VERSION 3, DRAFT 2 ADDED: Signal & Echo: Iris is Missing trailer

[Kini Games]

UPDATE 1: I've now added a second draft below the first

UPDATE 2: There's now a second, very different, version - the third video in the list

UPDATE 3: I've now added a third version, at the bottom of the list. And I've removed Version 1, Draft 1, as I'm definitely not gonna use it. I'm thinking of using this new version as the main trailer, and then possibly using Version 2, Draft 1 as a second trailer, going into more detail about the mechanics (after changing the font and some other stuff to match this version). As always, any feedback will be greatly appreciated

UPDATE 4: There's now a second draft of the third version.

Hi all,

This is a first draft of a trailer I'm working on. I'm out of my comfort zone with this, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated - good, bad or ugly!

Please note that I'm going to be adding 'head bopping' type speech animations to my game, so hopefully that'll add at least a little more movement to some of the parts that are currently very static. I'll probably also show the cursor moving to any hotspots before they're asked about in conversation, partly to add movement, and partly to further highlight the mechanic.

Anyway, thanks in advance!

VERSION 1, DRAFT 2

VERSION 2, DRAFT 1

VERSION 3, DRAFT 1

VERSION 3, DRAFT 2

[CaptainD]

Overall I think it's very good, You get straight into the gameplay, highlight a unique aspect of the game, there's some mystery and humour.

What's difficult with adventure game trailers is that ideally you want to show actions and not have spoilers - both of which can be pretty difficult to achieve, We do see a lot of "type something into the Ask About" section which, although it is a key feature of your game, may be a tiny bit overused here - if there was some animation of an action being performed that would show a bit more variety in the game. Even showing the map screen again for a second or two later in the video may give it something extra. It's possibly a touch too long (for the relative lack of gameplay variety  but I appreciate you want to fit it to the music length. The other option would be to change the music to something less dynamic, as that would fit the (as it seems to me) slower, more thoughtful gameplay style. The music you've chosen is good, but it lends itself to a feeling of dynamism and action, which doesn't necessarily fit the actual style of the game.

One other thing is the text used for the messages between clips "that makes you feel like a detective" - personally I would make them a little bigger / bolder / both. They don't stand out as much different from the in-game text. I'm not sure if this is deliberate, and you probably don't have much / any scope to increase the size of the text you have actually at the top of the gameplay screen ("first day as a reporter") - but it would be nice to have bigger "headline" text for those announcements you're making between gameplay clips.


Not really a critique and it may just be me, but the yellow on those desks is a little glaring to look at  But again I appreciate you're sticking to a retro palette here.


However overall I want to say, especially if this is out of your comfort zone, you've done an amazing job with this trailer.

[Kini Games]

Thanks CaptainD. Much appreciated. I made my second draft (posted above) before reading your feedback, but will keep it in mind for the third! And yeah, the music is something I'm still umming and ahhing about 

[CaptainD]

That second version, first drafts works so much better! It really gives you a feel for the game and actually felt shorter even though it was longer because of the relaxed pacing. Nice job!

[Snarky]

any feedback would be greatly appreciated - good, bad or ugly!

Well, you've caught my interest with these trailers, so I guess they're a success as far as I'm concerned. The game looks promising!

Still, I'm not sure the presentation you've gone for quite works.

-Even though it hooked me, it feels like you're more trying to explain your game than to get players interested. It's kind of a bullet-point presentation of the game's USPs: the "message" appears to be all about the game mechanics, but I start to zone out, and all really I take away from all that is "parser." I think you should simplify your message about the gameplay to just one line, or two at most. You can still show the other mechanics, but you don't need to call them out.
-I feel my attention torn between the intertitles and the game screens. I'm trying to keep in mind what the intertitles are currently talking about, while also trying to following along with what's happening in the game, and I find I can't keep both things in my head at one time. Again, I would simplify or cut the intertitles so that they don't require as much mental processing, in particular avoiding having one line continue across multiple screens.
-I only get a very vague sense of the story and the stakes. Who is this character that I should care about him? Why do I need or want to solve this mystery? I think you should try to decide what the story hooks and emotional beats of the trailer are, and hit those harder. (For example, the second line in the trailer is "Why do I wanna read that crap?" about the newspaper you're going to be working at. How is that line meant to hit? Are we supposed to feel sorry for the main character? Laugh? How does it relate to the rest of the trailer?)
-I think it's unnecessary to open with "A point-and-click adventure…" That much is self-evident. And I also dislike the "It's all up to you" conclusion (before you add the second part), because so many games claim that the course of the story is up to the player, when really it's not: it's up to the game designer and whatever paths they provide.

Also, just in terms of production:

-The in-game lines are hard to read, in part due to the speech color not having great contrast against the background, in part because of the text speed, and in part because the backgrounds are quite "noisy" (also the split attention I talked about). If you want viewers to catch them, I think you need to do something more to help them be readable (like fade out the rest of the background while the dialog stays up, or zoom in on it, or somethingâ€"obviously, an alternative would be to voice them, but if the game is not actually voiced I see why you wouldn't want to do that). And if you don't want viewers to catch them, I would… not have them. Or have them on for such a short time that they're obviously not meant to be read. And in general, I think you should reduce the amount of text.
-For large parts of the trailer, the screen is "postage-stamped" with black bars on all four sides. Worse, it is not even centered vertically. I understand that this is due to the action/menu bar not being displayed, but it looks ugly. I think you should zoom in so the graphic area fills the entire screen, or at least does so along one dimension. And you should center it, ignoring the hidden action bar.
-I also think you should experiment with going further, by not showing the game in full-screen the entire time. Try zooming in on particular elements you want to highlight, or just a subtle zoom-and-pan (the "Ken Burns effect") to add some motion to the screen. I think this would be particularly helpful for screens that you show multiple times (like the office, or the computer search), so that it doesn't just look like you're repeating yourself.
-You've chosen to use "pixel style" for the trailer intertitles and other text. Are you fully committed to that choice? There is no risk of viewers not getting that this is a low-res retro adventure game, so I don't think it's really necessary.
-Finally, sound. The music is nice, but I think adding in a bit more atmospheric audio/sound effects would help it feel more alive. Office noises in the office scenes, audio cues when you solve a task, that kind of thing. (There's some subtle SFX when you play the tape in the VCR, which I likeâ€"more of that!)

[Kini Games]

That second version, first drafts works so much better! It really gives you a feel for the game and actually felt shorter even though it was longer because of the relaxed pacing. Nice job!

Woop! Thanks Cap’n!


Hi Snarky. Thanks so much for taking the time to provide such detailed feedback. It's all extremely useful. And thanks for your interest in the game itself.

Even though it hooked me, it feels like you're more trying to explain your game than to get players interested. It's kind of a bullet-point presentation of the game's USPs

This is my main concern, too. I’m going to draft a third (and, I hope, final!) version today.

I feel my attention torn between the intertitles and the game screens.

Agreed. I’ll try to use far fewer text screens in the new version.

For example, the second line in the trailer is "Why do I wanna read that crap?" about the newspaper you're going to be working at. How is that line meant to hit?

Yeah, this was a bad choice (especially since it's actually a quality paper, but that character happens to hate news media). Tbh, I just wanted to show a ‘use inventory item with…’ action that wasn’t an actual puzzle solution, and I had allocated all the other rooms (that I was willing to show) to other scenes.


Lastly, all your points about production are also very helpful. I’ll try to address them in the new version, too.

Thanks again. Much appreciated!

[Kini Games]

Snarky, if you're reading this, please know that I didn't ignore your suggestion about the Ken Burns effect; I just couldn't get it to look right.

[Snarky]

Nice. I like this a lot more!

I do think the start is a little slow now. Instead of having your boss explain the whole thing in-game, I think you could cut straight from "Oh morning" to "I'd like you to do a bit of sleuthing" via an intertitle saying something like "A girl has gone missing" or "Iris Wood is missing."

And if by any chance you have an establishing shot of the town or newspaper building (other than the map), it would really spruce up the opening shot. (I think I'm discovering that I have an aversion to trailers that start with text rather than visuals.) I'm also a little sorry to lose the VCR puzzle, since that was my favorite bit of gameplay seen in the earlier cuts, but it might be a sacrifice worth making. These are not a big deal.

[Kini Games]

Thanks Snarky.

Yeah, I was sorry to have to cut the CCTV part, too. I tried to squeeze it in there, but to no avail!

Unfortunately, I don't have an establishing shot of the office exterior or town, either (I think I may have made one a long time ago, but it's not in the game and probably no longer matches the other background art).

And yeah, I agree about the opening. I may tinker with it some more, as per your suggestion.

Thanks again for all your feedback. Much appreciated!