Fortnightly Writing Contest: A SECRET HOBBY (CLOSED)

[Tottel]

Hello!
I know that the deadline already passed, but I only learned about this competition today and it inspired me to pick up writing again!
This is purely for myself, and I'm happy to have written my first short story!
Please do not vote for me (let's not break rules), but do leave feedback!

Story:

Spoiler

"We've been here before."

Sam wasn't angry or upset. He had felt that way before but now, that seemed like a lifetime ago.
His mood mirrored the trajectory of the sun in the sky. He had set out in high spirits, with a sense of hope he hadn't felt in years.
But, as his shadow grew ever longer and dimmer, that familiar doubt entered his mind again and it had made him angry. Did he really think this time would be different?
It had been dark for hours and Sam knew he had given up. He felt no anger, no shame, simply resignation to go back and have things be the way they always were.
He repeated himself, a little louder this time: "We've been here before."

"I heard you the first time."

With the silence broken, Sam asked the question that had nudged itself in his mind hours before: "Why are you still looking?"

"Why have you given up?"

The replies came defiantly fast and Sam considered his reply for a moment. The reality was that he was cold and deep down, he knew that the entire thing had been folly from the start.
By now, someone would have discovered that he wasn't where he was supposed to be and the longer he was gone, the harder it would be to justify his absence.
It was true that he had felt optimism, perhaps even hope, that things really could be different.
But whatever he had felt before, there was none of it left now.

Finally, Sam answered - "I don't think I have really given up. I think I have just accepted that it was unrealistic to wish for more than I already had."

"You believed it once, didn't you? Why not believe it again? What changed?"

Sam had no good answer.
On a good day, he could believe in taking destiny into his own hands. On an exceptionally great day, he might even look both ways before grabbing destiny by the horns.
Yesterday had been such a day and by now, he regretted it deeply. The problem with standing up for yourself, Sam thought, is that no one could possibly tell you if you're doing it right or not.
More and more, he started to doubt that he understood destiny at all.
Many of the beliefs that were once core to him, beliefs that he thought were truly his and true, had shattered before his eyes once he realized they did not belong to him and they would never have lead him to where he thought they would.
Where once it had been so obvious to him, he now no longer knew who he was and he no longer knew who he wanted to be. So why was he here?

"I thought I finally found a way out. A way up, out of this pit, something to hang on to. But I am not sure any more. I have spent so long thinking about this, and the more questions I ask myself, the more questions arise.
I don't have an answer to most of them and it terrifies me. For the first time in my life, I panic about the future and the present. And the last thing I want to do is think about the past."

"Because you still think the past was how things are meant to be?"

Sam froze. He wanted to object. No! He knows the past was a lie, that it wasn't him running the show. He knows that he needed to build his own life.
He knows all of those things, but the feeling remains that the past was easy and he felt happy.
He had learned that that was not real happiness, but he feels confused. How is happiness supposed to feel? Surely not like this, unsure, doubting every intention and thought.
There were times he wished to go back, erase his knowledge and just live his life as before. But he knew that to be impossible and so he was stuck between two lives:
One he can never return to, and one he felt he could never reach. Would he even know if he reached it? So why was he here?

"I know I don't want to go back, but being out here is not helping me much either. I tried, and you're still trying. If both of us can't find it, then who can?"

The doubt in Sam's heart grew a little stronger. The feeling was far too familiar and he embraced as he always does. Questioning everything was the only certainty he had left.

"I appreciate you trying, but I don't think this is the right way. Maybe we'll find one day, maybe we won't, but I think it's time to go back now."

Sam blinks his eyes a few times and returns to the present. He sits a table at a local bar, surrounded by some of his remaining friends.
He flashes a smile for the joke his friend just finished telling, a joke he did not hear. They all laugh, but a smile is the best Sam can muster right now.
Exhausted, he excuses himself for the night. He grabs his coat and leaves the bar, walking home alone.

Deep down, Sam knows he will never be able to share how he feels. There are no words that can describe the abyss of doubt and the suffering it causes.
As he walks home, with a heavy head and an anxious heart, a thought returns to him. A reminder for why he went looking for himself in the first place:
That things in the future could be even better than they were in the past. Even if he does not believe it now, he believes that he wants it to be true.
He will go search again. Not today, and likely not tomorrow either, but some day because he has seen that there is a better way.

[close]

My own thoughts:

Spoiler

I think it might be a little too chaotic and maybe it fails to get the point across. I kind of changed me mind about what the story is about half-way through. I think it shows, but I did not want to overly edit and just allow it to flow.

[close]

[Sinitrena]

Welcome, Tottel, to the competition and the forums, it seems. You are indeed a bit late for an entry - what you are not late for is voting, if you feel like it.

Thoughts on your story:

Spoiler

As you posted the story in this thread, I assume it is also meant for this theme: A SECRET HOBBY - which I can't see in your story at all. I don't know what the secret hobby is, or if there even is one. Overall, the whole setting of the story is pretty 'dark' to me. I don't get any sense where or when or even why it is taking place. There's reference to the sun in the beginning (which seems to be a memory, going by the ending), and then a bar with friends. That's very little to paint a picture, everything else is inner thoughts (probably?).
As a matter of fact, I don't even get a sense who Sam is talking to, or is he even talking to anyone other than himself?
What this story does offer is a deep inner perspective, a person trying to find their way, someone who feels alienated from their friends to some degree. But I can't really figure out why. Is there any reference to an actual event that happened prior to his contemplations? I'm not sure.
Overall, this story gives me the impression that you had something in mind, some idea of a scene, some idea of events and reasons that you just never bothered to tell the reader because they were so clear in your head. (It's one of the problems with "show, don't tell", sometimes, a writer has to tell the reader certain things.)

[close]

Anyway, welcome again. I hope to see you here often in the future. 

Edit: Misspelled our new member's name, sorry about that.

[Mandle]

Hmmm, I was actually tempted to allow Tottel's story and redo voting as it's such a fringe case and the more the merrier... but I guess it is maybe a bit too late, eh?

(any public or secret thoughts on this?)

[Sinitrena]

Hmmm, I was actually tempted to allow Tottel's story and redo voting as it's such a fringe case and the more the merrier... but I guess it is maybe a bit too late, eh?

(any public or secret thoughts on this?)

Generally speaking, I very much welcome as many entries as possible, but not after voting has started and especially after people have voted. It's always possible that people who already voted don't look in the thread again, and that wouldn't be fair. And even if that is not the case, there's a limit to how long a competition should be dragged out. I mean, technically, we are already past the original voting deadline, even.

But I do hope to read more from Tottel in the next rounds and in all following ones.


P.S.: A new entry right after the end of the writing deadline, before anyone has voted, would be fine, I think.

[Mandle]

@Sinitrena Thanks for the input, and yes, I must agree, sadly... Anyway, voting will close on time at the end of this day.

[Tottel]

Nah, no voting on me. Late is late and it's awkward for those who have already voted or have already received votes.

Both of the other (timely) entries were great to read and my vote goes to Baron. Specifically because of

Spoiler

The humourous situations, great characters and the great descriptions of the main character being really annoyed, but hiding it very well.

[close]

[Mandle]

Okay, voting is over and the vote total stands at:

Baron: 2
Sinitrena: 1

Over to you, Baron!

(I plan to write some feedback soon for this round)

[Baron]

Thanks for all the votes, folks!

@Tottel

Spoiler

I liked your non-submission, but then I also like a lot of introspection in my stories. I understood the secret hobby to be yearning for something more than just wasting time away at the bar, with the main "character" actually being the inner voice that keeps saying "we could be so much more than this". I'd say next steps are to watch formatting and verb tenses for clarity (although the formatting might not be your fault, sometimes the forums do weird things). Welcome aboard - hopefully next time we get to vote on your story! 

[close]

I'll try to get the next comp up and running promptly.