Messages

[@ Brushfe]

@ Brushfe

Spoiler

This was an interesting read. I liked how you set up the mystery in the short version and then resolved it in a different format in the long version. The doubling up of the boats was a clever twist to fit the format. The storm must have been a surprise for the accused murderer, for otherwise it would be just easier to row the first boat away when the second one arrived? And then there was the problem of the cops already having the body and the pictures... I guess, in the end, murderous fishermen just aren't that smart.

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@ Mandle

Spoiler

Well, the doubled up story of "Stupid Things" is almost kinda the exact story except for a lot of tedious counting.    The doubling of the "stupid things" with the second task fits the theme, but the repetitive nature of the punishments made it hard for the story to gain traction in my imagination. "High Coup" was slightly better, having started with a punny title. The juxtaposition of an ancient leader condemning slavery and a modern one encouraging it was thought provoking, although highly selective (the majority of ancient leaders had no issue with slavery and the majority of modern elected presidents strongly oppose it). I liked how it seemed like the slaves would carry the day, although I struggle to see what is doubled.

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@ Stupot

Spoiler

The premise is very interesting and the twist was out of left-field. I understood the room was darkened, but I relied on Clone John's observational abilities too much: he was able to discern the cloneliness of everyone in the room, but not the familiar facial characteristics (not to mention voice and speaking patterns) of Original John? The two Johns definitely fits the doubling theme, but I was disappointed not to get a more in-depth story detailing exactly what is going on.

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VOTING: I vote short story Stupot (1st) and Brushfe (2nd). I vote long story Brushfe (1st) and Mandle High Coup (2nd).

Sorry, it's been a rough fortnight and I won't be able to make a submission. It's been a busy time at work, kids sports schedules are in overdrive, and my wife's been in and out of hospital so I've been on double duty. 

Thanks for all the feedback, everyone! I hear you when you say that the writing in my story could be clearer regarding relative locations. I thought I'd post a picture of where the main part of my story takes place to help shore up my writing shortcomings. The flimsy wooden door leads to the old part of the house, and the hatch leads to the basement beneath the old section of the house. All of this was outside for a month when I ripped the roof off, but now constitutes a cozy lounge space.

[@ Mandle]

Good reads, everyone. It was interesting to try to decipher personal history from fiction (I thought for sure Sinitrena was the wandering "B" ...  ).

@ Mandle

Spoiler

I liked it. Yes, the language was harsh, but you used it to shape a primed atmosphere. I wanted Simon to be attacked, which I'm sure was your intent. Roth's change of heart was endearing, but he comes across as quite pathetic in the process - ten years of planning to chicken out at the last minute!?! True, it seems his plans for vengeance are proceeding without Simon's family, but it's a queer mercy (Roth will almost certainly be caught after letting witnesses go). In the end, it's hard to find heroes in this story.

My guess is that the personal part of the story is that you are Mr. Winton. 

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@ glurex

Spoiler

This was a really creepy tale. The banal normalcy of it all takes a sharp turn at the end. Clearly the "dean" is an imposter, but surely the secretary is on it, too. Which makes me think some of the faculty must be as well, since they were forever hanging about. The air of conspiracy and the atmosphere of menace were both positives for me.

My guess is that you were once a very bored intern.

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@ Creamy

Spoiler

It's hard to gauge, what with different legal systems out there, but there were some legal jargon problems that made the story hard to follow. "Jane Doe" is a name reserved for a victim of unknown identity, so by definition there could hardly be family attending the court proceedings. And "perjury" is a criminal offence, while being "sued" is for civil matters. And perjury itself is lying under oath to the court, not in a conversation. I get that the judge might have felt deceived, but with an unknown victim how could anyone reasonably have said that they knew the woman in passing? The most likely outcome would probably be a mistrial with no action taken against the juror.

Now, all that aside, the dread of making an unwitting mistake by making a decision in an informational vacuum is rich ground for a story. I think with some tweaking this story could be tightened up nicely.

My guess is you were once murdered without an identity. 

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@ Sinitrena

Spoiler

Your poor, noble teacher! I hope they were paying her well. Her self-sacrifice is of course what we would hope for from anyone charged with the care of our children. And yet ... And yet I'm not sure of the moral of the story. Letter B's flouting of instructions and willful wandering had no personal consequences, but he nevertheless destroyed lives. I wonder if he grew up to be a CEO or politician, stepping on other people for his own embetterment ...

The story was well-written, and I found the way you interspersed Angela's injuries with thoughts of the children at the end particularly poignant.

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Votes

Spoiler

This is always hard. I'm voting Mandle 1st for his ability to suck me into the story, and glurex 2nd for the way he built up suspense.

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[Concept:]

This is why I don't enter this competition - you guys both knocked it WAY out of the park!

Concept: It'd be hard not to vote Misj. Brushfe's ruined institutional building is amazing, but the concept of panning in different dimensions to tell a larger tale is brilliant.

Playability: I'm going with brushfe. Yes, it's more conventional, but it would also be functional. Plus, I struggle to play games with too much resolution, so it would be personally more playable for me. 

Artistic Execution: Both of these backgrounds are masterclasses in their respective styles. Yeah, Misj's sinuous line work and cartoony style are easy on the eyes, but the architectural detail and atmosphere portrayed in brushfe's work is stunning on its own terms. For me it's a tie.

[Winter is Dumbing]

Winter is Dumbing

Spoiler

The wind sounded like a freight train whistle, apparently the sound a tornado makes as it bears down upon you. Fortunately it was -20° Celsius, making it meteorologically impossible for a tornado to form. Unfortunately it was February, and the roof was still not on the new addition.

There had been time enough for recriminations. Price spikes and supplier issues due to the pandemic had played their part, of course. Abnormal weather had wreaked havoc with the construction schedule, as had the prickly building inspector. Illnesses and injuries hadn't helped the cause. But, when you got down to brass tacks, the real culprit was lack of know-how. Baron was an enthusiastic DIYer, to be sure, but he was so far in over his head on this one that the Titanic wreck was starting to look shallow.

"Daddy, I'm cold," a pile of blankets whimpered. Somewhere beneath them huddled Little Baronetta.

"Hey, I didn't make the laundry schedule. It's your turn on point! Or do you want your mother to blow away again?"

The pile of blankets sulked for a moment. "No. I don't want that."

"Dang right! Now help your dad with these straw bales."

The bales of straw had been an inspired solution, given the current price of insulation and the household's proximity to agricultural lands. By piling them up against the inside wall of the house they did a somewhat decent job of keeping the ice from forming on your coffee. Well, at least so long as you kept stirring vigorously. Unfortunately they needed to be cleared away from the thin wooden door to reach the laundry through the construction site.

"Ew! I think there's something living in this one!"

"Phew! That means the house is still habitable. You know rats have an instinct for fleeing a sinking ship, right?"

Little Baronetta was unimpressed with her father's optimistic outlook on life.

"OK, you want shovelling or door-bracing?"

"Want is a very strong word," Little Baronetta replied. My, she was getting snarky in her teenage years!

"Well, it's going to go faster if I'm on shovel detail, so you brace the door. Just don't give it half your attention like your brother, or we'll have another blowout."

"Hey, I'm not seven!"

Baron waited at the door for the sound of the wind to subside briefly, as the winter storm took a moment to catch its breath. Then, with Little Baronetta manning the door, he charged out into the construction site. It was a ghostly desolation of half-walls and gaping windows that would put Stalingrad to shame. The snows here churned with every ounce of heartlessness cruelty that February could muster.

Baron shovelled for his life, the icy breath of winter stinging his nose and lips. He struggled with the tarpaulin in the wind, losing his feet more than once on the slippery ground that used to be the floor of his back room. Then he wrestled with more straw bales, uncovering the hatch to the ancient basement.

"OK, ready!"

The door back to the house swung open, and Mrs. Baron stumbled out under an impossibly heavy load of laundry. It would have been easier to make multiple trips, but there is only so much winter a wife can bear and Mrs. Baron had reached her limit in November. She began listing to port as she made it down the steps. Baron intercepted her there, lest she fall into the snowbank again, and redirected her trajectory onto the stairs beneath the basement hatch.

"Close it up! For the love of god, close it up!" Mrs. Baron cried over her shoulder. Huh. Not even an 'I love you' ...

Baron dropped the hatch with a sigh. "Start timer!" he called.

"Timer started!" Little Baronetta shouted through the cracks of the door as she braced it closed with all her might. Laundry took exactly two minutes and seventeen seconds in the near-freezing basement, after which they would need to extract the wife. Baron took the moment to stare up into the swirling snows, wondering what on Earth had possessed him to rip the roof off half his house.

"Daddy, I can't hold it any longer!"

The winds seemed to suck the air out of his lungs just as there was an ominous creak, and then the door shot out right off its hinges.

"Not again!" Baron lamented.

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Reality Check

Spoiler

I did rip the roof off the back of my house in late June of 2019, and fortunately had the new second storey addition framed and roofed by mid-August. Windows and insulation were in by the end of September and the old house has never been warmer in winter. But so much went right that could have gone so wrong with that project. The weather that summer was unusually dry, so that I didn't lose a single day to rain. That old Santa Clause of a building inspector was a pushover ("Of course you pass! Oh ho ho ho!"), but he could have made my life hell. The pandemic could have struck a year earlier, the nail I put through my hand could have caused a life-threatening infection, I could have fallen off the roof when I was shingling... I remember laying awake at night in early July thinking how the hell my family would survive the winter if things went sideways. Although it's murder on my bowels, I guess that horseshoe up my ass is good for something. 

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I've been absolutely slammed at work these last two weeks, so that's a "no" from me. 

Must be that learning tariff the rest of the world put on American education... 

I will not be altering reality by submitting early. 

[@Stupot]

Thank you everyone for your votes, the competition is now closed. Results are summarized below, but first some feedback for our industrious authors:

@Stupot:

Spoiler

The novel page out of context was brilliant, and you add just enough of the plot and the character dynamics to make me seriously intrigued. Top marks for both starting and ending mid-sentence. The plot prediction of EVERYTHING we think we know about the world being a lie is one hell of a story hook. Add in psychics, ghostly shoulder taps, and copious amounts of alcohol, and I think you've got the makings of a seriously awesome story.

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@Mandle:

Spoiler

The blog instalment (as a piece of a broader story that may or may not continue) was an inspired choice. I, too, struggled to read the bottom bits of letter, which I assume is intentional (and I assume you assumed these bits wouldn't contribute to the word count ). I could make out that after the excitement of the find there was scratching on the guardrail and the sound of scruffy feet walking on the deck, and that Kerry can "understand their language" when she touches the figurine, and that "they" want to make her their queen. I don't think it's much of a stretch from there to deduct the existence of organized sub-aquatic monarchy, although the species involved is unknown. Since this is a love letter from Kerry to Jojo, I assume she abandoned him for this new opportunity. His subsequent disappearance with Beth makes me think Queen Kerry of the Underwaves might have become jealous at how quickly she was replaced in Jojo's affections, but this might be the result of an overactive imagination.

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@CaptainD

Spoiler

The clip from the newspaper was a clever vehicle for this fragment. The piece drips with conspiracy theories. I've probably been dragged to watch too many super hero movies with my kids, but my theory is one of the test subjects went rogue with weird powers and is now levelling parts of cities.

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@Sinitrena

Spoiler

Such a disjointed place to come into the story, literally in the case of battlefield dismemberments.   I think there's enough information to infer a romantic relationship between Julia and Julius (mostly based on the title), with the complication of his adoptive daughter thrown into the mix. I love the attention to period details and the feeling of intrigue you create with these two short snippets.

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The voting was close this time around - real close! In first place we have Stupot with 8 votes, in second place CaptainD with 7 votes, in third place Sinitrena with 6 votes, and in fourth place we have Mandle with 3 votes. If it's any consolation Mandle, I didn't feel you dodged the word count rules (unless you count a picture as a thousand words). But the people have spoken, and Stupot is our winner! The power of contest administrator now falls to him.

Thanks everyone for some great stories!  See you next time around!

Voting extended, as per request. Now closing the 10th.

[Stupot]

Hey, I set an alarm on my phone to go off on April 31st to remind me! 

Nice turnout this time around. We've got a slew, nay, a bevy of entries to tantalize the intellect. In order of submission:

Little Brother by Stupot
How My Three Day Vacation Turned Into Much More by Mandle
Julius and Julia by Sinitrena
Experimental Piece by CaptainD

We'll do ranked voting this time around. Three points for your favourite, two points for your second favourite, and one point for your third. I will assign points if you just rank your preferences first through third. In the event of a tie I will split points proportionately (e.g. two first places and a second would be translated as 2.5 points for each first place - [3+2]/2=2.5 -and 1 point for third, with a hypothetical third place vote receiving no points for actually being in forth). If you just say that all of the entries equally deserve to win then that's not very helpful for voting purposes, but I will diligently split the possible six votes four ways ([3+2+1]/4=1.5). 

As always, in the event of a tie the handsome and enlightened contest administrator has the deciding vote.

Voting deadline is Wednesday May 7 at midnight Hawaii Time, with results to be announced the following day, or sometime thereafter as the hockey playoff schedule allows. 

Good luck to all entrants!

[Fragment]

The Fortnightly Writing Competition is a friendly bit of wordsmithing that takes place over a period of two weeks. Write a short story based on the theme, share your thoughts with votes or feedback, and enjoy the creativity that this community can bring to bear when they put their minds to it. This fortnight's theme:

Fragment



Your writing mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write a max 600 word fragment of a bigger story (Title not included in word count). Your fragment should have no beginning and no end, but can certainly imply how these parts of the story pan out. What we want to see is some bit of the middle of a larger story, ideally the juicier or more thought provoking bits. The reader should NOT have a full grasp of exactly what is happening - that is part of the fun. Feel free to start and end mid-sentence!    See if you can suck someone into your story world without so much as an introduction or any serious world building. Be liberated by the fact that your cool story idea that probably wouldn't work can now see the light of day. Have fun, challenge norms, and let your muse run wi-

Contest deadline is April 31, 2025. I know, I know, it doesn't make sense, but neither will the entries, so just go with it. 

Good luck to all entrants!

Wow, that was a narrow victory! I can't help but feel that the 500 word category had a distinct advantage in this case, in that it was just easier to craft a more coherent story using more words. Having said that, thanks to everyone who voted for me!

I'll try to come up with another theme shortly.

[FEEDBACK]

So many stories! Good work, everyone. 

FEEDBACK

@RootBound

Spoiler

The plot for the vampire story was spot on. I think it would have been the perfect story at 60 words, but it just reads a little awkwardly, trying to cram in all the juicy details into 50.

The child abuse story was awesome, disturbing content aside. That last line was haunting. Bruised air? You sir, are a poet.

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@Mandle

Spoiler

The mixed-up bottles was amusing, if only because my own wife has done this. Twenty years of WHMIS training has left her undaunted - just put a label on it!

"Guarding Gay" had more twists and turns, including the doozy at the end. You crammed a lot of character development into just 200 words - this was by far your strongest story this time around, in my opinion.

"The Gatekeepers of Smoking" was shallower and more predictable.

"Backlot to the Future" - interesting.  Feels a bit like the Jetson's version of the year 1980, though. Time travel tourism in twenty years? I wonder if people will even be able to afford groceries in 20 years.

"Leaving Home" was more thought provoking. What does status mean when you are the only one left? All those retired hockey players are so buddy-buddy after punching the crap out of each other throughout their careers because only they "get" each other. Those winner-takes-it-all types are setting themselves on a lonely path.

"2:31:15" was clever - got my vote for the short category.

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@Stupot

Spoiler

"There's No Taste Like Home" - Whaaaaat?!?    You got me, Stupot. I thought for sure the cannibal was going to jump out and eat him. Nice twist.

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VOTES

Spoiler

It was a close call, but I vote RootBound (Lesion) for best overall. For category specific votes, I vote Stupot (No Taste Like Home) in the 500 word category, Mandle (Guarding Gay) in the 200 word category, and Mandle (2:31:15) for the 50 word category.

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[A Tragedy of Errors]

A Tragedy of Errors

Spoiler

Prospero opened the door to gaze out at the torrential rain, the bottle of milk sitting just out of reach. His heavy eyebrows drew down over his eyes like the thunderclouds hanging over the Earth. Some wizard should invent something to solve problems like this.

He slammed the door shut testily, for there would be no milk for his coffee this morning. The deliverum next to the door rattled, but no milk shot out from its magical horn. Anything non-living that landed on the front stoop should be transported into his foyer before it had a chance to get wrecked. Prospero kicked his invention, wondering what had gone wrong this time.

In the end, he decided today was not the day to care. He climbed the stairs in a cranky mood, passing Igor at the first landing. The servant proffered a tray with dark coffee and darker porridge.

"Master no like breakfast?" the hunchback asked.

"Not today," Prospero sighed, patting his servant on the shoulder. Igor was as dedicated as he was simple. There was no point in burdening such a fragile mind with his malaise.

On the next landing up there was a little sitting area where he usually took his breakfast. It was dangerous to open the curtain, he knew, especially when he was in a brooding mood. The little clockwork puppet he had invented to stop him from such foolishness sat in his little sconce, shaking his head sadly.

"You're not the boss of me," Prospero told him, reaching for the drawstring.

The curtains opened, revealing a portrait. A few of the candles around the shrine spluttered to life. There she was—Beatrice—the love of his life. How long ago had he lost her? He stared with sadness down the length of white beard that reached nearly to his knees.

The little clockwork puppet waved in alarm, causing Prospero to scoff at his efforts. He drew the curtain closed again, and continued his ascent.

He passed another landing, this one containing the temporum. The machine he had built to turn back time had never managed more than to make his fingernails grow in reverse—a rather painful experience. He kicked the machine in disgust, causing it to whimper.

He climbed higher and higher up the tower, passing projects and dreams as incomplete as he himself. The relentum that was supposed to slow things down, the ungravitum that was supposed to make things lighter, the oblivium that was supposed to erase painful memories ... He kicked each in turn, useless things.

He was useless. He had failed as a wizard, and he had failed as a man. Prospero reached the top of his tower, and for once he accomplished something of note. He flew.

There was a long moment of near silence in the tower as the failed inventions whirred and churned. And then the deliverum rattled to life and spit out a baby swaddled in a very large robe. Igor scratched his head and went to tend to it.

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[SINITRENA]

I hereby declare SINITRENA as the undisputed winner of this scrumptious competition! 

Feedback for Sinitrena:

Spoiler

This was a very poignant story that "grabs you in the feels," as the kids say. I really felt for Evelyn, trying to interpret the world through the eyes of a child. I'm reminded of the Great Vegetable Caper my friends and I pulled back when I was five, harvesting a bunch of vegetables from my mother's garden with the intention of selling them on the roadside. That ... did not end well. Evelyn's motivation was more noble than ours, her plan more thoughtful, which makes the calamity of the result even more tragic. I'm glad I was born before screens were ubiquitous: these days kids can get a warped sense of reality from them, and over-screened parents have less time and patience to deal with the consequences in their children. These screens are the cancer of our mental well-being, slowly rotting our greatest asset and turning it against us. 

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I don't know whether to declare Sinitrena the winner by default or just lock up the shop behind me. This spring has felt like the FWC has tanked hard. Do we need to reconsider our format in order to attract today's youth?  More slangy buzz words? Longer deadlines? More sex appeal? Shorter word limits? More screens?!? I don't know. I feel like we had a good thing going here, but the vitality is slowly dripping away. Anyone have any thoughts to share?

One more day, folks. I want stories to devour this weekend! Who's gonna cook up some competition for Sini?

I always consider this my home, though.

This reminds me of my dad's favourite line, whenever we kids would pester for him to buy us a snack on the road.

"We've got food at home!"

In light of the current theme and this being Mandle's writing home, it works.

Three more days, folks!  How many other chefs can we cram into this kitchen?

[The Fortnightly Writing Competition]

The Fortnightly Writing Competition: Started in 1987 by Philip J. Ponch on the old ARPANET, the FWC is a light-hearted writing competition based around a theme selected by the previous winner. Participants have two weeks to compose a short story of between 50 and 2000 words, and then we all vote and give feedback on the results. Any genre of entry is acceptable (ad copy, poetry, instruction manual - we've seen it all). In fact, those word limits are more what you might call guidelines...  The important thing is everyone gets to hone their writing skillz and enjoy a bit of amateur storytelling. 

------------------------

So who's ready to devour some good reads?  Our topic this fortnight is:

FOOD



Food is central to the human experience, which means I expect not to see a lot of ghost or rock stories this time around.   Food can be scarce or shared, tasty or vile, tempting or wholesome, distressing or comforting. Food runs through the heart of our societies, our family relationships, or daily grind. Food can sustain us and destroy us in equal measure - can you feel the dramatic tension yet?

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write a short story through the vector of food. It can be a mystery, a comedy, a tragedy, a dramady, a romantasy, a poetry, a spelling bee, or even a wannabe.  It can be a dusting of cinnamon atop a frothy latte or a sixteen ounce sirloin with three helpings of mashed-potatoes. Extra points if there are food related puns.    Extra extra points if MrColossal shows up and provides another instalment of Rutabaga the Adventure Chef. 

Deadline for submissions is Friday March 21, 2025, 11:59 pm Hawaii Daylight Time. Usually we are open to extensions on a per-case basis, but I caution you that extra time in the oven is usually not a good idea when baking is involved. 

Good luck to all participants!