time ago. It's very overgrown and impassible, but that doesn't stop him. He walks up to the side of it and can see more from there.
He sees what looks like an old parking lot with a bunch of cars in it, all of them crushed.
Jup wonders if the man who drank all the water in the world had anything to do with this. He doesn't see any evidence of it. There are no bodies or anything like that, just crushed cars. He starts walking further down the road and sees a turn-off not far from there. He sees an old RV parked there, covered in vines and the largest ants he's ever seen crawling all over it. There are also several smaller ants crawling on Jup, biting him painfully.
Jup shakes off the ants and continues to explore. He finds that there are several buildings down here, including a gas station, a restaurant, an old motel and what looks like a pawn shop. He wonders what any of this is doing here.
As Jup is pondering this, the sun goes down. Jup tries to find a place to sleep, but everything is covered in ants. He ends up sitting on top of the gas pump and spends the night there.
The next day, he starts looking around for a job.
The first building that he tries is the pawn shop. The owner is a cranky old man who doesn't want any help. Jup is forced to seek elsewhere.
The next place he goes to is the diner. The woman there is happy to see someone new come in.
Jup says to the woman "Do you know of the man who drank all the water on Earth?"
The woman thinks for a moment and says "I think I saw something about that on the news! They said they found him and he's at the hospital right now!"
"Can you take me to see him?"
"Sure, follow me."
The woman takes him to a room at the back of the restaurant. A man in a hospital gown sits in a bed. He looks up and says "Hello" when he sees Jup.
Jup says "I've been looking for you."
The man looks surprised and says "Why would you want to do that?"
"I'm from another planet and my people need water. We'll give you anything you want in exchange for water."
The man who drank all the water on Earth starts to throw up all the water he drank. It comes out of his nose and ears. It goes everywhere. He gets so dehydrated that his skin starts to come off. It's gross. Jup thinks it's the worst thing he's ever seen.
The man then stops throwing up the water and gives Jup a big smile. He says "You want some water?"
"Yes, please."
The man laughs and starts laughing so hard that he starts crying. He falls off his chair and starts punching himself in the face. Jup and the woman run out of the room because they think he's having a heart attack.
They quickly come back in and see that he's OK. The man gives Jup a big bottle of water and says "Here you go, free of charge!"
"But where did you get all the water?" Jup asks.
"I drank it all!" the man laughs.
"What? But where did you get it from? I came from another planet and I didn't see any water on your planet at all!"
The man looks at Jup and realizes what he's done. He quickly gets up and starts running around the restaurant, yelling "I drank all the water on Earth! I drank all the water on Earth! Get me out of here! Get me out of here! I've poisoned the water! I've poisoned the water! I've poisoned the water!"
The woman grabs Jup and drags him out of the room.
"What was that all about?" Jup asks.
"He poisoned the water! We have to warn everyone!"
They run outside and start shouting "Water has been poisoned! Water has been poisoned! Don't drink the water! Don't drink the water!" But no one is listening to them. Everyone is too busy enjoying their snacks. They're too far gone at this point.
The two of them sit on the curb and watch as people start dropping dead. Soon, the people of Earth are all dead. Jup is about to cry. He's never known such cruelty before.
A dozen years go by.
When the Earth is a dead world, the Man in the Moon gets out of his bed. He shakes off the sand that was in his hair. He looks at the world that is left. He wonders what it would've been like had he not left that day.
He thinks about the poor wood-tick that lays dead in the dry dust of this dead world.
He wonders what his name was.


Mandle

Quote from: Laura Hunt on Wed 08/07/2020 16:22:50
lol, love it. Is that "guest writer" a certain AI, by any chance? ;)

No... human being... would stack books this way.

Sinitrena

Quote from: Mandle on Wed 08/07/2020 22:38:53
Quote from: Laura Hunt on Wed 08/07/2020 16:22:50
lol, love it. Is that "guest writer" a certain AI, by any chance? ;)

No... human being... would stack books this way.

Could someone enlighten me? What AI are we talking about?  ???

heltenjon


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