Messages

I'm not too keen on the eyes, they seem a bit too "stuck on".  Maybe blend them a little better.
On the left, the shirt color seems to bleed into the background.
Maybe move the writing slightly, so that the gap to the left of "the devil.." is the same as the gap to the right of "..you don't".
Other than that, it's nifty.
Um..  the song?  ..myangel.jpg?

Hugs
Iqu

Okay, I'm going to start by giving you the same advice I did the first time round.

SCENE STRUCTURE

Obviously, since you piffed it on draft one, I'll try to explain it better.
It seems like you've got a pen and paper ready, thought of a genre and started writing.  Where you kinda make up the plot and characters as you go.  Well, on the first draft, probly..  this is just a reworking of it.  You NEED to have a scene structure, before you write any dialog.

The scene structure should be done so that any other writer can come in, read it.. and then start writing the actual screenplay.  Sure it'll be different dialog, but the plot will be the same.  The scene structure (sometimes called a Treatment) is often what people can sell to a studio.  They read the scene structure, and think "Yea, this seems interesting..  will buy it, now fill in the dialog".

The SS on this? Well, I'll give it a go..

1.
Vincent alone his house, discovers parents gone away again.
Insight into his relationship with mother based on gifts.
Father doesn't care.
Vincent feels lonely.

2.
Lamont critcising younger vampires.
Daniel explains Vincent's current situation, nervously.
Lamont orders him to fetch Vincent.

3. Daniel arrives at Vincent's.
Vincent invites him in.

4.
Daniel turns and attacks Vincent.
Daniel makes Vincent feel more morely.
Vincent defends himself.
Vincent kills Daniel.

5.
Mark arrives.
Learn Daniel is missing.
Mark excited by Daniel being a vampire.

..Okay, you get the idea.  As it is, it's not that exciting.  The SS HAS to be done first.  Even if you rewrite this a thousand times, it's still going to be the same plot but with better dialog.  You can't polish a turd.  To make it work, you're going to have to write it from scratch.  Forget the last five drafts, and do a new scene structure.  Don't write a single word of dialog until the plot is solid.

Every half decent film (bar one, apparently) has a solid scene structure.  Sure it may have bad dialog, but that's probly the easiest thing to fix.  Getting the SS in place is the hardest thing, and it will drive you half crazy..  but, to make it good, it's a necessary evil.

With work, I can imagine it being a good short film.  Good luck with it.

Hugs
Iqu

Also, the one film that had an ass of a scene structure was Sweet Smell of Success, or so I've been told.

I know this could be a longshot, but here goes..
Do you have any friends?
If so, they might be will to take a few photos of you walking.
If all else fails, try the folks..

Hugs
Iqu

Can't be too difficult, tho. I got my mum to walk round in a circle for twenty minutes while I tried to sketch a walk cycle.

EDIT:
|  As was Space Quest V, Hol.  Tho it doesn't explain why his walk
|  was so camp.
V

I think I preferred the first one, boss-eyed 'n' all.
Just seems more cartoon-y.  More defined.

Hugs
Iqu

It looks like you've set the camera to take one pic, then set it again and having to guess-timate you're previous pose.  It needs to be more fluid.  The best thing would be to record it and pick frames out of a sequence.

Also, you seem to be shifting you're centre of gravity when using different feet.  People general maintain a happy balance.  If you pick up one foot and forgot to put it forward and down, you'd pretty much topple forwards and to the side of the lifted foot.  This anim's balance is drifting like a pendulum, making his/your hips go move like a belly dancer on a busy night.

Also, also..  it looks like your arms are doing the Loco-motion.  Shoulder's usually move a bit more, too.

I don't mean to sound picky.  It's just it looks more like a marionette on a treadmill.  Neat idea, tho.  Good luck, et al..

Hugs
Iqu

Didn't this purple dude have an anim, where he was riding an asteroid down a canyon?
Didn't he used to be more detailed (possibly in a dance)?
I like the fat guy, tho.  I still can't wait to play this.

Hugs
Iqu

Hm..
Thick outlines..  not exactly realistic, but I like them.  They have a very Cartoon Network-y feel to them, kinda like Dexter's Lab..  or Space Ghost.

Hugs
Iqu

Um..
Remind me, is this a serious film like Interview.. or comedy like Buffy.. ?

I critiqued it the first time round, and you piffed me.
Will give it another read, tho.

Hugs
Iqu

EDIT:
Bloody PDF files..

EDIT II:
Piffed..  as in "Pfft.. your opinion is as valuable as your clothes, you horrible street urchin"

Hey

I'm with jock on this one, and three quarters view is much easier to draw.
I don't know why it is, but in the first anim, looks like a vampire.  The coat seems a bif iffy, too.
On the second one, his head seems to be too far back and possibly too high.

Hugs
Iqu

I do like them, tho.

http://www.saltslide.co.uk/

jinkies told me about the scrollbar color, annie told me about the menu's scrollbar.

what else can you folk think of?

Hugs
Iqu

EDIT:
Oh yea, forgot to mention a few things.
1.  "A brief history of Saltslide" a comic, which I'm part way thru making.
2.  The songs section is going to have a "Boogie Mode", where the cartoon version of the band dance along to the track, in various different styles and costumes.  This is going to take a while, tho.
3.  A proper shop section will be made once I work out this stupid "Make your own Amazon" program I have.  I think you need a computer science degree to run the program and a German translator to understand the help section on their website.
4.  The singer wanted me to Lens Flare his guitar in the picture.

K, 'spots demanded I crit, so crit I shall do.

Firstly..  on request, no mentioning the lens flare or sun.
Secondly, pretend the above sentence doesn't exist.
Thirdly, the proper crits..

The tent/wagon opening.  What's in the tent/wagon, because what ever it is either very evil, or so heavy light can't escape from it.  Unless the black triangle is actually  a sillouette of a minuture stealth fighter.  Whatever it is, it looks wrong.

The shady bit that Hollister Man did.. sorry, but it looks better.  Mainly because in his pic, you've got sky and rock.  Both kinda gradient-ish.  With your pic, the sky and the lighter green grass look gradiented (neat word, huh?), but the rest of it is sorta "block of color, slightly darker color for outline/detail".  My point is, they don't match, and again, it looks wrong.  Well, not so much wrong, as Who Framed Roger Rabbit.  Some bits realistic, some bits cartoony.  I think you need to pick which you're going for and stick with it thru-out the pic.  Also, if you go for the Hollister Man-style shading.. pick a light direction and stick to it, or it will still look wrong.

The windmill thing.  It looks tacked on, in 2d.  It needs some kind of shading.  At first I thought it was a chemical flask, floating near the camera.  This shouldn't be too hard to fix.

The grass, altho I like the shading of the light grass, I've noticed something with both green bits.  It looks like carpet.  Either that, or someone's gone to a lot of trouble making the ground very flat, and has just mowed the lawn.  Since this is a outdoorsy, wilderness-esque type area, the ground would be a lot more bumpy, contoured and generally less like a golf course green.  I think there should also be patches of longer grass in the foreground, and maybe some trees/bushes in the distance.

The wooden bits (fence/bottom of wagon).  The look like MDF, or some other manmade wood.  They don't have shading, only what look like dents.

Now I've smeared this thread with crit, I'll depart.  You probly regret asking me to post, now, as you've got a load of work to do.  Apologies.

Hugs
Iqu

Also, teh 13n5 f14r3 r0x0rz'd.  w00t, etc.

It seemed pretty quick for me to..  faster than most sites, actually.  Weird, maybe my 33.6 has be buffing up recently.

Hugs
Iqu

http://www.driverguide.com/ should have what you need.

The plot..  undecided as yet..  i'm going to re-read the books and re-watch the show and start brainstorming ideas.
I'm thinking of having the character you play, as Lister.  Playing as everyone is probly a bit out of my league.
The Streets of Laredo thing, yea and Better Than Life in the VR thing..
I'm thinking of setting it during season six, where they're still trying to find the Dwarf.  I do wanna get Ace Rimmer in, and probly the GELF's and maybe a Polymorph..  hence the Duayne Dibbley character.  (I would've put up a pic of the Cat, but I can't get him looking snazzy enough, yet.  Also, he'll need numerous costume changes).
I want to trying and do a Backwards style bit, but that needs a bit more thought.

Making the characters larger?  Hmm..  I'm aiming for 320x200 at the moment, so I'm not sure.  Also, the larger they are, the more you'll notice my lack of skill.  I'll put that on the maybe list, tho.

Where's Lister?  The first character is Lister.  Since he's facing front, you can't his dreadlocks, but the outfit does match the one from the show..  I had to keep referring to it.  He needs a bit more detail, it's true.

The Starbug sprite's actually a plan for part of a background, where it's more off in the distance.  I'll probly knock up some cutscenes of it flying around and stuff.  The thing that bothers me about it, is i had to gradient it, as well as paint on the shadows, other wise it looked all iffy.  I need more practice at spherical objects.

I'm not sure which Holly to use, tho.  I can't see a plot twist working that would allow me both..  yet.  So, in the mean time, Norman Lovett or Hattie Hayridge?

Hugs
Iqu

the idiot way:
try searching for a program called "win groove", it'll change the whole midi thing to better instruments.  it'll need a crack, too.  this got my thing working, but i'm stuffed if i know how to get it back to what the original thing was.  it still sounds kinda nifty, tho.

the slow, but less bridge-burning way:
wait for someone else's help

Hugs
Iqu

I can't see it..





put the thing as
http://invis.free.anonymizer.com/http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Pines/8618/Runroom.gif  

Like Scubabuddy told you.

Bonjourno, y'all

Here's my tuppence..

Coupling.  The first series was ok, but the second kinda lost it after the split-screen episode (the first ep, actually).  All it is now is 4 people acting dumb, and Jack Davenport going off on a rant that is supposed to be funny.  Most of the time, it's not.  The only decent thing left is Jeff.  It should be the Jeff show..
Now, Coupling got remade with American actors, as the makers thought "Ooh, British Humour..  our viewers won't get that..", even tho BBCAmerica it doing better and better.  The show got cancelled after 4 shows, I think.

The reason us brit's make apparently better comedies?  Take Friends, how many episodes did they make a year? 24? 26? Something like that.  The "britcoms" (such a lame word) make 6.  A year.  A Christmas special, if we're lucky.  Take Fawlty Towers..  it's only got, what, 12 eps?  If we knocked up another 20 eps a year, would the shows still be as good?  I kinda doubt it.

Now..  on to the brit-bashing section.  We gave the world the Reality TV format.  Sweet.  We* always harp on about America dumbing down and everything.  But, the truth is, we're the ones giving the lobotomy.  The US stations saw the cheaply made british reality shows, like Big Brother and to a lesser extent Changing Rooms..  and now, the world is full of Joe Millionaire, High School Reunion, and an endless supply of poor quality DIY shows.
(*  We, as a nation, via the media..  not any of the Brit's here, I'm sure).

The dumb thing is, tho..  I know all this from watching the idiotbox.  It seems to drain time/life from me.  When I at my folks, with a PC..  I don't watch it.  At home, and it's on all the time.  I end up watching repeats of 70's cop shows, cookery programs, quiz shows (which isn't too bad I s'pose, at least I'm learning stuff), australian soaps..  well, Neighbours, at any rate.  I can't help myself.  I do watch quite a few documentaries, tho..  mainly because I have five channels, and I seen most of what's on.

That's one thing that bugs me.  The "TV licence".  Only for the BBC.  You want watch only the other channels, and not the BBC? Tough.  You still need to pay the licence fee.  For what? 2 normal channels, full of repeats..  no, so you don't have to watch adverts.  Even tho, the other BBC owned channels, like UK Gold (all repeats, all the time) still have adverts in them.  I wouldn't mind if they actually made something good with the £120-odd we'll be paying them this year.  Instead of the 30 or so Simpsons eps they normal show in rotation.  I'd rather be informed about this new miracle cleaning product, of fast food restaurant's newest addition to the menu.

Anyhow, I've taken up enough of your time, for now.  Happy viewing (or not)..

Hugs
Iqu

Also, Monty Python changed comedy for the better, Americans are better at one liners..  yada yada,  and the best American comedy at the moment is Ed - because it doesn't try to hard.

Bonjourno, y'all..

A quick update:
So, I'm back for a few days after being pretty much netless for 4/5 months.
My main game, Lump City is going well, with most of the sprites and backgrounds done, needing only embellishment and the like.
Mortal RONbat is being a pain, altho the first pack should be ready in a month or so.  It'll have four chars, a couple of bg's and a nifty loader/intro program.
I've quit boozing, am on nicotine gum and have lost some weight.  My hair is currently red.  My band's now has an EP, and in a couple of days, a website too (where you can buy the EP (please)..).
Anyhow, I had an idea a week or two ago, and went a little something like this:
"The Red Dwarf movie ain't going to be ready for ages.  I like Red Dwarf.  I like games.  Red Dwarf..  Games..  I wonder who invented liquid soap, and why?  I know, a Red Dwarf game.."

And so:




Opinions?
Should I bother?

Hugs
Iqu

Also, plot shouldn't be too hard, due to all the material in books that never made it into show.  Often, the books were funnier.

EDIT:

For those that don't know what Red Dwarf is..
http://www.reddwarf.co.uk/

Dreamweb..

OldGames.NU have it, amongst others.

Hugs
Iqu