Fortnightly Writing Competition “Altered Reality” (RESULT)

[glurex]

Wow, great stories here!

Very short general reviews:

Mandle:

Spoiler

It's interesting how the story transforms a supposedly school reunion involving a pretty dysfunctional family (Simon is a jerk) into a tense revenge thriller, blending everyday life with a dark altered reality. Yeah... it's atmospheric, impactful, and features a somewhat complex antagonist showing unexpected humanity. However, I feel it's a bit confusing at times.

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Creamy:

Spoiler

I like the Kafkaesque nightmare vibes. In that way is intresting how the justice system turns "uncanny", distorting responsibility and identity until the narrator becomes a victim of the very process they kinda "trusted". It made me wonder whether the narrator really forgot Mary Smith or if he's been lying from the very beginning.

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Sinitrena:

Spoiler

Thanks to the section "Separating Fact from Fiction," we know that this story is derived from a real memory of local parade. What's interesting, then, is how Sinitrena works on that memory and transforms it to explore an extreme and tragic version, in which the event takes a catastrophic turn and the protagonist sacrifices herself to save her students. Although the language is clean and straightforward, there is skillful use of repetition—a careful craftsmanship in form. The ending is stark, brutal, but deeply... human.

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Baron:

Spoiler

Reality Check was apreciated. That said, what I like—and what I think makes the story stand out—is that reality isn't altered through extreme fantasy, but rather through a hyperbolic literary version of a situation that is, at first glance, realistic. It's a distortion of the real into the absurd, the comic, and once again like other stories here, the chaotically human. The family dynamic is well portrayed with just a few strokes: the sarcastic teenage daughter, the exhausted wife, and the optimistic, stubborn father. A family that, in the end, survives thanks to sarcasm as much as to blankets.

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And my vote:

Spoiler

Very very hard decision... but 1st: Baron, 2nd: Sinitrena. Creamy was very close to 2nd... a tough tough decision indeed.

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[Baron]

Thanks for all the feedback, everyone! I hear you when you say that the writing in my story could be clearer regarding relative locations. I thought I'd post a picture of where the main part of my story takes place to help shore up my writing shortcomings. The flimsy wooden door leads to the old part of the house, and the hatch leads to the basement beneath the old section of the house. All of this was outside for a month when I ripped the roof off, but now constitutes a cozy lounge space.

[Mandle]

Sorry, I'm the straggler. Here's my votes:

Spoiler

1st: ABC on the Line by Sinitrena
2nd: The Intern by glurex

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One brief note:

Spoiler

I really expected Sini's story to end with the kids going away to play at the fair, and the teacher having to break up four of them lined up at a shooting gallery because passers-by where laughing... and the C,F,K, and U students going away confused at why they got called out.

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[Stupot]

And with that we have a winner. The votes were fairly evenly spread, but Sinitrena came out on top with ABC on the Line, her tale of a heroism in a parade gone horribly wrong. I'm glad the real-life event was not quite as tragic.

Over to you, Sini.

[Sinitrena]

Thanks for your votes. See you next round!