The funniest things said in adventure games.

[Chicky]

Not realy dialoge but still blooming funny, the 'bones' song in monkey island 2   'the leg bones connected to theeeee neck bone, the neck bones connected to theeeee knee bone, the knee bones connected t o t  h   e       (walks away singing)

- a chicken

[Guest]

The "Somewhere in Germany" sequence from FOA.

"Think of tanks powered by these machines... think of airplanes!"
"Kerner, you fool! Think BIG like the Americans! Think of BOMBS!"

[m0ds]

Guest@guesty.org ... an ingenous email address.

[Cerulean]

"You are totally whacked, Ben."
"That's what they said about the man who invented bifocals!"
"Wasn't that you?"
"Oh yeah... I guess they were right."

[DGMacphee]

"This must be that Woodstock place Mom and Dad are always talking about."

- Laverne travelling in the time vortex in Day of the Tentacle

[Snake]

Har, I guess this is how we tell if we've played these games too many damned times...

Willy Beamish, dinner scene.

Tiffany: "You know, Cliff's father is a millionaire and he's not as old as daddy. He's made a fortune in woman's lingerie."
Willy: "And I'll bet he looks pretty cute in it too..."

Tiffany: "Cliff is like, sooo intellectual. You know what I mean?"
Willy: "Than what's he doin' with you?"

...and my favorite
Tiffany: "You'd have to be a total jerk to get a 'C' in 'Music Appreciation'. You know, Cliff can play the piano with one hand."
Willy: "And what's he doing with the other hand?"



--Snake

[agswannabe]

i can't stop agreeing on which joke is the best (i know em all). teen agent was hilarious

[Vel]

"Requires CGA, EGA, VGA and Ta-ra-ra-boom-GA" - SQ4

[remixor]

"We will soar like eagles, Manny!  Eagles...on pogosticks!"
Glottis, from Grim Fandango.
I swear to God, his delivery on that line is FLAWLESS.  It's not the absolute funniest line ever written or anything, but the line combined with his voice and presentation...pure comedy gold.


Ben (from Full Throttle) returns to Mo's workshop with the motorcycle forks he stole from the junkyard...
Mo: "Nice forks.  Where'd you find 'em?"
Ben: "Next to the knives and spoons."
Another line that, with Ben's excellent deadpan delivery, makes me laugh out loud every time.


"Don't cross the road until the little man shows green" - a wise warning delivered to George by Moue (or was it Rosso?) in Broken Sword.
The deliberately flawed translation in this line is absolute brilliance.  BS games never had the same standard of humor as LA's did (which is how it was meant to be of course), but there were a few moment that really stood out for me.


I also have to agree with whoever said Hogie's (of DOTT) lines are among the funniest of all time.  I can't even remember any specific examples, because they're all great.  His conversations with the founding fathers in particular are favorites of mine.


And it goes without saying that Sam and Max is probably the single funniest adventure game ever.  Also, the voice acting on the part of the two main characters is phenominal.  As far as I know, the same two guys are reprising their roles in SM2, and I couldn't be happier.  Again, no lines need even be quoted; if you haven't played this game, do it now.


Snake:  Man, I haven't played Willy Beamish since it came out.  I guess I must have missed a lot of the humor targeted at older audiences, because I don't even remember those jokes.  Thinking about that game really takes me back, though...


EDIT: I remember finding quite a few lines in the Space Quest series funny, but again I haven't played those games in years, and I never played any of them more than once, so I can't recall any offhand.  I'm sure that any people bring up will remind me.

[eVOLVE]

The single line that I can pick out in any games that haven't already been mentioned (probably wouldn't have thought of them otherwise) is this little one liner from Broken Sword.

"He looked at me as though I'd farted at a funeral."

It was just so funny because it was such a lightly humourous game while retaining a serious tone... That one just caught me off guard.

[Lazy Z]

Some of my favorite lines have been already mentioned, but there's one line from Sam n' Max that cracks me up every time,

Sam: I hope nobody was on that bus
Max: Nobody we know, anyway

(or something like that).

Also some of April's comments in The Longest Journey where very funny, such as her reply when her friend (forgot her name) asks her if she's finished her project: "I was kinda hoping it would finish itself", heh. I've actually used that line in real life.

[PeaceMan]

The Pirate Song MI3

"We'll fight you in the harbour,
we'll battle you on land,
when you meet singing pirates,
they'll be more than you can stand."

[dtm1980]

my fav dialog is hogie talking to the speaking-horse.
"What if the horses never wanted to speak to you? Ever thought about it?" dont know the exact translation (german version).
Also Samnmax is quite funny especially the grotesque guy in the lostnfound bureau ...

[Haddas]

Leisyre suit Larry 3

"Aaaand here's my famous impersonation of a duck" POOF!
- turns into a duck
I wasn't expecting THAT when I played it for the first time.

[Groucho]

How about fencing in Monkey Island series. This one's my favourite:

- My attacks have left entire islands depopulated!
- With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated!

[12431]

guybrush pretending to be captain LeChimp: look at us! at me! the rest of the crew! we're all... monkeys!
Mr fossey: uuh... you mean in the Darwinian sense sir?
guybrush: no, I mean in the quite litteral sense.

That one is a funny one!

[Rincewind]

Ooh, is this where I get to quote a lot of dialogue from Discworld 2? Is it?
Really? Great!




"Rincewind: Homo Sapiens Sorcerus. Irritabilus. In reality, I'm a full foot taller, bronzed, and rippling with muscles, but it's been a hard day for the artist."


"Greetings to you, my good man! And who might you be?"
"Duh, eh... Who?"
"You - I''m asking you what your name is - Who - Are - You?"
"Uh... I'm fine, thank you..."
"Amazing, isn't it? In any other city, he'd be mayor by now."


"Brilliant - He can't tie his shoes, but he can classify micro-organisms. There's one for the educational system."


"A hammerheaded shark. They're called that, because they have a head shaped like a hammer. There, now you can say use your computer for educational purposes."


"Um, did I tell you the one about "carrion baggage", sir?"
"Afraid so."
"Oh well - Can't win 'em all. Or any of them, come to think of it."


"Look, why don't you just go out and fetch all this stuff yourself?"
"Nah, mate! I mean, who would go out on a quest - Set by stupid and ungrateful people, eh?"
"Yes, you'd have to be some kind of idiot, hadn't you..."


"It's like - You've got an animal inside this box - Except,  it's a cat."
"The box is a cat?"
"Yeah, and sometimes it's just... ...dead! Oh, man you just got to climb into that thing yourself and go for a ride!"


"A vampire, drinking a Bloody Mary - With appearently not much Mary in it."


"Ooh, a pot full of honey! - I do so love sticky stuff!"

(*Rincewind sneaks a peek into his lifebook, expecting to see what happens next*)
"Hm... I'll just sneak a peek... Let's see: "Rincewind sneaks a peak into his book of life, expecting to see what happens next." "




As you might tell, DW2 means a lot to me... My very first adventure game, to be exact. And even though it must be one of the games I have finished more than any other, I can still play it and roar of laughter at the jokes - They just never get boring to me!  And Discworld Noir is also incredibly good - Darker, more grim, but still loaded with clever jokes and great dialogues...

[Scavenger]

Toonstruck, anyone?
"Drew, why are we in an empty pantry?"
"I don't know. It seemed a good idea at the time."

"So, you say the butler is a man who's just a giant..."
"Yeah, I think so."
-talking about the footman

Drew: "Gee, it's been such a HARD DAY. We sure could use some cheering up, right, Flux?."
Flux: "We... do?"
Guards: "Oh no! Our friends have a case of the frownies! Time to do our happy dance!"
Flux: "No! No! It hasn't been that hard a day!"

And of course all of Spike the Clown's quotes:
Spike: "You're with the squirrels!"
Drew: "No, I'm not with the squirrels! I'm a double agent! I'm with the resistance! Down with the squirrels! Long live the resistance!"
Spike: "Mommmyy! Theres a strange man in my room talking about squirrels and the resistance!"

"Of course I understand what you're saying, mister Asparagus!"

"Balloooon?"

"Red hot wires in the noodle!"

"When you awake, Ms Fortune, you will have the unsupressable urge to scratch in places you can never quite reach."
"Itch like an alley cat... right."
((It goes on, Drew tells Ms Fortune to swear in the foulest language to Nefarious and co, but use the nicest language and compliments to Drew and co. The next line really is a great punchline:))
"I love what you've done to your hair, master!" :P:P

Hehehehe.

[Mats Berglinn]

I like a lot of funny lines so I can't decide but one of my favorite is from Sam & Max.

Max: Yikes! We're UPSIDEDOWN!! I think I will throw up!
Sam: Throw DOWN!
Max: Whatever.

I agree about Eagles on pogosticks from GF, it cracked me up.

And this one from Curse of Monkey Island that made me laugh, about the argueing between Guybrush and LeChuck who Elaine really loves at the Big Whoop thempark.

Here's the funny part:

Guybrush: Does too, infitivy!
LeChuck: Does... daarggh! Cruse you and your diabolical debate skills.

[Ginny]

Lol, this thread is exactly what I needed to get this out

"Community service, eh? Well I guess some folks are worse off than me."
"Oh I'll be leaving here soon enough! No thanks to dead end no commission low-life cases like yours, Menso.."
(Manny and Celso in Grim Fandango intro.)

Actually I think almost every line in the game that isn't sad or touching is pretty funny in the context and apart from the dialogs being greatly written, this is also because of the splendid terrific voice acting.

"Any messages for me?"
"Besides the one about the poisoning?"
"Yeah."
"I only got one other message fro you Manny:"
"I"m not your secretary..."
"I don't take your messages..."
"So get it trough your thick skull,"
"and STOP Forwarding your phone to me!"
"All right! But that sounded more like Four messages to me."
(Manny and Eva.)



And this is just from the begining! I can't quite choose a specific line from later on cause there are so many, but here's one:

(Note: not exact wording since I havne't played this part in a while)

"You stay here while I go inside and find out what's going on."
"But Manny, what if that octopus comes back?"
"Poke him in the eye."
"Heh, stupid octopus."
(Manny and Glottis.)

Oh god that game is funny.

And of course, Sam and Max is hilarious too.