Fortnightly Writing Competition - RESULTS

[Baron]

I'm going to go ahead and start this because Ponch told me to.  Sure it's illegal according to the Forum Charter, which not only contains no mention of an authorized Fortnightly Writing Competition, but also expressly indicates that the Monthly Writing Project is unavailable and should not be reactivated without consulting a moderator; but, whatevs.  Ponch said so!  That's justification enough, IMO.  So without further legal preamble I give you....

DAS FORTNIGHTLY WRITING COMPETITION
Turning Over a New Leaf Edition

New Year, new beginning; clean slates and fresh starts.  Now is the time of year when the mind turns resolutely to breaking with the past: trying new things or old things in new ways.  This fortnight's writing competition revolves around this very theme.  Aspiring writers are required to write a short poem, story or fragment about a character attempting or struggling with change.  Maybe it's a college student leaving home for the first time. Maybe it's a con man leaving behind a life of crime and assuming a new identity. Maybe it's a battery powered lovebot and that just got a brand new recharger (maybe I've just given away Ponch's idea  ). Maybe it's a craven and cynical AGSer who decides to get involved more in the community through the medium of writing competitions. It could be anything, so long as it fits the New Year's appropriate theme of starting fresh.

Deadline: January 13th, unless sufficient pleading melts my iron cold heart.

Voting: Approximately four days -an absolute deadline will be given when voting begins.

Rules: No sabotage, low-blows, cheap-shots, blatant plagiarism or it-was-a-dark-and-stormy-nights.  Let's keep this clean, people.  GO!

[Ponch]

Excellent work, my minion! Nice theme, Baron. I hope there are many entries and snazzy trophies for everyone. 

[CaptainD]

Interesting theme - I'll try to come up with something. 

[Blaze]

Good luck to everyone who enters. I'll try and think up something if I can, it sounds like a good theme/topic.

[Ghost]

Rules: No ... it-was-a-dark-and-stormy-nights.

Aw maaaan. *Are* there any other ways to begin a story? Can I use vampires that are not grisly at all but sparkle in the light?

[Stupot]

St-err, Simon's New Leaf.

It was a bright and tranquil morning.

A man who we shall call... err, Simon... had no job, no car, no money, he couldn't play an instrument, he couldn't write, draw, sing or act. Even the cat wouldn't let him pick her up. He just spent his time watching American TV on shitty streams, playing the odd adventure game and occasionally fingering his bum when he hoped no one was looking.  He didn't even have a drink or drug problem that he could have used as a good excuse.

But today was the first day of 2013 and Simon was going to change all that. He resolved to do something about it.  It's easy, he thought, I'll redouble my jobhunting efforts, buy a car, dig out my old dusty guitar, get rich, sign up to a shady casting website, download TV shows properly, feed rohypnol to the cat, get myself a herion hobby and be more careful about closing the curtains when I'm fingering myself.

And he lived happily ever after...

...I hope :-/

P.S. This is just a placeholder story :-)  I'll have something here that took me more that 10 minutes to squeeze out.

[Baron]

An entry already!  Is it autumn?  'Cause your leaves are already turning!  Keep 'em coming.

Rules: No ... it-was-a-dark-and-stormy-nights.

Aw maaaan. *Are* there any other ways to begin a story?

There is but one other way to truly start a story.  But I can't tell you what it is; no one can.  You have to find it for yourself in a hallucinogenic induced spirit walk, clutch it with all your limbs and all your might, and then hope against hope that you can pull it back into reality with you. 

Can I use vampires that are not grisly at all but sparkle in the light?

Yeah, sure, I like sparkly vampires.  At least, in an awkward teenage-angsty kinda way.  So long as they are emotionally insecure and struggle with their issues through ostentatiously melancholic pouts and appallingly bad acting, I'm all for it.

[Baron]

Alright, 5 days to the deadline.  Who's in, who's out, and who's changing their minds?  I've got my reading lens out and I'm twitching to use it!  Looking forward to more stories,

Baron von Baron

[Ponch]

I may have an idea for a story of shifting identities and winter woe... but without a trophy for my sig file to inspire me, I'm not sure I can brave the frigid winds of my living room corner and make the long, arduous trek from the sofa to the computer to write it up. 

[Baron]

Didn't I mention the trophies?!?  There's a guaranteed* new leaf trophy in it for participants placing first, second and third; and a genuine bona fide badge of participation for everyone else!  Yes sir!  These hyper amazing and infinitely bedazzling exemplars of showy bling-y-ness are not just a perfect addition to any obnoxious trophy bar, they are indeed a necessary addition!  Don't let the Joneses next-door show you up with more recent hardware: rub their noses in your latest triumph with these one of a kind super incredible trophies!  Don't let this opportunity of a lifetime pass you by in the blink of the next four days: get those creative juices flowing and GET WRITING!!!1!!!!

*Not all trophies are available in all jurisdictions.  Some restrictions apply.  See thread one week hence for full details.

[Stupot]

I'm in, but preferably with a different entry to the one above.

[Ghost]

Will try to make it!

[Baron]

Alright!  Where there's a will, there's a way!  Get yer writing caps on and push for that deadline!  Officially that's tomorrow, but realistically I'm not going to stay up to start voting, so make sure your stuff is in by the 14th (or grovel for your extension now!).  Good luck!

BvB

[Ponch]

Alright!  Where there's a will, there's a way!  Get yer writing caps on and push for that deadline!

I'll have something in by bedtime tonight. And that's 11 p.m. America time, not that crazy metric time you use up in Canada. 

[Baron]

...not that crazy metric time you use up in Canada. 

It's crazy Metric Time!

[embed=425,349]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-v22DD4pas4[/embed]

...and get your submissions in!  Tick tock tick tock....

[Ponch]

WARNING! To those AGSers who are of more sensitive temperaments, I warn you that the following story is based on a true story!



My dearest nephew,

I write this electro-mail to you in case we never speak to each other again. I do not write those words in jest!

I tell you true, nephew: The weather gods are angry!

Like something out of a H. P. Lovecraft short story, during my research into Canada for a MAGS game I plan to enter in the hopes of securing the fame and fortune needed to continue my research into my occult studies, I delved too deep and drew the attention of cosmic horrors. And now El Paso is paying the price!!

http://www.kfoxtv.com/news/news/icy-roads-cause-closures/nTmf2/

A freak snow storm hit El Paso and buried the city under three inches of snow (which I think is about 8 of your non-American meters or so) and all hell has broken loose. Having no experience with snow or ice in any form outside of cube form safely ensconced within a refreshing drink, the people here are flying off roads, skidding into people's houses, and shattering windshields by pouring hot water on the glass to remove the ice -- they don't sell ice scrapers in this city!! It's chaos and bedlam, nephew! Across the city, no one is going to work! Dogs are afraid to go outside to an unfamiliar, white-covered world! People are trying to stay warm with woefully underpowered electric blankets! And children are building snowmen... badly. No one knows what to do! No one knows how to drive on this stuff! And no one can help the children build better snowmen because none of the adults have ever built one before.

And it's all my fault!

Oh, curse my curious mind and my unchecked ego! What a fool I was to walk around the house, listening to the old MacKenzie brothers comedy albums and reciting their lines to get into character! Did I think that I could keep saying "Beauty, eh" and "Take off, you hoser" aloud without drawing the ire of the desert gods of West Texas? I was a fool, trying to be someone I'm not and was never meant to be! Heed my words, nephew: never turn over a new leaf! Never! Remain true to yourself or suffer my fate.

No one must ever know what I've done! An angry mob would drag me from my house and pelt me with shoddily made snow balls! (Really, these poor bastards have no idea how to make a snow ball. It's just a sad, oblong shape they squeeze out in one hand. Not spherical at all, more like a little ice turd -- don't even get me started on their even sadder snow people. Every time I see those poor misshapen things on all the front lawns, I just want to hit them with my car and put them out of their misery).

I think they may suspect me of not being a native Texan! This morning, as the strange frozen water was drifting down from the gray skies, a few of the neighbors saw me using my trusty old ice scraper (which has lain hidden and forgotten in my glovebox for these last ten years since I moved here in secret, in the dead of night) as I effortlessly cleared my windshield while they, hapless and baffled, valiantly but vainly tried to make do with their credit cards.

Making matters worse, like an idiot, I was the only person who dared to take the highway. All the locals stuck to safer the access roads below. What an arrogant fool I was! I exulted in having the highway to myself as I drove slowly and steadily to Dunkin' Donuts for a coffee. Didn't I realize that I was only drawing attention to myself?! I'm sure someone wrote down my license plate and reported my witchcraft to the police!

They suspect, nephew! They SUSPECT!! How long before they're at my door?! HOW LONG?!?

I can only hide in my living room, snug and warm under all my extra blankets while they wander in the snow, shivering and miserable, driven mad by their drippy noses because no one here has boxes of old, warm clothes hidden away in the closet like I do. No doubt that even as I write these words, they swap stores of the damned ice wizard and mumble madly of their revenge if they ever get their hands on him.

Hopefully, my box of donuts will sustain me until the warm winds come to melt the snow tomorrow.

Pray for me, nephew. The tracks from the highway lead back to my house!



(Posted with 41 minutes left before midnight! )

[Baron]

Well, that's the deadline folks.  I read two entries, which will save me some effort on trophies, let me tell you Bob.  So let the voting commence!

Stupot+'s St-err, Simon's New Leaf

Ponch's Dear Nephew

To keep everything on the square, I'm going to set out the voting procedure from the outset.  Voting will run until exactly 72 hours from this post being posted, at which point we'll-

-WAIT!  What's this?!?  We have a last minute entry!  How sensational!  It's... ...nope... Sorry folks.  It's just a regular PM.  OK, so... yeah, back to voting....

Two contestants, 72 hours: read their work and evaluate their skill with the written word, then vote accordingly.  Feel free to rank your votes 1-3 for my added amusement.  Or not.  Whatever man, just whatever.  See you guys in three days with the results (and the shiny-tiny trophies!).

[Ponch]

Supot's Simon+'s New Leaf

Short, to the point, and not rambling at all (unlike some of the other, more belabored entries).

[kconan]

Ponch

[Baron]

Wow, how exciting!  They're neck-and-neck coming into the final turn!  Who will sprint ahead at the last moment and capture everlasting fortnightly writing glory??  Get your last minute votes in within the next 23 hours and you could write the climactic conclusion to this epic contest of Godzilla vs. Cow!