Fortnightly Writing Competition: TWILIGHT (Voting OPEN until Nov 25th)

[Sinitrena]

Sinitrena, nicely thought through piece of prose.

Did you read the right text? 
Prose: written language in its ordinary form, as opposed to poetry
/jk

(And it's not clear if you give out just your votes for 1st, or if Mandle and I get our points for 2nd and 3rd)

Sinitrena: I loved your lovely poem! I'm thinking that it is about the war fought between the fairies and the humans and, deeper than that, the war between superstition and science, which still rages on to this day. It actually brought a tear to my eye towards the end when the supernatural ones accepted their defeat and possibly all wonder and magic might be lost and then cold-hard scie... Oh, screw it, I'm switching my vote because of the feels:

I was more thinking of Witches, considering the title, but the supernatural in general is probably the best take.

[Baron]

So the mail-in ballots are still counted as long as they are post-marked by the 25th, right?  I'm getting mixed messages from the media.... 

[Sinitrena]

Well, yes, but unfortunately nobody bothered to release the adress where they need to be sent to. So, for that reason, there won't be any legal mail-in ballots and the judges will probably decide that all votes that do arrive by mail must therefore be fraudulent... 

[MiteWiseacreLives!]

My lack of knowledge of the English language is limitless ...
I forgot it was a point system, and I hate picking favourites
1- Baron 2-Sinitrena 3-Mandle (I hope you don’t feel betrayed!)

[Baron]

@ Mandle: I think this is one of the best pieces I've read from you, and not just because of the demonic playing-card dwarf and the walrophilia.   Yes it was zany at times - what good story isn't? - but it also had a menacing feel of inevitable destiny that I think suits the theme well.  I liked how you brought the story to life with colorful descriptions - perhaps a bit much so with the gruesome details of anal impalement, but let us not quibble over the specifics.  Your character(s) was an interesting study in brooding paranoia.  And in the end I am left wondering whether his scheme was actually successful or not, as we never see what is on the other side of the "doorway" (a metaphor for actual death?).  A very interesting piece.

@ Sinitrena:  I read your twilight wraiths as ghosts, but I think the minimalism of your non-prose opens itself intentionally to interpretation by the reader.  The title I read as more metaphoric "witching hour", referring to the magic time between day and night without literally needing to mean witches.  Your meter is as always flawless, but I feel as if some of the rhymes and imagery were a bit forced.  Why, for example, would the inherently formless and almost indefinable-nature of twilight constitute a "circle quickly drawn", a circle being a very precise and well-defined form?  If it is to be a container then maybe a "ring" would work better, implying a boundary as well as a shape.... but then that of course would throw off the haunting rhythm.    Returning to our "graves" makes sense, as there are many, but only one "buried urn"?  It makes the rhyme work, but jars the eye enough to break the spell.  I think my final verdict is that the idea has a lot of potential, but it needs a bit of reworking to hit a perfect note.

So, while I'm reluctant to vote for the contest administrator, I think my absolute love of good story writing must in this instance trump my sense of good form.  I vote 1st place Mandle, and 2nd place Sinitrena.  And may the weird playing-card dwarf demon have mercy on my soul....   

[Sinitrena]

Why, for example, would the inherently formless and almost indefinable-nature of twilight constitute a "circle quickly drawn", a circle being a very precise and well-defined form?  If it is to be a container then maybe a "ring" would work better, implying a boundary as well as a shape.... but then that of course would throw off the haunting rhythm.

That's basically a translation error on my part. The German word for "Coven" is Hexenzirkel, litarally Witche's Circle. So that's why circle made perfect sense to me. But more in general, it refers to protective circles witches (or other supernatural beings) themselves might draw. That's why it's "quickly" drawn - as a last protection against the world of normal people. It's not so much the twilight that is a circle, but a circle that exists for them to live even when there is no twilight. But this is poetry, so there's a lot of meaning in very few words.

Returning to our "graves" makes sense, as there are many, but only one "buried urn"?  It makes the rhyme work, but jars the eye enough to break the spell.

Yeah, a clear case of sacrificing grammar (or logic) for rhyme. But then again, take it as more metaphorical and it will be less jarring. (But the truth is that I just couldn't come up with anything else that worked for that line and the rhymes for return are limited. (okay, that's not such a small list, but words that fit the theme? ...))

Your meter is as always flawless,

And while I'm at critizising my own poetry: My meter is not flawless. The lines: "You shake at words so softly spoken, / and fear a promise never broken:" are actually wrong (in the context of the rest of the poem). All other verses are eight syllables and end in a masculine rhyme (that is, a rhyme on a stressed syllable), while these verses are nine syllables and end in a feminine rhyme (two syllables, the second one un-stressed).
And that was today's lesson in poetry. 

[Mandle]

And in the end I am left wondering whether his scheme was actually successful or not, as we never see what is on the other side of the "doorway" (a metaphor for actual death?).

I was going for the meaning that a very evil man cheated the Devil, learned to regret his evil ways by becoming a literal monster and grew sick of being such, redeemed himself, and, in the end, became God by creating a new universe to bring humanity through into.

The original intent wasn't anything that grand though. I just always wondered what would happen to an actual immortal over not just centuries or millennia, but over the billions of years they would have to live until the universe ended, and what would happen to them then.

I love stories that take the basic premise to the extremes of what the reader might wonder about later with "But what if?" or "What happens when...?" and preempts those questions by actually going there.

One of my favorite examples of this kind of thing of recent years is the movie "A Ghost Story". I won't spoil it for people who haven't seen it but, yeah, why does a ghost keep hanging around and what happens when the reason for it doing so goes away?

Also, the ending scene of "The Others" has always filled me with a sense of dread and awe. And a feeling of the eternity that awaits.

[Sinitrena]

Are there still mail-in ballots outstanding? Or has the counting process been finished and the committee can certify the results now? 

[Baron]

Possibly it is a real-life thought experiment to see what would happen if the FWC were extended to its inevitable heat-death in 12.6 billion years.... 

[Mandle]

Yeah, I was lazy and the days are dropping like pages from a calendar in an old-timey movie for me these days.

Hmmm, I will do some math.

We have Baron as the winner with 8 points.

Sinitrena as a close second with 7 points.

Sorry for the delay.

[Ponch]

Is it too late to vote? How do I know this election wasn't rigged? Is a legal case pending?

[Sinitrena]

Of course it was rigged! How else could my oponent have won? But actually, he didn't win, I WON! I got more votes, legal votes, millions of votes! And I will never concede. We will take this to the highest court! There are lawsuits, multiple lawsuits, the biggest lawsuits, and we have the best lawyers. There's evidence of fraud, you will see (but I won't show it, why should I show it to the fake news media?).
/sarcasm (as if this wasn't obvious)

Congratulations, Baron, looking forward to the next round.

[Ponch]

Exactly! Providing evidence would only weaken your case! 

[Mandle]

Exactly! Providing evidence would only weaken your case! 

I would have liked to have seen your votes and to have heard your opinions of the stories as well, but your jokes after the fact are also appreciated.

[Ponch]

Exactly! Providing evidence would only weaken your case! 

I would have liked to have seen your votes and to have heard your opinions of the stories as well, but your jokes after the fact are also appreciated.

Two things in my defense:
1) I came here to vote as soon as I saw your thread in the other sub-forum, but the deadline had already passed.
3) I am incredibly lazy and don't check the forums, spellcheck, or wash my laundry nearly as often as I should.   

[Baron]

MANDLE!  You're supposed to update the subject of the original thread so that I know to check the results! 

Thanks everyone for your votes.  I think with your constructive feedback I could whip my entry further into shape.  Honestly what I really need to do is start sooner, thereby giving myself some time to either get feedback or mull it over with enough time to spare to do some serious editing/rewriting.  Knowing this doesn't make it any easier to actually DO it, though....   

I'll try to get the next competition up and running within a day or two.