55-word story, Winners announced!

[Andail]

55-word story, voting time

Here are this week's entries. Read them through and then vote for the best 3. The authors of the three best stories will go on to a final round, where they will write new stories - still anonymous - and then we'll elect the final winner. This is because of the large amount of stories submitted; it felt right to award more than just one writer.

NOTES:
1. Titles that weren't included in the word count have been removed.
2. It turned out to be harder than I thought controlling the word count, since the English language has a lot of contractions that can count as one word or two, depending on how you look at it. If anyone wants to object against how a specific story meets the criteria, just let me know. 
3. I have preserved linebreaks, spacing and spelling unless the writer asked me explicitly to correct it.
4. If a writer contributed with more than one story, without saying which one has precedence, I have chosen the one I think is best.
5. There's no #11. Deal with it.

1

You know those movies that start in the middle of a life threatening action scene without context? - And just as our hero is supposedly going to die we're treated with a voice-over explaining how we got into this mess. An hour later he survives anyway.... the bullet in my chest calls that false advertisement.

2

It is a fear unlike any other, a despair that destroys the mind, flays the senses and induces sickening dread into the hearts of those who experience it.  But face this challenge I must, ere all is lost and disaster strikes!

Slowly, reluctantly, not daring to look… I raise the seat of the public toilet.

3

At night, there are two places I visit; the old world, and the new world. In the old world, we didn't always fight. In the new… well, I think you can guess how that sentence ends. Actually, I can't tell which one I prefer - I tend to linger in both.
Then the day breaks.

4

He blamed his mother for making him this way.

His sweaty, overweight client was waiting in the next room, as he carefully climbed into his dress.
“I'd rather have no life than this one”, he pondered.

Which was, he remembered thinking to himself at the time, a remarkable thought for a 13 year old.

5

She was writhing in agony and would be dead within half an hour. As a medical practitioner the decision was easy. I pushed the needle one last time. Her convulsions receded. Her eyes looked into mine and through foamy lips said something that sounded like 'thank you'. The kids are going to miss you, Soya.

6

Irresistible Force

The kitten clung ninja-like to the drooping branch as flower petals fluttered loose around him.  He was the master of acrobatics; the sultan of scaling!  Surely he could spare just one paw to bat at them....  No, bad idea!  His slaves cooed and gushed at his latest predicament.  Take the damn picture already!

7

A gun, held by a trembling hand, dropped instantaneously, clattering on the concrete, the sound resonating. The body convulsing from pain, followed thereafter. The assailant fell to her knees weeping. Her father lay dying... for the greater good. None shall govern this nation, a country of thieves and murderers. It was the Land of Do-as-you-please.

8

Nearly midnight, shotgun in hand, hearing noises in the attic, I cautiously ascend the stairs.  “What's that?” I wonder, releasing the safety.  “Is it groaning?”  Barely seeing, I shoot wildly.  It's still groaning!  Is it living?  No.  It's undead.  It bites!  My life fades and returns, but different: I'm hungry, groaning, in the attic, undead.

9

Dr. Mason was proud of his creation. All his life's work was focused on that moment. Then he finally flipped the switch.
The lights flickered for a moment, afterwards there was silence.
After thirtythree long seconds a grunt. Then it stood up.
It looked him in the eyes and bared its teeth.
It was hungry.

10

Master walks me to the forest every Saturday. I hunt with Pelusa, a lovely foxhound whose owner Raymond won't let me breed. I should get shot of him. Master could help, he is so short-sighted. Raymond could easily be mistaken for a wild boar.  Let's find a way to have him remove his safety vest.

12

I knew her since we were five, dated her when we were fifteen.

Then...

She broke my heart all those years ago, and here I am, cooking dinner for her and him.

He smiles, compliments the wine: "a fine vintage".

He coughs, lips stained with crimson.

She screams, terrified.

I smile and take a sip.

13

“Why do you troll?” she asked.

“Because I want to see everyone happy.” he replied.

“But then, how will people know you're sad internally?” she questioned.

“That's the plan: I don't want them to!” he replied.

She knew he was right in saying so. That's because those who make others laugh are often the saddest.

14

Officer Duval slid his hand across the bloody windscreen as he walked from the scene. Safely off the mega-highway, he turned to his partner saying: "These incidents are only going to get worse as the road system grows."

They walked away from the gridlocked traffic, leaving the suicide victim behind entombed in his car.

15

"Of course I used a waterproof camera during the rainstorm," he scoffed, failing to notice the M&M's melting inside his knapsack. He removed the lens and a covert dab of chocolate dripped onto the sensor.

Aeons passed and his descendants lauded society's progress, inferring that their ancestor's world was shrouded in hazy, brown decay.

16

Mister Bear was shaken. Miss Mouse alarmed him about the conspiracy. The epidemy plaguing their village came from the meteorite crashed the year prior. Their own emotionless furry peers caught the two runaways. Infected then compliant, they mutated into the final plan. From lightyears away, a dying Earth had sent their solution : virulent human DNA.

17

The Lock was the planet's most crowded conurbation.

At the terminus. she was alone in the wagon. In her puke, a shriveled piece of paper. Leaving, she cleaned up her lips as a hurried man entered. He took her seat, and the piece of paper. "Love you from deep inside". He always loved her humor.

[Andail]

Feel free to discuss the competition here, but please don't write anything that could break the anonymity of the authors. If you've spotted an obvious error in your own story, PM me to have it corrected. I'll only edit spelling mistakes or grammar errors - no stylistic or aesthetic adjustments (unless I messed up when putting the stories here, somehow).

Happy reading/voting!

[CaptainD]

Some impressive entries here!  It's amazing just how much can be evoked in so few words.

[WHAM]

I noticed this a while ago when readin 6 word stories and it's quite apparent here as well. Something about being constrained to a very short form of expression, such as a strict word limit, causes us humans to almost always opt for the most depressing, dark and grim emotions to express. Anyone else notice this? On my interpertation of all these stories 11 are somewhat dark in atmosphere.

Personally I think this is sort of a default state of human thought, the pure essence of our minds, being manifested when there is no space, no room, to sugarcoat it with something else. When we have hundreds or thousands of words, all the time in the world and perhaps even some visual media to support our story, like in a game for example, the balance shifts. Yes, there is horror and grim stories, but there are also tons of jokes, fun times and laughs. Not here, not when we are restricted to saying only that which is important...

[CaptainD]

Not sure it's about what's more important, it's just so much easier to evoke emotions such as fear, loathing, etc in just a few words.  Think about the characters in novels you've read - it takes time to create a good character, with positive attributes and balance.  We can create a pantomime baddie in seconds. 

[Misj']

I noticed this a while ago when readin 6 word stories and it's quite apparent here as well. Something about being constrained to a very short form of expression, such as a strict word limit, causes us humans to almost always opt for the most depressing, dark and grim emotions to express. Anyone else notice this? On my interpertation of all these stories 11 are somewhat dark in atmosphere.

Cynical? - Sure. But depressing, dark, and grim? - To me not really. At worst I'd call many of them dark comedies, at best there are some nice social parodies in there (plus a story about a kitten, which is always a good thing). 

[Yeppoh]

As much as many comedians say, it's easier to make people sad than to make them laugh. I guess it's because our brain is hardwired to expect the worst in life. Thus it recognizes sad, grim or dark symbols and patterns more efficiently in a work of fiction than the happy ones. So it doesn't need a lot of story development to convey sad, grim feelings.

Also a 55-word comedic story we could technically call it a joke. Since writing a good one can be hit or miss, and is extremely subjective depending on the reader's education and background. Kudos to the writers who manage to pull it off. =P

[FatCactus]

Also a 55-word comedic story we could technically call it a joke. Since writing a good one can be hit or miss, and is extremely subjective depending on the reader's education and background. Kudos to the writers who manage to pull it off. =P

This exactly. I think there's a really fine line between funny stories and jokes with cheesy punchlines when you're writing something this short. That, and I would argue that it's way more difficult to write humorous stories in general.

A lot of these stories are dark, but most of them seem to have a glint of humor too.

[Baron]

I found the fact that over half the authors felt compelled to add a "dramatic plot-twist" or reveal in the last line very interesting.  I suppose this is in keeping with the suspense/thriller or murder-mystery genres that most authors chose to write in, but I wonder does the technique really make for a better story?  If you look at the 6 word story offered as an example in the original post (of the original thread: "For Sale: Baby Shoes, never worn."), the essence of the story is in the mystery created, not the mystery revealed.

I, too, was struck by the morbidity of the story collection.  Perhaps it is easier to play on simple emotions in just 55 words, or perhaps game makers are inclined towards writing about murder and monsters (no doubt because we are so happy in life that we have a morbid fascination with the "other side" ).  Or maybe we were all strategically going for shock value, so that our work would stand out in the voters' minds, except that the shocks were so frequent that the reader could not help but become desensitized, negating the strategic value of that approach.  

Anyway, it will be very interesting to see how the voting plays out.  Good luck, everyone!

[Misj']

If you look at the 6 word story offered as an example in the original post (of the original thread: "For Sale: Baby Shoes, never worn."), the essence of the story is in the mystery created, not the mystery revealed.

On the other hand, I disagree that the 6-word example actually is a story. You can argue that it's an allusion to (or illusion of) a story, but it's not a story in its own right. Just as 'On that day it was raining' is not a story, or 'So I ate it' is not a story.


ps. If anyone can tell me with some certainty - based on the evidence from the 6 words - what happened to the baby, the owner of the shoes, or give the reason why the shoes are for sale, than please do.

pps. I'm not trying to be rebellious. Just have different ideas as to what qualifies as a story.

[FatCactus]

I think "For Sale: Baby Shoes, never worn." is a story because it depicts an event. The presence of a character is also suggestedâ€"someone has to be putting the shoes up for sale, right?

The "plot-twist" thing seems to be a common convention within the flash fiction genre in general. Not sure why really. Maybe because it gives the story more impact in as little as a few words.

[selmiak]

I just don't get some of the stories, but there are way too many great entries to only choose 3

[frenzykitty]

Some mighty impressive entries here!

[Mandle]

"For Sale: Baby Shoes, never worn."

I feel this is actually a complete story that hits on many basic human emotions without needing to describe characters, origins, or eventual outcome at all.

I have actually just read this for the first time today and know nothing else about it except for its content of 6 words.

Here is what I get from it without any outside knowledge (no google)...Someone please tell me if I'm wrong about the meaning:

A couple conceives a baby. During the pregnancy the mother knits baby shoes, dreaming of her child's future. The pregnany never reaches full term. The couple places an ad in the newspaper so that another luckier couple's child will be able to wear the shoes intended for their lost one. It describes the tragedy of losing a child to miscarriage, and also the couple's wish to commemorate this loss by "paying it forward" to that luckier couple that had a healthy baby. If their ad is answered they also get a kind of "closure" in their hopes of a new baby living on wearing the mother's knitted shoes keeping their feet safe and warm.

So....having known nothing about this 6 word story (except that Hemmingway wrote one) up until today this is what I get from it:

Hope, tragedy, despair, grief, charity, closure...

The exact same number of words describing the exact same story arc, except Hemmingway's version expands into an entire story where you feel the emotional impact whereas my summary does not...

[LostTrainDude]

In my humble opinion, the greatness of the six-words story written by Hemingway lies in the fact that you won't actually ever know the meaning behind those words. It's your mind that unravels their meaning and extends them into a novel, according to what your mind tells you in that moment. It reminds me of that old Infocom advertisement.

As far as we know, that child could just have born with larger\smaller feet than usual, so the shoes couldn't fit.

[HIGH SCHOOL MEMORY]May Hemingway have reached the Sublime, according to the Greek Treatise On the Sublime? In this treatise (1st century AD), a style is sublime when "it induces to higher feelings and considerations than its words seem to convey".[/HIGH SCHOOL MEMORY]

What I personally have tried to achieve here was to write up something that could leave thousands of doors open to imagination, while giving a sense of closure at the same time (I'm FAR from being able to do so, btw).

Great work, all of you!

[Misj']

I think "For Sale: Baby Shoes, never worn." is a story because it depicts an event. The presence of a character is also suggestedâ€"someone has to be putting the shoes up for sale, right?

Actually, it doesn't depict an event. It alludes an event (or many possible events). Allusion doesn't make a story.

Take these four words:
"So I ate him.".

This one actually depicts an event (someone tells someone else of what he did), whereas in the shoe-sentence there is no event at all (not even the sale itself is depicted).

It also has at least two characters: the person who tells the story, and the person he ate...and if he isn't telling it to himself then there's also the person listening. The shoe-sentence has no characters (not even the baby, and no, also not the writer).

A reason for what happened (the eating) is alluded in the word 'so' giving you knowledge that it was not a random act of violence. The reason for the sale in the sale in the shoe-sentence is not given at all.

And yet...even though "So I at him." has many properties of a story that too is not. And as a story-teller I would be insulted if someone mistakes it for one.

I feel this is actually a complete story that hits on many basic human emotions without needing to describe characters, origins, or eventual outcome at all.

I have actually just read this for the first time today and know nothing else about it except for its content of 6 words.

Here is what I get from it without any outside knowledge (no google)...Someone please tell me if I'm wrong about the meaning:

A couple conceives a baby. During the pregnancy the mother knits baby shoes, dreaming of her child's future. The pregnany never reaches full term. The couple places an ad in the newspaper so that another luckier couple's child will be able to wear the shoes intended for their lost one. It describes the tragedy of losing a child to miscarriage, and also the couple's wish to commemorate this loss by "paying it forward" to that luckier couple that had a healthy baby. If their ad is answered they also get a kind of "closure" in their hopes of a new baby living on wearing the mother's knitted shoes keeping their feet safe and warm.

So....having known nothing about this 6 word story (except that Hemmingway wrote one) up until today this is what I get from it:

Hope, tragedy, despair, grief, charity, closure...

The exact same number of words describing the exact same story arc, except Hemmingway's version expands into an entire story where you feel the emotional impact whereas my summary does not...

As I said: alluding a story is not the same as telling a story.

Let's write down some other options (without the use of Google) that are equally valid based upon the 6 words:

• A couple has bought pink girl baby shoes but it turned out they got a boy and needed blue baby shoes. So they put the other shoes up for sale.
• An apprentice shoe maker had to make baby shoes as part of his education. Once finished he decided to put them up for sale to earn some money from it.
• A few months back a woman ordered baby-shoes at a shoe salesman. But when she never came to collect them, he decided to put them up for sale.
• Someone bought shoes through mail-order, but got the wrong shoes (baby-shoes even though he's a 30-year-old man). Rather than having the hassle of sending them back, he decides to sell them

And yes, I could write hundreds of other stories based on these 6. But it's me who is writing the stories. Not the author of these 6 words.

In my humble opinion, the greatness of the six-words story written by Hemingway lies in the fact that you won't actually ever know the meaning behind those words. It's your mind that unravels their meaning and extends them into a novel, according to what your mind tells you in that moment.

So the greatness would be that an allusion to a story (or an illusion of a story) === a story. Personally I find that an insult to the art of storytelling. The reason why I find it insulting is this: if allusion === story then I can write a story in a single word: "No!" - There's the allusion of an event, there's the allusion to drama, and there's even the allusion to a character. But the one thing that is not there is a story.

Of course most people don't seem to understand the difference between the art of storytelling and the art of writing (when it comes to books). I partly blame school teachers who - in general - want people to write short, to the point, and stick to facts. And that is exactly what leads to bad storytelling in the first place.



Also, there is no evidence that Hemingway wrote these six words. The event is said to have taken place in the 1920's but was first attributed to Hemingway in the 1990's (years after his death). Furthermore, the sentence (in slight variations, but including the 'never used') has been published as early as the 1900's in classifieds and even newspaper articles. So if the story of Hemingway and the bet are true, then he was plagiarizing. If - and that is more likely - the entire attribution of these six words to Hemingway is fiction, and we are just looking at the text of an actual classifieds-ad that was never a story, never intended as a story, and should never have been considered a story.

see also: http://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/01/28/baby-shoes/


So for me personally I know two things:
1. the allusion to (or illusion of) a story is not the same as a story. And it is even sort of an insult to the art of story-telling (though not to the art of writing, and definitely not to learning the art of story-telling).
2. While attributing  these six words to Hemingway gives them grandeur, this attribution is likely to be fiction (possibly great story-telling). Should that affect your opinion of the six words? - No. Would it have though? - Possibly.

[Eric]

Allusion doesn't make a story.

Rather than talk about the supposed 6-word Hemingway story, look at Hemingway's "Hills Have White Elephants" then.

[LostTrainDude]

@Misj':

I really see your point and still I really don't know why I don't find the specific 6-words example (given the attribution doubts, I'll put Hemingway out of this) to be insulting, even though I think you're right when you say that it's not properly a story or at least it's not storytelling. It's a "transcribed picture" of a sign; a sign that has been isolated from its context.

I won't exclude that it could be simply my "fault": I happen to see "allusions to a story" in many things (not everything) and, when it happens, it's something that inspires me (even if I don't write so much and sure I'm no good at it). More simply it could be just that I like my imagination to be stimulated in a way that I can't really describe.

So when you despise that "allusion === story" I can't say that you are wrong: I wouldn't buy a 6-words book and I wouldn't suggest anybody to write it in order to achieve some "point" in literature (apart from "training").

It's not storytelling and it's not a story, but as long as it helps me write one (whether on paper or in my mind) I think it's worth reading
If it helps it more than other "6 words put together", I really can't explain why; sure it's not because I attributed it to Hemingway. Maybe it's just that the words used carry a different "range" of possible "events"?

On a side note: when I quoted the treatise On the Sublime, I was indeed exaggerating: it was just a way to try to put some usefulness in what I studied (bad) in high school, maybe fueling up a debate like the one we're having Of course, don't read anything I wrote as "aggressive"!

And also, I said "greatness" but being not a native English speaker I may have used the wrong word. I didn't mean it to be the among the greatest pieces of written art; I was just depicting what I thought it was its best "feature".

[Misj']

... even though I think you're right when you say that it's not properly a story or at least it's not storytelling. It's a "transcribed picture" of a sign; a sign that has been isolated from its context.

I won't exclude that it could be simply my "fault": I happen to see "allusions to a story" in many things (not everything) and, when it happens, it's something that inspires me (even if I don't write so much and sure I'm no good at it). More simply it could be just that I like my imagination to be stimulated in a way that I can't really describe.

So when you despise that "allusion === story" I can't say that you are wrong: I wouldn't buy a 6-words book and I wouldn't suggest anybody to write it in order to achieve some "point" in literature (apart from "training").

It's not storytelling and it's not a story, but as long as it helps me write one (whether on paper or in my mind) I think it's worth reading :

This  I do agree with. Everything that is inspiring is worth reading/watching/using. So I'm not against the 6 words as a source of inspiration (quite the contrary), just against defining it as a story itself

And remember: 'A book says more than a thousand words', Herman Finkers

[FatCactus]

Actually, it doesn't depict an event. It alludes an event (or many possible events). Allusion doesn't make a story.

I disagree. The event being depicted is the sale of the shoes, not whatever tragedy or other wild shoe-related adventure preceded it (because that could be any number of things that are merely alluded to, as you said). Is a story about a pair of shoes being sold for no reason interesting? Not really. But I still think it's a story. And the story/sentence does have a characterâ€"shoes don't spontaneously put themselves up for sale.

That said, I wouldn't consider it "brilliant" on its own, regardless of the author. It really seems to get people thinking about brevity and subtext though, so I can understand why it was mentioned.